Work Text:
“I’m not really sure we should be doing this,” Clare said.
“Relax,” Erin said. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
“She could catch us! Actually, I’m fairly sure she will catch us if we do what you want, Erin.”
“I’m with Clare,” James said. “I don’t particularly want to piss Michelle off.”
“She’s the one who gave us the money to get food while she’s out off with – whatshisname.”
“I thought his name was Conall,” Orla said.
“Aye, thanks for that, Orla.”
“You’re welcome.”
James exchanged a look with Clare.
“I’m telling you girls, this is a bad idea. Michelle is going to kill us.”
“Oh, I’d like to see her try,” Erin said.
“I don’t see why we can’t just get the chips order she asked us to get. It’s not like she won’t be round later. She told her ma she’s staying the night with you.”
“Exactly,” Erin said, picking up the phone to order from the pizza place. “Hello, I’d like to place an order.”
“This is a bad idea,” Clare said. “I’m having no part in it.” She stood as if to leave.
“Oh, sit down,” Erin said, putting her hand over the receiver. “She’s not gonna kill us. You’ll all see. It’ll be fine.”
James wasn’t so sure about that, but he didn’t say anything.
Besides, he sort of wanted pizza. It’d be a nice break from fish and chips.
“What the fuck is this?” Michelle asked when she came in.
“We ordered pizza!” Orla said.
“Where are my chips?”
“Well,” Erin said, with that air she sometimes got (which James knew meant something horrible was about to happen). “Seeing as you were off with Donal –”
“I thought his name was Conall?” Clare asked.
“Donal, Conall, whatever. I figured you wouldn’t get here until the chips were cold. And cold chips just aren’t any good.”
“Did you at least use your own money to order this shite?”
“James and I tried to talk her out of it, Michelle,” Clare said. James nodded.
“Cowards,” Erin said.
Michelle flipped open the pizza box lid. “What the fuck is this?”
“Anchovies and olives,” Erin answered.
“You feckin hate anchovies and olives.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Er, yeah, you do. I’ve known you my whole life, Erin. You’ve always hated anchovies and olives.”
“She got them to get back at you for abandoning us for Conall,” Clare supplied.
“Oh, thanks for that, Clare,” Erin said.
“I’m sorry, but that pizza is disgusting,” Clare said. “We should have just gotten chips.”
“But we don’t have any money left,” Orla said.
“That’s the point, Orla,” James said.
“Un-fucking-believable. Let me tell you something; that’s the last time I trust you with any decision-making.”
“To be fair,” James started, “is this really that uncommon?”
“Oh, shut up, James,” Erin said.
“No, no, for once he’s got a point.”
For once?
“He’s a traitor! He’s eaten half the pizza!”
“I like anchovies and olives,” James said. “That doesn’t mean I think it was a good idea to get Michelle’s least favourite pizza to get back at her for having a date. I mean, are you going to do this when I have a date?”
Michelle started to laugh, and Erin after her. “Oh, good one, James,” Michelle said.
“What? I can get a date if I want!”
“Er, you’re gay? And English?”
“I’m not gay!” He wasn’t! He’d know by now if he were.
“Gay people go on dates,” Clare said.
“Yeah, but James? He’s English.”
“I don’t have to take this, you know.”
“Oh, you love us.”
He did. He didn’t know why, sometimes, but he did.
Michelle grabbed a slide of the pizza and started picking off all of the anchovies and olives and tossing them back into the box. “You’re a fucking dickhead, Erin, you know that?”
“I’m not the one who abandoned her best friends to chase after some fella!”
“A really gorgeous fella! He’s a total ride; you can’t tell me I’m wrong. Back me up here, James.”
“I’m not gay,” James said. “So I don’t know.”
“Fucking homophobe,” Michelle said.
“I’m not a homophobe.”
“That’s what all the homophobes say.”
James just rolled his eyes and got another slice of pizza. It really was good.