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“Napaka-tanga talaga ng suggestions niyo.” Seungcheol cursed under his breath. “Itanong kung paano mag-habol? Ayaw na nga ako kausapin, puta.” Sinasabi niya lahat ng ‘yan habang nag-ttype ng same exact message for his last ex, the girl before the fake dating started.
Before Jeonghan started hating him.
Lumaki si Seungcheol na ang laging naririnig sa ibang tao ay kung gaano siya ka-cute, ka-pogi and how many hearts he was going to break. He was too full of himself na hindi niya namalayan na that was what he was becoming. Sikat, maraming nagkakagusto, at higit sa lahat, fuck boy. Akala niya if you were to be called like that means mas lalong pumopogi. Hindi nag-seseryoso sa relationships, puro babae, inom, gimik. His longest relationship lasted for a month. ‘Yun na ‘yon. The rest inaabot lang ng weeks. Hindi niya din alam kung bakit siya ganito. “ It’s fun! ” was what he used to say.
Pero hindi pala talaga masaya kapag tinamaan na ng karma.
His karma came in the form of the prettiest man he has ever seen, Yoon Jeonghan.
It’s been more than a month since Jeonghan walked out of his apartment. The moment he was out, biglang nakaramdam si Seungcheol ng bigat at lamig sa puso. He was used to being the one leaving people behind, not the other way around.
Days had passed at hindi pa rin niya makausap nor malapitan man lang si Jeonghan. He tried twice on different days. Nung una, nakasalubong niya sa restroom and he was about to call for him pero nilagpasan lang siya ni Jeonghan without batting an eye at him. The second time was at the canteen. Nakita ni Seungcheol na kumakain mag-isa si Jeonghan at sinubukan niyang lumapit dito but the moment their eyes met, Jeonghan stood up and left.
Halatng-halata niya ang pag-iwas at paglayo nito sa kanya. Halos araw-araw na din siya naglalasing, minsan kasama niya ang tropa niya pero madalas siya lang mag-isa. Sometimes, he gets shocked kung gaano karaming bote ang naiinom niya. He wasn’t like this before. He’d also prefer bars than at home. But now, he doesn’t want to see and meet people. Gusto lang niya.. si Jeonghan. Makausap si Jeonghan. Makasama ulit si Jeonghan. Mai-date ulit si Jeonghan.
His two friends kept telling him that he’s in love and what he was feeling is what normal break-ups feel like. But he always declined their statements. Kasi.. siya? In love? Seungcheol didn’t even know what love truly is. Akala niya.. love is when you enjoy the things you do. That’s it. Totoo naman, because he loved being a playboy.
What he didn’t know was what true love means and all the emotions involved.
He still doesn’t know, by the way. But he tried watching movies, to at least have an idea of how it is. He even tried looking for a true to life film, so he can understand fully. He found one where a bad boy falls in love and fuck! He wanted to punch himself right there and then. He just realized how much of an asshole he was to his exes, to people and most especially, to Jeonghan. Kung may natutunan man siya sa mga napanood niya.. ‘Yun ay ‘yung naintindihan niya kung anong sinasabi ng mga kaibigan niya about ‘normal break-ups’ because they are right. He does feel miserable at ang gusto lang niya ay makita or makausap si Jeonghan.
“ Basta si Jeonghan. ”
Gusto na lang niya ibalik ang nakaraan and make things right.
But he was too late.
Ayaw na siya kausapin ni Jeonghan. Worse, ang malaman na he doesn’t feel the same way. “Tangina, first time na nga lang ma-in love, sawi pa.” He took a sip of beer and proceeded to change Jeonghan’s contact photo. Don’t ask him why pero it became his habit tuwing iinom siya. Nahuhuli na lang niya ang sarili na nag-bbrowse ng gallery and found several photos of Jeonghan captured by him noong mga panahon na magkasama sila. He used to change the colors of the heart, too. Ngayon lang niya aaminin pero siguro he wanted every colors to represent Jeonghan.
“Puro ka Jeonghan, pre, baka tama si ex number 8. Karma mo talaga si Jeonghan.” Sabi ni Mingyu na tinawanan naman ni Seokmin. “Gago kasi ng tropa mo eh. ‘Di na lang sinabi kay Jeonghan na natutuwa siya sa kanya tapos humingi na lang sana ng favor like a normal being should.”
He didn’t mean to blackmail him. He, actually, didn’t know the depth of what he was doing. He only just realized now that he was selfish and mean and possessive. Kung hindi pa ipamukha sa kanya, hindi niya malalaman. How evil is it for him to think that everything he did was okay?
“‘Ge na, at least alam mo na na mali ka.” Seokmin said. “Isipin mo na lang kung paano ka na ngayon. He still deserves a proper apology. Pati na din siguro mga ex mo but they sounded like they still hate you based on their replies, so maybe give them time muna.”
Mingyu nodded, “Kay Jeonghan, ano gagawin mo?”
Ibinaba ni Seungcheol ang phone niya, slowly giving up on asking help from his exes. “Hindi ko alam. Gusto ko lang siya makita. Tangina, I sound like a lovesick puppy, pota.”
What have you done to me, Jeonghan?
The mere thought of going through the same thing caused him to question and doubt even the little things around him. And it wasn’t just the worry and fear of being lied to that keeps him awake at night.
But there’s so much more to it. Like the fact that Seungcheol carelessly confessed to him. Careless ba ‘yun? He felt his emotions, though. Hindi lang siya sure on how to react and how to respond. Jeonghan feels something for him, too. Pero, sadly, nalalamangan ‘yun ng pag-betray ni Seungcheol. Betrayed in a way that he used a lie to blackmail him. At one point, iniisip niya it wasn’t solely Seungcheol’s fault, kung bakit dumami ang lies. The way he said he was starting to like Seungcheol kay Joshua, he probably wasn’t lying there. He just made himself believe na hindi affected.
But he was.
He hasn’t talked to him since he rejected him. He saw him at school, but paid no attention. Lumalayo talaga siya because.. It’s complicated.
Bukod sa it somehow traumatized him, naalala niya how Seungcheol kept giving him mixed signals and the guy wasn’t even aware. Another red flag, damn it. If things didn’t happen the way it did, Seungcheol will never confess nor will he learn what he feels for Jeonghan. So, they would most probably still be walking in thin ice if that’s the case. Bothered pa din si Jeonghan sa mixed signals na ‘yan. ‘Yun ‘yung isa sa mga rason kung bakit hindi niya sinabi kay Seungcheol that he feels something for him. Forgiving is not easy, and most especially forgetting.
But one thing’s for sure, he still tries to look after him. Okay, kapag sa ibang tao nangyari ‘to, Jeonghan would call them ‘tanga’, pero ngayon na nandito din siya sa situation na ganito.. He can only sigh.
Everytime he gets drunk texts from Seungcheol, hindi niya alam kung ano mararamdaman niya. Lungkot mostly, kasi at some point ramdam niya ‘yung regret sa bawat message nito.
Maybe all he needs is time.. And space.
Kaya after that conversation with Seungcheol, inilaan na lang ni Jeonghan lahat ng oras niya sa pag-aaral and started working on a good thesis topic. Might as well move on with good grades, kesa naman magmukmok lang siya about his feelings and complications.
Napansin din ni Jeonghan na sa tuwing nasa bahay nila ang tropa ng kambal niya, which Seungcheol is a part of, hindi ito sumasama. Narinig niya nung isang beses na nagtanong si Joshua of where Seungcheol was at bakit hindi siya sumama, and Seokmin only replied with “ Baka daw ma-ilang si Jeonghan. ” They were being so quiet about it, by the way. He accidentally heard it when he was about to come out of his room. Jeonghan thought to himself, “So, marunong na siya mag-respect ng personal spcae? ” He didn’t know if that was something to be happy about, but there was a small smile on Jeonghan’s lips. Because if that was the Seungcheol before, papasok lang ‘yun ng walang paalam.
He also heard from a classmate that Seungcheol now stopped going to bars. Sabi din ng iba na hindi na daw namimilit or nanghihiram ng assignments ni Seungcheol. That’s a progress, Jeonghan believed. Noon kasi, Seungcheol would copy works from others. Until Jeonghan came. Dahil nung nagstart sila sa agreement nila, Jeonghan helped him work on his own. “ Fourth year ka na, puro kopya ka pa din .” He remembered saying to the other before.
Jeonghan took a deep breath. Narealize niya na si Seungcheol na naman nasa isip niya. It’s not good, so he continued to scan the bookshelf habang hinahanap ang librong kanina niya pang kailangan. He rolled his sleeves when he saw it. But before he can grab it with his hands, nagulat siya nang may nauna kumuha nito.
“Oh no! Ito din ba hana– Wait.. you are the Jeonghan, right?” The girl said to him.
What on earth did she mean with ‘the Jeonghan’? “Uhh. yeah.” He answered awkwardly.
“You’re the right person, then.” Ngumiti ito sa kanya. “I’m ex number 5.”
“Huh?”
“Seungcheol..” She tilted her head and Jeonghan knew what she meant. Okay, siya ang ex number 5 ni Seungcheol. Hindi niya alam ang gagawin niya kasi ano naman kung siya ‘yung ex ni Seungcheol? As far as he can remember more than ten ang exes ni Seungcheol, pero anong point? “Don’t worry, hindi ako mang-aaway.” Then, she laughed. “I just want to say na he messaged me, and I think lahat ng ex niya? But yeah, nag-text siya sa’kin days ago asking for help. Nagulat ako because I, myself, tried chasing after him. Seungcheol was a good boyfriend, kahit hindi siya seryoso. But he was nice. Playboy lang talaga and all, and sobrang bilis niya mag-sawa. Kaya nga sinubukan kong habulin eh. Pero alam mo, prior to our breakup.. I don’t see him genuinely happy. I don’t know how to explain it pero pansin ko sa kanya na may kulang. And to tell you the truth, I have been very curious kung ano ‘yun. Kasi ramdam ko he needed something in his life, which I thought was me. Pero well..”
Hindi alam ni Jeonghan kung paanong tingin ang gagawin niya sa kausap because ang out of nowhere na she’s blurting out things about Seungcheol. And they were in the library. “Uhm.. Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko sa’yo, ex number 5.”
The girl laughed at the nickname, “Don’t call me that sa ibang lugar, please.”
“Sorry.”
“Ayun nga..” She started again and Jeonghan just stood there in front of her still trying to understand why she had to talk to him. “As I was saying. Seungcheol was asking help from his exes to get you back.” Nanlaki naman ang mga ni Jeonghan sa narinig. “He apologized to me, and I believe sa ibang exes din niya. With the way you reacted, I assume his other exes didn’t help him.” She smiled at him, “I mean, I used to loathe him, too. Pero I’d say he wasn’t fully at fault. He always said to not take him seriously and he didn’t do love. Siguro naman alam mo on how his past relationships started?”
Jeonghan nodded. Alam na alam.. It was one of the reasons why he was surprised na siya ang naisip ni Seungcheol na gawing fake boyfriend.
“He was really good in bed, kaya na din siguro his exes, like me, kept wanting him back. And I also assume that you never did it with him?”
Nahihiyang umiling si Jeonghan. Now that they are talking about it, narealize niya na Seungcheol was never touchy. At least, not in a way to make him uncomfortable. But Jeonghan had always thought of it as Seungcheol is a straight man so he most probably won’t do it with him.
“‘Wag ka mag-overthink. Just because you’re the first guy he seriously loved doesn’t mean he didn’t want to do it with you. Knowing Seungcheol..” She scoffed. “Sorry, I really don’t know how to say things in an appropriate way but I guess I just want to say that you’re different from us. Not because you’re a different gender, and also not because he hasn’t had sex with you. But really.. Jeonghan, sa paghingi pa lang ni Seungcheol ng tulong from us, ramdam ko na na you’re different. ‘Yung glow na hinahanap ko sa kanya, I saw it when he was with you. And I am not saying this to help him, but since nandito ka na din naman sa harap ko, might as well let you know.”
“Uhm.. thank you?”
Tumawa ulit ang babae at iniabot sa kanya ang libro, “Sige na. Ikaw na muna sa book na ‘to, hanap na lang muna ako ng iba.”And before she left the aisle, she whispered, “I don’t know what issues you two have or had, but yeah. I hope maayos niyo whether you get back or not.”
“Okay.. thank you again, ex number 5.”
Okay, and now what?
Jeonghan shook his head, mas magaling na lang siguro na ‘wag niya masyadong isipin.
Ang sabi ng friends niya wala daw si Jeonghan sa bahay nila kasi nag-sleepover daw sa dorm ng ibang friends. This is why sumama siya to do their requirements together. His other friends are taking other courses so most of them are graduating na. ‘Yung iba, they have more years like Seungcheol.
“Miss mo?” Mingyu, suddenly, spoke. Napatingin tuloy sa kanya lahat ng friends niya.
Seungcheol stretched his arms and sighed, “Sobra.” This straightforward confession made his friends scream in kilig.
Seokmin turned to him after niya abutan ng pagkain si Joshua, “Hindi ka pa din kinakausap?”
Seungcheol shook his head.
“Pa’no ba ‘yan, ang weak mo na ata ngayon, pre.” Biro ni Mingyu.
Lagi siyang inaasar ng mga ‘to basta kapag tungkol sa lovelife niya, kaya pinalipad niya ang ballpen niya papunta kay Mingyu. “Tangina mo.” Malakas lang ang loob ni Mingyu mang-asar dahil sinagot na siya ni Wonwoo. He’s been courting him for almost a year. “Won, sure ka na dito sa jowa mo? Kung ako sa’yo hanap na lang ako iba.”
“Init ng ulo ng puta, ikalma mo. Hindi porket ‘di ka gusto ni Jeonghan mandadamay ka na.” Kanina pa sila nag-babardahan, actually. Sanay na naman silang lahat sa bangayan ng dalawa, madalas kasama si Seokmin. Pero minsan, siya ang referee.
It’s been almost two months and wala pa din. Ayaw pa din siya kausapin. Hindi pa din nalalapitan. Mukhang iwas na iwas sa kanya kaya hinayaan na lang ni Seungcheol. He told himself kakausapin na lang niya kapag handa na si Jeonghan. This time, ayaw niya na magmadali sa mga bagay-bagay. There would be nights– a lot of nights– that he misses him. Nagtitingin na lang siya sa photos niya. He doesn’t want to check Jeonghan’s social media accounts kasi baka magulat siya kapag may kasamang iba.
After a little more bickering, they went back to doing on their schoolworks. Seungcheol seemed to be so stressed about this one subject, so he kept mumbling word after word kaya nainis si Mingyu dito. “Cheol, ang ingay mo.”
“Ayoko na mag-aral.” Sinubsob ni Seungcheol ang ulo niya sa table and pretended to sleep. “Wonwoo, baka gets mo ‘tong subject ko. Turua–” He stopped mid-sentence when he saw his friends frozen at natulala on something behind him.
“Here.” And then, there was a hand by his side. Tiningnan ito ni Seungcheol and saw two notebooks. They are both Jeonghan’s. “Nandyan din ‘yung explanation kung paano nakuha ‘yung main formula. There’s one solved problem for your reference. Balik mo na lang sa room ko after. Tapos.. ito. About filtration thesis mo, ‘di ba? Nakita ko ‘tong book sa library about your topic, baka makatulong.” Sunod-sunod na sabi ni Jeonghan na halos hindi na maintindihan ni Seungcheol kung anong nangyayari. He wasn’t even done grasping the fact that Jeonghan is just in front of him and talking to him.
Before Seungcheol can blink, umalis na din si Jeonghan. Hindi na siya nakagalaw nor nakapag-thank you man lang, narinig na lang niya na kinausap siya ni Joshua before closing the door to his room. “Shua.” He called out. “Akala ko.. wala?”
“I thought so, too. Sabi ni mommy umalis daw pero kakasabi niya lang na hindi daw siya tumuloy.”
He was too surprised and didn’t know how to function until Seokmin slapped his back, “Pre, gising!”
“Oh, natulala naman agad. Kausapin mo na mamaya.” Mingyu said.
And so.. There he was. Nasa harap ng pintuan ni Jeonghan. He’s been standing there for a good five minutes pero hindi niya mailapat sa pintuan ang kamao niya. Kaya here comes his best friends. Mingyu and Seokmin saw Seungcheol hesitating to knock on Jeonghan’s door. “Kakatok lang naman, pota.” Mingyu whispered and Seokmin laughed, “Natigil si bad boy eh. Tara.” Finally with their help, Seungcheol got inside his room.
His friends closed the door behind kaya ayan na naman siya. He didn’t know what to do and what to say. He should say thank you, right? Humingang malalim muna si Seungcheol as he stared at Jeonghan na nakatalikod sa kanya at nag-aaral.
“Nakatayo ka na lang ba d’yan?”
For the second time that day, Jeonghan was able to surprise Seungcheol. Palagi na lang nauunahan! “Sorry. A- ano, thank you. Sorry kung ngayon lang, hindi ko kasi maintindihan agad but your notes helped me.”
Jeonghan stood up and turned to him. “Good, you studied on your own.” He looked so pretty in his pajamas. His hair got longer, too. And he looked healthy and glowing. Kung pwede lang gawing santo, baka simulan na ni Seungcheol magpagawa ng altar. Jeonghan crossed his arms and leaned against his study table. Si Seungcheol, however, remained standing na parang poste.
Gustong tumawa ni Jeonghan because this isn’t the same person as before. Standing in front of him is an awkward Seungcheol, hindi siya ‘yung overly confident na hihilahin na lang siya anytime he wanted. Somehow, that’s a good thing. “How are you?” Jeonghan started.
But Seungcheol remained quiet. It’s been months and hindi alam ni Seungcheol kung paano siya sasagot. He wanted to be careful with him. He wanted him to be comfortable with him.
“Cheol.” Tawag ni Jeonghan, “I’m okay. Hindi mo kailangan maging on guard.”
Seungcheol took a deep breath, “Ayaw kong magkamali uli.”
“Are you aware of what you did?”
“Yes.”
“All of it?”
“I hope so.”
“Do you regret doing them?”
“More than you can imagine.”
“Okay, then.” Jeonghan stepped closer to his bed and sat on the edge of it. Tinapik niya ang space beside him, urging Seungcheol to come with him, “How are you?” His voice evidently went softer, na halos maiyak na si Seungcheol because of that voice! That was how Jeonghan talked to him before! “Hey, talk to me?”
Seungcheol blinked at umupo sa tabi ni Jeonghan, “Sorry. I am.. nervous?”
“‘Wag.”
Jeonghan gave him a soft smile and it made Seungcheol gasp. “Wait. Fuck, wait.” Tapos ay idinaan ni Seungcheol sa pag-tawa ang kaba. “Okay, saglit hinga lang ako.” Thankfully, hinayaan siya ni Jeonghan. “Are you.. not mad anymore?”
“Hindi naman ako galit.” Jeonghan pouted a bit at muntik na mahulog sa kama si Seungcheol. The guy has been shaking! And he doesn’t even know why! “Maybe on that day, yes. I mean.. wala akong ibang reaction na magagawa but.. be mad. Most of it was traumatizing, yes. Pero hindi naman ako perfect para hindi magpatawad.”
“Perfect ka kaya.” Bigla na lang bumulong si Seungcheol before he can process that he said that out loud, “Ay sorry.”
Tumawa naman si Jeonghan. “Nasaan ‘yung poging-pogi sa sarili na Seungcheol? Parang hindi ikaw ‘yan.” And for the first time in months, Seungcheol felt relieved. ‘Parang nabunutan ng tinik sa katawan’ as what the saying goes. Because finally.. Finally, he’s talking to him, smiling at him, and laughing at him. And at this point, there’s only one thing on his mind, I will make things right, this time.
“I’ve changed, Han. I’m trying.”
Jeonghan hummed. “I want to say na ‘wag naman sana magbago lahat but you do you.”
“Lahat nagbago, I think. In a way that I try to listen more. I try to tone down ‘yung ugali ko na laging nasusunod.” Seungcheol sighed, “I’m sorry. I really had no idea how bad it would get. All I wanted was to get them off of me. And you were right, I was selfish. Hindi ko naisip that it would affect you this much. I know it still is not enough but I’m sorry, Jeonghan. Hindi siguro ‘to kailangan pero I just want to say na I also apologized to Joshua and my exes. Thanks to you I humbled myself.”
“Nah..” Jeonghan smiled at humiga sa kama niya, “Ikaw ang gumawa niyan. I just made you realize them, I guess. I’m glad hindi ako nakipag-momol kung kani-kanino, though.” He stared at the ceiling, “I was the one who made it worse, anyway. I made myself believe na nagsisinungaling ako sa kapatid ko when I told him I was starting to like you. But I don’t think I was lying.”
Okay lang naman si Seungcheol, tahimik siyang nakikinig. Another thing that he learned sa mga araw na ayaw siya kausapin ni Jeonghan was to listen. So, he listens to him. But his last statement made him turn to Jeonghan. “Ha?”
Jeonghan expected this reaction. Natatawa na lang siya kasi bakit parang naging slow maka-intindi si Seungcheol ng bagay-bagay? Samantalang dati siya pa nagpipilit ng sarili niya. “Is your question still valid?”
“Anong question?” Seungcheol looked at him confused.
“You asked me if it was all an act. If I was really just pretending. And if I really didn’t feel anything.”
“Oh.”
Bumangon si Jeonghan and crossed his legs, making himself comfortable. “Ask me again.”
“Gustong-gusto kita.” Seungcheol suddenly blurted out. Nanlaki naman ang mga mata ni Jeonghan at saka ito tumawa ng malakas. “Puta.” It made Seungcheol chuckle, too. He just realized how stupid he sounded. Stupidly in love, that is.
“So, this is how tamed bad boys are? Bigla-bigla na lang umaamin?” Jeonghan was teasing him and to be honest, wala ng pakialam si Seungcheol kung gaano pa siya ka-tanga tingnan at that very moment. Because the only thing he could think of was to get the same words from Jeonghan’s mouth. “Come on, ask me again.”
Paano ba kasi itatanong? Anong itatanong? Mahal mo din ba ako? Ako kasi, ikaw lang hinahanap ko. Like that? How corny! Seungcheol was not like this noon! Wala nang tanong-tanong, sasabihin na lang niya directly. But now he’s scared!
“Okay, ako na lang.” Jeonghan whispered. “I don’t know how it started kasi I found you annoying before, but then you started growing on me. To the point na I found your presence comforting. Even more than my college friends. It’s weird kasi I usually refrain myself from getting too attached to people. I mean, I hang out with them, yes. Pero ewan ko, hindi lang talaga ako mahilig mag-keep ng friends. Parang contented na ako kina Seungkwan and my childhood friends. I have Joshua, too. I’m a very laid back man, you see. Pero kasi sobrang kulit mo and I don’t even know why. Minsan, hinihintay ko ‘yung mga pang-aasar mo.”
Seungcheol remained quiet.
“And when we were pretending, there was something in you that always warmed me. Akala ko lilipas lang after we ‘broke up’, but it didn’t. I always reminded myself of what you did and why I should not fall harder. But then, I see you changing. After some drunk texts, of course. But yeah, lagi kong tinatanong sarili ko if you deserve a second chance. And ang hirap hanapin ‘yung sagot kapag iniisip ko ang pros and cons. But I realized hindi ka naman thesis na kailangan pag-aralan ng sobra. So, I told myself ‘Fuck it, I will do whatever I want.’ Sabi ko, I will let fate do its thing. Kaya nung narinig ko kay Joshua na dito kayo mag-aaral, I stayed home kasi.. Wala lang. I wanted to see how you were doing siguro. I also heard na you miss me, and that’s when I thought na this is it. Humahanap lang ako ng right timing so when you said that you were having a hard time studying Fuels, I decided to give you help. Kaya din kita binigyan ng dahilan na pumunta dito, so we can talk.”
He tried to meet Seungcheol’s eyes and yep, he has changed. His gaze was softer. Parang someone who’s willing to listen. He wasn’t like that before.
And Seungcheol knew it. He noticed it, too. Dati, mas marami pa ang side comments more than the seconds he was listening. If Jeonghan confessed to the Seungcheol before, he’d act differently. Very carelessly. Tatawanan niya lang siguro si Jeonghan without understanding what he meant. Baka ipagyabang lang niya pero hindi niya seryosohin.
The Seungcheol now, however, is internally celebrating. Oh, to hear those words from Jeonghan. “I– So, you– I don’t– Are you saying that.. you like me, too?”
‘Yung Seungcheol noon? He will never ask something like that.
“Yes. But you still need to–”
“Okay! Okay, I will! I will wait.” Seungcheol sounded extra-enthusiastic at that and Jeonghan found him cute. “Manliligaw ako.”
Napangiti naman nito si Jeonghan. “Manliligaw ka to earn my trust again. We both don’t want the same thing to happen.”
Seungcheol nodded, “I want to start things right this time. Thank you, Jeonghan.”
“I’m impressed kasi it’s been a while pero gusto mo pa din ako. You never did that.”
“You’re beautifully different, that’s why.”
One of the most nerve-wracking parts of being a graduating college student is to have your thesis defended. Lalo na sa course nina Seungcheol. Not only do you need to defend your paper, but there’s also a prototype that has to function right and well according to what you have written. However, mas lalo ata kinabahan si Seungcheol para sa defense ni Jeonghan kesa sa defense niya kanina.
Because he knows so well kung gaano pinaghirapan ni Jeonghan ang research nila since siya na halos gumawa ng buong papel. What’s even more pressuring is the fact that their group is a candidate for Best Thesis for their department. Kaya kahit mas complicated ang prototype nina Seungcheol, alam niya kung gaano kahalaga na naipasa ang thesis nina Jeonghan.
If someone was to ask Seokmin, who’s currently working after graduating last year, kung kamusta si Seungcheol. Isa lang isasagot niya. “Itanong mo kay Jeonghan.” Why? Because the guy has never stopped wooing him. Yes, hindi pa sila. Even after a year. Pero hindi naman nagmamadali si Seungcheol. Somewhere between those days na Jeonghan wasn’t by his side changed his perspective in dating. Kung noon, date lang siya ng date ng kung sino-sinong type niya, this time he is more ‘involved’ and very attentive when it comes to Jeonghan.
It’s a healthy courtship, by the way.
They started being emotionally open with each others’ feelings. Compromising. Patient.
So much different from a year before.
Hindi din sinasadya ni Jeonghan na patagalin pa before making things official. Kaya lang, last semester was taking the most of their time. He couldn’t find the right time to do it. Pareho silang busy. They barely had time to hang out ng sila lang. Thesis. OJT. Magkaiba pa sila ng planta na pinag-OJThan. So it was difficult to meet up. Pero they keep their communication going. Kahit once or twice lang sila mag-usap, kahit one minute lang, kahit sa byahe pa lang sila magkasama, it was fine for them. When one is sick, one tries to look after.
They had arguments, too, but nothing that can’t be talked about. Sometimes, it scares both of them kasi pakiramdam nila almost perfect ang relationship nila.
But oh well, when two hearts get committed with what they have, they can shoo away those doubts.
Not always, though. Pero siguro kapag one is meant to be yours, it’ll be yours.
When Seungcheol started to openly show off, the people around them supported him. Nagulat karamihan because they all thought they were really dating, noong time na nagpapanggap pa lang sila. Most reacted with “ Ha? Hindi totoong relationship ‘yon? ” and “ Halos suntukin ako ni Seungcheol nung lumapit ako kay Jeonghan tapos fake ‘yon?”
Jeonghan teased him with it.
Seungcheol didn’t mind. Natatawa na lang din siya sa changes niya. And he’s proud of it.
Jeonghan is, too. Sa sobrang proud niya, paglabas pa lang niya ng defense room, his eyes looked for those huge doe eyes na araw-araw niyang hinahanap-hanap. Tumakbo agad siya dito when he found him sitting in one of the chairs sa hallway. He pulled Seungcheol and hugged him tightly. Hindi niya sinasadya na bigla na lang niya nasabi ang “I love you! Thank you!” kaya nagulat si Seungcheol because the love of his life kept jumping habang yakap-yakap siya.
That was the first time Jeonghan uttered those words to him. After a year, he finally heard it.
“I love you, Cheollie! I’m so happy!” Kumalas si Jeonghan sa pagkakayakap kay Seungcheol and tried to catch his breath. “Tapos na! Thesis defended! Pwede na ako mag-papicture while holding our hardbound paper!”
“Congratulations, baby. It’s all worth it, isn’t it?”
And Jeonghan kept cutely babbling about a lot of things even on their way home, “Tapos we can finally go out on dates! We should take a picture together with our togas on and our theses! Oh! Tapos pwede na tayo matuloy sa resthouse ng family mo! Right, baby, right?”
Never has Seungcheol seen Jeonghan this.. child-like. Like a baby.
“Oh, you called me baby, too?” Seungcheol smirked. “So, tayo na? Sabi mo dati tatawagin mo lang ako sa name ko unless tayo na.”
“Pfft.” Jeonghan scoffed. “Ganyan na ba magtanong ngayon? Wala man lang ‘Jeonghan, will you be my boyfriend?’ or ‘Jeonghan, would you like to make things official?’ Ganon ganon na lang ba ‘yon, ha, Choi Seungcheol?”
Inabot ni Seungcheol ang kamay ni Jeonghan and kissed the back of his hand, “Cute naman ng baby ko. What if sagutin mo na ako para matuloy na lahat ng plano mo?” Because Jeonghan planned way too many trips na sila lang dalawa during their free time. That was how Jeonghan spent his break time from studying, ang maghanap ng travel destination.
“Hmm.” slumped on his seat, “Pag-isipan ko pa.”
And of course, Seungcheol whined.
Jeonghan removed his hand from Seungcheol’s grasp. “Hmm. Tuturuan mo ba ako mag-drive kapag tayo na?”
Natawa si Seungcheol kasi ang tagal ng humihiling ni Jeonghan to teach him but he doesn’t want to kasi gusto niya siya lang mag-drive between the two of them. Para daw hindi mapagod si Jeonghan. “Basta kapag tayong dalawa lang, ako ang magmamaneho. And hindi pwedeng may ipag-drive ka na hindi ko kilala unless emergency, then, okay, I will.”
“Ipagluluto mo ba ako ng pasta anytime I ask kapag tayo na?”
Okay, it’s that topic again. Simula nung ipinagluto niya si Jeonghan ng kung anu-anong pasta recipes, he’d always beg for him to cook. Minsan araw-araw, three times a day kaya Seungcheol had to limit him. “Hmm. Okay, pero moderate requesting lang.”
“Sa bahay ka na ba matutulog kapag sinabi ng parents ko?”
This one was his most followed rule. He wanted to let Jeonghan’s family know his purest intention. Besides, nagpipigil lang din siya. For reasons Jeonghan isn’t ready to know. “Okay. Only when your parents asked me to.”
“Will I get hundreds of kisses and hugs kapag tayo na?”
With that one, Seungcheol had to find a lay-by section to face Jeonghan, “Kahit thousands of them pa, I will.”
“Sa lips.”
Seungcheol’s eyes narrowed. Delikado tayo dito, halikan ang request.
“Parang hindi tayo nag-kiss noon? ‘Di ba sabi mo ikaw naman ‘yung naka-momol ko before?” Jeonghan continued.
Ever since Jeonghan gave him a chance, he made it clear to himself to never do something that will make him uncomfortable. So, he’d always reach for the back of his hand, pero kapag hindi na kaya pigilan, Seungcheol would kiss Jeonghan’s temple. “Okay.”
That made Jeonghan unbuckle his seatbelt and reach for Seungcheol’s lips. “I love you, boyfriend!” He whispered, a little breathless.
“I love you always, baby.”