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It was just his luck that he ended up dating a mob boss, of all people.
That wasn't something Monty had just come to realize; he's known it for a while now, but the thought still shocked him. His own boyfriend of all people, being the one to coordinate all sorts of raids and attacks all throughout town...And with none of his friends or family knowing a thing. Hell, Monty himself didn't find that out for a long time.
And he still chose to stay with him.
What is wrong with me? he thought, burying his head in his hands.
It was one of those days; one where he thought about it too hard and realized just how stupid he was. He couldn't help it, this was still a guy he felt a connection and attachment towards, but at the same time, he was so stupid for still feeling that same connection and attachment after learning about what his partner really was.
It didn't really help that he was sitting on said partner's couch in said partner's own home because he felt like visiting said partner that day.
That's the thing; it was a day. On days, Monty's dating a completely normal, good, well-respected and liked man. It was during the night when all that would change, and the person he so loved turns into someone completely different. Or at least, he might as well have. And at least Monty thought that would just be at night. He's not entirely sure, but he wouldn't be surprised if that switch actually happened whenever he wasn't looking.
Hero was one person.
The Boss was another person.
Monty had only barely ever interacted with the latter. You could easily say they aren't well acquainted with each other, but that small bit of interaction was enough for Monty to consider him a different person compared to Hero. He was a villain; calm and collected like Hero was, yes, (hell, they even shared the same mannerisms) but at the same time, cruel and selfish, maybe even manipulative.
Maybe it was a bit rude for Monty to assume as such. While that was someone he considered different from Hero, they're still the same person on the inside.
They're just...so wildly different to him.
Hero was a good person. Calm and collective (like mentioned before), kindhearted, caring, reliable, charismatic...God, Monty could go on and on about him.
Long story short, Hero was perfect.
And long story short, his alter-ego wasn't. Well, not in a general sense. If you're thinking specifically about what he does, he's perfect in that department.
And of course, that would be enough to give anyone dating Hero a whole dilemma to worry over. Monty's thought about it time and time again, never once coming to the conclusion that he should cut ties with him. That was someone dangerous, someone terrible, someone who could hurt him and anyone he knew and loved at any point in time; why the hell would someone as plain and powerless as Monty keep a relationship with such a man going?
For any normal person, the answer would be pressure. That wasn't the case with Monty.
For him, the answer is simple: He grew far too attached to Hero to let him go.
Creeaaak.
The sound of a door opening caused Monty to quickly shift from having his head in his hands to right up against the couch, perfectly sitting himself upright. He kept his hands in the same spot as before, resting over his lap.
Speak—or in this case, think—of the Devil, and he shall arrive. For someone like Hero, that saying could be considered close to literal.
"Hey there," he greeted, that charming smile plastered on his face. "Good to see you here."
That smile of his was what initially drew Monty in, in earlier days. He was nothing more than a moth back then, drawn to the sparks of a flame that Hero's charisma would eventually evolve into. And now, that flame has burned off the poor moth's wings, leaving him unable to flutter away.
"Ah—Hey! Great to see you back!" Monty forced out a smile on his own face. He could barely even bear to look at him. "Lemme guess, you were out for, uh...work again?"
"You could say that." With a stretch of his arms, Hero sat himself down on the couch.
Sure do wonder what it was about this time.
They were sitting a measurable distance away from each other. Part of Monty wished they were closer. Another part wished the opposite.
"So," Hero spoke with a sigh, "I saw that you found your way into my bank account again."
Monty tensed up, nervously laughing. "It's on you for giving me the info."
"Another one of those days?"
"You could say that..."
It wasn't uncommon for Monty to take full advantage of his partner's riches to buy whatever he'd like whenever he'd like; it usually ends up being merchandise for his favorite video game series. He only really uses the money when he's in a sort of "stress buying" mood, or an impulse buying mood. The kind of mood that'd get him completely broke if it wasn't for the almost infinite amount of money Hero managed to accumulate.
Was he a bad person for that? Probably not; he was given permission to use that money in the first place, and it wasn't like the amount he spent is anywhere close to the amount his partner's friend spends on gacha games. What was that one game Monty's heard Hero complaining about again? Genshin Impact? Something like that.
"Did counseling not help this time?"
It's kind of funny, knowing that Hero got him a therapist, sworn under secrecy and everything, to talk to about his problems concerning their relationship.
"That's the thing...It's...."
It's also kind of sad how that was Hero's first reaction upon hearing Monty's concerns.
Monty swallowed, forcing out that smile of his, barely able to make eye contact with his own boyfriend. "I...don't think it's helped at all, haha..."
Talking with some therapist or counselor didn't calm him down very much.
"Is that so?" Hero raised an eyebrow, much to Monty's discomfort.
No matter what answer he was given, the idea of being in a relationship with a mob boss, of all people, still felt nerve-wracking to him. And understandably so, no doubt, but...he wanted to talk it out with his partner, not someone who doesn't know a thing about him.
"Y-yeah..." he mumbled, gaze moving down to his fidgety hands. "I, uh..."
Besides, wasn't communication supposed to be the most important thing in a relationship?
"I actually wanted to talk to you about it."
His throat felt dry, forcing those words out of it. It felt more like throwing them up.
"I dunno how to say it...I just...I figured talking to you would help more, since...Since the problem here is...it's you," he continued, throwing up more of those words, "No, wait, I don't mean you're the problem—I, uh—"
"I get what you're trying to say."
Before he could speak, Monty felt an arm wrap around him, pulling him closer to his partner. He didn't pay enough attention to notice Hero closing the empty gap between them, gently forcing the two to sit right beside each other. He did pay enough attention to feel the shock that went through his body as that arm's hand gently set his head to rest on Hero's shoulder, though.
"If it's affecting you that much, we could—"
"No, I..." Monty cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "I...don't want to."
The moth could still choose to slowly but surely escape, by scraping his thin, helpless legs across the ground, and yet he didn't.
He sighed, continuing, "I still...really like you and all, even though you're...y'know."
And the reason why he chose not to escape was because he loved the fire. It warmed him, comforted him, like a blanket in the cold. He stayed with the inferno, allowing it to burn away his only escape. What was now a wildfire consuming him was a disaster of his own creation. He let the flames grow in awe, thus trapping himself in a ring of fire.
So the moth snuggled himself closer to his fire, letting him gently stroke his hair. Hero was warm like always, his body practically being a personal heater for Monty to fall asleep against. Whether that was because Hero was actually warm or because Monty was naturally cold, he wouldn't know. He so desperately wished it was because of the former, though.
"I...I want to make this work," the moth whispered. Part of him regretted saying that.
Monty could feel his heart loudly thumping from being so close to Hero, even though he was only leaning on him. He could fall asleep any moment there, completely vulnerable...but he felt safe...right?
Feelings of love and fear often overlap. Whenever the person that feeling is pointed toward is around, what follows is often a loud heartbeat, among other symptoms of some type of anxiety. What differentiated the two is whether the bearer of those feelings also felt safe around that person.
"That so?" Hero asked him, continuing with those gentle, tender strokes of his hair. They felt almost hypnotic. Maybe even comforting.
"Mhm..." He yawned; he refused to stretch, however, so that he wouldn't inconvenience his partner.
Monty...he should feel safe around Hero. Like a moth feeling warm around its flame.
Hero's not a good person, but...Monty loved him. He really did, ever since their college days. He was perfect...wasn't he?
And Hero loved him back...right?
...
Strangely enough, those little counseling sessions always brought Monty to the question of whether any feelings Hero harbored toward him were real. Hero...Hero wasn't a good person. He was likely using him for his own gain, somehow. Even though it's pretty difficult to use the literal definition of "just some guy" for your own gain, whether you're the Boss himself or not.
It was something Monty often pondered, though. He wasn't someone ideal for Hero. Not the Hero he knew in their college days, and definitely not the Hero he knew now. He'd have no reason to care about him at all...so why in the world did they end up together? And stay together, at that?
Although...Monty never found a problem in it. If Hero really didn't care for him, then at least he was putting up a front...It was better than what anyone else did when they decided Monty wasn't worth their time.
At least Hero gave him enough affection to let him believe he was being loved.
And maybe he was...maybe those doubts of his were wrong.
"Hey, do you..."
Do you love me?
...
No, he shouldn't bring those thoughts up.
"Do you mind if I nap here?"
It wasn't something to talk about.
"Not at all."
He was fine with living a lie.