Chapter Text
Honestly, it was a hassle to even get to the place they were today.
Usually, the teachers, the counselors, and the principal encourage you to come to school, right? They don’t want you in any other place but school. They don’t want you enjoying yourself at parties or relaxing at your house. They want you to work, work, work. Work at school, work at home, work on vacation when they give you the work you’ll miss if you take a week off instead of letting you enjoy yourself and do your work when you come back. When you’re in school, especially high school, you can’t expect to be reprieved ever. It’s like they have a penchant for cockblocking and ruining your teenage life and experiences.
However, how come when you show up to the building acting a little dazed, with red squinted eyes, it’s like they hate you and want you gone? And you don’t feel chill or relaxed or relieved when they want to send you home, you feel unwanted. Bunch of assholes, right?
But if Eric Catman wasn’t one thing, it was a quitter. It’s not necessarily that he liked school and wanted to be there, it was about proving a point. They can’t kick you out of high school for showing up high, it’s in the name, that’s stupid! They can’t suspend you or call your parents for showing up to high school on drugs, they can’t kick you out of teenager school for being a teenager, it doesn’t make sense. That’s tantamount to telling a pregnant woman she can’t give into her cravings, she’s going to regardless.
And why should random adults he won’t know in two years get to decide anything for him or his friend? It’s almost as if they’re deliberately trying to make teenagers’ lives hard. They have to know how poor Kenny Mccormick was. He goes through a lot of stress everyday, but god forbid when he lights up and smokes a little Mary-Jane, arrest him! Maybe the school is going out of their way to do this…
Eric silently curses Jane as she ultrasensitive-tized him. Whenever he was high, he got super sensitive to any noise or movement, and was super conscious. It was like weed woke up something in him, a hidden power. He was sort of an Empath, he likes to think. See? Drugs can have positive effects as well.
The fat boy’s eyes snapped slightly over to his friend next to him as he giggled under his breath, staring at his phone just like Eric was. Kenny was the only one out of the three Kyle, Stan, and him, who Eric shared a class with for the first period. He was hardly sitting in his chair. He was slouched down so much that pretty much only his back was in the chair, and his long legs poked out from the front of the desk. He looked completely calm, unlike many others in their class who had their legs anxiously bouncing under their desks, or nervously scribbling on papers, or unnaturally silent. Kenny chuckled as another text appeared on his phone screen. Eric looked down at his own phone, quietly scoffing at not only what the message read, but who sent it.
kyrell: That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard, cartman.
stanley: i agree dude obviously they don’t want you showing up to school tripping balls, i don’t think they’re trying to ruin our lives
Eric smiled to himself as he noticed Kyle’s contact name. He changed it to Kyrell after the time Kyle had that negroplasty done and his knees exploded and his torso went flying at the basketball game, that was pretty sweet.
cart-boy: did thy specifically tell you they were nt trying to kill us?
stanley: why would they
cart-boy: precisely.
kyrell: You guys shouldn’t be doing drugs at school anyway.
cart-boy: we didn’t, we did them at my house b4 coming obv + mj’s not a real drug + get a life
kyrell: Get the fuck off my phone.
stanley: why did you guys think it was a good idea to smoke this morning after we partied all night
stanley: we were pretty fcked up
kyrell: You were the only one like that tbh
ken-ken: mj m3kz 2 fll g
stanley: what
Eric looked over to his friend to make sure he wasn’t having an aneurysm. Kenny was choking on his own silent giggles, quietly gasping for air as he slouched further down into his seat.
What the hell’s up with him? Eric wondered with faux-concern. He truthfully didn’t really care what was going on with the boy, it’s no secret that Kenny’s dumb as fuck, but he becomes twelve times dumber when he’s high. Maybe that’s why he had such low grades, because he got high often and can’t even write correctly.
Eric’s attention immediately directed to their teacher, Mrs. Franks, as she stood up from her desk, but it seemed as if no one else cared.
“Class,” she called out, grabbing the attention of many, but not all students, some looked up from what they were doing to glance at her. “I need two people to run down to the office and get a couple boxes for me, anyone?”
Eric internally cursed his friend as he saw the boy quickly shifting up in his seat with an excited smile on his lips. Fuckface, not now!
“We’ll do it, ma’am!” Kenny smiled as he leaned over and snatched Eric’s arm. Eric shouted some illegible garbage as he was yanked out of his seat harshly, scraping his stomach on the sharp end of the desk as he was pulled to the front of the class with Kenny.
“Ow! Fucker.” He spat at the blond-haired-boy as they approached their teacher’s desk, but made no move to get revenge by punching him in the gut as he wanted to.
Eric noticed the teacher looking at the two of them hesitantly before she spoke up.
“Are you sure?” She asked, and Eric quietly huffed under his breath.
“Totally. What do you need us to get again?” Kenny smiled.
“A couple boxes from the front office, they should have my name on them. They’re a bit small, but there’s a couple of them so it would be faster to send two people.” she paused, “Again, are you sure you want to go up there?”
“Jesus, yes! We’ve got it goddamn.” Eric grumbled, turning and making his way over to the door as he exited without the boy.
Kenny quickly followed him out and closed the door behind the two of them.
“Sweet! Isn’t this sweet? We finally got away from that boring ass class!” Kenny smiled at him, only to be met with a glare.
“No. It’s fucking obvious to anyone that we’re high, Ken.” Eric whispered to the boy who in return shrugged.
“So?”
“So??? We’re gonna get our asses handed to us if we go up there! Franks was fucking us so hard with her eyes.”
Kenny remained silent for a moment as the two continued walking slowly down their hallway. His eyebrows furrowed in thought, and his face contorted in a way it hardly was, he was thinking. A pleased grin stretched his lips as an excited expression washed over his face.
“Are you suggesting we skip?” He asked, and Eric tilted his head.
“What?”
“Well we’re already out here, and if we go to the office we’ll get busted, but if we show back to class empty-handed we’re gonna look weird. Maybe we should just skip?”
Eric thought about the suggestion for a moment, “Well I’m not saying we shouldn’t.”
“Right! You’re saying we should skip class.” Kenny nodded.
“Well..I’m saying there’s not really a good option here, we’re stuck.”
“Yeah totally, we should just stay in the bathrooms until next class period.”
“Exactly.” Eric agreed.
“...Is what YOU’RE saying.” Kenny added.
“No, not really.”
“Yep. Oh, but what about your bag? How are we gonna get your bag?” Kenny asked.
Eric shrugged, “Leave it there.”
“Fine by me. But don’t come crying to me when you don’t have anything you need for the next class. Ooh! Should we get Butters?”
Eric furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the blonde with disdain, “And why the fuck would we do that?”
Kenny shrugged, “I get high with Butters all the time, it’s super fun.”
Eric widened his eyes in understanding before narrowing them and nodding, “I see what’s going on. You guys are tryna get faggy in the bathroom, and you know what, Kenny? I support you.”
“What the fuck? No, Butters is just my friend, like YOU’RE just my friend!” Kenny frowned, and Eric will admit, that last part kind of hurted.
Eric wouldn’t necessarily say he was “in the closet”, so much as trying not to completely ruin his friendships with the five closest people in his life, the people he’s been with since he was in diapers. In his opinion he does a damn good job at hiding his raging hormones and feelings for his friends, he has to be able to. Although Butters acts gay as hell doesn’t mean he is. Just because Kenny’s a whore and lets anyone fuck him doesn’t mean he would actually date anyone, especially not Eric. Just because Stan…actually..Stan’s straight, so there’s really nothing to say about him, and Kyle hates him, probably.
Oh shit, maybe this was actually a bigger problem than he originally thought. His feelings are sure fire never fucking going away, and he was content with just ignoring them for the rest of his life, but he’d probably never be away from the boys like..ever. Like they probably were together for life, he never saw them ever being separated from each other (but maybe that’s just how he felt), so how would he be able to just “ignore” what he felt every time he saw them? Especially when they got high together, the feelings were just ten times stronger, and they all looked so much prettier than they always did.
It would be fun to smoke with Butters, see how he acted when he was high. Kyle was a bigger asshole than he usually was, Stan was chill and quiet like he always was, and Kenny got twice as horny, he knew that stuff. But what would Butters act like?
“I always took him as the paranoid-high type.” Eric mumbled to himself.
“What?” Kenny asked.
“Butters. I was thinking about what he’d be like when he’s high, since like…everyone’s different in their own way..or some gay shit.”
“You think Butters would be paranoid?” Kenny questioned.
“Obviously, he’s a little piss-boy.” Eric scoffed, “Bitch wouldn’t know what to do with himself.”
“How much do you wanna bet?” Kenny smirks at him, and Eric had the feeling Kenny was betting something he knew he wouldn’t lose.
“Bet what?”
“On what you just said! I bet Butters is like…Like Stan when he’s high! And you bet he’s a whiny little bitch-baby.”
“It’s only fair to assume he acts high how he acts sober.” Eric shrugged. “But okay, we can make that bet, Kinny . If I win?”
Kenny smiled, “Whatever you want. But if you lose, you have to kiss him.”
Eric’s heart dropped. Did Kenny know about his crush(es)? Did Kenny have some sort of mind-reading ability? Did he know all the things he thought about them?
“W-What? Why the fuck would I do that ?!”
“Because it’s funny and the only thing I can think of.” He smiled, fuckin’ idiot, of course he couldn’t read minds.
“Fine. If you lose, you have to ask Kyle if you can eat his ass.”
“What?! Gross man! Why the hell would you choose that ?”
“‘Cause it’s funny and the only thing I can think of.” Eric smiled back, and Kenny didn’t say anything else.
“You know what. I think I have an idea.”
*
Kyle felt uneasy. The lunch room was packed as always, and everyone (him, Butters, and Stan) were in their respective spots at their lunch table, besides for two. The fat boy, and Kenny.
“Dude, you gotta eat something, man.” Stan’s words were muffled as he took another bite of his burger, mouth already full with the last bite. “Cartman and Kenny are big boys, they’re fine.”
“Cartman for sure is.” Kyle grumbled.
“Right, but they don’t need you acting like their mom. They’re high, dude. Not in mortal danger.”
Kyle glanced over to the blonde-haired boy, he was quieter than normal.
“What do you think, Butters?”
Butters glanced up to Kyle, and sputtered before sitting up straight in his chair, “U-Uh..nothin’ good can come from those two together.” he frowned.
“See! I knew it! That just confirmed my suspicion!”
“That didn’t confirm dog dick.” Stan rolled his eyes, “Just chill out and eat your sandwich.”
Kyle didn’t want to press further on the issue, because he didn’t want to make it seem like he cared more than he really did. Obviously he knew Kenny and Eric could handle themselves, he wasn’t worried about them in THAT way. But those two were fucking idiots especially when they’re ALONE TOEGTHER, there’s no telling what those two were going to do, and it made him even more suspicious that they were so busy that the fat boy didn’t even come tumbling in as soon as lunch started.
“If you’re so worried Kyle, just text ‘em.” Butters suggested. Kyle stared at Butters as the boy took a sip from his straw, plunged into his cup of cherry soda. “W-What I do?”
“I already tried texting them, they won’t answer. You know this, you’re in the group chat.”
“I got my phone taken a week ago, I got grounded.” he pouted.
“What for now?” Stan asked.
“I bet because he forgot to run his dad a bath or something,” Kyle smirked.
“Actually…I got grounded for doin’ ecstasy with Jimmy in my bedroom, and my dad caught us. B-but trust me! I’ve learned my lesson, and I won’t be doin’ it again! I’m a bad Butters..yes..yes I am..”
“.....Dude.”
Eric slammed his hands down on the table, causing a loud bang. Kyle jumped, but then immediately got angry as he shot a glare at the meaty-man. Stan flinched a little, and Butters flat out screamed before slapping both hands over his mouth. The two had on matching dark sunglasses covering their eyes.
“WHAT’S UP FAGS.” Cartman smirked.
“Where the hell have you two been?!” Kyle shouted as he pointed an accusatory finger at the two boys, and Stan sighed, shaking his head. What did I just tell him?
Kenny sat down next to Stan as Cartman pushed himself off of the table and ran over to the lunchline to grab a tray.
“Why are you guys wearing those…those sunglasses?” Butters asked, looking Kenny up and down as he did so.
“They’re pretty cool, right? Got ‘em from Craig, and we’re matching!” Kenny replied.
“No no no, where the hell were you guys?” Kyle asked with widened eyes, staring at the blonde-boy.
“Skipped class, almost got in trouble like..five times.” he smiled, “It was so much fun! We were supposed to get something from the office for Mrs. Franks, but Cartman was all like–” he put on a deep voice to imitate their fat friend, “Oh she was fucking us so hard, she was fucking us!”
“What?” Stan scoffed.
“So we couldn’t get the stuff from the office or we would’ve gotten dicked down there too.” Kenny shrugged, “So we skipped, but we got caught roaming and P.C Principal was trying to eat our asses dude.”
“Kenny, stop talking.” Kyle huffed.
“It was crazy man, you just had to be there.”
The three continued to eat in silence as Kenny just glanced around the lunchroom. Kyle felt just a little bit calmer knowing where all the people he gave a rat's-ass about at this school were, besides Cartman of course. He still felt a little worried, though.
“Where’s my thick bitch?”
Stan shrugged, “Maybe he’s eating in the lunchline to keep getting refills.”
“Sorry to..sorry to interrupt you, fellas, but uh..I -I can’t help but bring it up, now. I-I just really feel like you guys shouldn’t be…you know..high right now.” Butters frowned.
“Exactly! How stupid can you two be? You’re willing to throw away your entire future for a couple hours?” Kyle cried.
“Dude, we’ve done so much worse.” Kenny laughed, “I think we’ll be fine.”
“I don’t think so..” Butters mumbled.
“There’s nothing to be worried about, dude. It’s not like we’re addicted or anything.”
“No! Not yet, but you never know. You should be real careful what you do, Kenny. Especially around Cartman.” Kyle warned.
“Cartman’s good. Better than you guys think, if he was really all that bad, we wouldn’t keep him around, right?”
Stan shrugged, “I don’t know dude, he’s pretty bad and he’s still in the group isn’t he?”
“I don't think Eric’s all that bad, really..” Butters piped in, “I just worry about him and you. Kyle always says nothin’ good can come from you two when you’re high.”
“Well Kyle doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and he can suck my dick.” Kenny smiled.
“Who’s sucking who’s dick?” Cartman asked as he loudly dropped his tray onto the table and squeezed in between Butters and Kenny.
“Apparently Kyle’s gonna suck Kenny’s dick after school later.” Stan mumbled through bites of his sandwich.
“What?! Where the hell did you get that from?!” Kyle cried.
“Sweet! That’s the type of shit I would pay to watch, man.” Cartman said out loud before leaning in and whispering something in Kenny’s ear next to him, which caused the boy to elbow the bigger boy, but he chuckled nonetheless.
They make me sick. Kyle thinks bitterly before he picks at his food on his lunch tray.
*
“Do you think Kyle was actually angry at us today?” Kenny glanced over to Cartman as the two walked down the sidewalk together.
The bigger boy shrugged, “Who cares? That guy’s always got fuckin’ sand in his vagina, that’s why he’s so angry all the time.”
“Yeah, but you care.” Kenny replied. Eric’s heart dropped once again. Did this asshole REALLY know about his crush(es)? Did Kenny have the mind-reading ability Cartman had earlier thought he did? Did he know all the things he thought about them?
“H-How do you figure?” Eric asked, Damnit, I stuttered..
Kenny eyed him suspiciously before answering, “I know you don’t mean half the shit you say.”
Oh right. Kenny’s just a dumb asshole, there’s nothing special about him. “Whatever.” Eric scoffed.
The two approached the cafe as they walked in silence. Of course, Eric was paying for the poor bastard, as always, out of the good and kindness of his heart, because he was a good guy, and a great friend, as many would describe him as.
“Thanks again, man.” Kenny smiled at him, flashing his teeth, and the missing one on the top row. Eric tried not to focus too much on how his heart always skipped a beat when Kenny smiled at him, which was every time the boy paid for him anywhere for anything.
“Don’t mention it, I am your sugar daddy after all.” Cartman replied, opening the door and holding it open for the blonde-haired boy.
Kenny cheekily giggled, “You sure know how to treat a woman.” he said as he entered the cold building from the heat of the sun outside, which felt inexplicably good.
Cartman scoped out the place, seeing as though there were not many customers at tables or booths, which was a total score in his book, just a couple of randoms around the shop. Kenny ran up to the counter before him.
“Hi!” a girl greeted them. Kenny and her spoke as Cartman narrowed his eyes at her. She looked oddly familiar, and sounded like someone he’s heard before. His eyes scanned her up and down, trying to remember where he saw her from. It was no doubt she was a new worker there, he’s never seen her there before, and she looked pretty young, probably a teenager their age. She had big curly blonde hair, other than that distinct characteristic, she had the face of any average white girl.
Kenny turned back to him and whispered to him, “Come on, dude.” with a smile, and the two walked over to a booth.
Kenny plopped down on one side as Eric squeezed into his side.
“What the fuck is up with you ?” the big boy questioned, Kenny seemed way more energized and alert now, Since when was he so fucking happy? he thought.
“Dude, that was Bebe! The girl from our school! Wendy’s friend, remember her from fourth grade? She’s been in our school like…forever!” Kenny laughed. Oh.
“Oh? Oh, yeah I remember her. She’s really let herself go, huh?” Eric shaded.
“What? Nah man, she looks great. Maybe you need to get your eyes checked or something. I would totally hit that.”
“You’d hit anything.” Eric huffed.
“You’re not totally wrong about that.” Kenny chuckled.
Eric ignored his friend, flipping through the cafe menu as if they haven’t been there a million times and order the exact same thing each time. Thankfully, Kenny remained quiet and took a glance at his menu as well, just as Eric wanted.
Jesus, why does she have to get a job here ? Now we’re gonna have to go to that fugazi-ass cafe on the other side of town just so Kenny won’t jump her bones like every other damn girl at the SKEWL. Eric internally screamed, God, why did I have to fall for the biggest whore in town? This shit is hella lame.
Eric slammed his menu down on the table as he saw the girl with the bouncy blonde curls approach their table. He glanced over to the window next to them as Kenny dropped his menu as well and excitedly spoke to her.
Jesus christ, she’s whoring herself at him! Asking if he wants his coffee hot or iced, could you be any more obvious?! Fucking s-
“Cartman? What do you want?” she asked, and he snapped his head up at her.
“What do I want ? That’s not a very fucking nice way to speak to customers.” he replied before glancing at Kenny and whispering, “You can tell she’s new. Bitch doesn’t have a clue how to treat customers with respect.”
“What was that?”
“Nothing. I’ll take two blueberry muffins, a few ketchup packets, a brunch-burrito, and an ice-cold glass of hot milk.” Eric smiled.
“Uh…okay? I’ll be right back with all that stuff.” she smiled.
Bebe stood at the table for a moment longer, a moment Eric’s eyes didn’t leave her, nor did Kenny’s. There was a quiet sound, like something sticky being ripped off of something, before Bebe stretched a sticky note under her notepad and “discreetly” handed it to Kenny. Eric glared at her once more. She quickly sped away after that.
Kenny curiously glanced down at the sticky note before displaying that same happy, toothy grin as he had given Eric just a few minutes ago. Eric felt his heart sink this time instead of drop.
“Dude! She gave me her number!” Kenny laughed, flashing the note to Eric, and sure enough, there were a series of numbers on it.
Immediately, Eric lightly slapped Kenny’s arm as a sort of congratulations with a huge smile on his face, and an excited persona, feigning happiness for his friend. Kenny gave back the same happy smile, clutching the sticky-note in his hand and giggled like a school-girl as Eric shook him.
He was glad he was able to mask his emotions so well, it’s gotten him through way worse shit, and saved him from an ungodly amount of trouble, including saving his friendships and not spilling his feelings. Sometimes, even when you’re not feeling too great, you have to put on a smile and act happy for the people around you. They didn’t call Eric the world’s best actor, greatest man, and nicest friend for nothing.