Work Text:
“What’s that smell?”
Kaidan huffed a laugh, breathing in the aroma that had his companion’s nose wrinkling. Home , he wanted to say, but that wasn’t the answer the man was looking for. Many people wouldn’t have been able to identify it, but this one had no chance. What must it be like for him, to have everything be foreign and new?
Kaidan had found him by accident. Chasing behind the hijacked Normandy with the full intent of crashing the skycar into the shuttle bay if he could do so without hitting anyone on their side, he’d caught up just in time to see one Shepard kick the other in the face, fingers slipping and tumbling into the sky. At that altitude, no one could survive, and Kaidan hadn’t been able to tell from a distance which Shepard had fallen. Unwilling to take the chance that it was their Shepard, he’d piloted the skycar into a dive it wasn’t designed for, almost stalling the engine and making Tali shriek as he raced the flailing body and caught him on the hood.
It had taken nothing more than the glare through the windshield to ascertain that it was the wrong Shepard he’d saved, but as much as Vega insisted that they should just dump him off and let him die, Kaidan couldn’t bring himself to do it.
Instead, he’d landed and taken the clone into custody. Recognizing that he’d lost, he’d been unexpectedly docile. Not Shepard for sure. Kaidan didn’t think Shepard knew how to concede defeat.
He’d gotten his first real look at the man beneath the mask when he’d asked his name, and the clone had shrugged, a flash of vulnerability crossing his stormy eyes. “I don’t have one,” he said, his voice accentless and blank. “I don’t know.”
Pity had stirred in Kaidan’s belly, and he’d lowered his weapon. He wasn’t naive enough to holster it altogether, but not-Shepard had relaxed instead of springing, and he’d motioned the others to follow suit. “Guess that means you get to pick one. Something that’s yours.”
He hadn’t answered right away. It was a few days later when Kaidan had gone to visit him in the brig down in the belly of the Normandy that he’d finally responded. Convincing the real Shepard to relent and at least keep him around under guard had been a herculean task. He’d never seen Shepard as offended over anything as he was that damned hamster, and he’d discovered the commander could hold a grudge. Given the homicidal way he treated his fish, Kaidan hadn’t expected him to be that resentful over a rodent, but he’d never claimed to understand Shepard.
“Brooks only ever called me Shepard, so everyone else followed suit. But I’m not him, not really. So…what do you think about Logan?”
Kaidan had tried to hide the smile that quirked his lips. Logan had requested something for entertainment and Tali had brought reading material she said she’d found in Grunt’s old quarters. She didn’t know if anyone had taught the clone to read, she’d explained, and it had pictures…. He’d laughed when he saw what she’d given him. Grunt had a thing for action figures and comic books, and she’d found an old Wolverine comic.
He couldn’t read, as it turned out. The gaps in his knowledge had astounded Kaidan until he’d realized Brooks had been more focused on training him than actually teaching him. He knew everything there was to know about the crew, but he couldn’t do more than basic math. He could utilize and control his biotics, but he couldn’t cook even a simple meal. He supposed she’d figured they would take over Shepard’s life first and worry about filling in the blanks later. How she honestly thought he’d fool anyone for long was still a mystery to Kaidan.
“Hay,” he said now, pushing open the weathered door to the barn. “Manure. Animals. Dirt. Shavings. Dust.”
“It stinks and doesn’t,” Logan said.
Kaidan chuckled again. “I suppose it does.”
The orchard had thankfully been spared the brunt of the war. As out of the way as it was, it hadn’t been a target…yet. He was sure they’d have gotten to it eventually, but aside from a few skirmishes with stray Reaper forces, they’d gotten away relatively unscathed. His stepmom and brother’s family had come here to escape Vancouver when the invasion happened and Papa was called up. He still hadn’t heard from his mother, something that should have saddened him, but she’d died to him a long time ago by her own choice. His father’s widow was his mom, and she was safe and here, and that mattered.
They walked into the dim light of the barn, dust motes dancing in the late afternoon sunlight streaming through the open doors and windows. Logan looked around, his shoulder bumping companionably into Kaidan’s and sending sparks not unlike biotics shimmying down his arm. Kaidan found himself walking closer, the cinnamon spice scent that Logan carried around him like varenukha[1] drawing him to the other man.
Sandman stuck his spotted head through the open window of his stall and nickered, stomping a foot in a demand for attention. Logan trailed behind him, expression wary and uncertain as Kaidan went to the horse and rubbed a hand over his face. Sandman pushed against it and turned away, dismissing him.
“What is it?”
“It’s a horse,” Kaidan said. “People ride them. They used to be the primary mode of transportation for humanity for ages. Now, we mostly just do it for fun, though most of the ones here are workhorses and help with the cattle. I don’t ride Sandman, though. We have an…agreement. I don’t try to physically control him, and he lets me in his space. He was in bad shape when I got him. Doesn’t trust easily.”
“Sounds familiar,” Logan murmured. “You’ve got a type, Alenko.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, turning to face him, sensing that this was important.
“You collect broken things,” Logan said, meandering closer, the look on his face carefully blank.
Kaidan shrugged a shoulder. “I guess you’re right in a way. Maybe because I was so broken once. He healed me as much as I did him.”
“What about me?” Logan asked, and now Kaidan got the sense he was being stalked. He stood his ground. “Have I healed you?”
“Have I healed you?” he turned the question around as Logan reached him, allowing the taller man to crowd him back against the wall next to Sandman’s stall. Shepard’s head dipped, and his breath caught in his throat.
“You tell me.”
Kaidan had expected crashing lips and grabbing hands. He didn’t expect Logan’s lips to brush against his or the gentle pressure of his hand on Kaidan’s hip. He didn’t expect Logan to cradle the back of his head to protect it from the wall, his fingers sliding easily into Kaidan’s hair. He didn’t expect his heart to take flight and try to escape through his throat. He didn’t expect it to feel right.
He’d been half in love with Shepard for years, but Logan and Shepard were no more the same person than identical twins were. Logan was his own person, and the feelings he’d been inspiring in Kaidan were all his own as well. Now, when his lips moved against Kaidan’s, teasing them apart so their tongues could slide against each other, the soft moan that left Kaidan’s throat was all Logan’s as well. Shepard, who?
Logan’s hand slid to the small of his back, and Kaidan didn’t know if the tingles up his spine were from biotics or just the simple, easy touch. His hands fisted in Logan’s jacket, holding him close as he opened for the kiss. The first kiss. Logan’s first kiss. Their first. It might as well have been the first for Kaidan as well. The kisses he’d shared in his past life had been cursory, shared with strangers as part of the checklist of things to do before moving to more. He’d never kissed anyone he cared about. He’d never felt the flutter of butterfly wings or the warm glow of his own heart. He’d never been kissed so tenderly, like he was something precious Logan was afraid to bruise or frighten away. He melted into it, breathing him in and giving himself over to the man who’d somehow managed not to crash through his barriers but to meld with them until they were both inside and the rest of the world faded away.
“Boys! Dinner!” Mom shouted from the porch.
Logan drew away slowly, reluctantly, lingering as if already regretting the lost warmth. Kaidan looked up at him, breathless, and saw something in his eyes that Kaidan had missed for years. Hope. And a promise for the future that Kaidan hadn’t truly allowed himself since docking at Jump Zero.
“You saved me.”