Work Text:
My room…
It’s so dark…
It’s the darkest darkness…
Well, not quite.
There is a light.
A single dim light.
Bright enough to not let me sleep.
Dim enough to not let me wake up.
There is a buzz,
that calls a name.
[Gotou Hitori]
…
How long has it been since I thought of something else?
How long have I been thinking about her?
[Gotou Hitori]
Why can’t I stop thinking about her?
[Love]
…
How can four words change everything?
Those four words haven’t left my mind ever since.
She hasn’t left my mind ever since.
[Gotou Hitori]
She doesn’t leave my head.
She doesn’t let me sleep.
She doesn’t leave me alone.
I can’t do anything.
…
I have to talk to her.
[Gotou Hitori]
But I don’t know what to say.
I don’t know what to think.
I am afraid to see her.
I don’t want to see her.
[Gotou Hitori]
…
I should forget about her.
[Gotou Hitori]
I gotou forget about her.
[Gotou Hitori]
…
[Gotou Hitori]
But I can’t.
[Gotou Hitori]
…
[Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori]
I’ll have to empty my mind.
[Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori Gotou Hitori]
…
[...]
A lightbulb.
…
“Hey! Kita-chan!”
Ijichi-senpai.
…
Ryo-senpai.
She looks so good.
So perfect.
That face,
I love that expression.
[...]
“Let’s go Ikuyo.”
We walk to Starry.
Just the three of us.
Just Kessoku Band.
“Man, it sure is hot today! Let’s go get some ice cream!”
“...Ikuyo, lend me money please.”
“Asking for money again? Didn’t you learn anything last time?”
“But I said sorry.”
“It took you way too long to return it!”
“But B̷̲̾̉̕o̷̮̟͉̒̓c̷̣̍c̷̲͈͒͂̕h̷̛͔̎̂́i̶̻̻̓ said it was fine.”
[...]
“L-Let’s go practice… We have air conditioning there, right?”
“Ah! Good idea, Kita-chan!”
“Don’t we need B̵̘̦͋͠o̴͍̣͑c̴̳͘c̵̬͐͝h̵͖̖͗i̷͕͘ to practice?”
[...]
“I-I’m going to school…”
“Oh… Sure, tell Ḅ̵͛͠ō̴͚c̸̨̻̚c̸̲̈́͌ḧ̸̝̖́͘ȋ̵͖͝ͅ-̴͔̄͠ͅc̸̰̿h̸͔͗ä̵̡̘́n̴͈̋ I said hi!”
[...]
When did my life start revolving around her?
Why is she there everywhere I go?
One day,
she appeared,
and she’s been there ever since.
Even when she was quiet in a corner,
even when she hid,
she was there,
you could always feel her presence.
I could always feel her presence.
But why?
What’s so memorable about her?
What’s so good about her?
What is it about her that won’t leave my mind?
[...]
I can’t think of anything.
…
What makes something memorable?
It being good?
I guess quality helps.
It makes things worth remembering.
But that’s not it.
We all remember bad moments.
Embarrassing moments.
Sad moments.
Boring moments.
I remember moments like that.
…
Then it’s emotional investment.
The stronger the feeling,
the vivid the memory.
[...]
Is that it?
Do I just have…
strong feelings…
for Hitori-chan?
…
I didn’t back then.
At least that’s what I think…
Do strong feelings make things memorable in hindsight?
Is that why I can remember her even when she was doing nothing?
Even when she was hiding?
Even when she was in the background?
…
Mediocre memories…
We all have those too.
Things that aren’t worth remembering but we still do.
Songs we only heard once.
People we never saw again.
Experiences that didn’t happen twice.
Even if they were average,
even if they aren’t worth remembering,
they were unique.
Uniqueness makes them memorable.
People don’t remember if they locked the door,
if they brushed their teeth,
because they do it everyday.
Still,
even when they forgot to do it,
they remember they had to.
They remember the routine.
When something happens a lot,
it becomes forgettable individually,
but memorable overall.
…Hitori-chan…
I see her every day.
Is she a routine to me?
[No]
…
I remember lots and lots of moments with her.
Moments that weren’t that important,
but she was there.
What do those moments have?
They had Hitori-chan.
What does she and brushing my teeth have in common?
…
I care about them.
I care about my teeth,
so I remember to brush them,
even if I feel nothing about it.
And I care about Hitori-chan.
I cared about her then and I care about her now.
That’s why I remember her,
even if I had no strong feelings back then.
[...]
…
I care for Hitori-chan…
I care for Hitori-chan……
I care fo-
[Poke]
Eh?
[Ryo-senpai]
“Ikuyo, let’s go. She won’t stop until you come out.”
She grabs my hand and drags me to the hallway.
It seems so long,
so long I can’t see the end.
I can only see a dim light.
So dim you can’t see it but you know it’s there.
I walk with Ryo–senpai.
I walk,
and walk,
and walk,
but I still can’t see the end.
The light hasn’t changed.
It is as dim as always.
It’s like it runs away from us.
Ryo-senpai…
She looks so good,
she always does.
She is really stylish.
She has pretty yellow eyes.
She is charismatic.
She is confident.
She is bold.
She is perfect.
I love her.
Of course I do.
…
But…
[Hitori-chan]
Everytime I think about love,
she shows up.
She’s nowhere near as good as Ryo-senpai.
She always wears the same baggy clothes.
She’s always hiding her eyes behind her bangs.
She can barely talk without stuttering.
She is insecure.
She is incomprehensible at times.
…
Even with all of that,
…she is cute.
And…
She is honest I guess…
When she says that…
she loves me…
I believe it.
…
Maybe that’s the difference between them…
Ryo-senpai is perfect, unattainable.
I can chase after her all I want.
Love is easy with her,
because there is no future to it.
Hitori-chan is… realistic.
We could have something…
And it could work…
I can get to her.
[...]
I should get to her.
She must be waiting for an answer.
Or maybe…
I hurt her when I ran away.
…
I have to get to her.
…
We are still in the hallway.
We have walked for so long,
and the light is as far as when we started.
…
[Ryo-senpai]
…
What is she to me?
A friend?
…Not exactly.
A lover?
Not at all.
Then what?
…
She is a distant figure.
She is the beginning of my love.
An easy, simple and safe love.
She protected me from the hardships.
From rejection.
From confessions.
From relationships.
…
Was that even love?
A love without pain.
A song without bad parts.
A book without lows.
A life without sadness.
A best without worse.
That’s not real.
That’s a fantasy.
[...]
But now,
there is a beam of light that got through that protection,
and I want to chase it.
I need to chase it.
I want to feel it.
To me,
she is a friend.
To my love,
she is an egg.
And it is time to hatch.
Even if it’s hard.
Even if it hurts.
I have to leave the shell behind,
and embrace the light.
[Run]
I stop walking with Ryo-senpai.
I race alone,
towards that insecure,
incomprehensible light.
For once,
it shines.
It’s getting brighter.
It’s getting closer.
It’s so bright I can’t see.
It’s dazzling,
but I still run.
What is Hitori-chan?
To me,
a shy, incomprehensible guitarist.
To my love,
the chosen one.
I stretch my hand into the blinding light.
[Cold]
I grab something and pull it.
[Doorknob]
…
[Outside]
I finally got outside.
“Ah! Kita-chan! You finally came out!”
[Ijichi-senpai]
“You are way too troublesome, Ikuyo”
[Ryo-senpai]
…
“...Thank you for coming! I’m fine!”