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A shawl made of leaves wrapped around your form as you stood silently in the middle of your kelku, watching your mate frantically search for his battle gear. Jake Sully had called the warriors again for another raid against the sky people who were planning to take over yet another area in your clan. The raids have been happening quite frequently now, and being the son of the Olo’eyktan himself, Lo’ak, your mate, was expected to participate in all of them.
You grew worried every moment he wasn’t here. You prayed to the great Mother he’d come back to you in one piece, safe and sound, but you knew it wouldn’t always be possible. Every time the war party came back, someone would be gravely injured. Most of the time, a couple of them wouldn’t even return - their corpses lying cold on the battlefield.
Thankfully, your husband was a great warrior. Although he was reckless and often didn’t follow Jake’s orders, he was witty enough to survive all the hits and attacks of the humans, and also, your brother-in-law, Neteyam, would always be there to keep him in check. Not once did Lo’ak return with a fatal injury, but still, you couldn’t help but worry.
In front of you, Lo’ak grunted, securing his battle band around his waist. He grabbed his hunting knife from the ground and wiped away litters of dust the blade caught from lying on the floor. His brows formed wrinkles on his face as he frowned, and you didn’t really know why he was upset again right now.
“Please be careful, ma’yawntutsyip.” You uttered softly, but he didn't reply nor look at you. Even if it was usual for him to do this, it still hurt you. You tried not to mull over it too much.
Still ignoring you, Lo’ak turned his back on you as he moved to exit. He was leaving again to battle without saying anything, while you were here, dying with concern over his safety. It pained you so much how it seemed like he didn’t care about you every second of every day since you were mated. But you still loved him anyway. He was your mate, your husband, your second half.
Before he could completely leave you, you took the chance to say, “I love you, Lo’ak.” Something you never failed to tell him every day, just to remind him that you were here, that he had you to come back home to. “Please, will you say it back just this once?” It took every bit of your strength to plead to him, you just wanted to hear him say it.
Your words made him stop in his tracks. He turned his head to the side to spare you a glance, and you tried to fight his cold eyes. You saw how he clenched his jaw as if he was going to say something, but he sighed and turned away before he could. Saying nothing else, he marched out of your kelku.
You felt your whole body relax as soon as he left, you didn’t even notice how tense you were while he was here. Still standing in the same spot, you looked around your kelku. Some stuff were disordered from how much Lo’ak moved them around while he was searching. When the air entered from the opening of your kelku and touched your skin, the heaviness of your heart became difficult to ignore, and you simply inhaled deeply to try to calm yourself down.
Tears started welling in your eyes and your lips quivered. You were upset. So so upset at how cold and lonely you felt in your own home right now, so upset that you have to clean up all of these cluttered things as if you were once again fixing up the mess that was your union with Lo’ak.
You tried to keep your sobs quiet as you knelt to pick up the things your husband didn’t bother to put back properly. It was always like this with him. While he never yelled at you nor physically hurt you, Lo’ak also was never affectionate to you. It was like he wasn’t even your mate. It was like he was just living with you in the same home, sleeping in the same mat and hammock. It was like he never acknowledged you as a lover with how cold he was towards your advances.
You envied the other couples who would profess their love, kiss and hug, and reassure each other every time the other went to battle. Why couldn’t Lo’ak just love you, try to, or even pretend to?
From what you knew, to him, you were just someone his parents tied to him for life in order to keep him ‘in place’, to show the people that he is a desirable son and son-in-law like his older brother, to make the people know Lo’ak is capable of finding a mate and providing for her and for a future family.
And you understood how he felt and why he was like this to you. You convinced yourself really hard to. Every night when you lay beside him whilst he slept soundly next to you, you were crying to yourself, trying to understand that he was still just busy proving himself to his father, proving himself to the people that he could catch up to his older brother, proving to everyone that he wasn’t just some rash failure. You understood why he couldn’t focus on you, even if you were his wife.
As a husband, Lo’ak never fulfilled his marriage duties. He only mated with you once and never again, and that was during the ceremony in front of Eywa. Many of your heat cycles have passed but he never touched you no matter what you did. You often wondered if it was because he had his eyes on someone else. But you’ve confirmed long ago that Lo’ak never flirted with the other women in the clan. He was simply too busy with the war and with proving himself, but you loved him all the same because you supported your husband, you only hoped he’d love you back one day.
Hours have passed since he left. While he was gone, you decided to stock up on some fruit by yourself. You could’ve joined the other women who were also waiting for their mates, but you wanted to be alone so you could think and calm down. You were solemn the entire time, even as you returned back home with your basket full of his favorite fruit.
At the moment, you were sitting quietly in the middle of your kelku, weaving a new mat for Lo’ak so he could rest in a clean one once he got home. But the silence didn’t last long when it was interrupted by the stomping feet and crying of a child running to your home. All at once, you dropped everything and hurried to the child’s side, gently taking her into your arms.
You cupped her face and looked at her with eyes full of worry, “What is the matter, ‘evi? Why are you crying?”
The little girl continued to sob in your arms. “My brother, please. The tawtute.” Her sentence was incomplete, and she was crying uncontrollably but the words ‘brother’ and ‘tawtute’ were all you needed to hear to understand what was going on - the sky people were near, and her brother was in danger.
Your breath hitched but you tried not to panic. What were you going to do now? You were not a warrior. You were just a common clan member whose role is to weave clothing and collect fruit for the people. But you knew how to shoot an arrow as it was required to come-of-age, and you knew it was enough to at least help and stand up for this little child and her brother. She came to you because your kelku was the nearest, and there was no time to look for someone else. As an adult of your clan, it is your duty to protect them.
With a deep breath, you pulled away from her and quickly took the old bow and arrow sitting next to your shared mat with Lo’ak. Gripping its handle tightly, you said, “Take me to him.”
The little girl wasted no time in dragging you with her deeper into the forest. You weren’t sure where she was leading you. Every step you took made you grow more anxious about what you were going to face.
Soon enough, you heard the sound of running water nearby, and you understood that a waterfall was just here somewhere. The little girl suddenly stopped running in front of you, and she tugged your arms, giving you a look to tell you that you were here.
You heard the voices of male humans chattering in the vicinity, talking about ‘DNA’ and ‘new avatar’ in their language. You couldn’t understand what they were saying and only those three words gave you the gist of what they were talking about. Even if your husband was quite fluent in the language of those demons, you still didn’t understand. Lo’ak never taught you after all. But all that matters right now is getting her brother back, you could worry about the rest later on.
You bent your knees slightly to meet the child’s eyes. Placing your palm on her head, you whispered. “Go hide. I will take care of everything.”
Still with tears in her eyes, she nodded at you before running back to one of the trees behind you.
You took a deep breath before stealthily approaching the voices. Your steps were gentle as you crouched, the crunch of the leaves you stepped on was non-existent as you made your way closer. As soon as the soldiers came into view, you took a while to observe the situation. The na’vi boy was tied up, back faced to you, and two humans were in front of him, armed with large guns scouting the area.
You quietly moved and hid yourself behind the tree that was next to you. With your back pressed on its trunk, you took your arrow and started positioning your bow. You can do this, you can do this . You encouraged yourself in your head. There are only two of them . To you, the humans themselves weren’t scary, they were a lot smaller than you after all. Just one harsh slap and you could make them fly away. It was their weapons that concerned you, you didn’t understand how they worked.
You held your breath as you stepped away from the tree, arms raised whilst you aimed at the human. You planned to shoot them consecutively before they could react with their weapons, you knew you could do it. And so, without further hesitation, you released the arrow and allowed it to fly through the air, stabbing the human right on his head.
The man hadn’t even dropped to the ground when you took another arrow and stretched your bow to aim at the other one. Again, you shot the man on his head, and you watched as both of their bodies collapsed on the ground with a thud.
You sprinted to the boy’s side, who began crying from relief the moment he saw you. When you knelt in front of him, you immediately started to untie him from the ropes, reassuring him that he was safe now and to not worry. As soon as the boy was free, he tackled you into a grateful hug, sobbing into your arms.
“Mawey, mawey.” You patted his back, carefully pulling him away from you. “We need to go. More of them will come. Go!”
He was nodding as he stumbled standing up. You gestured for him to run, and he obeyed, darting to the direction of hometree.
You stood up to trail behind him. But before you could even walk another step, a loud mechanical thud was heard from behind you. You grew cold, already aware of what that was. You spun around reluctantly and were met with a soldier in an AMP suit aiming his firearm right at you.
What happened next was a blur. You didn’t have the time to grab your bow nor react, because when his weapon erupted a loud bang, it was already over for you.
The ikrans shrieked as they landed on the branches of hometree. The war party was surrounded by a crowd of family members, all looking for their warriors in worry and anticipation of their return. Lo’ak, who was in between his father and older brother, dismounted his ikran as his eyes searched for a particular na’vi among the people.
He puffed out a disappointed breath when he couldn’t find who he was looking for. Were you mad at him because he didn’t say ‘I love you’ back earlier? This wasn’t new to your relationship, so what was different now? You never missed his arrival. Were you finally getting tired of him?
Lo’ak’s lips pursed as he followed behind Jake through the horde that was their clan members. Neteyam who was walking beside Lo’ak, felt his younger brother’s sour mood but he decided not to mention it anymore. The entire day and weeks before having been stressful enough. With the raids going on and Lo’ak constantly going to him for advice about his marriage, Neteyam knew if he dared to bring it up, it would only make his brother appear more upset in front of you once he got home.
As the three of them made their way through hometree, they came across a young na’vi boy wailing in the corner, circled by a few other adults who were trying to calm him down. Jake didn’t hesitate to go near them.
“What’s going on here?” Jake asked, his two sons standing with him on both sides.
The boy wiped his tears away, trying to meet the eyes of his Olo’eyktan. “S-soldiers ambushed me.” He wanted to explain more, but his voice was shaking, and it was all he could say.
“Where?” Neteyam leaned forward to join the conversation.
“Near the waterfall.” The boy sobbed. “I was able to escape because my sister called for help.”
“Help? Who helped you?” Lo’ak asked.
Everyone fell oddly silent from his question that it made Jake and Neteyam look around in confusion. Lo’ak raised an eyebrow, waiting for the boy to answer. “Well?” He urged him to reply.
The boy only hid himself in the arms of the na’vi who was comforting him, sobbing louder than earlier. What could he say to the husband of the person who saved him? When it was already clear to him what happened when a bang echoed through the forest?
The people looked at Lo’ak with sympathy, and he stared at them one by one, trying to process and understand what their expressions meant. He grew cold every second when none of them uttered anything. What were they doing? Why were they looking at him like this? Like they were apologizing?
Lo’ak’s expression darkened. Your absence, their apologetic looks. It couldn’t be, right?
He released a deep exhale as he straightened his back. Lo’ak’s world stopped as realization struck him. Suddenly, everything was silent. He couldn’t hear the child’s sobbing, the people talking around him, and Neteyam calling his name from literally right beside him. All he could hear was a long high-pitched ring on his ear, and there was a string in front of him ready to snap any second.
His lips were parted as he breathed heavily, trying to calm himself whilst he turned and walked away from them without a word. Jake was calling him but he ignored and continued to his ikran. You? You helped that boy? You weren’t a warrior. How could you fight? Lo’ak’s jaw clenched as he thought about it.
Neteyam hurried to Lo’ak’s side, grabbing his arm to catch his brother’s attention. “Bro, calm down.”
Lo’ak snapped his head at Neteyam, eyes burning in anger. “Calm down? How can I? My wife , my mate. She is in danger!” His voice raised, catching the attention of almost everyone around them. Lo’ak harshly pulled his arm back from Neteyam, and all the man could do was stand there dumbfounded.
Jake nodded to Neteyam with a knowing look as Lo’ak mounted his ikran in front of everyone. The animal shrieked louder than ever, mirroring the burning anger of its rider. And as Lo’ak commanded his companion to fly away, Jake and Neteyam ran to their ikrans and followed suit to fly to you.
Lo’ak couldn’t think straight as he flew, and his ikran could feel it. His blood was cold, and he was shaking in worry. He was hoping, praying to the great Mother silently in his head that he understood their looks wrong, and it wasn’t you who he was going to find there. That you were just asleep in your home, tired from weaving, and that’s why you weren’t there earlier when he arrived. Lo’ak was sweating, even as the cold air ran through his skin as he flew - he didn’t know what he would do if it was really you.
For the past few weeks, Lo’ak had been visiting his older brother, asking him for advice on how to make things better for your relationship. Neteyam was always the better one, and even Lo’ak couldn’t disagree with that. Lo’ak knew that he struggled with expressing his emotions and with controlling the relationship especially because it started out rough when he initially didn’t want to be with you. He was hoping his brother could help him sort his thoughts out, or at least, help him form better words to explain and plan out the slow change he wanted in your marriage.
Lo’ak learned to love you as months with you went by. At first, he thought you were pretending to love him and that you were settling for him because he was used to the others mocking him for not being as great as his older brother. But Lo’ak saw how genuine, kind, loving, and caring you were towards him - how could he not fall?
Lo’ak treated you harshly because he felt bad that you were tied to a failure like him. He wanted you to find someone better so you could be happier, because he was still in the process of finding himself. But Lo’ak knew that deep down, he couldn’t really let you go. Just thinking about you being with someone else irked him so much, he would rather be skinned alive than to live through a day seeing you with another man. And so, Lo’ak built up his courage, and tried so hard to prove himself to everyone, so that one day, he could love you, and nobody else would be worthy enough for you than him. After all, you were his mate, his wife, his second half.
Lo’ak, Neteyam, and Jake arrived by the waterfall just in time when a soldier in an AMP suit was picking you up with its hands, motioning to walk away from the scene.
Lo’ak’s eyes glowered at the sight, blood boiling as he became angrier. Your limbs were swaying as the metal suit held you, and Lo’ak knew you were unconscious. His ikran glided through the air at immense speed as he yelled from his throat, taking his bow out and aiming the arrow straight at the soldier inside the suit.
The AMP suit collapses in an instant when the arrow stabbed through the human’s head. The sudden motion made the suit’s arm throw your body into the air, and you fell harshly on the ground with a cruel sound.
Lo’ak kept his eyes only on you when his ikran eventually landed, Jake and Neteyam right behind him. Lo’ak practically jumped off of his ikran as he rushed to your side. From his rear, Jake was in the background ordering Neteyam to scout the area and look if other soldiers were around, but Lo’ak ignored them and only focused on you.
Lo’ak knelt beside you, grabbing your arm as he assessed your body. Jake towered behind Lo’ak, and he could only watch sadly for his son - he knew that from how you looked right now, you were already dead even before they arrived, but he couldn’t bring himself to point that out to his grieving son.
“No, no, no. Please, please.” Lo’ak shook his head, refusing to believe the state you were in right now - blood running from your mouth and everywhere else that was shot in your body. This was the first time you could’ve heard the concern in his voice for you, but you couldn’t.
Lo’ak began tearing up at the sight of you, and he forced his tears away so he could assess your face better for any sign of life. “You’re not dead, you’re not dead.” He repeated to himself as if he was convincing himself.
When you didn’t answer a word nor any movement, his grip tightened on your cold hand, and he yelled a cry. It was the first time Jake saw his son cry that much. “Please come back to me, baby, please!” He pleaded, hands moving to cup your cheeks. But your lifeless eyes only stared back at him.
I love you, Lo’ak. Please, will you say it back just this once?
“I see you, I love you! I always have, please!” He wailed the words he never said, the words you have longed to hear. But it was too late, your arms were limp, and you weren’t responding; you couldn’t hear him anymore. Your body was turning cold every minute that was passing; you were dead and no matter how much Lo’ak pleaded and cried beside you, you weren’t going to come back. He knew this, but he was refusing to accept it.
Jake could only watch as Lo’ak started to yell out his cries.
The regret of being too late, the regret of losing his other half forever, the regret of never giving you the love you deserved, the regret of never saying the words you deserved to hear - would eat Lo’ak up for the rest of his life, because you died never knowing how much he loved you too.