Chapter Text
If you were anybody else I woulda held you while you cried
Told you that you're justified
You've been fighting for your light inside
And you know you can't deny
Don't you even try to lie
You worked so damn hard to stay alive
And it's easier to say
When I'm acting like I'm talking to somebody else
It's easier to say
But this time this is for myself
- Janine, Loving Me
—--
It’s not an ideal situation, not ideal at all. Especially because if you really thought about it–she’d just gotten out of the mirror, and now it felt like she was back in the trap. She hates feeling helpless, hates that her life feels out of her control, hates that she’s forgotten what it feels like to be her own hero. Sometimes she likes to lose herself in daydreams, what if they weren’t The Flash. What if they had been able to be just Barry and Iris. That only lasts a few moments though because she really does know that this version of them is the one that is right. Barry has reset the timeline enough times to make her grateful for what they do have.
Of course, it doesn’t make it easier when she finds out from Deon, and she quotes-”Whatever this time sickness is–” it’s coming from her. Rewind back to the start, definitely not ideal.
“I’m sorry but you gotta stay put.” he’d ordered. It echoes in her head and she fights an inner war with herself. Is there anything more frustrating than being able to do nothing? Her mind drifts back to her time spent in the mirror, and then to the weeks after when she had been resting in a Still Force bubble.
“Iris West-Allen, when did you become so useless?” She says out loud, her voice echoing from her lips to float around the very fancy white ceiling that she’s staring at. Again she wonders how on earth people as rich as Sue Dearbon have managed to even make a white ceiling look more expensive than all her current assets combined; but, understanding the ways of rich people is not worth the time when she’s got other problems crowding the limited space of her brain.
She’d told Barry she’d be fine, not to worry but if she was being absolutely honest with herself it probably has more to do with the feeling of being a weight tied to his leg, his one great weakness holding him back, and her inability and frustration with constantly needing Team Flash to come up with a solution. She wants to bring more to this equation, knows she can be more valuable but when her husband is The Flash she finds herself feeling inadequate. An even tinier, more vulnerable part of herself, that she’s been ignoring for a while, acknowledges the feeling of not really having a place in Team Flash anymore. That little nagging voice, she immediately decides is too raw to touch and handle so she immediately silences it and instead turns to the problem at hand.
You’re a smart girl Iris, so what are you going to do about this? She’s a journalist, an investigative journalist at that; mysteries and untold stories–looking for missing links, the pattern, the thread–she knows how to do this. So what are the facts?
- Time Sickness–cause unknown, symptoms-still being determined, chances of survival: indeterminable
- Danger to those around her: Not completely sure yet
- Chances of being separated from Barry: Pretty Damn High
- Chances of losing more of her life: Pretty Damn High
Not the best set of facts to have before her, and not exactly a bright forecast. Honestly though, at this point she’s been through worse and survived multiple death sentences so she’s become somewhat used to being told that her time is running out. She’s sure there’s some witty pun there to do with Speedsters and running out of time, but again–not important. What were the things that she needed to do and were important to her?
- Survive
- Central City Citizen
She doesn’t add anything about Barry because he is constant in all her plans, a fact of her life much like water is wet and coffee is the ambrosia of the gods. Survive–that she hasn’t quite figured out the how of that one yet; but Central City Citizen? That she can do something about. For the first time since Deon had broken the news to her and Barry had returned to Central City she feels some semblance of a plan–and does the only thing she can really do.
Get to work.
—
Iris doesn’t bother acknowledging the door when it opens, instead just making a noncommittal greeting from where she’s sitting surrounded by stacks of papers and folders. She hears more then sees Sue Dearbon come towards the dining table to put down the coffees she’s brought from Jitters (which Iris is thankful for because the one she’d made for herself earlier is definitely too cold for her taste). Sue picks up a stack of the papers rifling through them, Iris only looks up when Sue asks in a tentatively curious tone, “What’s all this?”
“A plan of action.” Iris grins up at her with newfound confidence and strength in her manner. “Turns out sitting around and waiting for things to work itself out just isn’t in my DNA, and as much faith as I have in Barry and Team Flash–well sometimes a girls gotta be her own hero.”
Her eyebrow quirks at Sue in a silent challenge but to be honest Iris doesn’t think she’s misjudged the woman standing before her. What she knows of Sue and has learned from her interaction with her during this trip has given her more insight into who the woman is behind the deceptively head-empty-society-girl façade that she adopts with her big blue eyes and porcelain skin. Sue doesn’t disappoint, handing Iris her order of coffee before taking a seat herself and picking up another folder to read through, “I’m intrigued.”
Iris was honestly betting on the fact that the woman before her was bored out of her mind in her new role, and probably missing the adrenaline rush of going on dangerous high stakes missions that usually involved saving the world. Outside of being another woman she could talk to that wasn’t completely devoted to Team Flash and Barry, she was also fierce in and of herself–and to be honest part of the first step that Iris had realized she’d needed was to build up her own support group. Not that she didn’t love Barry and Team Flash, but she needed people that would put her needs first too and wouldn’t always defer to Barry. Somehow in the time she’d been away she’d lost anything that was hers, separate, equal; and, while she knew Barry and her Dad would always love her and protect her, they had other priorities that came before her now (no matter what Barry kept insisting). “So I think it’s time to start my own version of Team Flash. They’re busy keeping the city safe, and whatever’s going on with me isn’t gonna just miraculously cure itself-if my track record is any indicator.”
She doesn’t say the quiet part out loud yet, the part about being expendable, about being deadweight–it’s still too fragile of a feeling to put into the open but she has a suspicion that Sue understands. She’s seen the dynamics of the team, and she knows what it feels like to be surrounded by people with powers and abilities that leave you feeling incompetent. She gives Iris a long look before nodding, “What're you calling this? Team Iris? Team Citizen?”
“Sounds kinda narcissistic let’s be honest.” She snorts as she rolls hers eyes, before broaching the topic. “Would you be interested in helping? We can consider Tinya our first baby mission? A warm up? Before tackling this time sickness thing.”
Sue just lets out a light laugh, “Sure. I’ve been bored out of my mind doing all this rich people crap. I need a little spice in my life; besides, we gotta show those meta’s and genius’ that just because we don’t have super powers it doesn’t mean we’re helpless. They should really stop underestimating our value.”
Iris only smiles in response, grateful in a way that she can’t acknowledge. Sue pulls out a tablet of her own, “So where do we start. I’m assuming you already have a list of people that you have in mind?”
“You assume correct.” Iris responds pulling out a folder full of photos, displaying each one by one as she lays each profile down. “First is Linda Park. She already knows about Barry and Team Flash so we won’t have to worry about any secrecy and she’s an excellent reporter. We’ll need her in case things go south with me, she can help with Central City Citizen. I know her work, how she works and she’s got the experience to take over CCC in a worst case scenario. I’m not letting my paper fail because of this time sickness. For backup, I’ll ask Kamilla Hwang and if absolutely necessary Kara Danvers. I know Kamilla is with Cisco and A.R.G.U.S. right now but she had my back when I needed her and never put Team Flash before Team Citizen. She's also just good people.”
She stops a second to see if Sue has any concerns before continuing, “I think getting Wally’s help would be important, so I’m going to try and contact him. Which brings us to the last person on my list…”
Here she pauses momentarily, she isn’t quite sure herself about this next person and she’s pretty sure Barry would raise some objections if he were here right now but Iris wants to give her a chance. “We need a scientist to deal with this time sickness and what's going on, one that knows our circumstances and is brilliant–so I was thinking of getting into contact with… Marlize DeVoe.”
“Marlize DeVoe? As in wife to Clifford DeVoe, the Thinker that tried to reboot us all? As in the one that stabbed you with a katana and got Barry thrown into prison? That Marlize DeVoe?” Iris wasn’t surprised that Sue wasn’t immediately receptive, in fact she was still a bit unsure of the decision herself–but there was something about Marlize that Iris sympathized with, something she had connected with and to be honest in the end her instincts were telling her to give the woman a chance.
“Yes that Marlize DeVoe, in the end she helped us and I think she deserves a chance. She’s also brilliant, and we need her. She isn’t affiliated or busy with any of the other Super teams running around and according to Barry we need a physicist if we’re dealing with problems in time.”
“Barry’s on board with this then?” Sue stares her down, and Iris doesn’t blame her. Her husband is notorious at this point for how much he cares for her well being. Admittedly he wasn’t totally on board with what was happening, as in Iris hadn’t exactly told him everything yet because she was still in the process of making plans. He was so preoccupied with the mysterious fire-meta that she hadn’t wanted to burden him anymore with yet another unsolvable case--not when she hadn't really tried a crack at it yet. So really that discussion had been through texts.
I: Hey babe, if I had questions about time stuff what kinda scientist am I looking for?
B: Physicist, preferably one that has a grasp on relativity. Why?
I: Research, I’ll tell you soon.
B: I can try to help, I *do* have a degree in physics and a whole lot of experience with time…
I: You’re busy. Don’t worry babe, you’re still my favorite scientist.
That counted right? Yea it totally counted, so she responds to Sue, “Yeah Barry knows.”
Sue obviously can tell Iris hasn’t told her the full story but is content to hold her peace for now. “Okay well at least it’s a start. Let’s go find Tinya’s mom and then we can start contacting these people and see if they’re up for the mission.”