Archive of Our Own

Yoongi was wandering again. 

Thunder was booming along the dark alleys of the Itaewon while Yoongi dragged his feet in front of the other with no destination in mind. Hell, he doesn’t even know why he was out at an ungodly hour of four fucking am. 

His eyelids were heavy and lifeless from the lack of sleep he had for the past few weeks. Life so far has been an unchanging routine of work and quiet evenings at home with nothing to do but to think. The white noise in the background of a show Hoseok has annoyed him into watching, something about a children’s story writer and a boy who had to carry his big brother’s burden, was the only thing that was louder than the voices in his head. The lead was pretty, and the woman was meh and Yoongi snorted because that’s the gayest thought he had for a while. But thinking was something he hated to do, as his thoughts were intrusive, and his dreams were as colorless as his aspirations. 

But Yoongi was fine, he’s sure he wasn’t depressed, nor suicidal, nor anything. He’s just floating through life, wandering like the first sentence already said. 

He was always the type who needed a purpose to thrive. 

Now, Itaewon nights aren’t too bad. The noise drowned his thoughts like his stomach squelching as he walked, hard liquor mixing with pig intestines and lamb skewers, his body working hard to keep him alive, his friends working hard to keep him company. 

But Yoongi was still so goddamn bored. 

He shouldn’t be. He’s got a great family, his brother adopting his nephew on the way, friends that check up on him even if he was shit at calling back, a job he’s good at, a side job in producing that he’s always said was a hobby, that Hoseok said he should use as something to make a living out of. 

It was a sick joke to Yoongi somehow. He didn’t need to make a living, he was already living, right? He’s breathing, his heart pumps blood in his veins and he has a paycheck that’s enough to say a month’s work can let him live comfortably for the next three years. But money’s always been subjective to him. It’s just a number on a screen. Money is just numbers on a screen. Fuck capitalism, right? 

Guilt flooded his chest when he saw people scurrying on the streets at four am to work and making said numbers on the screen to survive another week or pay hefty credit card bills that get bigger every day. He’ll probably think about this again when he gets home. It’s one of three things he’s good at. 

As he walked, he looked at his hands, the things that he’s always been proud of. He has always been proud that he was good with his hands.  

He can turn anything into something, he can turn wood into cribs that can last until the grandchildren of his regulars, fix the ripped bunny using the sewing kit he just happened to lie around for the kid of one of his VIP Clients that visited his studio, he could create music with a few taps of his fingers and create a rollercoaster experience for his listeners.  

He walked through the autumn leaves of the season where people fall in love with every year. Fall, get it? 

Yoongi snorted at the pun he thought of. Kicking a bottle as he turned to a tighter alley, his attention was suddenly brought up by a pink notebook sitting on top of the piled up colorless trash. Feeding the smallest spark of interest that bloomed in his mind, he picked it up, dusting off the accumulating dirt on its covers. 

It didn’t require his genius to realize that this was a Diary, with his first skim of the few pages. First ever entry was done 10 years ago.  

July 29, 2012  

Ah, Diary-ssi, are you ready to see my handsome face every day for my entries?  

Yoongi snorted in hilarity. Pink was an atypical choice of color to use for a diary for someone who calls him handsome. But who was he to judge anyways? 

He eventually pocketed the pink contraption and continued his cruise to the parking space where he left his car. Driving home, he finds himself chuckling at the first diary entry he’s seen and was, surprisingly, excited to read more.  

After cleaning up a bit and dressing on his favorite sleeping shirt, he’s begun skimming through the diary entries. Giggling at the short but obviously memorable moments of the owner.  

September 1, 2012  

Ah, it’s my baby Brother Jungkook’s 15 th birthday today. I worked hard and saved up all my salary to get him those Dance classes he’s always wanted to attend, snooping into Jungkook’s files to download his practice videos. He’s going to dance school in March next year and if he works hard, I already have the money for the next semester. But my Jungkookie is talented, I’m sure he’ll get a scholarship, so I still have time to work for the next semester, so my parents don’t have to worry about anything. Aren’t I the best brother in the world, Diary-ssi?  

September 2, 2012  

I promised Jungkook that I won’t tell anyone I saw him crying in his room as he stared at the Dance Class acceptance letter for next semester. But you don’t count as anyone right? If I say so myself, you’re an anything. I didn’t lie to my brother.   

Ah, I’m so smart. What do I do?  

Yoongi chuckled again. Whoever he is, he’s having Yoongi in stitches with his ridiculous self-esteem and hilarious wordplay that could, in his humble opinion, rival a rapper.  

It was adorable.  

. 

. 

. 

“Uh...” 

Yoongi’s eyebrow raised at his brother’s reaction when he arrived at his apartment in Daegu, carrying a basket filled with baby items and a balloon saying, “Congrats, Dads”. He gets it though. Barely reacting in the family group chat, replying to questions with one word and only calls on holidays or their birthdays. He’s not the type to call on a random Thursday to drop by his brother’s house with no celebration or family gathering that’s forcing him to come out of familial obligation.  

But Yoongi saw the mark in his calendar that the boy his brother will adopt will come in a month, he had a random urge to come and visit him. 

“I’m sure I called you this morning, Taehyung.” Yoongi spoke again. “Can I come in or?” 

“Oh, uh, yeah, yeah sure hyung. Come in.” 

Yoongi carried the basket and the balloon as Taehyung trailed behind him. Jimin was walking out of the shower to welcome him, hair still dripping wet.  

“Oh, Hyung! You’re early.” 

“There wasn’t much traffic. Where do I put this?” 

“Oh, OH! That’s so cute, wah, this balloon’s a mix of our favorite colors. That’s so sweet of you, hyung.” Jimin took the basket and the balloons out of Yoongi’s hands, a faint blush in cheeks from Jimin recognizing his two-hour effort to find the perfect balloon to bring. He mumbled that he’ll go to the restroom for a bit. While he was away, Jimin and Taehyung whispered amongst each other.  

“Is there something wrong? Did something happen?” 

Taehyung shrugged. “I dunno, I asked Hobi-hyung. He’s not dying, nothing’s wrong.” 

“Then why?” 

“Your guess is as good as mine, Jiminie.” 

Yoongi stared at himself in the mirror as water dripped from his chin, wondering what the fuck was he doing here. He didn’t think far enough after he handed them the gifts for his nephew, and now he’s at a loss on what he’ll do next. All he knew was, when he read that one entry of SJ missing his brother during the first month he was away, he suddenly thought of his brother, Taehyung, whom he last saw was last March at his intimate birthday party Hoseok organized in his flat. It was almost November now, and he was supposed to see him when his baby arrived next month, but he had a random urge that he missed Taehyung even if he was a pain in the ass and too loud sometimes.  

“Stupid SJ, stupid diary.” He wiped his face dry after he found something to blame for missing his brother uncharacteristically and went out of the bathroom. He saw his brother (Brothers, as Jimin always pouted whenever he referred to him as his brother’s husband.) setting the table up for them to have their dinner, balloon tied in the middle of the chairs the two of them would sit on.  

When he approached the table, he noticed that they prepared more than the usual weekday dinner, the pot steaming with his favorite, Kimchi jjigae. 

Now, Taehyung’s always had a weakness with anything remotely spicy, and they’ve rarely had Kimchi Jjigae at a spice level that Yoongi liked. He didn’t mind, really. He can have Kimchi Jjigae when he eats outside, but this gesture, judging by how red the simmering soup was, he knew it was how he liked it.  

Taehyung was looking at him expectantly, not obviously though, but he knew that small furrow in his brother’s eyebrows meant that he put in the effort for him, and that alone made Yoongi feel something he hasn’t felt in a while. 

Like he was loved.  

“Ah, what will you eat, Taehyung-ah? This spice is how I like my Jjigae.” Yoongi asked as he sat down, his brother’s reaction jumped from anxiety to a huge grin as he excitedly sat down with his hyung, Jimin placing steaming bowls of rice in front of them.  

“I’m fine, I actually developed a stronger tongue now, since Jiminie really liked spicy food, developed some sort of tolerance to it.” 

Now that’s new to Yoongi. It saddened him a bit, made him a little guilty of not being as present to his brother’s adult life since he took their family furniture business to Seoul. He was barely in Daegu, and barely replied to Taehyung’s messages more than an acknowledgement and how are yous. He didn’t know that his brother could eat spicy food now. 

Jimin placing a plate of Bossam brought Yoongi’s thoughts back to the present, taking his place on Taehyung’s right, a small smile lingering on his lips. Yoongi felt bare, as if Jimin saw through him and why he was suddenly at their place, eating dinner with them.  

Dinner went by with short anecdotes of how Taehyung and Jimin were excited to see their son soon. How they’re deciding on what name choices they were considering, and the color of the nursery. Taehyung really wanted it to be Lilac, but Jimin was hell bent on sunset orange.  

Yoongi acted as the middle ground, ultimately suggesting they should just do an ombre of the two, if Taehyung would consider a darker shade of Lilac, painted as if the room was on eternal dusk.  

It clicked to Taehyung, as they’ve been really leaning on naming their son Ha-neul, as the two met during Taehyung’s short flight from Daegu to Seoul. They wanted to commemorate how they met and name their first child Sky.  

Jimin loved it and Taehyung was ecstatic, setting the name to stone.  

Park Ha-neul.  

Yoongi smiled as the conversations flowed as if he has always been there, that he’s always had these occasional dinners with them once in a while, like he was never distant and always had his place in Taehyung’s life.  

“You should come over again, hyung.” Taehyung suddenly blurted out. “The furniture we ordered are coming next week and you can help us decide on how to decorate the nursery.” 

Yoongi perked up; furniture was his thing anyways.  

“Mmm, sure, when are they coming in?” 

“Friday.”  

“Oh, I have a meeting with one of our clients in Gwangju.” 

Taehyung’s face dropped, his excitement dwindling by the second. 

“But I guess Hoseok can handle that for me. It’s his client anyways.” Yoongi immediately saw Taehyung’s face lighten. Something in him wanted to be part of the biggest step his brother had taken so far. “I’d love to help.” 

“That’s...that’s great hyung. We’d appreciate that.” Taehyung smiled solemnly, his eyes down turning in relief. 

“Besides,” Jimin countered, “It’ll take us hours to assemble the furniture, as Taehyung didn’t learn jackshit from your family business and another few fighting over where to put where.” 

“Ya,” Taehyung objected. “I was adopted dipshit. It does not, in fact, run in my blood.” 

Yoongi grinned at the exchange, chuckling against his warm tea and shaking his head as the pair bickered on Taehyung’s furniture assembly skills. 

He was so glad he came. 

. 

. 

. 

November 27, 2014  

Diary-ssi, I finally got hired as a Linguistics Assistant Professor, and Konkuk approved my scholarship. I’m getting my Ph.D for free, if I do well. Shit, can I pull this off? I, this is huge. I can’t wait to tell Mom that they don’t have to worry about my tuition too. Jungkook’s been a scholar since 2013. They can retire soon.   

Wah, my mom and dad can now travel. I’m so excited!  

June 9, 2016  

Ph.Ds are no joke, Diary-ssi. But I feel so bad for the younger interns, should I get them coffee? I can only afford coffee for now. I guess when I officially submit my dissertation, I can buy them better meals. Professor Kim told me my thesis is ready to go, I’m so scared. I’ve only been working on this for three years. That’s so short but, he says it’s ready. Is it really?  

June 11, 2016  

I finally decided to get them coffee. I think Seungcheol might’ve shed a tear. It was just coffee, but he was so thankful.   

When I have extra from my allowance, I’ll buy them ice cream next. It’s starting to get warm anyways. They need a little kindness, work’s been hectic recently.  

“Dude, I think it’s the end of the world.” 

“Sssh he’ll hear you.”  

Yoongi was standing on the company’s office pantry while he watched the food deliveries come in one by one. People scurried in the room, intimidated by their usually camped in his office CEO standing in their pantry where everyone had their lunch. Hoseok was chatting with someone from HR when he noticed the endless stream of food coming into their office pantry.  

“Oh, is it someone’s birthday?” 

Needless to say, his jaw was on the floor when he saw Yoongi help arrange the food in the pantry’s long table. 

“Yo, Yoongi, is the world ending?” Hoseok shouted from the door, other employees wincing at the joke. 

The employees almost had a heart attack when Yoongi gave him the finger, but immediately broke into a grin. Mingyu, one of the associates that oversaw production looked at the sky outside the window. 

“The sky isn’t cracking, hyung.”  

“Just go with it.” Another elbowed his side which he immediately rubbed in pain.  

When the food was all placed on the pantry’s long table, people waited for Yoongi to speak.  

“Ya, Yoongi, they’re waiting for you to talk.”  

“Oh uh...” Yoongi cleared his throat. “I, I bought everyone lunch to eat and dinner to bring at home as a...as a thanks.” He scratched his cheek as Hoseok smiled at him in encouragement. “Just a small thanks for your hard work. We’ve been busy with Christmas preparations so I’d prepared a small advanced Christmas feast for everyone.” 

The employees stared at him, as if waiting for the punchline from this weird joke they seemed to be hearing.  

Yoongi’s been the type to talk to everyone through his secretary. He never leaves his cocoon of an office and only Hoseok can walk past his secretary and go out of his office unscathed. For the years that they have worked here, they’ve only seen Yoongi come into the pantry twice.  

Buying them lunch out of his personal pocket was a first since it’s Seoul office establishment.  

“Hyung, tell them they can eat.” 

“Oh! Uh, you can eat now.” 

The employees still stood still.  

A vein popped on Yoongi’s head, and he took his own helping and walked away from the long table.  

“If I see any leftovers from these containers by dinner, you’re all fired.” He followed. 

With them scurrying to get their own helpings, Yoongi started to walk to the beverages and pick up a soda for himself. As he took the last steps to his office, he heard his employees oohhh-ed and aahhh-ed and giggled and snickered as they enjoyed his small gesture.  

Only his secretary who was typing her way through juggling Yoongi’s schedule for the week could see his rare gummy smile as he walked in the room.  

“I saw that.” 

“Fuck off, Sana.” 

. 

. 

. 

Yoongi lined the ring of his whiskey glass with his fingers as he watched his brothers do the last-minute preparations for the Baby Moon. Taehyung was against the idea of celebrating their last night of ‘freedom’, since it seems like they didn’t want to have Ha-neul come into their lives. But Hoseok, who’s joined few of their family dinners already tagging along Namjoon, Yoongi’s ex-shrink, who had to file him the recommendation to change therapists because he started dating his best friend, pushed them into the idea. Yoongi knew it was just an excuse to make him spend one more than the usual nights he spent with his family, with Namjoon’s input of course. He remembered threatening Namjoon to report him to the Doctor’s Association for breach of patient and doctor confidentiality, which was immediately shut down but his smug smile and dimpled cheeks.  

“It wasn’t a professional suggestion. It’s given as a friend.” 

“Smartass.” 

Namjoon chuckled and raised his glass to Yoongi. 

“We invited two of our closest friends, hyung. I hope you don’t mind.” 

“It’s my colleague at the dance company hyung. Also asked him to bring his brother with him.” 

“Oh, Seokjin-hyung's coming?” Taehyung’s head popped out from the kitchen, licking his lips clean. 

“Babe, I told you, the ribs can wait.” 

“I was hungry.” Taehyung pouted, remnants of sauce in his lips in full view. “So, is he?” 

“Jungkook texted me that he practically dragged his brother to change.” Jimin fingers were frantically typing on his phone as his eyebrows furrowed in worry. “He’s staying with him for the past few months since...” 

The doorbell ringing interrupted him.  

“I’ll get it.” Yoongi stood up from his seat as the others rummaged to check if everything was in its place. 

Yoongi opened the door and there stood a kid (he was half a third’s head taller than him) whose eyes were wide in surprise and his front teeth that were a bit too big than the rest (but was cute nonetheless) in full view.  

“Oh- I,” He looked around him and then the sign beside the door, double checking if he was in the right apartment. “I’m sure Jimin-hyung said 613.” 

“Jungkookie!” Jimin scrambled in excitement behind Yoongi, already taking the paper bags of what smelled like food from the boy’s hands. That was the only time Yoongi noticed his tattooed arm and piercings donning his face.  

Why does that name seem familiar to Yoongi? 

“Hyung!” He fully smiled. Yoongi was metaphorically blinded by the sight. He thought Taehyung was already a bundle of mischief growing up, but Jungkook practically bounced in life, shining underneath all the black he was wearing. “I thought I was in the wrong apartment!” 

“Ah, that’s Yoongi-hyung.” Jimin introduced him sheepishly. At the mention of hyung, Jungkook immediately bowed in respect, his grin never leaving his boyish features. He reminds him of Taehyung for some reason. 

“Ah, THE Yoongi. I thought he’d be taller.” 

This brat.  

Jimin immediately smacks Jungkook’s arm as he giggled with him, silently apologizing for Jungkook’s behavior. When he saw them in, Yoongi was announced another presence the barely felt few seconds ago.  

The man was tall, taller than Jungkook. Arms thinner but shoulders wider. His hair needed a trim, but his face made up for it when he looked up.  

His lips looked like marshmallows.  

“Hi, uh,” He bowed slightly, eyes never leaving Yoongi. “I’m sorry, my brother’s a little shit.” 

Oh. Yoongi thought. He was the brother.  

“That’s okay.” Yoongi invited him in, coaxing a pair of slippers for him to wear. “My younger brother’s a little shit too.” 

Seokjin’s lips upturned at his comment. Yoongi watched his lips contort but something in his smile annoyed the fuck out of him. He was gorgeous, that’s obvious but, there’s something wrong with it.  

Shaking the feeling off from someone he just met, he turned his back on him to hide his frown. Taehyung greeted Seokjin with a hug and asked if he was any better. It piqued Yoongi’s curiosity a little, but instead of indulging it, he sat down at the dinner table, a new one that Yoongi gifted him again that expands, to accommodate seven from the usual two.  

Dinner went by as usual, Jungkook dissing Jimin and Taehyung joining in.  

Yoongi learns that Seokjin is a professor in Konkuk, which surprises Yoongi as he looked younger than the average. Jungkook’s chest puffed as he patted his brother’s shoulder, boasting at how his Hyung got his Ph. D at 29, and he’s been teaching for a year now. He also learns that he’s older than him by three months, and that Jungkook was only 25.  

It was odd at first, but Yoongi felt relaxed. He wasn’t good with new people. But there was misplaced familiarity with how each talked about themselves and with what they do, as if he had an inkling of who they were. Yoongi immediately shrugged it off as a mere coincidence. The brothers melted in the group quickly, even at Seokjin’s silent one-line replies and small smiles that annoyed Yoongi as it didn’t reach his eyes.  

Oh, so that’s it.   

It didn’t reach his eyes.  

Yoongi doesn’t smile much. He thinks that smiles are reserved for genuine moments, and Seokjin was butchering it. To him, it’s almost blasphemous.  

When dinner was eradicated thanks to Jungkook’s bottomless appetite, Namjoon and Jungkook volunteered to clean with Hoseok’s supervision nonetheless, or their plates would wound up broken. An inside joke that all Namjoon’s good at fixing is other people’s brains. 

Yoongi noticed Seokjin’s apprehension and Jungkook’s eyes switching from Namjoon to Seokjin when Hoseok mentioned that Namjoon was a psychiatrist. It’s none of his business, and he wished that he wasn’t as observant as he is. He wishes the marshmallow lips pursing didn’t make him feel curious, nor Jungkook’s sudden drop of mood make him realize that there was something up with Seokjin. Not that he needed explaining. Seokjin, albeit looking like an angel to him as he was breathing, felt lifeless. 

Standing out of the balcony, Yoongi lit a cigarette with Taehyung in tow with his vape.  

“You really should stop that.” Yoongi scolded, a cigarette in between his lips. 

Taehyung raised his eyebrow. “Coming from you?” 

“I’m not the one about to have a baby in his household.” 

“Jimin said it’s fine as long as I do it outside.” 

“Suite yourself.” Yoongi rolled his eyes and took a whiff, cursing at how it’s already so cold at night. 

“He’s a sad thing, isn’t he?” Taehyung suddenly blurted.  

“Who?” 

“Seokjin-hyung. You’ve been staring.” 

“I was not-”  

“I don’t blame you. He’s pretty.” 

“His cheeks are so hollow. It’s as if he hasn’t consumed anything else than air.” 

“He’s been through worse hyung, give him a break.” 

Yoongi doesn’t think it’s something that he should know. But he stayed silent and listened to Taehyung ramble about how Seokjin just got out of a bad breakup. Taehyung’s well versed enough to not spill out too much detail. But he soon knew that Seokjin moved out of their old apartment and stayed with Jungkook until Jungkook said he was in the right mind to live by himself again. The youngest has been overprotective of his brother as Taehyung said, and always accompanied him wherever he went, even bringing him and picking him up from work. They knew because Jimin would often tell Taehyung that Jungkook’s always scolded that he was late for morning practice. Their studio is across the city from Konkuk anyway. 

“We don’t really know the details, even Jungkook. Seokjin-hyung refused to tell him more. But Jungkook said from the start, he never really liked his ex.” 

He stays silent through it all, his annoyance with Jungkook slowly forgotten, and a small bud of fondness built in his towards his younger brother. With a few more puffs of smoke into the dusty air from Taehyung’s balcony, he mumbled. Taehyung almost didn’t hear it over Jimin’s voice calling him. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t around much.” 

“S’okay hyung.” Taehyung tapped his shoulder as he called out to answer his husband, then mumbling back in all sincerity, “You’re here now.” 

. 

. 

. 

The next time Yoongi sees Seokjin was from the pastry shop two blocks away from his studio.  

By some random entry he read from the diary he’s reading, he suddenly craved something sweet, and the doughnut shop nearby was famous. So, at lunch, he decided to grab a sandwich from the local Subway and walked to the other block where the said store was located, which was unusually not swarmed with people at this hour.  

He ordered a few boxes for his staff. He was expecting overtime because they were finishing up an order for Jimin’s dance company’s Christmas performance. Hoseok often teased him at how he’s slowly become chipper in his standards. He reacted more, finally talking to people in their workplace without Sana’s help. Hoseok also put in how proud he’s of Yoongi for trying to be less robotic as he usually teased. 

Upon leaving the counter, he struggled to find a seat to enjoy his doughnut and coffee, boxes in tow for his employees, he spotted a face that he’d recognize anywhere.  

“Seokjin-ssi?” 

The man looked up from his untouched Eclairs. Same eyes that he first saw a week ago. “Oh, you, you’re-” He hesitated. 

“Yoongi.” He answered, saving Seokjin from the embarrassment of not remembering his name. “Taehyung’s brother..?” 

“Oh, yes, yes I remember.” Seokjin straightened up and looked around. Noticing the tray on Yoongi’s hands, he quickly realized, “Oh, you can sit here. It’s fine.” 

“Really? I don’t want to impose.” 

“It’s fine, it’s empty anyways.” 

Yoongi gets a feeling he meant differently. 

“What brings you here?” Seokjin attempts a conversation, obvious to Yoongi that he was feeling awkward by his eyes looking everywhere but him. 

“My office is two blocks away.”  

“Oh, right, you own that furniture company.”  

“Yeah.” 

“You make great chairs. Sturdy.” 

Yoongi raised his eyebrows as he stared at Seokjin’s panicked face. 

“Thanks...?” Yoongi responded, taking a bit off his doughnut. “What brings you here?” 

“Konkuk’s a few blocks from here. I had morning classes.”  

“Oh...off for the afternoon?” 

“Yeah, just gonna wait for Jungkook at the university when he finishes rehearsals.” 

Yoongi knew that Jungkook’s training would be over by this time. With the half hour-long trip, Seokjin could’ve waited in the store for him to save him a few minutes and traffic from students getting in and out of the campus grounds. 

“Ah, Kookie, err, Jungkook, doesn’t like it here.” 

“Are we talking about the same Jungkook who inhaled half of the cake from my brother’s babymoon?” 

“Not...not that way.” Seokjin elaborated, his irises dancing in his eyes to avoid Yoongi’s.  

Yoongi didn’t pry, deciding to finish his first doughnut, he handed Seokjin a pair of cutleries he didn’t notice he stood up for him to get, and urged him to eat it. 

“Eat, Seokjin-ssi.” 

Seokjin apologized and thanked him, stabbing the éclair and eating the larger piece with his hand. Yoongi’s eyebrows raised at how quirky Seokjin’s antics are in his eyes. He noticed the small dimples in his cheeks as he chewed, and how his fingers we crooked and yet he found them cute. 

They talked for a bit, asking about their hometown in Daegu, how Seokjin has never been, that he wants to join Jimin sometime when he and Taehyung would visit, with Yoongi saying they had an extra seat in his car anyways when they go to their parents’ on occasion. Maybe they’ll go on Taehyung’s birthday since they’ve yet to meet Ha-neul anyways.  

“It’s your birthday two weeks from now.” Yoongi spoke, realizing that he’s spoken more at the last hour than he did in three days. “Any plans?” 

“Why?” 

Yoongi shrugged. “Just remembered that you’re older than me by 95 days.” 

“And you counted to know my birth date?” 

Yoongi hid the slight blush in his cheeks in embarrassment. He was bored the following Tuesday after Taehyung’s baby shower when Hoseok brought him marshmallows from the store as an excuse to annoy him in his office for the remainder of the afternoon. He suddenly remembered Seokjin and his frown during their dinner. Giving in to the swimming curiosity in his stomach, he searched for the date 95 days before March 9th.  

December 4. 

 “Actually,” Seokjin cleared his throat to break the silence, sensing Yoongi’s embarassment. “I don’t have anything planned. I have tickets to Lotte World, but Jungkook can’t miss an audition he was scouted to attend and... yeah.” 

“You can go with a friend.” 

“Ah, that’s...” Seokjin awkwardly shuffled, “I don’t have any.” 

Now that took Yoongi by surprise. Seokjin has radiated energy even with his consistent poker face that seemed to be someone who has at least a few friends. The surprise was immediately noted by Seokjin, that gave him a flare of panic and the urge to explain himself. 

“I mean I do...did, I just haven’t kept in touch with them a lot.” 

“Busy with teaching?” 

“Err, yeah. Yeah, sure. With teaching.” 

“Hyung!”  

Seokjin visibly winced at the sound of the voice coming from the pastry shop’s entrance. His face was a more panicked than earlier in contrast to Jungkook’s flaring nostrils as he stomped towards their table. He barely noticed Yoongi’s presence when he started to scold Seokjin. 

“I told you a lot of times to stop coming here, hyung. There's no reason for you to stay here.” 

“I was craving for Eclairs, so I came.” He explained, finishing the last piece in one giant bite.  

“You could’ve ordered them to be delivered to you in your office. Didn’t have to go all the way here.” 

“Wanted them fresh. Jungkook, I’m fine.” 

Yoongi watched the exchange of siblings in front of him, amused at how Seokjin was being scolded as if Jungkook was the older brother. Jungkook was wearing their dance company’s complementary shirt and sweatpants, hair in a ponytail against the styled he was in when he first met him. He stayed silent when Seokjin commented that he wanted the éclairs fresh, when he was just staring at them for what he assumed were minutes.  

“No hyung, you go here to torture yourself and--” 

Yoongi cleared his throat as he thought what Jungkook would say next wasn’t something Seokjin would want a stranger to know. “Jimin’s right, you do dote on your brother.” 

Jungkook’s head swung over Yoongi, his eyes wide in surprise. “Oh, Yoongi-hyung. Didn’t see you there.” 

“Yeah, you were busy scolding your hyung, who is five years older than you.” Yoongi raised his eyebrow. 

“We’re just-” 

“Yeah, that’s fine. Not my business anyways.” Yoongi collected his things and looked over Seokjin’s surprised face at Yoongi passively scolding Jungkook on his behalf. “I gotta go. I’m already overtime on my lunch break.” 

“You own the company, Yoongi-yah.” 

Yoongi’s heart did a small flip at Seokjin’s mention of his name. Decided to ignore and swallow the small lump in his throat, he snarked back. “Doesn’t mean I can slack off. Drive safe, Jungkook.” 

“Yoongi!” Seokjin called out before he could take two strides away from the two. He looked back, Seokjin already placing his bag over his shoulder. “Uh, here-”  

Yoongi blinked at the business card Seokjin gave him.  

Kim Seokjin, Ph. D  

Professor – College of Liberal Arts   

Konkuk University  

Seokjin fidgeted awkwardly as Yoongi stared at his fingers fumbling through his pink sweater.  

“You’re supposed to take it when someone gives you a calling card, hyung.” Jungkook scolded from Seokjin’s behind. Seokjin swatted Jungkook on his arm, as the younger mouthed ‘What?’ towards him, as he replied to him with a shush. 

Yoongi scoffed, his hands already fishing for a calling card. “I know that you brat.” 

Seokjin nervously chuckled, taking the card that Yoongi handed to him. 

“Ooh, CEO. How fancy.” 

Yoongi rolled his eyes at Seokjin, “I’ll see you around, hyung.” 

“Oh, he calls you hyung now?” 

Seokjin ignored Jungkook and smiled at Yoongi, “Okay.” 

Yoongi frowned all the way during his short walk back to his office.  

His eyes were the saddest pair he’d seen in a while.  

. 

. 

. 

February 22, 2017  

Ah, so this is what it feels like to be inlove, Diary-ssi. Whatever it was that Daesongie said would ring in my ears. We even kissed today! Ah, my ears are red, it’s a good thing it’s only you who sees it, right?  

March 7 th , 2017  

We went on a date today! Wahh, my Daesongie is so cute~  

May 27, 2017  

Dae Song was invited to attend his Ex’s party. I told him I was uncomfortable with him attending a gathering for his ex. I know he has the same group of friends and they’re bound to meet each other in another setting but, it’s his ex’s birthday and....ah I’m being selfish Diary-ssi. He told me he’ll be the only one absent if I didn’t agree to letting him go. I mean, he can always do what he wants I just told him it makes me uncomfortable...Ah, I’m sure it’ll be fine...  

Right?  

Yoongi’s heart tugged at the last word of the entry he’s reading. The owner of this diary must’ve loved that cunt of a Dae Song to think this way. The diary entries he’s spent the night reading got worse the more recent it becomes. He finds himself ridiculous to the point that he’s annotated a few of it, sticking a sticky note beside it and writing a short note on his thoughts.  

He feels guilty, of course, as this feels like he’s intruding with someone’s personal life. But he doesn’t exactly know who owns this except for his initials, SJ right? 

..Right? 

. 

. 

. 

The next time Yoongi saw Seokjin was on the eve of his birthday, when he was on his way to take the subway, not taking his car because he was too lazy to drive.  

He saw Seokjin sitting again at the same table, alone with a cupcake and a lit candle, hands clasped together, and eyes shut in prayer. It was Yoongi’s first time to really look at Seokjin. Sometimes masked by his pretty face, he looked drained as if he hadn’t had enough sleep for a while. But this time, with no one around him who’ll watch, the real concaves of his face were present, cheeks hollow, eyebags deep, dimples visible on the purse of his lips. He watched him finish his wish but was confused when he didn’t blow the candle immediately. Instead, he reached for his bag and held out two small rectangles and stared at it.  

Yoongi realizes these were the tickets to Lotte World that he told him about a week ago. 

Assuming that Seokjin was planning to burn the tickets using the candle, he sprinted to the entrance and ran to Seokjin’s table, snatching the tickets, mere centimeters before it touched the tip of the flame. 

“Ya- Shi...Yoongi?” Seokjin blinked in surprise at Yoongi’s sudden appearance. “Wha, what are you doing here?” 

“Why are you burning perfectly good tickets?” 

“I-” Seokjin trailed, eyes avoiding Yoongi’s piercing stare. “I’m not going anyways.” 

Yoongi tsked and sat with Seokjin, blowing the candle on his behalf. “You forgot to seal the wish.” 

“I was supposed to seal it myself, now my wish won’t come true.” Seokjin whined. Yoongi caught his hand as he was about to smack his chest, a minute spark coursing through his fingers with the contact.  

Seokjin panicked and immediately withdrew his hand. 

“Well, sucks for you.” Yoongi teased, easing the awkwardness. “Your wish is mine now.” 

Seokjin chuckled, amused tint that looked like hope to Yoongi arrived his eyes. “So, what did you wish for?” 

Yoongi faked a thought, amusing Seokjin on his sudden animated expression. If Seokjin was being honest, he’d admit that he found Yoongi attractive. His long hair curls just on the right corners, accentuating his high cheekbones and sharp jaw. His nose was cute, not too tall, but a perfect addition to help soften his sharp features. His eyes, although he remembers Jungkook telling him that he seemed cold, contained warmth and it reached Seokjin’s cheeks.  

Also, his hands are so goddamn beautiful that if he were to choke him, he’ll thank him. 

“-with you.” 

“Wait, I’m sorry what?” Seokjin’s already pinkish cheeks turned cherry, embarrassed by his own thoughts. 

“I said, I’ll to go to Lotte World with you.” 

Seokjin’s eyes shot up in surprise. “But I thought you had a tight deadline coming. Jimin told me.” 

Yoongi shrugged, a smirk forming in his face. “I literally own the company.”  

Seokjin’s obvious surprise was hilarious to him when he mimicked his remark last week. Seokjin lightly punched his arm, telling him to stop copying him. Yoongi chuckled at the contact while rubbing the spot he playfully hit, nerves going haywire again as the spark travelled through his system. 

Seokjin’s jaw dropped when Yoongi’s smirk turned into a full grin.  

His linguistics degree didn’t help his brain put his thoughts into words. All it could muster up was, 

He looks like a full moon with that smile.  

. 

. 

. 

Lotte World was bustling with people. They should’ve expected it since it was, after all, a Sunday. Yoongi’s always hated large crowds, it’s the sole reason why he hasn’t expanded his company’s employee count, only taking small orders instead of a more profitable mass-producing route most of the big furniture names have taken. It’s not like he prefers intimacy, but the less people he’d need to interact with and remember a name, the better.  

Again, he didn’t need more money. He and his great grandchildren, if he’ll ever have them, will live just fine with what he already has, and he’s not really into extravagant living. But Hoseok mostly calls him out on his bullshit whenever he visits him in his flat as he walks in his production studio whenever he asks him to do backing vocals for his demo and pointing out how one of his speakers can feed a family comfortably for 6 months.  

He remembers Jimin telling him Jungkook could sing, he was wondering if Seokjin’s melodic voice could sing one of his songs... 

Wait what?  

Seokjin was engrossed in mapping their itinerary for the day, marking the must ride attractions with his pink pen that Yoongi bought him on the way inside, because he found it cute while Yoongi thought Seokjin’s bell like voice could belt those high notes no one could seem to do the way he wanted it to. 

The tiny bell attached on the pen’s tip continuously chimed as Seokjin wrote on the map. Yoongi didn’t regret that he bought that ridiculously flamboyant pen. 

It was his birthday after all. You’re supposed to have anything you want on your birthday, right? 

It so happened that Seokjin wanted a pink feathery pen with a small bell at the tip that’s Theme Park priced. 

Anyways, money wasn’t an issue. If Seokjin asked, he could buy him as much as he wanted.  

He wasn’t afraid of heights and speed, so he didn’t really need to force himself into the rides Seokjin wanted to try out but, he found Seokjin’s pouts when he pretended to doubt if he’ll ride the attractions they were queueing at, endearing. 

“Yah, but Comet Express is the top reason why I wanted to go!” 

“Yoongi-yah, that was exhilarating!” 

“Oh, I want that superman cape.” 

“Yoongi, let’s go to that ride next!” 

Seokjin’s face was a little brighter today, spoke more, interacted more. Maybe it’s the birthday glow, Yoongi doesn’t care. All he cares about now was that this old lady’s taking so long to give him his change before Seokjin could- 

“Yoongi, what are you doing?” 

Of course, the moment Seokjin noticed was the time the old lady was able to give him his change.  

“Here.” he handed the cape to Seokjin. He blinked at the Yoongi, eyes darting between the hand nearest to him, and the other with another cape draped on his arm as he took his change.  

“So, we can match.” 

With his pursed smile and eyes thick, unable to formulate a reply, he took the cape and put it on.  

“Should my superhero name be Super Tuna?” 

Yoongi shook his head as he chuckled, walking past Seokjin as he tied his cape on his neck.  

“Let’s go to that stupid Gyro Swing and test these bad boys out.” 

He continued walking, Seokjin calling out his name to wait for him as he struggled to tie the cape around his neck while dodging the crowd to catch up to him. He was again grinning, gums on full display, pretending to ignore Seokjin’s desperate call to wait for him. 

The day advanced with a lot of screaming Seokjin and a dizzy Yoongi after they rode a ride that he forgot what name that spun from start to finish. Seokjin finally decided he had had enough (the park was closing, Yoongi called him out for lying), they decided on dinner, wherein Yoongi insisted, was on him.  

“But Yoongi, you already bought me presents.” He held up the pink pen and the cape towards him, waving around as if Yoongi could see them in point blank range.  

“I just wanted the privilege to choose where to eat. Just shut up and follow me.” Yoongi walked faster, leading him to one hole in the wall restaurant after a few blocks of walking and a protesting Seokjin he continuously ignored following behind. When he where they were, Seokjin froze.  

“Oh my God, I’ve always wanted to try this place.” 

Yoongi smirked as he sat down on their reserved table, the expression on Seokjin’s face was worth the embarrassment and 2 hours of explanation to Taehyung as to why he was asking, who is he going with, and why the fuck is he suddenly going to Lotte World when he never agreed to go with him, to know which restaurants Seokjin liked to dine in. 

In the end, his brother was useless. All it took was a 37 second conversation with Jimin. 

They continued to talk, getting to know each other better. He discovers they grew up in Busan, which explains why Jimin and Jungkook were instantly close, and how annoying that another professor in their department Kim Sun Ho was, because he was using his PhD thesis to write an antithesis about it. Which he explains is something that happens a lot in the educational community. Ideas are supposed to evolve, studies to improve and disprove things, but he still found it annoying because they were literally in the same university, and he even has the audacity to approach him to ask questions about his paper. 

“You should just charge him consultancy fees.” Yoongi shrugged at his story, placing another skewer on Seokjin’s plate as he ranted.  

“Uhg, you don’t get it, Yoongichi.” 

Yoongi tried to ignore the giggle that wanted to escape his mouth on the extra syllable Seokjin’s nickname for him. “I do, I just think you’re wasting precious time overthinking Sun Ho-ssi's paper and not eating that skewer. All my hard work in cooking perfectly, for you to ignore it.” 

Seokjin giggled and apologized, taking the skewer to his mouth a giving it a big bite, looking at Yoongi for approval. 

“Ah, there was this interesting study about bacteria being antibiotic resistant.” Seokjin changed the topic when he finished the skewer Yoongi put on his plate. “Imagine if one of the scientists went all Braveheart and took a jello shot out of that bacteria culture and spread it around.” 

“Bacteria are rarely transferred airborne.” Yoongi answered Seokjin’s out of pocket what-if-of-the-night. “And that’s disgusting, hyung.” 

The table across them looked at them funny, to which Yoongi glared in reply with his straight face. 

What do they have against bacteria? He shrugged when they looked away, resuming the weird debate he’s having with Seokjin. 

“So, bacteria.” He resumed. 

“You mean, murderers.” 

“There are such things as good bacteria, you know.” 

“I didn’t say all murderers are inherently bad. Don’t be judgmental, Yoongi.” 

“I didn’t say that. You said it.” 

“But there are some murderers who are just inherently bad. No motives, just likes to pew pew pew.” Seokjin imitated a gun with his hand. The gesture allowed Yoongi to discover his crooked fingers, making him feel a lot better that Seokjin has a quirk, that God at least attempted to be fair when he created him. It was the cutest thing. 

Okay, not the cutest, one of the cutest. His brain is all over the place.  

“Don’t go all Philosophical on me.” 

“How do you always have a response to everything I say?!” Seokjin protested. 

“Because I know things.” 

“That’s scary.” 

“Knowledge is scary?” 

“Now that’s philosophical.” Seokjin’s won that one. His smug face annoyed Yoongi to a giggle. 

Yoongi’s head was spinning, trying to keep up conversations with Seokjin as he goes all I’m-a-linguistics-major-you-cant-out wordplay-me was challenging his years of bickering experience with Taehyung and Jimin. He laughed at Seokjin’s amused laughter, shaking his head and raised his hand to order a plate of ribs. 

“Just eat your skewers, hyung.” 

Seokjin happily(finally) obliged, downing the skewers that never seemed to end on his plate.  

While they waited for the newer batch to cook up on the grill, Seokjin’s expression changed to solemn. 

“Today was perfect. Thank you, Yoongi.” 

Yoongi took the tongs and flipped the meat to even the cooking.  

“You’re welcome, hyung.” He said, placing another cooked skewer on Seokjin’s plate. “Happy Birthday.” 

. 

. 

. 

December 2, 2018  

Ah, Diary-ssi. Don’t you think Dae Song would support me if I told him I wanted to go to Lotte World so bad on my birthday? He’d come with me right? Even if he thinks it’s childish. I love rollercoasters.  

December 4, 2018  

Ah, it’s my birthday but we fought. I did appreciate the dinner in that fancy restaurant but, I really wanted to go to Lotte World. But he did buy me an expensive bag. Ah, I should be more appreciative, right?   

December 19, 2018  

Jungkook dared me to color my hair. As a hyung that does not back down, I colored my hair purple, and Jungkook loved it. You think Dae Song would love it? I feel so handsome in it. I could surprise my students in that Language class I’m filling in for Professor Choi.  

December 20, 2018  

Dae Song hated my hair.   

He asked why did I have to dye it such an unnatural color? Purple is natural. It’s the color of Lavender, y’know? And he said he didn’t appreciate me not asking for permission before dyeing my hair. I should’ve considered his feelings, don’t you think? I’m dyeing it back tomorrow.  

January 14, 2019  

Dae Song and I fought again.   

I went to a convention with my collegues for work, and I was telling him how amusing Jae Bom was at how he was so carefree and funny. I didn’t expect him to react strongly over it, Jae Bom was my friend. He even pointed out why did I have to dress loudly for a convention.  

We were meeting top educators there, Diary-ssi. I wanted to look nice.   

Ah, I don’t know.  

January 17, 2019    

Dae Song apologized, Diary-ssi.   

He did explain to me why he reacted that way. He told me that he didn’t like how I dressed up because he’s always thought I was already so pretty in standard clothing. He also said I was smart, well mannered and people loved me and he felt like anytime, someone will take me away from him. He didn’t want to lose me.  

He must love me a lot.  

February 4, 2019  

Dae Song and I fought because I spent time with my friends and I forgot to tell him. It’s not like he was going home that night anyways, right? It was with my friends; did I have to ask for permission?  

Maybe, he just wanted to at least know I’d be out.  

Ah, I’m still learning to be a better boyfriend, Diary-ssi.  

March 9, 2019  

Dae Song went out with his friends. I was a bit upset about it and tried to tell him I didn’t appreciate what he did. All he said was, “You did it too, so why can’t I?” I thought we were past that, agreeing that I should at least let him know I’d have a quick dinner with friends, and who I’m with. Why does that not apply to him?  

Then again, it was my fault anyways. I was thoughtlessly going about things. Guess I’ll just have to work harder.  

Yoongi closed the diary before he could rip it into shreds from his frustration. How stupid was this diary owner had to be not to realize what kind of bullshit of an excuse that was? He was no relationships expert, but every single time SJ agrees that it was his fault makes Yoongi want to rip his eyelashes off. 

He throws the diary to his bedside and takes his phone, annoyance immediately dissipating as he sees his phone's background. It was Seokjin, eating ice cream in his pout as he wore a hat he borrowed from one of the park staff, ultimately having it when he told the staff it was his birthday. Yoongi wasn’t sure if that was allowed, but then again, Seokjin was adorable and was very good with his words.  Even he, who only met him the third time that day, couldn’t even say no to him.  

Now, Seokjin was the one who asked him to take a photo, because he said Jungkook wanted one, so he did. When the photo turned out cute by his standards, Seokjin took Yoongi’s phone and sent the photo to Jungkook using his number.  

Laughing at the memory when Jungkook immediately called within fifteen seconds that Seokjin sent the message, he was already scolding Seokjin on why he was using a random stranger’s number to send the photo.  

“Ah, it’s not a stranger. It’s my birthday date.” 

Yoongi’s eyes widened at Seokjin’s remark as he giggled from Jungkook’s loud reaction of who he was and how did he meet him, followed by Seokjin calming him down and him saying that it was Yoongi. Jungkook immediately calmed down and asked him if he was having fun.  

“Tremendously, Jungkookie. Today’s been perfect so far. No- You don’t have to apologize. We’ll celebrate on Wednesday when I don’t have cla- NO, Jungkook don’t buy me a new console game I can buy it on my o-” 

“He hung up on you?” Yoongi finally asked, the phrase birthday date repeating in his mind like a plague while his entire being fought the blush forming.  

“Uhg, now I’d have to tie him down on a rope to stop him on guilt buying me everything I want.” 

“Oh no, whatever shall you do?” Yoongi faked a worry, where Seokjin played along, cooing his baby brother’s panic over him not being able to join him for this birthday. Yoongi found their relationship adorable, as if the five-year gap wasn’t there. It was something their parents didn’t instill between him and Taehyung. Their house was heavily reliant on the order of birth, scolding Taehyung a lot for being a brat towards his brother, and Yoongi defending him saying it’s fine and that it’s because he was young and’ll grow out of it with age.  

Fifteen years after, Taehyung didn’t grow out of it.  

Yoongi wasn’t sure where it began and where it ended, but he was just glad that now, it seems that that relationship didn’t really go away the more he spent time with his brother.  

Staring at his wallpaper that Seokjin insisted he keep until 24hrs had passed after his birthday, he doesn’t really need to oblige, but something in him wanted to humor Seokjin and just go with it, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach and his wide stretch grin he didn’t know he had whenever he unlocks his phone.  

When 2am came, he was waiting for sleep to take him, planning on sleeping in the following morning and getting a real day off for the first time in six years for the sake of doing just nothing. But his day was extraordinary, if he must say, that he replayed the events in his mind.  

He’s not going to lie; Seokjin is very likeable. He’s acknowledged how smart he was from their banter, how he uses his words but, the carefree version of him was something else. Yoongi couldn’t find a word in his vocabulary besides Seokjin’s presence is refreshing, as if he was fine with starting anew. Seokjin’s way of thinking and enjoying himself was all new to him, but then again all he did was work.  

His phone rung. His expression turned sour as early morning messages means something wrong happened at work and that he had to cancel his plans on skipping work today. But his brows immediately relaxed as he recognized the name flashed on his screen.  

The Uglier Kim.  

Yoongi snorted again as he pressed the notification to open the message.  

The Uglier Kim: Thanks for coming with my brother today, hyung.  

Now, Yoongi sat up on his bed as his fingers hovered over the blinking cursor as he wanted to formulate his reply. It was Jungkook’s first time calling him hyung in such a sincere tone.  

Yoongi: I just wanted free Lotte World tickets.  

The Uglier Kim: Taehyung did warn me that you suck with emotions and gratifications. Still, whatever your intention was, it was the first time hyung came home looking like a weight was taken off his shoulders. 

Yoongi: Maybe if you were less of a brat, maybe it’ll happen more often.  

The Uglier Kim: Ya, I’m trying to thank you properly.  

Yoongi: Okay, okay. Sorry, go on. 

The Uglier Kim: Hyung’s been not himself for months now, and this was the first time in a while that he told me he had a good day. Thank you. 

Yoongi: It was nothing, I had fun too. 

The Uglier Kim: Huh, Taehyungie-hyung was right. You’re nice when you’re tame. 

Yoongi: What’s that supposed to mean? 

The Uglier Kim: I dunno, I really found you stoic, hyung. We’ve met a few times before, but you never acknowledged me. 

Yoongi: We did? 

The Uglier Kim: Yeah, thought you were an asshole. 

Yoongi: Just because I didn’t talk to you? 

The Uglier Kim: Well, yeah. 

Yoongi: I’m sorry. I don’t really do well in big crowds and new people. 

The Uglier Kim: I figured. But really, hyung. Thank you. 

Yoongi: I already told you, I had fun too. No need to thank me. 

The Uglier Kim: Not to impose or anything but, would you mind keeping my brother company whenever he goes to that stupid pastry shop down every Tuesday? 

Yoongi: Why? 

The Uglier Kim: Just, I feel like he goes there to punish himself. I can’t always watch over him, with the company’s schedule and all. 

Yoongi: For what? 

The Uglier Kim: I can’t really say much since even I don’t know that much detail. But that pastry shop is owned by his bastard Ex-Boyfriend. He just gets a portion of the profits because it was his savings he used for investments. Don’t tell him I know about that. He doesn’t know I know.  

Yoongi: Okay? 

The Uglier Kim: He’s always off on Tuesdays and Saturdays so that’s the only day he can go there so he won’t be seen stalking him. 

Yoongi: Okay. 

The Uglier Kim: Okay? That’s it? No whys? 

Yoongi: Taehyung told me. I hope you don’t mind. 

The Uglier Kim: Oh, well, okay hyung. Thanks. I uh, I’m going to sleep now.  Hyung saw me texting. I can sense a scolding in 15 seconds. 

Worldwide Handsome: Stop replying to my brother and force him to sleep. He has training in the afternoon.  

Yoongi(To Worldwide Handsome): Wrong number. 

Yoongi(To The Uglier Kim): What are you, five? Goodnight kid. 

Worldwide Handsome: Ya!!!! 

The Uglier Kim: I’m trying to be less of a brat. Goodnight, hyung. 

Yoongi chuckled as he decided to not reply to Seokjin until he barraged him with keyboard smash messages. 

Yoongi: Ya, I’m trying to sleep, what are you, 10? 

Worldwide Handsome: Out of 10? Yeah, everyone else is an 8 at most.  

Yoongi: [GIF] Goodnight hyung. 

. 

. 

. 

With the Christmas events started rolling in, Yoongi’s been busier than ever and was only able to communicate with Seokjin through texts when he has a few minutes to spare during his day. Seokjin’s been sending photos of his lunch, or his high scores whenever he plays another random game he downloaded on his phone. He continues to visit the pastry shop every Tuesday and finds him there, joking at how Seokjin’s been stalking him and how he retorted with he found the pastry shop first. 

He’d randomly receive lunch take outs care of “his only hyung.” whenever lunch time came. Seokjin noticed that he seldom only sends a piece of bread, or iced coffee back whenever he sends his lunch time photos. But Yoongi assumed that Taehyung ratted him to Seokjin, at how he’d always know he skips meals whenever he’s engrossed at work. So, Seokjin made it a personal mission to feed Yoongi. To make it even, Yoongi sends him back something to the University, knowing full well it was his breaktime. A cup of coffee, doughnuts, tteokbokki, just random finger foods because he knows Seokjin loves to snack while he read through yet another thesis paper on his kindle. 

Sana’s been eyeing him weirdly, accusing him of getting a sugar daddy that he texts 24/7 even in between the working hours. 

“Did you get a boyfriend? Or girlfriend? A sugar daddy? Not like you need one.” She snorts at Yoongi’s bewildered expression. “You’ve been smiling at your phone a lot.” 

“Don’t forget I’m the one who signs your paycheck.” 

Sana rolls her eyes playfully, but doesn’t pry, handing him another lunch sent to him by Seokjin, to which he just tells her he had something delivered. Sana didn’t buy it but didn’t question further. After the furniture that the dance company commissioned was finished, Yoongi was exhausted. The evening where they received the notification that the orders were shipped and were received in perfect condition by their client, the whole office cheered, as the longest 3 months they had had was finally over. Yoongi then announced that they can go have dinner wherever they wanted, on him. The staff cheered, urging him to come with them as his more approachable demeanor was finally a norm in the office, his staff cheerfully greeting him in the hallway regularly. He politely refused, wanting to finally let the peace and quiet lull him on the first real sleep he’ll have in a few weeks.  

It wasn’t a few minutes when Yoongi closed his eyes, facing the view of the snow falling all over Seoul. The faint glow of the city lights penetrating his eyelids from his half-lidded eyes. He could use a quick nap- 

A knock made him open his eyes. Frowning, he spun towards the door. 

“Sana, I told you to go home already.” 

“I know, I was about to, but...” She stepped back, gesturing to someone to come in. To Yoongi’s surprise, it was Seokjin. 

“Hyung?” 

Sana’s eyes widened as she put the puzzle pieces together. “Oh..Ohhhh!!” 

“Go home, Sana.” Yoongi’s voice was low and threatening. Sana squeaked and did a salute. 

“Aye, aye, boss.” She hurried her way back to her work area, fixing stacks of paper across it. Hearing her collect her things and heels clacking in a hurry, she waved. “Goodluck on your date night!”, she shouted as she scurried to the employee elevator, her heels echoing from the distance. 

Seokjin chuckled and thanked her before she turned around the corner. 

“Hey.” 

“Uh, hey.” Yoongi said, shuffling the paper sprawled on his table and stacking them in one corner. Seokjin raises his eyebrows at his panic, sitting on the chair in front of Yoongi’s table. 

“Ya, you really don’t have to do that. I know you’ve been busy.” 

“Yeah I just..” Yoongi paused, and ultimately plopped down on his chair leaving his organized mess on the table. 

“I was wondering if you want to go get dinner.” Seokjin smiled, disappointing Yoongi at how his eyes still lacked shine. “To celebrate your freedom.” 

“I have another project coming up in 2 weeks.” 

“Do you always have to win every conversation?” Seokjin whined. Yoongi raised his eyebrow in anticipation of Seokjin’s next retort, but it didn’t come. “Temporary freedom, then.”  

Seokjin waited for Yoongi to respond; eyes glued to each other. He wasn’t planning to go to Yoongi’s office. But he missed him, even if they did have those short Tuesday afternoons at the pastry shop. It was too short to have a conversation long enough to quench Seokjin’s need for Yoongi’s presence. He calmed him, as his presence has consistently made him feel like he was listened to, even with the dumbest Dad jokes he could muster.  

They’ve been talking a lot over the phone and through texts throughout the two weeks following Seokjin’s birthday. It filled Seokjin with something to look forward to, a first time for the past few days. When Yoongi sent a photo of himself (after Seokjin begged hundreds of times) Seokjin finally had a name for the longing that’s sitting in his chest for days.  

He missed Yoongi. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay?” 

“Yeah, okay.” Yoongi was grinning. 

Tonight’s sky was supposed to have a waning gibbous, but to Seokjin whenever Yoongi’s around, nights are always bright with a full moon.  

His favorite phase of the moon and he’s yet to admit, the favorite bits of his week. 

. 

. 

. 

 They attended Jungkook and Jimin’s Christmas event together, watching them dance to some musical score that let Seokjin watch Yoongi in his element, explaining chord progressions and how the music was layered. Seokjin barely understood a thing, but watching Yoongi talk about music like he’s in love with it made him wonder how it would be like if Yoongi talked about him.  

Shaking the afterthought, he absentmindedly nodded at Yoongi’s question of is he okay, or is he unwell, as he seemed out of it. He couldn’t tell Yoongi that he was the reason why his thoughts were out of the loop that night, with his white shirt and Black suit that he weirdly paired with sneakers, but he just miraculously makes it work. He couldn’t tell him that the tips of his fingers touching the top of his hand was making his heartbeat furiously, like it’s begging Seokjin to wish to live longer, just enough, to savor this moment. He couldn’t tell him that he's been on his mind since Lotte World. 

While Yoongi enjoyed the concert, Seokjin marveled at his presence. 

He suddenly remembered one conversation he had with Jungkook when he was a few days into his worst heartbreak. That there would come a time that his heart would beat again for another, that he just had to endure the pain. He couldn’t imagine himself climbing out of it, and he was still in the dark months after, until Yoongi provided him with one small spark. A small dot, and he used it as his North Star. 

How that has enlarged and now, he’s always associated Yoongi with a Full Moon found in plain sight, that those small stars couldn’t compare now. 

Their daily messages kept him going, the lunches they spent texting and him thinking of what to send him for lunch that day. Enjoying Yoongi’s protests when he sent him food again, ending with a Thank you, hyung. I needed that in the end that made Seokjin’s heart swell with pride that he’d chosen well based on his assumption on Yoongi’s taste in food. With Taehyung’s help, of course. 

During their exchanges, he remembers again when Seokjin tells him that his name directly translates to gloss in English. Joking about how his unrealistically gorgeous skin that he insists was only because of that one lotion he uses was the reason his parents named him Gloss, it was just now that Seokjin realizes how wrong that was. 

Yoongi shines, and it blinds Seokjin in so many ways he never knew a person could. He’s always been called beautiful, to the point that it’s something he’s dreaded mostly in his adult life. He’d like to believe he was more than a pretty face, but then again maybe, it was all he had to offer. 

But Yoongi, Yoongi was more than just his cute button nose and gummy smile. He was thoughtful, even though he’s appearing that he isn’t. Yoongi’s been scolding him for letting Jungkook dote on him a lot, but he fails to realize he’s the same towards Taehyung. How, even before him reconnecting with him until recently, he was the one who found the adoption agency for him and Jimin to finally get their son.  

Burying the thought in his heart, he convinces himself that he was just lonely, and Yoongi was just the first person in a while to give attention to him, to him, and not his face. He never once said anything about his looks. He didn’t realize it until he noticed how much he needed to be seen .  

Jungkook’s always loved him. He knew that, but he was supposed to. He was born to. It wasn’t something that Jungkook had to feel for him, knowing that just because you’re blood related doesn’t mean you’re implored to. But it’s something that was expected of. 

But Yoongi. He didn’t have the responsibility to love him, nobody expected him to love him. 

Nobody except Seokjin. 

Seokjin straightens his seat, aware of the greed bubbling against his stomach as Yoongi continued to talk and Seokjin continued to nod and respond, listening to his excitement over some chord progression and the allegro of the notes as the climax ensues. He isn’t supposed to expect anything from Yoongi. He wasn’t ready for anything beyond friendship and yet the remains of his heart yearned for the attention it receives from Yoongi. Numerous small gestures that he would consistently overthink like how Yoongi would let his fingertips linger on his skin, eyebrows scrunching in wonder and worry, the phone calls on an awkward hour just to ask how he was. 

One night when he was at home at 1am playing some game he discovered, he got a call. Yoongi said he just needed to breathe, that he’s still in the office and work’s driving him nuts. Does that mean his voice helps him relax or he was just assuming things?   

He nearly jumps out of his seat when Yoongi’s gorgeous hand was suddenly on his forehead, his eyebrows furrowing in worry as his attention was darted to him, rather than their siblings pirouetting at the stage.  

“Hyung, are you sure you’re okay? Your face is warm.” 

He stared, unable to respond to Yoongi’s question. Inwardly cursing as he lost against himself as Yoongi’s lips pouted in worry, his eyes automatically darting towards it, imagining how soft and warm it may be against him.  

“I- I’m fine.” Seokjin pulled himself away from Yoongi’s touch, startling the younger. He asks him again, colder this time without his touch. He reassures him that he is, he just didn’t get much sleep the night before. Yoongi seemed to accept it, as they were talking until midnight. 

He doesn’t tell him that he felt his touch linger until the evening ended and he was alone in his room, staring at the photo they took together when they were alone.  

. 

. 

. 

New Year rolled in and him and Jungkook went home to Busan, while Yoongi with his brothers and nephew spent it in Daegu. 

They continued to text; Yoongi continued to read. The diary replaces Yoongi’s evening Nat Geo runs, and their sms exchanges filled the gaps in between.  

Jungkook finally notices, with him stealing Seokjin’s phone mid reply. They wrestled to gain control over the other, with Jungkook barely winning, thanks to his years of dancing, training his arm strength to push against Seokjin’s natural strength. With their fingers hitting the screen without their intention, Seokjin shrieks as he saw a photo being accidentally sent to Yoongi. The sound startles Jungkook, causing him to drop Seokjin’s phone and Seokjin catching it on time before it hits the ground.  

Before he could unsend the photo, Yoongi replied. 

Catboy: Why are you sending a selfie, hyung? Did you lose a bet? 

Worldwide Handsome: Jnsjfnajna 

Catboy: Hyung? 

Seokjin panics as he slaps Jungkook’s giggling figure. “Get away from me you brat.” 

He frantically panics, typing a reply so that Yoongi won’t be suspicious.  

Seokjin: On a scale of 10 to 10, how handsome am I? 

Catboy: I sincerely hope you trip on air. 

Seokjin deflated on his seat in relief.  

He opted to reply with a winky emoji and finished their conversation for the day. Deciding to help his mother prepare dinner, Jungkook tailed behind him to help(bug the hell out of) him. 

“So, Yoongi-hyung. Didn’t expect that.” 

“There is nothing to expect. We just text.” 

“Yeah, every damn day.” Jungkook scrunches his nose as he avoids their mother’s smack, scolding her with his language. “Goes on dinners, his plus one on Christmas concerts.” 

“Who’s Yoongi?” Their mother asks, stirring into the pot of curry she’s making for dinner. 

“Taehyungie hyung’s brother. Seokjin-hyung's new boyfriend. He’s pretty cool, a fancy CEO and all.” 

“He just buys you all the lamb skewers you wanted you brat.” Seokjin retorts, swatting Jungkook’s giggles of affirmation on mooching of his hyung. “I didn’t raise you like that.” 

“Mom, Yoongi-hyung's really nice!”  

Seokjin was about to protest but his mother’s reaction prevented him from doing so. She squealed in joy, patting Seokjin’s back in happiness that he’s finally starting to move forward after that bad break up he had almost a year ago. She kept on rambling on how worried she was for Seokjin, and finally asked for a photo of his new lover. 

Jungkook obliged, taking in the opportunity to pester his hyung freely, whipping out their photo during the Christmas Concert they had. 

“Oh, honey. Look at you two. You already look so relaxed around him, I’m so proud of you.” 

Seokjin couldn’t bring himself to tell his mother otherwise.  

On the train ride back home to Seoul, his mind wandered on his mother’s comment on how relaxed he is around Yoongi. Seokjin knows he’s been walking on eggshells all the time while he was with Dae Song, and that he’s only been able to really let go after Konkuk, was since he met Yoongi. Jungkook’s been talking nonstop while he was thinking, inserting a few hums in response to Jungkook’s story Seokjin was too busy to think to pay real attention. All his mind could process right now was how he was looking forward to having a post New Year celebration with their friends.  

He was not going to tell Jungkook that the most he was looking forward to, was seeing Yoongi. 

. 

. 

. 

“You know, I think people underestimate the existence of The One that Paved the Road.” 

Seokjin looks up from his book, an activity they’ve come to develop on their now routine Tuesday nights together. It been a few weeks since the holidays and classes weren’t going to start until March thus giving Seokjin more time to do whatever. He’d dragged Yoongi into reading, letting him borrow his books that are easy to read, and helping him improve his English from time to time.  

It doesn’t go unpaid, as Yoongi’s also brought him to wine tasting events that he shyly admits is one of Yoongi’s guilty pleasures. Seokjin discovers Yoongi has a thing for bitter things. Alcohol, coffee, cigarettes. He peaks a small tattoo at the back of his ear, a nail. He said it meant that he’s headstrong.  

“What?” He finally responds.  

“It’s just, people over romanticize people who already left. I mean, how would you call them The One That Got Away when they haven’t spent their entire life with them? What if they had something they didn’t show them when they were together? Something that only time can tell you.” 

“You’re awfully talkative today.” Seokjin noted, smile in his face as Yoongi’s obviously enjoying the book he lent. “Maybe it’s because they were the one that truly saw them.” 

“Why would they leave if they really saw that person, y’know? Shouldn’t The One That Got Away be someone who loved you in the way you needed to?” 

“I really don’t know how to explain it to you but, just because someone was your escape artist, doesn’t mean you’re theirs. It’s not a two-way street. They may be your best that got away, but there’s a good possibility you’re not theirs. Do you get me?” 

Yoongi shrugged, but nodded nonetheless, lips on a downturned smile that agrees with Seokjin’s point. “But really, I don’t really care about the person who got away, I care about who paved the way.” 

“Is this some Kpop thing about breaking barriers or something.” 

“No, hyung.” Yoongi chuckled. “I just think that humans could do better. Isn’t love supposed to be naturally nurturing?” 

Seokjin halted for a moment, trying to digest Yoongi’s words with his mouth as it starts to taste bitter with the memories of his past pain. He was told before that his selflessness would eat him alive at some point, that not all people would reciprocate his love for them with the same intensity as he’d always had. He can’t count how many times he’d taken care of other people, and how it could be counted with one hand that he felt taken care of and his needs met by someone other than his family. 

“So, what’s your point?”  

“Nothing really, I just think that one should repent on losing someone who’s only wish for you is to grow and be a better person, not just some asshole who likes to take and take and never give back.” 

“You don’t love a person to earn something back, you know.” 

“I disagree, hyung.” Yoongi closed the book in his hands, leaving his thumb as the bookmark to prove his point. “You love because you get something back.” 

“I-” Seokjin exhaled and sat back on his chair, willing Yoongi to further expound on his epiphany.  

“You love someone because it makes you happy. Being happy isn’t free, you know?” 

“How so?” 

“People are with people because they feel happy when they’re loved back. You invest your time, energy, hormones towards this person, just so they will continue to love you back. So, they stay with you, stay loyal. It’s not free. You’re not supposed to be an asshole and cheat, obviously, but that also requires work for your partner, because these things, for you to learn and adapt them, takes a lot of effort. People aren’t inherently good, you know.” 

“I know.” 

“If it was free and unconditional as all those unrealistic love songs would say, all you’ll ever feel while you love someone is burnout.” 

Seokjin felt a sob form at the base of his throat. When he eventually had the courage to finally end things with Dae Song and call Jungkook to come and get him, all he felt on the car ride to Jungkook’s apartment was numb pain. He loved him, too much to Jungkook’s standards. He was hurt, truly. He’s not even fully over the man, and sometimes, he just wants to come back to him just so he could feel as if someone values him, even if it’s 1 time out of a hundred situations.  

Seokjin needed to be needed to live, and it’s something that eats him up.  

“You know how, when you love someone, you have these, love languages?” Yoongi air quoted, obviously on a mission to convince Seokjin of something he’s not arguing with him about. “These love languages aren’t free. Obviously, the top one is gift giving. It costs you money.” 

Seokjin nodded, just so he’s not as still as a rock as he watched Yoongi get worked up. 

“Quality time expects your energy to be with the person, and as someone who receives it, you demand a person’s energy. You pay them your energy, so that they would feel loved, when they feel you love them, more often than not, they love you back even more, right?” 

“You make a very convincing point.” 

“Words of affirmation requires attention, which not all people have the luxury to have enough in this world filled with distractions.” Yoongi eyes Seokjin’s hand creeping towards his phone, raising an eyebrow as he took the phone on his hand.  

“I was just going to put it on silent.”  

“Whatever, hyung. I saw the Maple Story notification.” 

Seokjin muffles a laugh. “It was just a notification. Anyways, you have two more.” 

“Huh?” 

“Love languages. I was listening, asshole.” 

“Do I really have to elaborate on Act of Service and Physical Touch?” 

“Eh, not really. I just like to hear your talk.” 

“What?” 

What? 

Seokjin’s eyes were like saucers, mirroring Yoongi’s surprise. His brain wasn’t fast enough to formulate a witty remark to shake off the slip of his tongue. He did love listening to Yoongi talk, but he wouldn’t just say that out of the blue, or so he intended, but it just happened, and he had nowhere to run to. 

Until his phone vibrated on alarm, and immediately distracted their conversation. 

12:00am GO TO SLEEP YOU ARE ACTUALLY A COLLEGE PROFESSOR SO GET ENOUGH SLEEP  

. 

. 

. 

April 19, 2020  

Despite his remarks towards me are always in spite, I’d still take that any day than you not speaking to me, Dae Song-ah.  

“Despite and in spite are the same thing, Seokjin-hyung.” 

“Ah, Yoongi-yah, that’s where you’re wrong.” Seokjin spoke in mirth, a small smile that pissed Yoongi off again because it didn’t reach what it needed to reach. He sat straight as reached for his hand and drew curves on Yoongi’s calloused palms, as if writing a silent plea for time to slow down. The small touches seemed normal now, as they’ve consistently reciprocated it, not once after the forehead thing last Christmas. It terrified them both, how they’d reach out to each other absentmindedly, how Yoongi’s thumb would draw circles against Seokjin’s hand. How Tuesdays were now sacred. Yoongi was alarmed one time when Seokjin asked for him not to come to the pastry shop anymore. Instead, they met up at a café two blocks down that served the best Americano Yoongi had in his life. Jungkook’s relieved to know this, as he’s always associated that place with a curse.  

Seokjin tells him that he knew he’d love it there, because it’s one of the frequent restaurants he’d buy him food from. Yoongi compliments his keen observation, where he retorted back that Yoongi was just a basic bitch.  

It was one of their Tuesday nights where they spent dinner together, as both felt like going out. This time, it was Yoongi who randomly showed up at the University parking lot, taking up Jungkook’s usual parking spot and surprising Seokjin. He obliged, much to his co-worker's teasing that he’d been enduring since the first time Yoongi’s done something like this when Tuesday wasn’t a regular thing between them. 

Dinner was done, and they were back in Yoongi’s apartment for wine and their usual casual talks. The clock already read 11:49, and Seokjin’s always cut their discussions as it hits midnight. Something about the sanctity of sleep, which was funny to him because he remembers the few times they’d text beyond midnight over words that they’d debate on, like what was happening right now. 

“Are you smarter than the Cambridge Dictionary?” Yoongi raised his eyebrow in curiosity. Seokjin’s epiphanies had always amused him, tickled his brain. He even wrote lyrics about it. Of course, Seokjin didn’t know about the song he wrote for him, nor it’ll see the light of day. It was for him only.  

Despite and inspite, two words that have always lingered in Yoongi’s mind. Taehyung and Jimin’s always used those words to describe him to their peers.  Despite his gloomy appearance, Yoongi-hyung's actually a softie. Yoongi-hyung's always silently cared for us inspite of the cold hard exterior he tries so hard to maintain.   

“Spite has always been a word interchanged with anger, Yoongichi.” Yoongi’s eyes widened at the nickname he didn’t expect he would have. “Despite is used to make excuses for your bad behavior. To be honest, I’d prefer the former.” 

“How is anger better than excuses?” 

“Anger is raw, it’s real and it never lies.” Seokjin’s picking on Yoongi’s callouses now, eyes soft and all knowing. “Excuses however...is another word for lies.” 

“How did despite become an excuse for bad behaviour?” 

“I love you,” Yoongi choked on those three words that came out of his mouth, but immediately swallowed as Seokjin continued. “despite you not giving me the last mozzarella stick.” 

Yoongi rolled his eyes. He might’ve been pouting at Seokjin’s giggle. “You said you didn’t want it.” 

“Ah, no need to be defensive, Yoongichi.” Seokjin smirks in amusement as Yoongi gets used to the pet name. He retreated his hand to take his now warm coffee to his lips. “It was a mere example.” 

“Your brain amazes me sometimes.” 

“I told you, I’m a 10. Everyone else is an 8. You as a 9 can be debatable.” 

“Are you saying you think I’m better than everyone else?” Yoongi retorted, earning a tinge of pink from the tips of Seokjin’s ears. 

“Like I said,” He exhaled, watching the clock tick on the last few seconds of this week’s Tuesdays with Yoongi. “Debatable.” 

With that remark, the clock struck twelve. Seokjin finally stood up, and collected the car Yoongi lent him so he didn’t have to take a cab. Jungkook finally allowed Seokjin to drive for a while now.  

“Goodnight, Yoongichi.” 

. 

. 

. 

Seokjin’s been feeling light for the past few months he’s been hanging out with his brother’s, now also became his friends. It wasn’t anything pressuring to him, he could always say no if he can’t go, or doesn’t feel like going. The sensation of freedom to do what he pleases made his breathing easier, the air tasting sweeter than what he remembered.  

He hasn’t gone to the pastry shop in two whole months. He didn’t feel like it. Tuesdays used to be a dread to him, but now, it’s as if Tuesday feels like Friday, the last workday, even If it wasn’t. 

Going to the grocery store, he bounced as he prepared to cook for his brother’s promotion to Lead Dancer. He says it was a huge feat, giving him more lead roles in the future. He says he’ll be traveling a lot when he gets a part, as their company plans to do a tour recital, something about Black Swan. His mind was wandering, finally reaching its destination to one particular cat boy.  

Yoongi’s been so easy to be around, presence barely there for others but the thought that they breathe the same air was enough to drive Seokjin crazy. He’s noticed a shift in their touches. His soft pats on his hands where he lingers a second more before he pulls away, his back kept warm by his large palms, the sideways glances whenever he laughs as if to check if he’s laughing with him. He also noticed himself reaching out for Yoongi’s sweater sleeve, as if he could stand better as he gripped on it. 

He knew this feeling, and he did not like it.  

For one, he didn’t want to be unfair to Yoongi. A rebound is the furthest thing he would label Yoongi to be because...because well, Yoongi’s special.  

They’ve been starting to have deeper conversations lately. Yoongi hasn’t had a relationship in years, apparently because he hates to half ass things. He admitted to him once that he hated the way his smiles never reach his eyes, and how he thinks it’s cute when he aggressively blinks when he spaces out.  

Small things for him to only know if he observed enough.  

Seokjin also pried on Yoongi handling their furniture business alone in Seoul. 

“I, honestly I don’t know. I’m good at it. I didn’t want it, but I took over because Taehyung didn’t want to be involved. he wanted to be an artist.” Yoongi exhaled as he unpacked his thoughts to Seokjin. “I don’t really know what I want. So, I just went with the flow. It’s sad isn’t it.” 

“Not really.” Seokjin answered, a shrug leaving his shoulders. “Knowing what you want in life compresses you in that noun all your life. But someone who doesn’t know what they want to have infinite things that they can explore or do. Moving in life and not being on a fixed spot. For me, not knowing what you want is exciting.” 

They’ve also developed an automatic companionship. When either one of them wanted to do something, they would call each other, clear up their schedules and go.  

Seokjin giggled as he took tangerines from the fresh produce section as he finalizes his grocery shopping with a bag of Yoongi’s favorite fruit. He smiles at a conversation they had a few days ago: 

“Okay, do you want to attend that gaming convention downtown on Wednesday?” Yoongi inquired, already scrolling for tickets on his phone.  

Seokjin was about to speak when Yoongi grunted.  

“Aish, we can’t. You have that writing activity.”  

“How’d you know that?”  

Yoongi looked up; brows furrowed as if Seokjin was purposely shitting with him. “You told me.”  

A memory suddenly unlocked from Seokjin’s day, eyes widening at bit at the memory of their conversation.  

“I only told you in passing once.”  

“What did I say? You’re the one who told me.”  

“How do you remember this, no. How do you know this?”  

“Because I know you?”  

Seokjin shook his head again, placing all his purchases in the bag. As if on cue, his phone rang. He smiled when he saw the caller ID. 

“Missed me already?” He answered. 

Yoongi snorted. “You’re the one who whined that the grocery is too far away to walk from for carrying food for seven people.” 

Seokjin chuckled. “I’ll be outside in 2 minutes” 

“I’m already here.” 

Seokjin sprint-walked towards the exit. His grin widened when he saw his favorite cat boy get out of the car wearing a suit and tie. He gasped, not expecting Yoongi to arrive in such fashion. His hair was brushed up, curls framing the right side of his face.  

“O-Oh.” 

“What?” Yoongi asked, already taking the pushcart to load the groceries on his trunk. 

“Why are you dressed so formally?” 

“Oh...I had an emergency meeting with Ikea. We’re probably manufacturing limited edition furniture for their anniversary.” 

“Oh my God, Yoongi! That’s huge!”  

“I know, I—I don’t know if my small team can handle it.” He hesitated as he loaded the bags on his trunk. “You think I should turn it down?” 

“What, no!” Seokjin flailed, almost dropping the egg tray. “Don’t be stupid and go accept it. Just add temporary workers while you manufacture the items, no need to panic.” 

“Yeah, you’re right, shit. I should call Hobi.” 

“You should, come on, I’ll drive.” 

Yoongi narrowed his eyes at Seokjin, “You can drive?” 

Seokjin rolled his eyes. “I’m 31, Yoongi. Not an infant.” 

“Just asking.” He makes his way to the passenger seat phone already dialing Hoseok’s number. 

The drive wasn’t as quiet as usual with Yoongi’s excitement brimming and Hoseok’s high-pitched laughter from the other line. He knew they would make it work.  

“So, I presume you’re telling Taehyung?” 

“Not tonight. Tomorrow, maybe. I don’t want to steal the spotlight from Jimin and Jungkook’s promotion, you know?” 

Seokjin’s hands reached for Yoongi’s; a small squeeze of appreciation made Yoongi’s heart race.  

“You’re such a good brother, Yoongi. Taehyung’s always bragged about you to Jungkookie but, seeing first-hand what you do for him when on one is looking is beyond me.” 

Yoongi’s full-on blushing now. “Well, you’re looking.” 

Seokjin lightly jabbed his arm. “Don’t make me fall in love with you.” 

“I’m not.” Yoongi mumbled. “But are you?” 

Seokjin hummed playfully, taking the final turn before arriving at their apartment.  

“Nah.” 

Yoongi saw his ears turn red. 

He’ll let Seokjin tell him in his own time, when he’s figured it out. 

When he’s ready. 

He’ll be there to catch him. 

. 

. 

. 

Dinner prep was mostly done by Seokjin, willingly letting Yoongi handle the Ikea deal with multiple phone calls as he went in and out to check on the food he’s assigned to prepare. Seokjin’s glad to see Yoongi excited about something, to venture out on something he’s usually uncomfortable about. He silently hummed to himself a tune Yoongi showed him a week ago, a lyric less melody. He said he hasn’t found anyone yet to sing the demo for this song, that it’s special to him and he didn’t want it to be just anyone. 

His hums were accompanied by the clangs of kitchenware, Yoongi typing on his laptop and his soft bass as he talked on the phone calmed Seokjin like no other. This wasn’t the first time they did something like this, but it was the first time Seokjin related this feeling to the word domestic. Them preparing dinner for their brothers’ promotion celebration, him knowing where everything was, even if this was Yoongi’s kitchen. It was something too intimate for two people who identify their relationship as friends, but Seokjin was too scared to label what goes on between them and Yoongi, when he knew he was hung up on Dae Song.  

While he was cooking and Yoongi was closing what’s possibly their big break of the year, the corner of his eye spotted his diary, neatly placed in the middle of the coffee table across the monochromatic living room. 

He was reminded of when he saw his diary on Yoongi’s bedside table one Tuesday night after he accidentally spilled Jjajangmyeon sauce on his shirt and went to borrow a shirt from Yoongi. 

He was terrified at first but, after talking it through with Yoongi, who’s repeatedly apologized to him for invading his privacy, they’ve finally taken to an understanding that it was either of their fault, that Seokjin should’ve known someone might read it when he threw it away. 

After taking a few minutes to breathe it in, Seokjin felt free. 

He’s always had to keep his true feelings in a pink notebook since he was young. Sharing his sorrows is something that’s difficult for Seokjin to put out into the world because they may possibly use it against him. Someone finally knowing the depths of him and is still willing to let him cook dinner and spend time with him has helped him open a little. Surprisingly, it didn’t scare him when he discovered that Yoongi’s realized he owned the notebook the moment he reached the part where Seokjin helped Dae Song put up the pastry shop. He explained to Yoongi how he could afford his and Jungkook’s apartment when the teaching Job just begun in a year and he’s still paying rent and all. He told him that he still shares its profits with him, even after they broke up unbeknownst to Jungkook. Yoongi said it was only fitting when it was his money that jumpstarted it in the first place, that it’s good he let a lawyer handle his money when he lent it to Dae Song. 

It was anti-climatic, how they both discovered the truth about the said diary. It was plot-twist worthy, according to Seokjin’s library of literature drilled in his brain. But somehow fitting with how their relationship’s been. It’s always exuded safe, that it didn’t need flamboyant drama all the time. 

“Hey.” 

Seokjin jerked in surprise as his thoughts whiplashed to the present. Almost dropping the ladle he used to stir the stew his making. 

“You’re really okay?” 

Yoongi was in his staple large shirt and sweatpants. Hair now long, tied up in a half ponytail, a default look he wore when he’s at home. Jungkook consistently teased him that he copied him, to where he would respond to a curse with his wide grin. Seokjin’s loved how Jungkook and Yoongi’s relationship transitioned from an annoyance to a type of fondness. He brought back to the time where his heart leapt Yoongi and Jungkook had a drinking contest where Jungkook lost. Seokjin knew it from the start being aware that he had monstrous tolerance. Yoongi took Jungkook home on his shoulder. He scolded Yoongi for it, as he lifted Jungkook off of his bad shoulder, saying he was heavy, and he can’t lift this giant muscle bunny on his own. He shrugged, told Seokjin that’s what working outs are for, making sure Jungkook was on his bed, warm and safe.  

Particularly the moment when Jungkook called them before Yoongi left the apartment.  

“Hyungie.” Jungkook called. Seokjin walked back towards him to hear what he wants, but he answered, “Not you, Yoongi-hyung.”  

Yoongi looked over Seokjin, to where he shrugged. When he approached their youngest both hyungs on either side of his bed, he grabbed their hands and spoke.  

“I’m so glad I get to have another brother. Like, a brother-brother, yknow? I hope you’ll get married so I can have two hyungs to annoy.”  

Seokjin chuckled at the memory. This brat has been assuming things about them since the new year’s. He already gave up on telling him otherwise. 

“What’s so funny?” 

“Nothing. You done?” 

“Yeah, I can fully help now.” 

“Finally, my back’s been killing me carrying the responsibility of this dinner alone.” 

“You’re so dramatic, hyung.” Yoongi chuckled and took the laddle. “Go on take a break and a bath. I’ll finish up here.” 

The boys came pair by pair, his brother brought Ha Neul in his baby carrier. They took turns in looking after their nephew, with Hoseok almost having a heart attack when Namjoon almost dropped him. Yoongi glared at Namjoon as he took him and cooed the crying child while Taehyung comforted him that it was okay. Until it was time to Ha Neul to go to bed, and they began to drink the alcohol Yoongi prepared for them while their hired nanny for the night took the baby.  

“To Jimin and Jungkook’s promotion!” 

And the drunken banter finally began. 

When everyone was too drunk already, which didn’t really take much since they don’t really drink much nowadays, Yoongi forcibly took the alcohol bottles from Taehyung and Jungkook and dragged Taehyung to the guest bedroom with Jimin, and Jungkook to the makeshift bedroom he put in his office for him and Seokjin. 

“Aish, these kids.” 

Seokjin chuckled, skin pink from the alcohol they had that night as he started to clean up. “A handful, really.” 

Yoongi opened two cans of soda, and walked over to Seokjin, who handed him the other and jerked his head towards the seats near the balcony. “I have cleaners coming in tomorrow. Don’t bother.” 

“Ah, advantages of the rich.” Seokjin jokes as he took the can. “I thought you hated capitalism.” 

“I hate cleaning up more. Just leave it, hyung.” 

They sat in silence as they watched Seoul sleep, skin again mindlessly reaching to feel the other’s warmth. Seokjin’s intrusive thoughts are extra gutsy today with Soju’s influence. 

“Yoongichi, I don’t want to jump into conclusions but...” 

“You always jump into conclusions.” Yoongi rolled his eyes, fingers again lingering on the tips of Seokjin’s skin. Seokjin knows Yoongi doesn’t realize he gravitates towards him, always finding somewhere for him to absentmindedly touch, as if he’s tethering the will to stay for a little longer.  

Being with Yoongi’s always made Seokjin want to stay for a little longer. 

“Don’t fall inlove with me, okay?” 

Yoongi froze, the tether suddenly leaving Seokjin’s surface as he digested the unexpected words that came out of Seokjin’s mouth. He knew his actions weren’t subtle, but he also knew Seokjin’s going through a lot at the moment.  

“Because I hate myself.” He continued, his turn now to tether his feelings through the vibrations in his voice to stop Yoongi from falling. He doesn’t understand why he would fall inlove him, when he knew Yoongi would fall past his cracks, he knew he couldn’t catch him when all he was were cracked remains of who he was.  “And I can’t love someone who loves the things I hate.” 

Maybe Seokjin was assuming. Yoongi himself told him that the love Seokjin knew wasn’t love. That he has this twisted way of defending ridiculous things and telling them it’s because of love. That Seokjin had to relearn what love is, and love isn’t. To him, the lines were blurred years ago. 

“You’re only 95 days older than me.” Yoongi mumbled, his fingers now back to circling the top of Seokjin’s hand. Seokjin chuckled at Yoongi’s snark, but the presence of Yoongi’s callouses reminded him that he was alive. “Don’t tell me what to do.” 

. 

. 

. 

“Hyung, Jungkook’s furious. I’ve never seen him this angry.” 

Yoongi massaged his temples in frustration. Their deadline with Ikea is fast approaching but the required batch of deliveries were nowhere near complete due to material delay. His team’s been working overtime for two weeks now and he didn’t need this right now but Jimin’s panicking and Taehyung’s out to take Ha Neul to his doctor’s appointment and Hoseok’s trying to buy time with Ikea to extend their deadlines. 

“What happened?”  

“He said that Seokjin-hyung went to the pastry shop again because Dae Song called, something about him eating food bought using a demon’s money,” An unexpected sting ran through Yoongi’s heart as he dropped the pen he was holding to focus on Jimin. “He’s not supposed to talk to him ever again. You know how Seokjin-hyung is.” 

“And?” 

“He said he didn’t want to follow him there, because he might get arrested for breaking his bone the moment he sees him.” 

“He said that?” 

“No, but I’m sure that’t the best-case scenario already. Namjoon-hyung's on the way to Jungkook now.” 

“Fucking hell.”  

Yoongi exhaled; brows furrowed in frustration as he reached out for his things. He didn’t have time for this shit now, but he can’t let Jungkook get a restraining order and Seokjin doing something he will regret later. 

“Sir, I’ll handle things from here.” Sana emerged from the door, handing him his car keys and unfinished coffee. “Go get your man.” 

Yoongi rolled his eyes, grabbing his stuff from his secretary. He was secretly relieved of her presence, knowing she could hold the fort while he’s out. “Choke them if you must. I give full authority.” 

“I’ll hold on to that.” 

. 

. 

. 

“I need to think about it.”  

Seokjin’s trembling. It’s been almost a year since he last saw Dae Song after Jungkook’s finally talked him out of breaking up with him. His instincts were pumping adrenaline to his legs, willing him to run away from him, go back to his apartment and pretend that this conversation never happened.  

But his mind convinced him to give Dae Song one last conversation, just so he would stop sending him emails thru his workmates.  

“It’ll be a good idea for the shop, Seokjin-ah.” Seokjin winced at him mentioning his name. It sounded wrong in his sharp tenor. He was used to a gentle baritone. One of his staff told him that Seokjin’s been going to the pastry shop with Min Yoongi, and with the noise of the collaboration of Ikea and Min Furniture, he wanted Seokjin to connect him and set up some sort of collaboration for the second branch they’ve been planning. About Min Furniture sponsoring them some furniture in exchange for putting their name up the store.  

Yoongi didn’t need it, since he knew that Yoongi’s Ikea Collaboration would put his name out there. He wasn’t stupid. 

“Min Furniture doesn’t have any merit on this, Dae Song-ssi.” He cleared his throat, trying to swallow the lump that’s been forming. “I don’t think Min Furniture would bother.” 

“You can ask Yoongi. You’re close, right?” 

“Ask my brother, what?”  

Seokjin’s head whipped towards the direction of Jungkook’s voice, eyes widening like saucers on his sudden appearance, with Namjoon towing behind him.  

“Jungkook, you’re not supposed to be here.” 

“I think I should, when this asshole is planning to mooch off my brothers again.” 

“Oh?” Dae Song’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know you were with Yoongi. That’ll make the discussions easier.” 

The three almost dropped their jaws on his remark.  

“Dude, I’m trying to stop him from hitting you but if you don’t shut up, I‘d probably watch.” 

Dae Song smirked. “Your brother’s getting free money from me without lifting a finger. He’d at least help in growing it.” 

“You fucking asshole mooched off of my brother’s hard work. He took on loans just to help you that we barely scraped off of paying from your so called ‘without lifting a finger’ bullshit. He did most of the work before you got here because of your idiotic business bullshit mind and we’re slowly rebuilding our life and you pretend to be this high and mighty motherfucker—“ 

“Jungkook. Stop it.” 

“I made it work, didn’t I? Now, you’re well off, getting free money not having to take additional jobs.” 

“Don’t insult my brother, you—“ 

Before Jungkook could approach him, Seokjin was already out of his seat and grabbed his brother by the arm.  

“Jungkook, it’s fine.” 

“It’s NOT hyung. The ends never justified the means. And I know about the contract.” 

Seokjin had to park his reaction later how Jungkook knew. “Jungkook please. Just go. Let hyung handle this.” 

Jungkook stopped squirming as his brother pleads through his mumbles. Already relaxing from his touch, glares never leaving Dae Song.  

“I know how you are hyung, this is the last time I'm letting this go. You already lied to me once.” 

“I know, Kookie. I’m sorry.” 

Namjoon took Jungkook’s arm. “We’ll wait in the car, hyung.” 

Seokjin nodded, eyeing Jungkook after muttering another apology.  

When the two went, Seokjin sighed back to his seat. His jitters finally left his system after his brother’s appearance.  

“As I’ve said, I need to think about it.” He resumed.  

“So, you and Min Yoongi huh? Didn’t expect that.” 

Seokjin gripped the fabric of his pants, trying to fight his instincts to defend himself from his allegations, like what he’s repeatedly done when they were together. Defending every single insecurity and fault, every single blame to him. His heart’s beating unevenly, his thoughts are spiraling, and his chest is constricting as he struggled to catch his breath.  

“No, you misunderstood.” He tried to mask his panic attack, growing. “We’re not like that.” 

“Ah, there you go again, you don’t have to lie to me, Seokjin. You ended us, remember?” 

“I—“ 

“Now, I don’t want to take up much of your time, but since you said you’d think about it, here’s my card.” Dae Song stood up to leave. “Just ring me.” 

Seokjin took a few deep breaths as he left, trying to calm his heart and immediately stood up to leave the suffocating air. 

What no one realized was, Yoongi arrived moments ago, and was seated on a nearby table, watching everything unfold. When the talks were finished, he quietly left along with Seokjin. Not letting anyone know of his presence. 

As Seokjin walked to the parking lot, he realized Dae Song was parked nearby, and was talking on the phone quite loud. 

“I told you, Bo gyeong. He’s just as fucking timid as ever. Still no backbone and still needs his baby brother to play Hero for him.”  

His voice echoed, immediately shocking Seokjin into stopping his tracks and hiding at the nearby post.  

“And he’s with Min Yoongi…yeah! That upscale furniture company that only makes limited pieces….yeah could you imagine him snagging someone like that?” 

Bo gyeong? He remembers that name. He’s been suspicious of their relationship since their 3rd year together.  

“Yeah, it was worth it. Now I’ll maybe plan on taking him to dinner and shit to convince him. I’m going to get that second branch with money only in my name so I can stop letting that spineless bastard mooching off my money. I knew the lawyer he brought in when he was lending me his money was bad news. If he didn’t, then all of the Shop’s profit should’ve gone to me when the punk broke up with me. It was a fucking breathe of relief, but I want my money.” 

Seokjin remembers Minhyuk, a young talented Lawyer that helped them draft the contract for the investment. His heart was hammering again as he heard the beeps of a car getting unlocked.  

“I’ll manipulate him again. He’s found out about you and I and still stayed with me because he’s so inlove with me. It’ll be easy to woo him back, babe.” 

It’ll be easy.   

.  

.  

.  

Those three words echoed through Seokjin’s mind during the ride home. Namjoon’s eyeing him as Jungkook drove to his apartment. Seokjin didn’t even notice him getting off and say goodbye.  

Jungkook remained quiet during the entire trip. Namjoon taught him his brother needed to process things himself first, that he should just be around until he came to.  

So that evening, Jungkook patted Seokjin’s shoulder and without a word, left for bed.  

Seokjin’s body felt like a clockwork, moving on it’s own preparing for bed while his mind repeated the same three words in his mind. He was breathing like normal and yet he can’t feel if the water running through his hands were too warm or too cold.  

It’ll be easy.  

He was fighting against it, remembering Jungkook’s words on how he’s worth the hard work for. That he has much more to offer, and that loving someone so much won’t always equate to him being taken advantage of. 

It’ll be easy.  

He was only supposed to take one pill to have enough sleep. But it makes sense right now to take about 7 more. Maybe even if he wakes up, he’ll still feel numb.  

So he took them. 

He continuously stared at the mirror until he felt himself getting the tipsy feeling of the sleeping pills working. He immediately went on his way to his bed, but the effects of the high dosage hit him like a truck and he immediately fell on the floor with a loud thud. 

When his head reached the floor, his already blurring sight landed on the shirt that hung on his bathroom door. 

Oh shit, I didn’t get to return it to Yoongi.  

Yoongi...? 

Yoongi’s going to hate him forever. 

That made his heart squeeze. 

Sorry, Yoongichi. Take care of Jungkook for me.   

His last bits of consciousness were fading, and it felt like he was back to when things were good. With Jungkook repeatedly calling his name. 

. 

. 

. 

The last 16 hours of Yoongi’s life was arguably the worst he’s ever gone through in his 30 years of life. 

Yoongi stared at Seokjin’s awoken form as he was transferred to a private room after the ER Team nursed him back to life. Jungkook’s gone home after Yoongi’s continuous scolding that he needed a shower and some sleep, that he can come back later when he’s well rested so he could handle Seokjin’s discharge the next day.  

He pitied the kid. He was 26 but still too young to handle so much stress of the choices he didn’t make. He reminds himself to be nicer to him from now on, especially when he’s seen the kid lose all his cool when it came to his brother.  

Jungkook was crying it when he called Yoongi sixteen hours ago. Now as Yoongi sat with the beeps of the heart monitor picking up from Seokjin’s nervousness, the sun was already up outside, the nurses already rotated as he noticed it was a different nurse who went in and checked up on him the moment he woke up from the one who assisted in pumping the sleeping pills out of Seokjin’s stomach. 

The emotions that lingered in him felt like a gladiator match in his brain as they fought for each other’s dominance. Anger, hurt, annoyance, worry. It all swirled around his stomach as he took a sip from the coffee Jungkook gave him before he left. It was icky already cold vendo coffee, but it did the trick as it soothed Yoongi’s winning emotion, Anger, letting Seokjin fumble on his sheets as he waited for a slight reaction from him. 

But after the warmth in his stomach cooled down, anger still prevailed over the others, anger towards him that was for Dae Song’s words he heard at the parking lot. But right now, as he watched Seokjin’s chest rise and fall, hair disheveled and usual pink lips now pale, he was hurting for Jungkook. 

Before Jungkook even said coherent sentences when he picked up his call, just 2 hours after he quietly followed them home to see if Seokjin was alright, Jungkook’s whimpers through the phone were enough to make Yoongi jump out of bed, reach for the nearest coat and whatever shoes was on the floor, take his keys and bolted out the door. Speeding through red lights across Seoul and reached their apartment half the time it usually took him, the ambulance he called on the way was already at apartment’s entrance, and Seokjin was already on a stretcher, barf on the hem of his torn shirt. His chest was red, probably from the chest compressions when they administered first aid. Seokjin was unconscious still, his lips grey with charcoal.  

Yoongi felt his heart squeeze dry.   

Jungkook was panicking and crying when Yoongi snapped out of his stare when the ambulance door was snapped shut, taking Seokjin to the nearest hospital. Immediately jogging to his side, Yoongi took Jungkook’s shoulders to get his attention.   

“Jungkook, it’s cold. Come on, change into something warmer.”  

“Hyung, S-Seokjin-hyung h-he,” Jungkook was in a fit of sobs, his face pink from the orchestra of emotions running through his mind. “H-his lips we-were b-blue, h-he wasn’t answer-answering m-me.”  

“Jungkook,” Yoongi shook him. “You need to come in you’ll get hypothermia.”  

“Hyung he-he took s-so m-many pills. I- I was taking a long b-bath because my-my legs ached and I wanted t-to soak them in wa-warm water. We didn’t talk when we got home because I wanted to give him space, and then I heard a loud thud. It was full of bubbles, oh God. His face was different, how could I not n-notice?”  

Yoongi bit his lip, he can’t keep up with the emotions that was consuming him as he heard what Seokjin had done. But his instincts told him to tend to the younger one in front of him.  

“Jungkook, we need to go inside. You need a coat.”  

“N-no, hyung’s. I need to go to my hyung.”  

“I’ll take you to Seokjin, but first go get changed.”  

“N-no, I have to go now.”  

Already annoyed, the adrenaline still lingering in his veins was able to shake Jungkook and forced him to look at him.  

“Look, Jungkook. We’re going to your brother. He’s going to be fine, the doctors arrived just in time. I will drive you to him, because for the love of God I will not be taking you to the hospital in a stretcher too. I don’t have legal grounds to be either of yours's guardian. We’d have to tell your parents. I know Seokjin-hyung would hate us if we did. I know it would break your mother’s heart so we need to handle this now. Now, listen to me. Let’s go get you a coat, your toes are already turning blue.”  

Jungkook took less than a minute to get his jacket and put on warmer boots. Yoongi sped through the road again, not minding the snow on the concrete. Jungkook was still in a daze on their drive to the hospital, letting Jungkook get off first, watching the younger sprint while he went to look for parking.   

When he arrived at the bed where Seokjin was being treated, Jungkook was already on the floor, crying as two nurses gripped his shoulders. He wasn’t fighting when he arrived, but he knew that he insisted on coming nearer when he saw where his reddened eyes were focused. Multiple pairs of hands were tending to Seokjin, a tube being stuck in his throat and the pump being prepared by the nurses. An I.V. was quickly injected into his bloodstream, medications injected into his veins to neutralize the fatal effects of overdose. His shirt was ripped as the doctor barked orders towards everyone.   

His heart rate was getting slower as Yoongi’s quickened.  

He’s never been this scared all his life. Even when Taehyung’s energetic ass falling from one of the trees they liked to climb as children and broke his knee. No, this was on another level.  

The doctors immediately acted on his heart rate’s decline, pumping on his chest while the fluids in his stomach was filling the bottle, in Yoongi’s full view.  

Seokjin was getting redder, chest heaves are getting stronger to help his heart. He was worried if he’d already broken his ribs from the pressure. How he’d let him whine and tell him to do shit for him because he had a broken rib. He just had to get through this.  

Jungkook was crying harder now, gripping Yoongi’s jacket for dear life, as their hyung was fighting for his life.   

67  

65  

62  

Stop lowering, fight, Seokjin, damn it.  

59  

58  

God, please.  

56  

Please.  

56  

Yoongi’s knees were on the brink of collapsing as he begged in his mind.   

56  

Please.  

56  

God, I love him, please don’t do this to me.  

56  

56  

57  

59  

60  

63  

67  

Yoongi exhaled as the number rose on the screen, the doctors obviously relaxing beside him, watching the heart rate monitor reach a safe level for a few hands to be able to leave him, ending up with a couple of pairs, ensuring his stomach was pumped completely. When the attending physician approached them, Jungkook immediately ran to him.  

“He’ll survive.” The Doctor gestured towards Jungkook. “We’re almost done pumping out his stomach. Afterwards, we’ll just monitor his blood every hour for 4 hours to make sure we’re on track of the sleeping pills’ effects on him. He’ll have to stay for a few days, though, as this seems to be intentional due to the amount he ingested so we’d provide strong recommendations for him to see another therapist.”  

“Thank you, Doctor.”  

The Doctor patted Jungkook’s shoulder. “Don’t worry kid, he’ll survive this one too.”  

The doctor’s voice was ringing through Yoongi’s ears, heart swelling from relief and mind storming in his self-confession.  

He knew it already.  

But admitting it to himself was an entirely different battle.  

.  

. 

. 

“Where’s Jungkook?” 

Yoongi’s eyes shot up when he heard his voice, seeing his strained face and bags under his eyes.  

“He went home.” Anger started to bubble once the worry slowly faded. “Had to threaten him so he would take a shower and some sleep.” 

It remained quiet after that, with the white noise of some variety show on TV, Yoongi remained seated as the clock ticked. After a few minutes passed, Seokjin spoke. 

“That night, when you saw me at my birthday eve, I was planning to kill myself too, then.” Seokjin confessed as he fumbled through itchy thin hospital sheets on his lap after he wrote his script of explanation in his mind in those few minutes. “It’s what I wished for, for everything to end because I couldn’t take it, until you stole it.” 

Yoongi’s jaw remained clenched. That day felt like eons ago. Seokjin’s guilty expression vexxed him. If he were so guilty, why would he go through the attempt? Why would he put his brother into such a state of helplessness if he’d be guilty about it anyways? 

“And then you came.”  

Yoongi looked towards him, he couldn’t keep up with how four words made his anger freeze in hell. 

Seokjin smiled, not meeting Yoongi’s eyes. “I’ve told you countless times not to fall in love with me because I hate myself, but to after I’ve digested that thought, I just wanted to save you from me.” 

Yoongi didn’t comment, as he knew the night before that it’s already too late. He didn’t want to pressure Seokjin into convincing him to look at his direction. Instead, he decided on, “Sorry to break your monologue but Seokjin-hyung, you couldn’t hurt a fly if you wanted to.” 

“But I’m hurting, and I-” Seokjin sighed, fists still on his blanket. “It hurts. It hurts a lot. I don’t want to burden anyone else with this pain that I’m aware I inflicted on myself because my rose-colored glasses failed to see the obvious. So, I wanted to keep it to myself, bring it with me, so I won’t hurt anymore nor anyone else. I’ve already saved up enough so that Jungkook won’t have to pay for rent because we already own the apartment, money from the pastry shop wired to him when I pass, my insurance to my parents, everything was all set. It was what I was working to the bone for since...Dae Song and I split.” 

Anger was bubbling again, to which Yoongi welcomed this time with a click of his tongue. “So, you’d let your brother take the burden and the blame with him until he himself would think the same? I think you two fail to realize how similar you are.” 

“I would never blame Jungkook.” 

“And Jungkook would never blame you. Have you no idea how much your brother adores you?” 

“I know.” Seokjin didn’t respond further than that, which made Yoongi guilty, realizing he’s gaslighting Seokjin, same with what he did to himself years before he met Namjoon. 

“I-” Yoongi ran his fingers through his hair. “Jungkook is a smart boy. He knows it’s never his fault, and it’s a burden to you too. I’m sorry that this is something you’re going through, but such a burden is to be shared. All Jungkook needs is to know. He’s smart, but he’s no fortune teller.” 

“I, I don’t know, Yoongi. I don’t know what to do with my wounds. I feel so stupid to feel this way because of him.” 

“Wound will never heal if you don’t stop touching them.” Yoongi mumbled, just enough for Seokjin to hear as he saw Jungkook’s message that he’s already in the parking lot. “Scabs won’t grow over it if you don’t leave it alone.” 

Yoongi hesitated, but continued. 

“You also must acknowledge that what you’ve gone through to have reached this point, was not something anyone deserves, Seokjin-hyung. No one’s devoted love deserves to be used so poorly like yours was.” Yoongi sighed, still sitting still. “And you also need to accept that you let him. And with what you did yesterday, and last night, you let him get to you again. I hope you’d stop doing that. My words may have no bearing to you, but at least do this for Jungkook. I’ve never seen him so scared.” 

“And it’s the same boy who watches horror movies to fall asleep.” 

“You can’t raise a menace and leave him alone to pester our lives. We need you to blame for his cheekiness.” 

Seokjin chuckles. “I hear you, Yoongi.” 

“Try to listen next time.” 

Seokjin rolled his eyes.  

The last few minutes we silent as they waited for Jungkook to arrive after signing his Mental Assessment papers and therapy recommendations. He arrived finally a full 40 minutes after his message to Yoongi, in tow their dinner for the night.  

Dinner was suffocating with words that Yoongi spoke and words that Jungkook was yet to speak. It didn’t take Yoongi more than 15 minutes to finish dinner and retire for the night, not forgetting to tell Jungkook to message him if he needed anything. 

When Yoongi finally left, Jungkook cleaned up and stared at Seokjin’s resting form. His eyes were closed under his dextrose arm. 

“Hyung.” 

“Yoongi already scolded me.” Seokjin whined. 

Jungkook giggled softly, and layed down beside him embracing his brother softly, avoiding his bruised chest from the compressions. “I know.” 

“He was angry.” 

“I know. But he stayed to make sure you were fine so I could go home and rest.” 

“He did?” 

“Even lent me his Benz.” 

“You brat.” 

“Hyung, really.” Jungkook began while Seokjin braced himself. “You need to let him go.” 

“I already let him go.” 

“Until your hung up on that pastry shop and still has that contract tied to you, you can’t move forward.” 

“Then I’ll end it.” 

“Get the ownership. It practically runs itself. The team loves you more than Dae Song anyways.” 

“Just give me time.” 

“Yoongi-hyung has a legal team. He can help.” 

“I don’t want to burden him. It’s not his fight.” 

“How is it a fight when you’re not even fighting?” 

"Jungkook, you don’t understand.” 

“I’m 26, hyung, I’m not a child anymore. You don’t need to protect me from these anymore.” 

“I don’t want you to suffer from the consequences of decisions you did not make.” 

“How will you ever understand that I’m not suffering as long as it’s to help you, hyung? Are you really underestimating me that much?” 

“I’m not-” 

Jungkook wrapped his arms around Seokjin as they watched the children play in the advertisement on the TV.  

“I’m sorry, Jungkookie.” 

“You say that a lot.”  

“I feel it a lot.” 

“But you just keep on doing it, hyung. I’m having a hard time sleeping now. What if I sleep too deeply that I won’t be able to save you next time?” 

. 

. 

. 

It was a Thursday when Yoongi saw Dae Song again. 

Yoongi forced himself to not remember his name, weeks after Seokjin filed a Leave of Absence from his work to recover. He was around most days, visiting after work to check up on him and his meals while Jungkook was out for work. Seokjin repetitively declined his help, and he just kept on giving him a dead stare until he stopped and let him be there for him. They barely talked about Dae Song, but that one photo on Seokjin’s forgotten nightstand was enough to engrave his face into his memory. Yoongi realizes that faces never really tell who a person is. The man in the photo who had his arms wrapped around Seokjin had a kind face. The type children will ask directions for when they got lost.  

You wouldn’t think he was a monster. 

Yoongi is reminded that the pastry shop he met Seokjin at was the same shop that he owned, which was why Jungkook told him he thinks that Seokjin’s punishing himself by being there. At that same moment, Yoongi mentally kicked himself for not realizing sooner that the budding doubt in him that the Diary he was Seokjin’s. It matched too well from the start. Jungkook, Konkuk, his Linguistics degree, Dae Song.  His anger doesn’t wane as he watched Dae Song go by his day as if he didn’t completely mess with someone’s entire self-worth. It shook Yoongi to the core, but it also scared him at some point.  

Because how much of a monster that man be to cause Seokjin to be how he is now and do something as desperate as taking his own life? 

Seokjin, the Seokjin that gave him something to wake up for. Something to look forward to on this bland cruise called life.  

Seokjin, who was someone who didn’t want to exist and refused to love and be loved, gave him a reason to be around. Gave his heart a reason to thump besides the effort to keep his miniscule body alive. His existence made Yoongi breathe voluntarily, like breathing is a want he’s willing to do, not a need. 

Seokjin who was so miserable, so sad that it turned him mad. 

Upon his hospital discharge, Seokjin begged Yoongi to not make things worse. To just let Dae Song go and he’ll handle this on his own. Yoongi wanted to respect Seokjin’s decision but, Yoongi’s anger was too far gone to ignore. 

He finally called someone to investigate Dae Song for any dirt he could use against him. Taxes, infidelities, anything illegal he could use to invoke his ownership of the shop and finally handing the ownership to Seokjin.  

Back when they were waiting for Seokjin to be discharged, Jungkook showed Yoongi the contract they had when they put up the pastry shop. That Seokjin will be the immediate owner once Dae Song is deemed not fit. 

It was official, and he asked his legal team if it is truly doable. With that greenlight and the financial reports Yoongi mustered in a short week, he had all he needed to set up a meeting with Dae Song without Seokjin knowing. 

He wasn’t sure how he’ll talk to Seokjin in the future about this matter, but Jungkook agrees. The pastry shop was the only thing that kept their communications alive.  

However, Yoongi had to do it alone. Jungkook apologetically asked Yoongi to take Seokjin under his wing for a few months, where their dance team was scouted to dance for a globally known artist where he shrugged and said it’s not big deal.  

Yoongi didn’t leave even after Seokjin slammed his bedroom door to his face. He cannot risk another episode while Jungkook was out of the city on last minute rehearsals for their tour in 2 months. He took the food he brought and stayed in the living room until he fell asleep on the couch.  

He was woken up with bouts of screaming. Jungkook warned him of the nightmares he would have, where he kept the spare key for his brother’s room for emergencies like this. He found the keys, dropped everything and woke him up, wiping the endless tears that’s overflowing on his cheeks with his whimpers of “ It was my fault, I was a bad boyfriend.” “He only did those things because he loved me and didn’t want to lose me.” Yoongi didn’t realize his damp cheeks and quivering lips as he stroked his hair while he tried to comfort his nightmares away.  

“Daesongie loved me, okay? Don’t, don’t listen to that diary, it was all from my point of view. He, he reacted that way because he cared, and he loved me.” Seokjin murmured; skin red from crying. “He was so angry because he cared, and he cared because he loved me. That’s why he slapped me, or said those words. It was my fault; I shouldn’t have hung out with my friends, or wore that button downs I liked, I— “ 

Seokjin froze as Yoongi’s arms wrapped around his shoulders, hands gripping the opposite ends of it, his head resting on his crown. 

“Hyung, the reason he hit you, it wasn’t because you were bad. If they say—“ Yoongi’s heart was breaking as Seokjin froze to his touch, his courage rushing through his veins, giving him adrenaline. “If you think he hit you because he loved you, he’s nothing but a fucking liar.” 

“He’s not, he’s—“ 

Yoongi’s arms tightened around Seokjin, feeling warm tears drip on his forearms. “If they loved you, truly loved you,” His hands gripped tighter, as if the tips of his fingers leaving indents on Seokjin’s stick thin body would make him understand. “This is what they would do.” 

He hugged him and patted his back until Seokjin’s nightmare infested heart calmed down. 

“Hyung, let yourself feel, until you’re ready to let it go.” 

Seokjin climbed down the bed and sat there, elbows to his knees, head in hands. Yoongi stayed in Seokjin’s bed, tethering again with his fingers. But this time, it doesn’t seem to reach Seokjin. 

“It hurts a lot. But I'll keep it to myself, so I don’t hurt anybody else.” Seokjin mumbled.  

Yoongi sighed. He knew. Of course he did, he’s a genius. A Linguistics Professor who probably had read hundreds of romance novels to know the signs.  

“I told you to not fall in love with me.” 

“I think I also told you to fuck off.” 

Seokjin giggled. “Well, are you?” 

Ah, he also knew that Seokjin never assumes unless otherwise stated. A defense mechanism that grew in him after Dae Song.  

“No.” 

. 

. 

. 

Jungkook was back for a weekend on a short break, letting Yoongi take a break and go home. But because of Seokjin’s consistent nightmares and his anger bouts, it also took its toll on Yoongi to see him like that during early mornings.  

He finally understood what those alarms were for. That Seokjin’s switch activates when it’s early morning, when he sees the clock striking a certain hour, a trauma response, Namjoon says.  

He discovered that it was during the early mornings when no one was looking, was when Dae Song would abuse Seokjin mentally, through words and allegations, belittling his own efforts to improve himself and grow as the beautiful person he is. So, Seokjin forces himself to sleep before 2AM, so that he doesn’t have to remember it again, so he doesn’t have to go through that again. 

Drinking with Namjoon felt like a chore to Yoongi sometimes. He never let any of their conversations down and was the first person to know that Yoongi loved Seokjin through his ‘obvious cues’ as he called it. Namjoon’s annoyingly accurate predictions and observations made Yoongi feel seen, and he’s always hated being seen. 

But tonight, it was a little different. 

“He’s just so gorgeous. I can’t believe he thinks someone like him is hideous. He has the biggest heart I know.” Yoongi ranted as he chugged the last few gulps of the Soju bottle he has. Namjoon already took Hoseok to their room to sleep, as his boyfriend can’t handle alcohol to save his life.  

“He needs someone like you to remind him.” 

“Namjoon-ah I don’t,” Yoongi trailed as the overwhelming realization that he loved Seokjin filled his lungs as if it were the nicotine he’s consistently injected in the air he inhales. It’s the small collective moments of Seokjin etched in Yoongi’s heart until his lungs gave out and stopped functioning. But instead of him suffocating, he felt like for the first time since he could think, he could breathe. “I don’t care what he needs from me. For him, he could have it all.” 

“Yoongi..” Namjoon shook his head in a feeling he can’t explain for the first time. It was obvious to him how Yoongi felt, but it was also obvious how Seokjin rejects it, even if he feels the same.  

“I want to wash all the dishes we used for dinner not only on Tuesdays, settling two cups, two plates, two pairs of chopsticks. I want to do laundry for the both of us, I love the quiet moments of anticipation when I know he’s coming over, as if he lives in my house. How giddy I feel when I imagine him coming home and kicking his shoes on that corner pile by my door, also containing his pairs of shoes. Our mugs, one pink and one dark blue and watch Seokjin drink from the Dark Blue one just because he says the coffee tastes better in it.” Yoongi’s chuckle was forced, his throat wanted to beg instead. “He doesn’t even like coffee that much.” 

“You should tell him.” 

“Don’t you think I haven’t?” Yoongi’s frustrated sigh reached his heart. He’s been enduring, pleading, that Seokjin would finally open up. He hated how he understood that he needed all the time he could get, especially after seeing him in that state, inside his home, without his best foot forward, any day except Tuesday. 

“People like him...” Namjoon trailed; eyes serious as they met Yoongi’s torn ones. “They need to be told. In words, not in deeds.” 

“I won’t always have the words to pull him back to the dark.” 

“But you have those God-like hands to hold him together, sit with him until it passes. You’ve always been proud that you’re good with your hands.”  

Yoongi’s lips pursed a smile as he looked at his hands.  

“He needs to be told, hyung.” Namjoon insisted. “And then after that, he’ll recognize it when he feels it again.” 

Yoongi nodded, mincing Namjoon’s words stroke by stroke. He needed to tell him. 

“And it’s a bonus point hyung’s gorgeous.” Namjoon joked, lightening the mood as Yoongi’s gums sprawled on display, punching Namjoon’s shoulder lightly as the younger let out a throaty laugh.  

“It’s not like that.” 

“I know.” Namjoon’s laughs died down. “I know his face is the last thing you look at.” 

“I could’ve fallen in love with him with my eyes closed.” 

. 

. 

. 

Jungkook’s hands were clammy as he walked towards Dae Song’s pastry shop, knowing that he was there. Yoongi was trailing behind him; strides calm but eyes burning in determination. This was it, their final strike before they officially burn Dae Song down.  

“You need to calm down, Jungkook.” Yoongi reminded as he watched the younger fume. “I don’t want to have to bail you out of prison for attacking someone.” 

“How can you be so calm, knowing all the shitty things Dae Song has done?” 

“I’m not. If any, I’m as angry as you. But I don’t want to dirty my hands with the likes of him, and that must be the same for you.” Yoongi insisted on gritted teeth. “I’m already angering your brother with what we’ll do. I don’t want him to murder me for letting you do something you’ll regret later.” 

When the door rang announcing their arrival, Dae Song’s expression immediately darkened. As he jerked his head towards the back office, the two followed and immediately striked the conversation.  

“You bastard.” Jungkook initiated, slamming the documents on the table across him. “Embezzlement, scams, deals behind the co-owner's back. These are just few of what we found.” 

“Do you know I could throw you out for trespassing and obstruction of business for barging in here. Now you’re defaming me!” 

Yoongi snorted and slapped a piece of paper on Dae Song’s chest. “This is a restraining order for you, asshole. You can never bother Seokjin again. And this?” He gestures on Dae Song’s apron with the pastry shop’s logo, taking a pair of scissors on the table, cutting the ropes even after Dae Song’s protests and slamming the apron on the floor. “Consider this pastry shop Seokjin’s. It’s you who’s trespassing. I suggest you leave.” 

“You-!” Dae Song lunges towards Yoongi, but was unable to reach him as Jungkook immediately mediated between the two, and pushing him hard enough that he fell on the floor. 

“You should be fucking thankful that my brother is the kindest person in the world. I haven’t beaten you until your bastard of a boyfriend can’t recognize you but I have respect for my brother’s wishes, unlike you.” Jungkook’s fists were shaking in anger, his eyes were wide and threatening. “My brother has sacrificed so much for you, and all you’ve ever given him was pain he never deserved.” 

“It was your brother who turned his back on me!” 

“It was you who hurt my brother, and I almost lost him!” Jungkook was crying now. His anger was too much to bear and Yoongi patted his shoulder to remind him again. “I almost lost the most important person in my life, just because a monster like you couldn’t see how much he deserves the world and more.” 

Yoongi squeezed Jungkook’s shoulder in comfort, as if telling him that he’s here. That everything’s going to be okay.  

“And these?” Jungkook picked up the envelope from the table and threw it towards Dae Song’s quivering chest. “May you rot in jail, asshole. I’ll make sure you’ll never get out of there.” 

The panicked mumbles from outside was Yoongi’s cue to go out, and signalled the police to where the culprit was. When the policemen filed in, taking the protesting Dae Song out of the floor and into the police car, Jungkook’s finally melted into the floor, sobs growing louder as Yoongi closed the door behind him.  

He approached the younger, wrapping his arms around him as he clung to his jacket, letting all of the hurt and anger that has been bottled up in Jungkook for months.  

“Seokjin-hyung’s safe. You did it, Jungkook-ah.” Yoongi comforted against Jungkook’s hair as he patted his back. “No one can hurt him anymore.” 

“Hyung’s-” Jungkook stuttered through his words. “Hyung’s okay now.” 

“He will be.” Yoongi assured him. “You don’t have to be scared to sleep now, Jungkook-ah. Seokjin’s going to be fine.” 

. 

. 

. 

"He’s fine, Jungkook. I’m just fixing the chair...no, he didn’t hurt himself.” Yoongi mumbled through the call, his good shoulder against his ear as he talked to Jungkook while he fixed the dining room chair Seokjin kicked out of anger from his episode. “He’s already calmed down....yes, I see him. He’s sitting right across me...Yes, okay, I know, we’ll be there on your final Leg in Seoul. Okay, good luck. I’ll tell Seokjin to call you when he’s stable.” 

When the call ended, Seokjin was staring at the stack of papers in front of him. Yoongi expected him to be furious when he handed him an envelope, containing that he’s won the trial, and that Jungkook signed the authority over to Yoongi to handle the proceedings of the plea of Dae Song breaching the contract they signed years ago.  

Yoongi’s ego didn’t let him feel bad for meddling in Seokjin’s personal business. He let him be angry at him, even expecting to receive a punch or two, but it never came. All he heard was Seokjin’s anger, ranting on how he can handle his own bullshit life, and then kicking the chair hard enough to get its screws out, spraining his ankle in the process.  

Yoongi was silent throughout, knowing the consequences of his and Jungkook’s actions. He helped bandage his ankle, even with Seokjin cursing at him until finally giving in when he gave him a wordless stare. After that, not a word left Seokjin’s mouth, eyes never left the pieces of paper sprawled at the table of what’s supposed to be, his freedom.  

When Yoongi decided that he would use all he has to set Seokjin free, he fully understood the possibility of losing him in the process. He knew that it’s not a small percentage, but he believed that it’s what’s right and that Seokjin deserves to move forward, even if he has to leave him behind.  

He’s fully aware, and he’s okay with it. It will hurt, but Seokjin’s eventual healing and happiness comes first.  

Again, he’d do anything for Seokjin’s smile to reach his eyes one day. 

It’s such a waste of a beautiful face for it to not to. 

After a few replacements of screws and a fresh coat of wood glue, the chair was good as new. Yoongi dialed Jimin to ask if he could stay the night in his stead, full knowing that Seokjin needs to process this and he’s the last person he wants to see after what happened. 

“I’ll just wait for Jimin to come so he can accompany you.” 

No reply. 

“I’m not going to apologize, hyung. When all this settles down, you’ll understand why Jungkook helped me do this. Why I decided to help, even when I knew that it’d meant losing you.” 

“I’m not some goddamn project for you to finish, Yoongi.” Seokjin retorted. “You’re not some Bob the Builder who has to fix everything he sees.” 

“You’re not, you’re not a project.” Yoongi perks, setting his coat on the kitchen table in preparation to leave. 

“I’m not some hobby you’d pick up from the local doughnut shop to help fix just because you’re bored and listless.” 

“You’re not.” Yoongi chastised, his palms rubbing on his eyes in frustration, unable to formulate words to instill Seokjin that he was more than a thing for him.  

“Yoongi-yah, what-” Seokjin broke another sob, his face was red and his ears were scarlet, his eyes look like it would budge right off its socket on the emotions he’s been working so hard in concealing. Yoongi still thought he was the most goddamn beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on. “What do you want from me?” 

“I don’t know, Hyung.”  

Seokjin laughed bitterly, already collecting the documents on the table along with the sand like remnants of his heart from the floor. Yoongi watched him collect his pieces and he still thought he was still the most goddamn beautiful thing in his life.  

“Anything,” He continued, earning a chortle in between Seokjin’s choked sobs. “Everything. I just, I want you.” 

Seokjin’s eyes were bloodshot, like Yoongi’s words were the bullets he’s always wanted to lodge in his brain but instead of dying, it was as if his words gave him the chance his heart craved for. The chance for another life, to be reborn. 

“I want to hold you when your nightmares are back to break you. Even if looking at you makes me want to cry, if I’d have to be dehydrated from crying just to see you, I want to see you every minute of the goddamn day. Even if your smile never reaches your eyes, if it’s the most that you could give me, it’s enough. Enough for me to know that deep down, you’re trying. Fuck, I can’t,” Yoongi wasn’t crying, there were no tears, but as he watched Seokjin’s face break into millions of emotions, he kind of wanted to. If it helps to get his point across Seokjin’s clouded hate for himself. Despite, in spite, he loved him. All this time.  “I can’t lose you, Hyung. God, I can’t. I thought I could, as long as I could give you the freedom you deserve, even just a piece of it. I want to at least take one burden off your chest. But I...I want to help you piece yourself back together, even if it takes decades. I want you to let me.” 

Seokjin didn’t stop collecting his things, but his movements felt like forever to finish, seconds felt like years.  

“I want to be there to hand you your allergy medicine, I want to be the one to hold your hand when you start biting into them, be the one to receive your punches and your slaps when everything is too much for you to bear, to treat your wounds when you’ve yet broken another plate. Fuck, break all my furniture, hyung. It’s what these goddamn hands are for.” 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Yoongi.” Seokjin reasoned, his voice in a childish whine. “I don’t want to pull you through hell for me. If the world sees me happy, it’ll take it away from me. I want to be happy, I want to be with you. But the moment the world sees me happy, they’ll take you away from me as painful as possible.” 

“What’s so different from what we’re doing now?” Yoongi countered; his earlier tongue tie long forgotten. “You’re already taking me away from you by not letting me be there for you.” 

“I’m impossible to be around.” 

“I’ve been orbiting around you since the first time I saw you, hyung.” Yoongi’s pale face now pink in anger. It scared Seokjin, he wanted to run, he wanted to kneel before Yoongi and apologize for not being the person he deserved. “You’re not as impossible as you think. And if you were, I don’t care. I’m ready since the day I realized I love you.”  

“All you’re going to get are the broken pieces of me, Yoongi-yah. You deserve someone whole.” 

“Your pieces are the ones that’ll make me whole.” Yoongi reasoned. “I don’t want someone whole; I want you.” 

All Seokjin could say in return was another fit of sobs.  

“Just you, hyung. Not what you could offer. That’s bullshit, I don’t want you to sacrifice anything for me. Just let me sit by your side with your madness and whatever you call it, I don’t care. Even if you think that all you’ll do is take. I’ll pave the road to worship you on until you’re able to give. I can do it, as long as it’s you.” 

Seokjin couldn’t digest Yoongi’s confession. He’s always had to be someone for someone. Always had to bend and break his bones to fit into someone else’s narrative of him and who he has to be. Yoongi knelt in front of Seokjin’s frozen frame, equally shaking hands on his and the pieces of paper on his first step to be free. Seokjin’s eyes still brimming in tears, Yoongi’s brimming in love for him. For Seokjin himself, not for the Seokjin he wants him to be. The Seokjin that Yoongi loves, the Seokjin that Seokjin hates. 

Despite and in spite. 

Seokjin dropped his belongings from his hands and palms Yoongi’s ratty shirt he refuses to throw away, resting his forehead on his neck, inhaling his tangerine aftershave and the salt from his tears.  

Smithereen by smithereen, he can feel his heart mend.  

And all it took was for Yoongi to want him more than he wants himself. 

. 

. 

. 

The next morning, he watches Seokjin eat through his cereal while he mentally curses that he’s supposed to give him the world. He promised to give Seokjin the world hours ago and yet here he was, scraping off burnt bacon on his pan while Seokjin munched on some shitty cereal he had at the back of the cupboard and it’s so frustrating. He was supposed to give him the best breakfast, as thanks for letting him in. As thanks for letting him see a side of him that only he had the privilege to see. 

Yoongi wanted to cry that morning, he was livid, he hasn’t had Seokjin for more than 12 hours and he’s already fucked up. 

“Yoongi-yah, you’re hurting the pan.” Seokjin muttered in a giggle. Gathering all his strength to look at him without letting him know of the tears begging to form in his eyes, he finally was able to. 

And when he looked over, he was met by the sincerest look he’s ever received his entire life. 

“Thank you for making me breakfast, Yoongichi. No one has ever poured cereal in a bowl for me.” 

He thought Seokjin was kidding. He must be mocking him, isn’t he? 

But the moment Seokjin’s gorgeous, full, pink, i want to kiss it right now, lips upturned, the dam broke. 

His smile finally reached his eyes. 

“I wanted to make you an actual breakfast, hyung.” 

“I know. I can smell it from here.” He teased. “This is the best breakfast I had in years, Yoongichi.” 

Yoongi’s eyes softened, frustrations melting in the sincerity in Seokjin’s voice. “Really?” 

“Really.” Seokjin grinned, resting his spoon on the dark blue bowl he’s grown fond of. “Can I get seconds?” 

Yoongi chuckled, turning off the stove. 

The full english breakfast can wait. They have infinite mornings to spend together anyways. 

. 

. 

. 

“No.” 

“Hyung, come on, please?” 

“I said no, Jungkook.” 

“But Autumn Leaves is a perfect song for the play I’m writing!!” 

“Autumn Leaves is unfinished and will remain in my computer, Jungkook.” 

“It’s complete already I know! It’s already perfect, hyung. Please?” 

“No.” Yoongi’s still not meeting his eyes.  

“I think you’re saying yes wrong, hyung.” Jimin chuckled, looking over Taehyung and Ha Neul playing with the blocks Yoongi got for Ha Neul’s first birthday. It's been 8 months since Seokjin and Yoongi got together (“Finally.” Jungkook said.) and life has been quite peaceful for them, besides Seokjin being back in therapy, Jungkook and Jimin coming back from their dance company’s tour and Taehyung’s back to painting and has an exhibition coming up.  

“I’m pretty sure I’m saying No, correctly.” Yoongi rolled his eyes as he continues to type on his laptop, selecting some of Taehyung’s works to be part of yet another limited collection of furnitures in production in Spring. “Taehyung-ah, can you come here?” 

Jimin automatically stood up to switch places with Taehyung as he stood up to see what Yoongi’s needed him for. Yoongi finally looked up at them, inwardly grinning at how synergic they were since becoming parents, and how they are so amazing at it, even when at times he had to comfort Taehyung in his mental breakdowns on how he was a bad father.  

“Yeah, hyung?” 

“This pattern you painted,” He begun as he clicked through photos of Taehyung’s portfolio. “I need your permission so I can use this as a statement couch piece.” 

“Sure I mean-” Taehyung suddenly blinked. “Wait, what?” 

Yoongi looked up at him nonchalantly, blinking toward his surprise. “What?” 

“We’re really doing the collab?” 

“Why not? The recent ones I saw in your studio were the best ones you’ve done yet. I don’t see why not?” 

“That’s great, Taehyungie-hyung. Min Vante Collab!” Jungkook blurted, nose scrunching in excitement. “Min Vante today, Agust D x JK soon.” 

“You’re pushing it, kid.” 

“Aw, come on, hyung! I’ll pay your royalties!” 

“That’s the weakest argument you’ve had. I think your infinite ‘Come ons’ have more traction than royalty fees, Kookie.” Jimin ruffled Jungkook’s hair as he carried Ha Neul on his other arm. “Yoongi hyung is the richest among us.” 

Jungkook’s phone rang. Seeing the caller ID, he perks up and looks at Yoongi devilishly, earning a confused eyebrow raise from the older. He stood up to answer the call away from everyone, few minutes, coming back with a huge grin on his face and a confident strut towards Yoongi, pressing his phone on Loudspeak.  

“Yoongichi, give the kid the song.” 

Yoongi sighs, glaring at Jungkook’s smug grin.  

“Hyung, it’s my song. Why does it seem I’m the one who’s pressured here?” 

“Because I know the only reason why you won’t give him the song is because you’re a perfectionist ass who’s never satisfied with your songs when they’re already perfect.” 

You’re an ass. Yoongi mouths to Jungkook. The younger giggles in response.  

“Don’t mouth obscenities to my little brother, Yoongi.” Seokjin’s voice through the phone was all knowing, as he rolled his eyes in response. “And give him the song. I’ve listened to it and it’s already perfect.” 

“Hyung.” Yoongi sighed exhasperated. 

“Jungkook-ah, I’ll give you the file when I finish up. I know his laptop password.” 

“Ya, this is illegal!” 

“We’ll credit you, stop spewing jargon on me. It’s sexy.” 

“Ew.” Jungkook immediately ends the phone call, walking away in a slight skip on winning the argument on the song choice. “Ohh, the choreography I’ve already thought up.” 

“Whipped.” Taehyung shook his head at his older brother who was grinning as he shook his head. 

“As if you didn’t purposely spilled food on your clothes because you know Jimin would help you.” 

“So it WAS intentional.” Jimin teased. 

“Ya, hyung!!” Taehyung protested. “The bowl was hot!” 

“Sure, and your skin wasn’t even red when you asked for my extra shirt.” 

“Why is everyone pinning against me today?!” 

“Ap!” 

Everyone froze at the sudden giggling Ha Neul in Jimin’s arms, eyes widening into saucers and Taehyung’s slowly growing gape. 

“Did he just-” Jungkook rushed towards the living room, beer in tow. 

“Do it again, angel.” Jimin encouraged. “Say ‘Appa’” 

“A-” Ha Neul struggled to form his words, eyeing Taehyung’s already tearing eyes in hesitation. “Ap- pa!” 

“That’s right! We’re your Appas!” Taehyung encouraged, crying and laughing while he stared at Jimin’s already pink eyes. “Again, baby, one more time.” 

“Ap pa! Ap! Pa!” Ha Neul giggled at the attention he was receiving from everyone in the room. 

While his brother’s family huddled together, Yoongi was already filming the interaction, overjoyed at his nephew’s first word and being present at his family’s milestones. He immediately sent the video to Seokjin, following it with a caption, 

Consider the Royalties to Autumn Leaves, paid.  

. 

. 

. 

“What do you mean you just want to stay in for your birthday?” Seokjin flailed at Yoongi’s unbothered expression when he asked what he wanted to do for his birthday. He knew Yoongi’s not hell bent on celebrating things related to his own achievements, but Seokjin, who’s always been the one to drag him to places would not accept such a boring plan. “You’re turning 32! 32 and dating a 10. That’s me, obviously. It should be celebrated!” 

“It’s a hassle, hyung. Besides, our parents are in Japan, doing some deals and all. I’ve already had 31 birthdays, what’s wrong with skipping just one?” 

“You’re impossible, Yoongichi.” Seokjin shook his head, but he knew better than to push the idea to Yoongi. The more you insist on something towards him, the more he fights over the idea.  

Yoongi shrugged and continued with his work. He’s been working from home a lot recently. It’s easier for them and he’s able to watch out for Seokjin’s recovery. Although the doctor said he’s been extremely cooperative with his therapy sessions, Yoongi’s anxious worry prevents him from being productive in the office anyways when he knows Seokjin’s alone at home.  

Birthdays are overrated in his opinion. People are forcibly celebrating the day they were born, making it special when everyone has a birthday. Of course, it’s different for those who had life or death experiences, but he hasn’t and hopefully wouldn’t experience something like that anytime soon.  

His birthday week has rolled on as usual. Endless meetings followed the success of Min x Vante collaboration, expanding their reach to the affluent art enthusiasts that would like their furniture couture (Yoongi shakes his head at the memory of Taehyung’s first exposure to the word. He’s overusing it to this point) that he didn’t realize that it was his birthday until Sana left him a tangerine on his desk with a small note of Happy Birthday.  

Yoongi was dragging his feet as he prayed thanks that it’s finally the weekend when he opens his eyes next so he can finally sleep in and just have a lazy day with Seokjin tomorrow. Fumbling through the keypad as he typed his door password, he was thinking of watching that documentary that he and Seokjin were anticipating that came out last week. Maybe some whiskey, and lamb skewers from that newly opened barbecue shop a couple of blocks awa- 

“Surprise!!!!” 

Yoongi’s lethargy was replaced by surprise when he saw Seokjin wearing the shirt he bought for him last Christmas (It was Louis Vuitton) that he refuses to wear because he feels uneasy. He knew Seokjin was still struggling to wear such loud brands and clothes, thanks to his ex who dented his perception on dressing up quite deeply that he’s still working on it to this day. He didn’t blame Seokjin or anything, he just thought that Seokjin would look nice in it when he saw it one time on an overseas trip that he got it for him on a whim- 

“Moon to Yoongi?”  

“You’re wearing the shirt I got you.” 

“I did. Does it..Does it look okay?” 

Yoongi grinned, exhaustion already faded as soon as Seokjin reached out to hold his hand to rid him of his laptop bag and their skin touched. Seokjin’s always had that effect on him. His calm albeit the storm that he is. “Better than I thought it would. You okay?” 

“Yeah, I just...I thought you’d like it if I wore it for your birthday.” 

“Well, you didn’t have to if you didn’t feel comfortable in it, hyung. I told you, baby steps.” 

“Ahem.” 

Yoongi looked over Seokjin’s (wide) shoulders when he heard his brother clear his throat; his eyes finally adjusting to his living room suddenly appearing smaller than he remembers from the unusually high number of people in his apartment. His eyes widened slightly at the sight of his parents grinning widely, carrying a birthday cake with lit candles. But he was more surprised when he saw a new pair of faces. A woman with the same doe eyes and bunny-like smile like Jungkook, and a man with the same plump lips and wide stature like Seokjin. It didn’t need more than two brain cells to deduce that it was Seokjin and Jungkook’s parents.  

Yoongi suddenly went into a slight panic, eyes darting directly to Seokjin, meeting calm ones and a small encouraging smile. He knew that this meant that he was ready for another step, a toddler step, they joked. He wiped his hands on his pants and slowly made his way to Seokjin’s parents, donning an awkward smile and a racing heart.  

“Hello, my name is Min Yoongi.” 

“Finally, hello Yoongi. Happy Birthday!” Seokjin’s mother had the same warmth he had, immediately approaching for a hug; to which he reciprocated with a light one, trying to not let her feel his heart making its way out of his chest. “Seokjin’s never shut up about you since you’ve finally started dating.” 

“Eomma!” Seokjin protested behind Yoongi, with him chuckling as he received the handshake Seokjin’s father handed him.  

“Nice to finally meet you, son.” 

Now Yoongi was taken aback at that remark, like he wasn’t expecting to have such a warm welcome right off the bat. With Seokjin’s parents smiling warmly towards him, he somewhat felt a sense of pride, at how his choices led him here, surrounded by his friends, family and now, another pair of parents.  

“We’re not married yet, dad.” Seokjin chuckled and rested his hands on Yoongi’s shoulders. “Blow your candles, babe. It’s going to melt into the cake.”  

Yet. Yoongi’s heart was giddy, as if it’s not far into the future, him and Seokjin. 

“Yeah, and maybe say hi to your actual parents. You know, the one who birthed you.” Yoongi’s mother joked, winking at Seokjin. “My arms are hurting from holding your cake.” 

“I’m sorry, Eomma.” Yoongi grinned, the wide and gummy that Seokjin loves. His mother grinned back, equally as gummy as she handed the cake to Yoongi.  

“Happy Birthday, Yoongi-yah. Make a wish, love.” 

Yoongi closed his eyes, silently praying for his hopes for the next year of his life. As he prepared to blow the candle, he jerked in surprise when the candles’ flames were blown by Seokjin. 

“Ya, I was about to seal my wish!” 

Seokjin laughed. “Sucks to be you, your wish is mine now.” 

Yoongi almost pouted, remembering how he stole Seokjin’s 31st birthday wish too. Realizing they’re now even, he decided to play along.  

“So, what did you wish for?” 

“Hmm, I think I’d really need your help with this one.”  

Yoongi’s head tilted in wonder, the rarity of Seokjin asking him for help piqued his interest further.  

“Do you think your closet has enough space for my stuff too? Apparently, I have a lot of clothes because someone refuses to stop buying me stuff just because he thinks I’d look good in them.” 

Now that took him a few dozens of braincells to process. “What?” 

“Remember when you asked me if I wanted to move in with you?” 

“Yeah, yeah I meant...” Yoongi’s never felt this overwhelmed before. “I mean, are you sure?” 

“Of course, I am.” 

“This isn’t some birthday pressure, right?” 

“Ya, I stole your wish for this. Now make it come true.” 

“Really?” 

“Really.” 

If it was humanely possible for a heart to beat so hard for it to leap out of its cage, Yoongi’s heart would’ve already had. 

Silence was so loud, that it started to feel awkward for the others to watch them communicate through their eyes. 

It was then interrupted by a loud clap and an equally loud voice that came from Yoongi’s favorite (only) brother. 

“Okay now that’s cute and all but I’m reaaaally hungry and I’ve been missing Eomma’s galbi for months now. Can we eat before I lose all my appetite?” 

A chorus of laughter erupted in the room, saving Yoongi from the cry that’s been bubbling in his throat, nodding for them to go ahead and eat, with Seokjin taking the cake away from him and placing it on the table.  

“You’re really okay with moving in with me?” Yoongi checked again, making sure that Seokjin wasn’t rushing himself.  

Instead of answering Yoongi, Seokjin approached him and wrapped his arms around his shaking frame.  

“Happy Birthday, Yoongi.” 

. 

. 

. 

The halls of the Seoul Detention Center were bland, but not as bland as Seokjin was expecting it to be. Policemen and detainees were walking left and right, conversations were done in a chorus that filled Seokjin’s ears along with his pounding heart.  

It’s been a little over a year since Dae Song was detained after losing the case that Yoongi and Jungkook filed against him. He remembers the next few days after Yoongi and Jungkook talked to him about what happened in court, how they were able to find a loophole in finishing the needed arrangements without his direct involvement were done just so they could do it without them triggering his trauma response. A year after, he understood why they did it, and thanked them that they knew what he needed at the time.  

His last few sessions with his therapist orbited around confrontation. At how it’s part of moving on to be the one to place the period on the chapter that has continuously haunted his everyday life. He’s been out of his meds for the last three months, with minimal episodes, the last being five months ago. The recovery process was brutal, with anger bouts here and there, the lack of physical intimacy since he and Yoongi got together, which Yoongi was incredibly patient with. He didn’t pry nor ask, letting him go at his own pace without the pressure of having to be okay with things that he wasn’t truly ready for.  

Yoongi insists that he deserves all the patience in the world, that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he will wait forever if he must.  

Walking these bland walls made Seokjin realize how much of a blessing Yoongi was, that he should repay him for everything he’s ever done for him. For all the wounds he gave him, physically, to start, when his episodes would result in Yoongi having to physically restrain him so that he wouldn’t hurt himself. The mental wounds of having to watch as Seokjin scratched his body into small cuts, crying, wailing, begging for it to stop.  

He needs to tell Yoongi he loves him.  

Oh. I love him.  

It’s not like Seokjin didn’t know. He knew, way before. Since the first Christmas Concert that they went together. But he wasn’t ready to accept it yet, he didn’t know that it was truly love and not loneliness that was forming between the two of them.  

He had to tell him.  

But this needs to be done first.  

His thoughts were interrupted by the twist of the doorknob and chains clanking on Dae Song’s cuffs as he sat down across Seokjin. This was the first time he’d seen him after that meeting they had when he attempted to do a business deal with Yoongi. He was still breathtakingly handsome, even with the moss green overalls and his facial hair messily donning his face. His eyes were deep with dark bags that were staring at him with obvious loathing.  

“Came here to gloat?” 

Seokjin winced but remained composed. His fists tight against his jeans, Yoongi’s birthday gift for him burning around his neck as he adjusted his seat. 

He needed to do this. He’s the only one who could do this.  

“Does Yoongi know you’re here?” 

“No.” He answered after finding his voice. “He doesn’t know I’m here.” 

“Classic Seokjinnie. Just does whatever he likes, meeting other men behind his lover’s back.” 

He was doing it again, gaslighting him into thinking that he was the bad guy. Years after, with him and Yoongi rebuilding him grain after grain of sand, and he still gets to Seokjin’s head. 

But now, he has Yoongi. Yoongi who protects him, Yoongi who loves him for him. 

“You know, Dae Song-ah, it’s like listening to a song.” 

Dae Song was taken aback at Seokjin’s random response. “What?” 

“Looking at Yoongi. It’s like listening to my favorite song. It gives me peace.” 

“Did you come here to smother to my face that you’ve replaced me?” 

“I came here,” Seokjin exhaled. “To tell you that you don’t affect me anymore.” 

Dae Song scoffed. “Seokjin, I’ll always affect you.” 

“Not anymore.” Seokjin felt a rush of bravery, borrowed from Yoongi’s infinite ways to tell him that he’s worth every bit of love and happiness life can give. “Did you know what Yoongi told me when I said I was lucky that I threw the diary where I threw it?” 

“That stupid pink diary you like writing on? Jesus, Seokjin, you’re 33. Your attachment to trivial things is beyond me.” 

“He told me,” Seokjin continued, ignoring yet another wave of insults from Dae Song. “That Luck isn’t something that exists everywhere. That it comes to whoever stands on the exact same spot it lands.” 

“Where are you going with this?” 

“You trapped me in that spot, Dae Song. I loved you more than myself, and that’s the only wrong thing I did when we were together.” Seokjin inhaled; the faint smell of bleach hitting his nose. “And you know that I’m not a lucky person. But that same spot you trapped me in was the exact same spot where luck intended to land.” 

Dae Song scoffed but didn’t answer. 

“I’m not lucky, Jungkook just happened to be his brother’s best friend. Jungkook, my baby who was overbearing and protective. Yoongi told me, that we happened to just trace each other’s footsteps. Of me throwing that diary, and him just walking past that same trash bin. That if he didn't innately assumed that I owned that notebook, he wouldn't pay too much attention to me. I know him so well to know it's true.” 

Seokjin finally looked straight into Dae Song’s eyes. The first time he was able to without wanting to run away from him.  

“That it was I, who lead him to me. Can you imagine me doing something miraculous like that?” Seokjin smiled. “So, I guess, I came here to thank you. So, thank you, Dae Song. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have found my Yoongi. I wouldn’t have learned to give myself importance too.” 

“What a load of bullshit.” 

“And goodbye, Dae Song. This is the last time you’ll see me. Because I’m going to make sure that you’ll rot in here for the rest of your life.” Seokjin threw an envelope towards Dae Song. And as he opened it, it contains numerous evidence of him embezzling money and scamming people during the duration of their relationship. Solid evidence to add at least 15 more years into his sentence. 

“Where did you get this?” 

“I compiled it.” Seokjin stood up and collected his things, patting his bag containing the original copies of evidence he’s had over the years. “I found it where you decided to throw me away, Dae Song. I’d tell you to be careful next time, but then I guess, be careful in your next life.” 

“Seokjin, don’t-” Seokjin ignored Dae Song’s protests as he pounded against the clear glass that separated the two of them. He went straight out, muting Dae Song’s pleading screams. As it faded away, the smile in his face grew, the final thorn has finally lifted off of Seokjin’s heart.  

On his ride home, all he could think about was Yoongi who was waiting for him at home, ever so patient. His gummy smile, calloused hands, and button nose. His cat-like features and cloud-like cheeks, with gazes as warm as the sun.  

He almost stumbled as he ran out of the elevator towards his, their home, punching the code like clockwork and dropping his stuff on the floor, kicking his sneakers off his feet and jogged towards the kitchen where he can smell the tangsuyuk Yoongi was making.  

When Yoongi was in his full view, his heart did somersaults at how he looked like home. Apron tied around his small waist, his pink mug in his right hand with the scent of coffee fighting with the tangsuyuk’s.  

“At this point, that mug’s already yours, Yoongichi.” 

“You use mine as much.” Yoongi noticed Seokjin’s panting. His shirt was a little out of place and his hair showed signs that he sprinted his way there. “Are you okay, hyung?” 

“I love you.” 

Yoongi froze, almost dropping the mug from his hand. It’s not like he didn’t know that he did, but it’s been over a year since they’re together, and the furthest thing they’ve gone was a hug and cuddles. He didn’t want to rush his feelings any more than his willingness to be intimate. It was difficult, sure, but Yoongi’s committed into waiting for Seokjin, and Min Yoongi never half asses things.  

Before Yoongi could say it back, Seokjin’s long strides went straight to him, taking the tongs and the mug from his large, calloused hands, the hands that pieced Seokjin’s pieces together, and filled in the gaps that would’ve made him hollow, and placed his lips on his.  

He tasted like tangerines and coffee.  

As Yoongi pulled Seokjin closer to him, deepening the kiss, Seokjin then realized that he was finally, truly free.