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Noah had recently taken an interest in learning to cook, partially influenced by Jessie talking about how she got to help Amanda and Sonny with dinner sometimes. So Olivia had agreed to teach him, vowing to come home early one or two nights a week so they could make some simple meals together. Tonight, they were having baked chicken tenders with mashed potatoes and corn. She had let him measure out the water for the potatoes, and now he was watching the pot of water. However, he was quickly getting bored.
“Mom,” Noah said. “What takes the water so long to boil?”
“It’s a process,” Olivia explained. “When you turn on the stove, the water needs time to warm up and then it has to get to a certain temperature before the bubbles form. It’s sort of like how we preheat the oven to get it to the right setting to make pizza or chicken, or even a Thanksgiving turkey. And if you don’t boil the water before making something, our food will be mushy, so it won’t be as tasty and fun to eat.
“But watching it won’t make it boil. Have you ever heard anyone say ‘a watched pot never boils’? We also use that a lot in life to talk about how things we’re waiting for don’t just happen because we’re impatient or want them to. The timing needs to be just right, or you need to work harder to meet your goals and get results.”
“So I shouldn’t be watching to see the bubbles?”
“You can, but the water will warm up when it’s ready. It won’t be ready quicker just because you’re hungry. That’s what that phrase means.”
When the water started boiling, she helped him measure out the mashed potato mix, and he poured it into the pot.
“Hey, where’s Elliot been?” Noah suddenly asked while stirring the potatoes. “I thought you said he might be coming for dinner tonight. Does he have to work?”
Olivia sighed. She hadn’t yet explained to Noah that she and Elliot were having problems, but that was because he didn’t need to know about how they almost kissed after he fell asleep one evening. If she told him that they’d had a disagreement, he’d likely get upset and wonder if yet another potential father figure wasn’t going to be around anymore. There had to be an age-appropriate way to explain this, and she started racking her brain to find it.
“Yes, he is at work,” she finally replied. “And I know he’s sorry he can’t be here. But there’s something more I need to talk to you about.”
“OK. What’s up?”
“Well, sweetie…sometimes even people who are very good friends can have problems or disagree with each other. And that’s what happened with me and Elliot. After you went to bed a few weeks ago, we were talking, and we didn’t see eye to eye on some important things. Now, we didn’t yell or call each other names, but there were some hurt feelings. So, we decided that we needed to spend some time apart and deal with our feelings on our own.”
Noah nodded, and just as Olivia expected, he seemed disappointed.
“Can’t you tell him you’re sorry? I like Elliot. He picks me up from school sometimes and said he’d come to my dance recital in the spring.”
“Oh honey, I know. And Elliot is not mad at you. He still cares about you. I feel bad that we had a disagreement, part because I know you enjoy seeing him. But just like the pot of water needs time to get warm before we add the potato mix or some pasta, sometimes people need time to cool off after a fight before they can apologize. Elliot and I just want time to think and revisit the problem when we’re calmer. You should never try to work things out when you’re upset.
“And you know what else? When people argue, if they don’t think before they speak, sometimes they are like a pot of boiling water. They get upset and very tense, and it feels like they want to pour everything out. Sometimes venting is healthy, but other times, it only leads to more resentment.”
“So you’re the pot of water?” Noah asked. “Or is Elliot?”
“I think in this situation we both kind of boiled. But I was the one who had to pull back and turn down my heat before I made a mistake.”
“What kind of mistake?”
Olivia shook her head. “The kind where you feel like you have to make a decision, so you quickly decide to do something, but then realize you’re not doing the right thing. Sometimes, though, even that can hurt other people. I know how upset you were when Peter moved away. He made a choice so he didn’t feel bad or uncomfortable, but we were still disappointed.
“Imagine if you decided to invite one friend somewhere but not another. You may have never intended to make your second friend upset, but they might still feel bad about being excluded. I don’t think Elliot is a bad person just because we disagreed, but I know he’d be sad too if I told him you missed him even though he’s allowed to have hurt feelings over our disagreement.”
Noah nodded. “I hope you guys want to talk to each other again soon. I don’t like to be mad at my friends either, or at you when we fight. Sometimes I’m the pot too, right?”
“Yes, you tended to be when you were little,” she said with a smile. “I remember having quite a few fights with you over what we were eating for dinner and when you were going to bed. You may not, though, and that’s OK. Eventually you felt better and I forgave you, and we’re still a family.”
At that moment, she started to see how important it was to not keep Elliot away from her for much longer. They didn’t have to be a couple, but she didn’t want Noah to suffer. There had to be a way to work this out.
After dinner, Noah helped Olivia clean up, and then she told him to go do his homework. She didn’t tell him, though, that she had an important phone call to make.
That was the other thing. Two years later, it felt like calling Elliot wasn’t getting easier. She still picked up her phone with trepidation and sometimes prayed he wouldn’t answer. But if she was going to practice what she preached to Noah, she had to make this call now that they’d had some time to cool off. It was necessary, or they’d never get over what happened—and didn’t happen—in her kitchen.
She didn’t want to be afraid of seeing his name in her contact list and dialing his number anymore. The awkwardness between them was the watched pot now. Refusing to call him wouldn’t wipe the events from her memory or make apologies any easier, just like Noah watching a pot wouldn’t make water boil sooner. So, she sucked it up and dialed.
“Liv?” Elliot answered on the first ring.
“Hi, Elliot. Is this a good time to talk?”
“Sure. I can turn down the Rangers game. What’s up?”
“Look, I know there’s still a lot of unresolved issues between us after we almost…well, you know. I’m embarrassed and flustered just thinking about it, but Noah asked where you were at dinner tonight. And it felt like a punch in the gut. Even if only for his sake, I want to make an effort to see where we stand now that we’ve had a week or so of no contact. Can we revisit this?”
Elliot was quiet for a minute. She’d gotten startled when she realized they were about to kiss, knowing that she wasn’t ready for a relationship with so much still unsaid, but she also knew he was hurt when he saw that she didn’t quite return his feelings. However, she still cared about him and couldn’t bring herself to fully let go.
“You’re right,” he agreed. “Noah’s a great kid. I assume he reminded you that I said I’d come to his dance recital this year?”
“He doesn’t forget.” Olivia laughed.
“I thought so. And I’m happy you trust me to pick him up from school. I love spending time with him, even though it’s not much, and it’s nice to help you when you need it.
But I see what you’re saying about us. How about lunch this Saturday? I think we’ve had enough time to mull things over, and I really want to move past this. I’m ready to hear whatever’s been on your mind.”
“Yeah, that’s a good day,” she said. “I’ll ask Amanda if she and Sonny can take Noah for a little bit. He actually has taken an interest in helping me in the kitchen because he heard how Jessie gets to help cook, so tonight I let him make the mashed potatoes for dinner. He did a good job. You wouldn’t be able to tell they were straight from the box.”
“No kidding. That’s the fun part of him getting older. More of the world just opens to him and he gets to try all these cool new things.”
“And what’s interesting is, I was able to use a cooking analogy to explain to Noah what’s happening between us. He looked pretty down when I told him we had a disagreement, but he wants us to apologize and talk. He was kind of fascinated when I tried to compare it to him and I having fights, or if he accidentally hurt one of his friend’s feelings. I went with the whole ‘a watched pot never boils’ cliche since he was already wondering what took the water for the potatoes so long. I realized as I talked that I was becoming the pot watcher…hoping this situation would just go away when it’s clear we have a long way to go.”
“Well, yeah, the things we want to forget about never seem to leave us,” Elliot said. “But I hope on Saturday we can reach mutual ground and move forward. I’m looking forward to it, and I’m glad you called again. Sometimes I worry that every time I talk to you and we’re emotional that it’s going to be the last time, and I’m happy this isn’t. Even though I tend to be the boiling water at times.”
“I’m happy too. And…you know, I think everyone takes a turn as the water at some point. We all get upset and overwhelmed and things spill out. There’s no avoiding it. So, I guess I’ll see you for lunch in a few days.”
“You bet.”
Olivia had forgotten to explain to Noah that when you’re cooking, you should always turn the stove off so you don’t leave the burner on and risk a fire or fumes not venting correctly. She knew she had to take that same concept with her when meeting Elliot that coming weekend. It was time to “shut off” any awkwardness and talk through it like two adults who cared about each other.