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It was cold.
It was very cold.
And he hated the cold.
But he knew why it was like that, Markoth had already left the 'bed', he always wakes up early to pray as it is a custom for his tribe. Xero never understood why he still followed every tradition and ceremony of his people since, well, before death, Mark had been banished from his tribe (as shown by the necklace he never takes off on his fur); maybe it had something to do with the loyalty or the faith of the moth, or maybe it was just for respect.
Of course Xero didn’t mind that his husband followed the traditions of his tribe, no no he respects whatever decision Markoth wants to take, and if he wants to wake up every single day at 5 in the morning to pray for an hour to whoever god was still in the right mind to pray to, then Markoth can do that, but at this point in life Xero had become sort of..dependent on his husband..but just a little, he just needed the other to sleep cozy and warm thanks to those big and fluffy wings the moth had that always wrapped around him, but he could justify this! The cold always made the ant remember the horrible days he passed during his life, especially his death…
His knees felt the cold white floor, it made him tremble slightly. The blade was cold as it touched his thin neck, the knight holding it hesitated as she saw his orange eyes. His tears, even if they were full of hot orange liquid, were still cold for him. Then everything turned dark, now it wasn’t only cold, it was freezing, freezing freezing, freezing-
“Gods..dammit” he cursed with annoyance as he pushed those old thoughts away, he wasn’t over it yet, he would never be over it, but he was trying at least to heal the scars it left, to leave it in the past, as no one can change the past…
‘Why must Mark wake up so early?’ He mentally whined, there was no way he was getting up right now, even if he started to tremble thanks to the stupid cold, even if all of his thoughts killed him, it was too early and Xero was too lazy. Although his mind refused, his legs were doing the complete opposite, kicking the covers off and moving to the even colder floor. As his feet touched the ground he immediately shuddered “I hate Kingdom’s Edge” a small whisper came out while he knelt on the ground, taking the blanket on the bed and wrapping it around him.
He pushed himself outside of their little tent and looked around, no one was awake yet. “Of course no one’s out here, only a madman wakes up at this hour to go outside in the snow, not even Gorb is that crazy” Xero kept whispering as he started to wander around, searching for places where the bug who he called madman could be. He supposed that his lover wouldn’t be in the cave they set camp in, it was too bland and gray, Markoth loves to admire the landscape and meditate in an area with a beautiful view, so he had to be outside.
As Xero walked away from the small cave where the rest of the Dream Warriors were sleeping, his eyes got locked into the incredible environment of the very Edge of Hallownest. Now he wasn’t really a man for descriptions, but if someone asked him how he felt about this scene…he would have no words. Maybe it was because his vision was a bit blurry or because he just woke up, but the beauty of the nature around him beamed in his eyes. Far away on another cliff he could see more bugs, some hoppers and aspids doing the same thing they have been doing ever since the infection took over the Kingdom, looking around, walking like marionettes and attacking anything that came to their view; the Boofly flouted around aimlessly while bumping into each other, yet they never attacked anything, they only hurt once you touch them ‘Weird for an infected creature to do so’ Xero thought; the white vines growing from the ground mixed with the floor completely covered in snow made the whole place very bright even if it was underground ‘Where does the snow come from?’ that question rose from deep in his mind while he was lost in thought, but it went away before the bug could acknowledge it.
He would have loved to stay like this, lost in the scenery as the tiny white snow? (Markoth told him that his tribe called the white thing that dropped from the sky ‘snow’ but to him it felt like something else…) fell on his head and shoulders, but he was reminded of his tiny quest on searching for his man when his antenna twitched. With a bit of disappointment for his fragility against the cold, the ant kept on searching.
Barefoot and with only a blanket and a jumpsuit made out of thin cloth warming him, Xero’s breathing was shaky and condensed air came out of his mouth. Oh how much he wanted to kill Markoth right now, he will have his revenge once he finds him. He didn’t run though, even if the cold was starting to get to him, he didn’t rush; after all, he does have to confront his fears to be able to properly heal.
“Wow” he raised an eyebrow “Am I becoming analytic or some shit?” a few seconds after he said that, he heard a small chuckle coming from his right “Markoth?” He walked towards that well known voice.
“Mhm” the crimson moth hummed as he faced the horizon. Xero knew he wouldn’t say anything yet, every time he did this he always stayed quiet and only hummed or nodded, hiding his mouth deep in his fur and keeping his eyes closed till he finished.
“I was wondering where you were hiding you dumbfluff” a soft voice came from the ant’s mouth as he put a hand on the shoulder of the other bug who was sitting down. Another hum was heard when the wings of the moth opened just a little to reveal his body, his hand patted on his lap, inviting the ant to sit there. In a swift move, Xero adjusted himself on the small gap left by the crossed-legs and curled himself, hugging his legs as the moth wings enclosed him, a soft glance at the marvelous and unique patterns tempted him to touch the cloak-like wings “At least leave a note, anyone would freak out if they didn’t know you do this”.
“Mmm…” this time the hum was of irritation, Xero understood the message ‘Shut up and don’t call me dumbfluff’.
Soft hands grabbed Xero’s hips, stroking his sides softly, which made him melt onto the other’s arms and stop the shaking from his body (he ever noticed how harshly his body was trembling until now). Warmth overtook him, the warmth that he always loved and the warmth that he always wished to have by his side. Has he truly fallen in love this deeply? Xero never knew how true love felt until now, so maybe he was exaggerating…No one had been there for him until he met the Dream Warriors, his family, and no one had held him like this until Markoth and him started dating. Xero wondered if his lover had the same thoughts as him: did he have anyone to lean on? Did he have other people who loved and cared for him? Did he hold another person just like he was holding him right now? It would surprise him if Markoth had a boyfriend or a girlfriend before he died, not to be rude but his husband wasn’t the kind of bug to go out or even talk to others, he is an introvert after all, but he knew that Markoth did have a family who he loved but…Now that he realizes it, Xero doesn’t know much about Mark’s family other than his mother, who he has already met; maybe he only had his mother before, but still, did he look for her so she could comfort him? did he tell her all the things he tells him? His boyfriend doesn’t seem like the type to do that when he was a teenager though.
’Stop overthinking, Xero, you are going too far’ he reprehended himself.
Markoth leaned against Xero as he placed his head between his husband’s antennae, letting his own antennae fall down. It was a nice moment, both bugs cuddling as they searched for the warmth of the other, looking towards the landscape where the snow slowly danced around the Booflies and landed on the ground, creating a thick layer of white that covered the whole floor. They almost always did this, but for both, it always felt like paradise, as if it were the first time all over again. No words were spoken during this little cuddle session they had, only soft touches and smooth hums and purrs. The silence was so comfortable that neither wanted to break it, but time flew by as it felt like barely a second had passed, and so the moth took the step that was so hard to reach for both.
“Xero” his voice resonated in the other’s mind, what a lovely voice did his lover have, it made him want to be forever held by him “Xeroo” he extended the ‘o’, making him melt even more than he already had “Xero, we have to go”.
“Noooo..” Go? Go where? He just wanted to stay there with his husband forever “I don’t want to go” he whispered while closing his eyes and letting a giggle escape his mouth.
“It’s not a want, it’s a need. I haven’t had breakfast and I highly doubt you made anything to eat” he scoffed at that last part, just thinking of Xero cooking scares him.
“But I’m not hungry” Xero pouted like a little child and then gave the other a big grin, oh how he loved to play like this with his man.
“If you are not coming then I’m leaving” he was about to stand up when Xero hissed and whined at him, oh how Markoth loved to annoy his man.
“Where were you two?” Elder Hu asked as he was finishing his breakfast, apparently, he had woken up minutes after Xero did and made food for everyone. Marmu stopped her talk with No eyes as she looked towards the couple with a wide smile.
“Outside” Markoth answered as he entered with his husband on his arms, Xero forced the moth to carry him as his excuse was that he was too cold to move.
“No shit Sherlock” Galien said, coming out of his tent with his empty plate of breakfast in one hand and a barely awake Gorb in the other.
“Watch your fucking language” the ant was dropped to the floor with a thump sound “Hey! What was that for?!”
“Do not use curse words in front of the child, please” No eyes answered for Markoth.
Elder Hu scoffed as he gave Markoth and Xero their breakfasts. Both took a seat close to the campfire, the latter dragging himself so he wouldn’t have to stand up “You two should know better than to run off without eating something first”
“Shut up, grandpa” Xero’s voice mumbled as he was chewing. He wrapped the blanket tighter around him and started chatting with the others.
Meanwhile, Markoth’s gaze could not move away from his man, he hid the tiny smile that his mouth was forming in his fur, how lucky he was to have someone like Xero in his life. He wondered how he even got this far; Markoth would’ve never said anything to the ant about how he felt, yet he was the one who confessed. He will always remember that night…
The smile he was trying to hide eventually became too big and bright for him to hide it anymore, so he laughed, the others looked at him weirdly, but then they all joined in, the laughter echoed through the cave. Markoth took Xero’s hand, it was cold as always, but Markoth liked the cold, it reminded him of his husband, on his cold touch and his cold tears that stopped falling from his eyes as they reached his thumb that caressed his cheeks.
Tears started to form. He had never seen Xero cry, he always suffered by himself and never let anyone help him. Why must he punish himself that way? Markoth hated that. He cupped his face, giving the ant a soft smile as he caressed the other's cheeks. Xero grabbed his wrists as choked sobs came from his mouth, he couldn’t even talk “I-I love you too” it was a soft whisper that no one else could hear, just him, just Markoth.
For Markoth, Xero’s coldness was welcoming, it cooled him from the hot mess that his fur caused him, and even when the ant claimed he was sweating, for Markoth he always felt cold, and he loved that.
‘It truly is a nice contrast’ he thought ‘Xero always told me the cold made him remember his past life, he always told me he loved my warmth’ he traced random patterns on the ant’s hand ‘Meanwhile for me, it’s the complete opposite; the cold makes me remember the afterlife, this family I’ve grown into and this man that I’ve fallen in love with…’
He would never admit this to Xero of course, he didn’t have the courage to, but he truly loved that contrast between them, it made their relationship feel special. Small things like this make his chest flutter with love.
He kind of became a little dependent on his husband…but just a little.
Maybe he will make an exception tomorrow on his typical routine and just sleep a little more, the thought of waking up later in the morning and sharing some sleepy cuddles with Xero sounds…nice.