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If there is one thing Jaehyun hates, it’s public speaking.
He isn’t necessarily shy. Jaehyun knows that his looks don’t make sense with his introverted nature, but he thinks of himself as quite a nice guy. He always tries his best when speaking to new people, and he supposes that’s how he ended up with such a wonderful group of friends. But still, the thought of sixty or so eyes staring down at him as he speaks about a topic only the professor cares about makes his forehead sweat and his knees shake.
Jaehyun isn’t the most academic person either – he is genuinely surprised he made it onto this course – but that doesn’t mean he is completely slacking. He works hard, put his hours in, and is relatively proud of the presentation he conjured up sometime too early to call morning but too late to call night. Sure, he often finds himself just mindlessly falling down the rabbit hole of scrolling through his phone for hours until the words got blurry, but he is only human and wait, can he hear birds outside? Regardless, Jaehyun is a proud guy, and he only wishes he can muster up the courage to let his work flourish.
Luckily, Jaehyun has his best friend by his side.
Well.
Jaehyun isn’t sure what he and Doyoung are if he is truthfully honest. Maybe they’re good friends, or maybe they’re just classmates, although Jaehyun met Doyoung at a party where he relived the discovery of “Fuck, speaking to people is scary” and Doyoung just replied, “Don’t worry, it’s just us” and Jaehyun has never heard truer words.
And maybe it’s odd that a stranger bought him so much comfort after he had embarrassingly thrown up in some random guy’s pool, but he has never thought too much into it, because Doyoung’s presence is overwhelmingly comforting and warm. He reminds Jaehyun of bread, very toasty and fluffy, or maybe that’s just his hunger kicking in.
His stomach growls.
“Hunger,” Jaehyun notes, “Let’s get some food.” He walks over to his kitchen and ponders on what to eat. One upside to being an adult in education is the flexibility of his own apartment. He scrunches in distaste as he remembers the disgust of his roommates from previous years. However, as he stares up at his empty cupboards, he admits that the disappointment feels a lot better when other people are sharing it with him.
His phone suddenly rings.
Jaehyun taps his pocket, and immediately rolls his eyes at his stupidity. He pulls his phone out and answers, “Hello?”
“Hey.” Doyoung’s voice is cool. Jaehyun envies it. He envies quite a lot, he realises: Doyoung’s dress sense, his calmness under pressure, the décor in his apartment.
“Hello?” Doyoung’s voice rings in his ear again, “Did you doze off again?”
“Uh… sorry,” Jaehyun hangs onto the last word awkwardly, “Sorry.”
Doyoung’s laugh is sweet, “It’s okay. I’ve made lunch. You interested?”
Jaehyun bites his lip, out of hunger or habit, he didn’t know any more. He dislikes imposing on people; however, he does miss Doyoung…’s cooking. Regardless, Jaehyun thinks he should suffer through this one time, “It’s alright. Thanks for the offer.”
Jaehyun’s stomach growls again. He stares down in betrayal.
“I heard that,” Doyoung’s tone is teasing, and Jaehyun can’t deny the blush forming on his cheeks, “Hurry up and get here.” He hangs up before Jaehyun can get another word in.
“You have no manners,” Jaehyun mutters at his stomach. He walks over to his front door and slides on his shoes, “Thank you for getting us a meal, but be more polite.”
Yeah, this assignment and hunger is driving Jaehyun insane.
--
“So, how’s that project coming along?” Doyoung’s sitting beside Jaehyun, hands delicately pulling apart some garlic bread, “You’ve been talking about it for ages.” Jaehyun is, as always, zoned out. His focus in on the way Doyoung’s hands are placing the bread down ever so gently, and wow, Doyoung has nice fingers. Jaehyun doesn’t, and he suddenly feels embarrassed by his bitten nails.
“No, I haven’t,” Jaehyun retorts after being startled by a noise outside. He takes another bite of the pasta. To describe it as simply delicious is a sin against the world, because it’s just so much more (kind of like Doyoung), and Jaehyun would marry Doyoung on the spot if he could eat food like this all the time, amongst other reasons.
Doyoung laughs in amusement with his nose scrunched up slightly. It’s a gesture Jaehyun had grown fond of. He’s often thinks about kissing it, but that’s a secret just for him to keep. He has many secrets, in all honesty - flushing, red hot memories he visualises, daydreaming in his bed at 3 am about another life he could lead.
Doyoung stands up and walks towards the windows to open them. “You look like a tomato. I swear, it’s not supposed to be spicy,” he snickers once he’s sitting next to Jaehyun again.
Jaehyun chokes on his pasta, muttering a quick “Thank you,” after gulping down his water. Doyoung just smiles, like it won’t send Jaehyun’s heart running 100 miles per hour.
Yeah, amongst his hideous stage fright, he just had to go and get a big fat crush on Kim Doyoung, his self-proclaimed best friend.
“You know, I can sit in the room while you present, if it would make you feel better,” Doyoung suggests nonchalantly as if Jaehyun isn’t still having an inner crisis right now, “Would it?”
Would it? Jaehyun isn’t sure. He certainly wouldn’t want to make a mistake in front of Doyoung, but the latter would never ridicule him. If anything, he would grin stupidly and nod his head as if Jaehyun has said the smartest thing in the world. So maybe Jaehyun was sure, and his heart just didn’t want to admit it.
Jaehyun just nods, mouth full of bread, and Doyoung rolls his eyes.
“God, I need to teach you how to cook,” the brunette announces to no one in particular, and Jaehyun giggles (a sound he wasn’t aware he could still make), because the thought of himself in the kitchen is absolutely ludicrous, unless of course Doyoung’s beside him and they’re laughing and helping each other cook and maybe Jaehyun can chop vegetables while Doyoung sautés the onions and-
“Jaehyun!” Doyoung’s voice Is loud and ringing in Jaehyun’s ear. This results in him looking at Doyoung in half confusion and half shock. “You dozed off. Am I that boring?” Doyoung crosses his arms in fake anger, and Jaehyun has to pinch himself to stop the daydream running through his head.
Jaehyun shakes his head quickly, “Of course not, I was just stress-thinking. You know me.” He laughs awkwardly, then decides shoving more pasta in his mouth will save him from this situation.
“It’s okay. I’ll be there.” Voice now a whisper, Doyoung leans in closer. “It’s always just us two, anyway.” And maybe Jaehyun should just lean in and close the gap now, because it’s been haunting him for so long.
But Doyoung moves away to take a sip of water, and Jaehyun snaps back to reality, “Thanks Doyoung, I appreciate it.” He does, genuinely, because for some reason, those words really do help calm his spirits, even if he can’t get rid of the bitter taste in his mouth.
--
It’s a Saturday when Jaehyun next sees Doyoung.
It isn’t by choice, but rather Jungwoo, with the help of their very annoying (but lovely) friend Johnny, decide Jaehyun is done moping around in his bed. He’s quite displeased with their discovery and refuses to join them in their night out. However, Jungwoo mentions in passing that Doyoung is attending, so now Jaehyun has found himself pressed against the sweaty bodies of strangers, his hips swaying to some loud upbeat music, and his so-called friends disappearing amongst the immense crowd. Jaehyun doesn’t mind – he’s having fun.
It's a little past midnight when Jaehyun finds Doyoung, or rather Doyoung slides his hand into Jaehyun’s and wordlessly pulls him away from the dance floor (a makeshift attempt of one, at the very least). They walk out into the garden, which is unusually warm for a February night, regardless of the body heat that swarms them from all sides. Doyoung still keeps close, and Jaehyun doesn’t mind.
Once they’ve walked far enough that the stench of alcohol was no longer irritating his insides, Doyoung gestures for them both to take a seat on the grass. Jaehyun gratefully accepts, legs too tired to even think otherwise. Doyoung laughs at his ungraceful fall, but still tumbles down in the same manner, leaving the two boys in a fit of giggles on the floor. Jaehyun blames the alcohol.
“Hey,” Doyoung finally speaks, sitting upright against the poorly painted garden fence, “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Jungwoo made me come,” Jaehyun replies a little louder. He’s concerned the music will drown him out, and is currently thinking of ways he can accidently break the sound system, “What brings you here?”
Doyoung laughs at the question, “What brings anyone to a party, Jaehyun? Free booze and no worries.”
Jaehyun nods at that, even though he feels as if every muscle in his body was frozen in place. He supposes stress is just a side effect of being Jaehyun. And well, being near Doyoung, who is watching him with those big, curious eyes, and Jaehyun might drown in those chocolate pools right now if he’s given the chance. Everything about Doyoung today, right now, in this moment under the invisible stars, is making Jaehyun feel giddy, from the way his white shirt hugs his body and his hands play with the silver bracelet on his wrist and wow, Jaehyun has never noticed how pretty and kissable Doyoung’s wrists were. He can imagine placing a million kisses up his arm now, and-
“Are you drunk?” Doyoung asks. His left eyebrow is raised and his head is tilted ever so slightly.
Jaehyun shakes his head quickly, “What? No, of course not. I only drank a little. I have a high tolerance, I’ll have you know,” he states matter-of-factly. It’s true, and something he often brags about within his friendship group of lightweights.
“Wanna go back to mine then?” Doyoung offers, “I’m partied out all of a sudden.”
And Jaehyun wants to go. Every cell in his body aches to say yes. Doyoung’s hand looks so inviting (and lips irresistibly pink) but just as he was about to say a yes, he notices a classmate of his walk by and fuck, Jaehyun’s running out of time to perfect his presentation. So little time that he has to regretfully reject, much to both their disappointment.
He can’t believe his own procrastination has led to such a disastrous situation, with his own ears ringing at the sound of his thoughts.
“Next time then,” Doyoung smiles, a little smaller than before, “And let me know when you’re done, I’d love to hear the presentation.”
“Thanks,” Jaehyun sighs and hastily stands up, “I will. Swear. Next time.” He sputters out the words before walking off. He’s embarrassed at how he run away, but most of his thoughts are consumed with Doyoung’s sad eyes.
--
Jaehyun loves his degree. It isn’t something that was a lifelong dream or such, rather, he found it to be cool as a scrawny 17-year-old, and after a few years, at age 24, he decided he found it cool enough to get another one. In fact, if asked a mere month ago, he could definitely speak for hours on the littlest topics. Why was it so hard to come up with a fifteen-minute presentation then?
It was more that he couldn’t think of the right words to say, where to point, what to do with his hands, and God, he couldn’t even think about where to look on the day, let alone making eye contact.
Johnny suggests wearing sunglasses with eyes drawn on, and Jaehyun was seriously considering it.
He sigh and lies down on his bed. He grabs his phone, taps his password in and is automatically greeted to multiple messages from his friends (he will answer them when he isn’t drained), his mum (he’ll call her, tomorrow… yeah), his older brother (fine he’ll call his mum today), his dentist (he might cry), Doyoung (oh Doyoung!), Mark (why is he ask- wait Doyoung texted?).
“Doyoung?” Jaehyun sits up and opens the text immediately. He reads over the words carefully, not wanting to misread the five words that flashed out at him, ‘can I come round lol’.
Jaehyun types out a quick yes with a smiley face, because he’s a friendly guy, he can’t help it! and starts gathering all the papers on his bed. And he needs to throw out the overflowing bin. And he needs to put his laundry away and he is only halfway through his list when the doorbell’s sharp ring echoes throughout the flat.
Jaehyun lets out a deep breath, house somewhat presentable, and opens the door, revealing a smaller Doyoung looking up at him sheepishly.
“Hey,” Jaehyun moves aside so Doyoung can come in and shuts the door behind him. Doyoung smiles at him, and Jaehyun thinks Doyoung is the cutest person ever with his hands in his pockets and his hoodie currently drowning him. Doyoung walks over into Jaehyun’s room and Jaehyun trails behind like a lost puppy. Ironic, really, since it was his own home.
“Hi.” Doyoung sits down on the bed, “Done the project?”
“Project? Uh, it’s a thing… It’s…” Jaehyun can’t find the words as he awkwardly stands in front of Doyoung, “…A work… in progress.”
Doyoung nods, “I see. Can I see it? Can you,” He vaguely gestures at Jaehyun, “Do it?”
“Do it?” Jaehyun gulps, because he hasn’t even begun the speech for the second half of his accompanying PowerPoint, and he doesn’t want to disappoint Doyoung. But how could Doyoung ever be disappointed in him when he stares at him in a way that makes Jaehyun feel so funny inside, or when his lips look so kissable and Jaehyun wants to push him against the bed right at this moment and kiss him until they’re out of breath and-
“Jaehyun!” Doyoung was in Jaehyun’s face, and Jaehyun steps back and stumbles over a pile of books, much to Doyoung’s amusement, “You keep spacing out.”
Jaehyun laughs, anxious. He prays the red on his cheeks won’t give away his thoughts, “Just nervous. Very nervous. Let’s present?”
Doyoung chuckles but decides not to comment. Instead, he opts to sit back down on Jaehyun’s bed. The latter sets up his laptop on his bedside table for the two to view. He stands beside it, fidgeting from one foot to other, and gently hits the back of his neck to stop the pink blush that’s crawling up his face.
He could do this.
It’s just Doyoung.
(It’s just Doyoung – pink, bitten lips and star speckled eyes.)
“Hello,” Jaehyun starts with his eyes glued to the floor, “My name is Jaehyun, and my presentation is on solar winds and its effect on-“
“Why are you imitating a robot?” Doyoung interrupts, “Beep boop. I’m Jaehyun.” His chin is now resting on his hand as he looks up to Jaehyun, “It’s just me. You’ve spoken to me about these things a million times.” He smiles. A smile so warm and bright Jaehyun is sure it will cause world peace.
Jaehyun plays with the hem of his shirt. He knew it was true. Jaehyun enjoys brainstorming aloud, something Doyoung grew quickly accustomed with, thankfully.
“My presentation is on solar winds,” he attempts a smile at Doyoung, who sends him two encouraging thumbs up, and as he lists the issues with solar winds and their formation, he wonders why he ever made such a fuss on speaking about a topic he is so well-versed in. Doyoung’s eyes stay trained on him the whole time, with the pretty grin that never leaves his face, and when Jaehyun is done, Doyoung jumps straight up.
“That was great,” Doyoung claps his hands, and then pulls Jaehyun into a big hug, “You did so good! I knew you could do this.”
And Jaehyun isn’t sure that was quite the truth – he stumbled his words on many occasions and forgotten to mention the different atmospheres of the Sun, but still, he deserves the safety of Doyoung’s arms, so he steps into the hug the elder boy was offering.
“Thanks. I wouldn’t be able to do it without you,” Jaehyun whispers, and that was the truth. He doesn’t have enough fingers to count on for the number of times his heart calms down at the sight of Doyoung watching him with so much enthusiasm.
“You’ll never have to. I’ll sneak in and watch you,” Doyoung hums. His hands have somehow made their way up to play with a few strands of hair on Jaehyun’s forehead, and God, Jaehyun has always taken a backseat in all things lovely and romantic, but he would be forced to curse himself again if he didn't take this moment to kiss Doyoung.
Doyoung, who is so lovely and sweet and Jaehyun can see the different specks of black and brown in his eyes when they’re this close, a galaxy of colours and their lips are inching closer.
“Jaehyun,” Doyoung mumbles, “Can you hurry up and kiss me already?”
Jaehyun is sure his face is bright red now, but God, how can he refuse a request so loving. Especially one from Doyoung, and-
“Oh my god, I can see your brain overworking,” Doyoung laughs quietly, and suddenly their lips are melting together and all Jaehyun can think of is how sweet Doyoung tastes and God, how did he ever live without this. Without Doyoung’s tongue wrapped around his. Without Doyoung’s fingers tapping along the underside of Jaehyun’s jaw. Without Doyoung’s cheeks cupped in Jaehyun’s hands.
“I wanted to kiss you first,” Jaehyun whines, a few seconds after they pull apart. His grip’s tight onto Doyoung like he could slip away at any moment.
“Then kiss me. I’ve been waiting.” Doyoung teases, and Jaehyun really isn’t going to let his brain talk its way out of this one.
--
His friends, as always, are extremely unhelpful. Johnny suggests acquiring a clone to do this presentation for him. Jaehyun only has two problems with this: firstly, Jaehyun doesn’t have a clone and secondly, clones always turn evil. Jungwoo, on the other hand, said that he could speak and all Jaehyun has to do was lip-sync, but a practice trial of this went horribly wrong.
Doyoung holds Jaehyun’s hand under the table during this whole conversation and at the end decides to tell him, ‘You’ve been preparing this for two months now. It’s going to go great,” and Jaehyun has chosen to repeat those words in his head as he walks towards the lecture theatre. His heart is pounding, but he chooses to focus on Doyoung’s footsteps beside him.
“You got this,” Doyoung reassures outside the door, and maybe they had a little kiss, but that was just a promise of something later. Jaehyun nods, and Doyoung takes his hand, “I promise, you will do great. We have been working on this for a while now… because you and I, we’re a team, right?”
Jaehyun smiles at his boyfriend (he has already waited for months, and he couldn’t wait anymore), “Always. I’d have it no other way.” After months of anticipation, Jaehyun finally has the pleasure of making Doyoung blush, and he would be lying if he didn’t admit it’s his favourite sight in the world.
Doyoung playfully shoves at his chest, to which Jaehyun just rolls his eyes. “Time to go?” Doyoung asks, and Jaehyun let out a loud sigh before walking through the double doors.
The lecture theatre was unexpectedly empty, minus Doyoung who decides to sit in one of the back rows with a smile. Jaehyun assumes he has come early, but nevertheless strolls to the front of the large room to hook up his laptop to the screen. The lecturer is at the bottom of the hall in the front row, and Jaehyun gulps at the notepad that is out in front of him.
“Hello Jaehyun, you’re right on time,” He greets, “What was your presentation on?”
“It’s on…,” Jaehyun pauses for a moment, taking another look at the watch on his wrist, “Where is everyone else? Aren’t they late?”
“Everyone else?” He asks, looking around the theatre and then at Jaehyun, “Oh, I’d never make you present in front of your peers.”
Jaehyun gapes, “You wouldn’t?”
The lecturer just laughs, “Oh no. That would be horrible, but I see you’ve bought a guest, which is fine. Please start when you’re ready.”
He can see Doyoung snickering in the back, and just huffs. All those nights spent dreading this day when it’s in front of empty seats. How ridiculous (but still, he is thankful).
He glances up to Doyoung again, who’s now leaning forward. Their eyes meet and Doyoung blows a kiss in his direction. This leaves Jaehyun flustered and fiddling with his laptop for a moment as he cools down.
It doesn’t matter where they are anyway, Jaehyun thinks.
It’s always just them.