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The last time Zari did this she was calm but right now the last thing she felt was calm. Pure hot misplaced anger, disgust at herself and buried very deep beneath that was sadness, clouding her feelings right now.
She was going on a totem quest again but the last time Behrad had been here and alive to guide her through it. His excited smile plastered on his face. That's the way Zari wanted to remember him, not the emotional less, still life-less state she had last seen him in.
Behrad had said that if he had a problem he couldn't figure out he would take a totem quest. And Zari couldn't figure out anything else right now, the finding the last loom piece plan was taking too long. She needed her baby brother back now.
But she's not ready to face the other Zari, The one who is morally superior. Who everyone on the ship definitely loved more than her. Or who gave up everything for Behrad just to be here. Worst yet she can't bear to see the look on her face after telling her their brother is dead, again.
That nervousness is the last thing she feels as the layga root takes over her consciousness and pulls her to another realm.
When she opens her eyes again she isn't surrounded by the deep red and gold colors like she was last time. She's outside and the plants that stretch high and low are beautiful shades of light and dark green. The sky stretches into lovely blue and the trees are tall and healthy enough that almost seem to reach the skyline. Zari feels like she would love this place more if she was an outdoors person, but she's not. So she quickly stands up and brushes her pants off, hoping that dirt in the totem doesn't stain.
Last time she called out and someone appeared so that was her safest best.
"Hello? Other me? Where are you? And what happened to all the furniture?"
Zari glances around the forest while she speaks, hoping to catch a glimpse of someone or something. Either you ended up in different random places every time you used the totem like it some off brand version of an 8 ball. Or all of her ancestors are on some sort of field trip.
"We don't usually keep out furniture this deep into the forest."
Zari spins around at the sudden voice. When she comes face to face with the person who had spoken she freezes in
recognition…Charlie?
No that can't be right, this person's smile was different. While it held the same warmth Charlie's did, it held no mischief behind it. The woman must see the confusion etched onto her face because she introduces herself soon after.
"Sorry, I'm Amaya. One of the previous protectors of the spirit totem of Zambesi."
Her introduction didn't really do much to lessen Zari confusion but the name did set off some recognition in her memory. She remembers Behrad mentioning an Amaya in a few of his retellings of a few of his adventures to her. It wasn't that outlandish that these two people had the same face since Charlie has shapeshifting abilities. Though she can't help the flicker of disappointment that settles in her chest at the fact that it's not her Charlie.
"Zari, I tried to enter my family's totem and I ended up here, somehow."
Zari watches Amaya's face for a change of mistrust at her explanation but her welcoming smile only becomes bigger.
"The totems must've known where you needed to be, all the totems are connected after all." Amaya states.
Normally Zari would probably be hung up on the fact that apparently the totems were some kind of separate connected entity. But with the warm look Amaya was looking at her with right now, she can't really bring herself to care about that right now. The colors and fabric of her dress and headscarf complimented her skin nicely.
"So why do I need to be here?" Zari asks.
"I don't have that answer for you." Zari feels a little bit of that sadness bubble up from deep down. It seems like Amaya almost senses it because she continues before the feeling can consume Zari. "But I can help you find out."
Maybe some of the wackiness from the legends had rubbed off on her but here with the way this woman was gently tilting her head as an invitation to come with her. Zari couldn't help but think she'd follow this woman she just met to the ends of the earth.
Zari steps fall in time with Amaya as she goes to walk by her side. Letting Amaya lead her deep from in the bushes and trees and into a field. As she stepped from the shadows of the trees she could finally see how illuminated the skyline kept everything here. Animals basking in and lounging under the light. With some of Amaya's ancestors Lounging with them or just walking around enjoying the company of each other.
Zari can't help but let her mind drift and wonder if this is how the totem with her ancestors was too. She had only spent time in with the other her in one room last time. She pictures it though, her and Behrad and the other her laughing and spending time with their long forgotten past family members. Learning lost recipes and customs. But first she had to find a way to get him back to make that a reality.
Amaya guides her along, introducing her to different ancestors of hers, even managing to talk her into petting some of the wild life. This world was beautiful and magical and she could see herself losing time in a place like this. And she does.
Zari isn't sure how much time has passed by the time her problems enter her mind again. By now she's sitting on a log next to a lake watching the skyline turn beautiful shades of orange and yellow with Amaya. She wants to curse herself for getting so wrapped up in this world, having a good time while her brother is gone.
"Whatever you're searching for, you'll find it."
Zari turns to Amaya at the words of reassurance. How did she always seem to know what Zari was feeling? Was she an empath?
"It's the totems. I can feel how much you're longing for something. Not exactly what it is though."
Amaya finishes her explanation and it makes sense to her but some childish part of her doesn't want to completely rule out that the other woman has some sort of physic ability. Zari hesitates before saying her next sentence.
"I'm looking for a way to bring my brother back. He's actually the one who taught me about this whole totem stuff."
It felt good to get this off her chest and not bury all of this down anymore. It's insane how she barely spent with her yet Zari is already able to let even a slither of vulnerability. But this woman definitely seems like she has that effect on people. Amaya doesn't say anything but glances at her to let her know she's listening, so she continues.
"I'm the reason he's dead, he was protecting me while I was in the totem and if I hadn't been using it he might have had a better chance at fighting back." Zari can feel the word vomit come out. Hear her own voice breaking.
So she does the breathing technique she learned from yoga a while back. Zari closes her eyes and breathes in deep but it's not working like it usually does. She can feel her hand shaking until a warmer hand settles on top, stilling hers. When she opens her eyes Amaya's is staring into hers. She never realized how soothing brown could be as a color until now.
"Forgive me if I'm over stepping but I don't think your brother would want you blaming yourself for his death." Amaya starts and finally turns her eyes away but doesn't let go of Zari's hand. "I had someone I failed to save once, and the feeling of guilt ate me up so much I almost became reckless to rectify it."
Amaya doesn't explain who or what exactly she's talking about but she does reach for own neck and rubs it. It must be an old habit because there's nothing there but the gesture seems to comfort her all the same.
Why is she telling this story though? Does she want her to stop fighting so hard for her brother back? Well she can't.
"I'm not giving up Behrad." Zari says pointedly. Almost too defensive.
"I would never ask you too. In Fact I'm encouraging you not to give up hope like I once did. The legends are good at that, believing that if they fight hard enough, everything will turn out right, they'll give you that spark." Amaya says back calmly.
She was right, the legends were good at that. The way they rallied around Charlie to help her face her sisters. Or came to John's aid when he was dying from lung cancer. The way they've all been restless try to find the loom piece's to bring Behrad back.
"Wait, how did you know I was a legend? Did the totem tell you that too? Zari jokely asks.
It pulls a laugh out of the woman. And If Zari wanted to do everything in her power to hear that enchanting sound again, who would blame her?
"No. But I had an inkling, the most outlandish things seem to happen to the legends. But you naming Behrad confirmed it. It's a name I haven't heard in a long time. He's a sweet kid." Amaya answers.
Zari wants to ask her what Behrad was like before she came around. What their friendship was like, how they met. But before she could even consider which one to ask first she feels a pull. It feels like the tension in a rubber band right before it snaps back into place. It means her time in this realm is done.
Amaya must feel it too because she squeezes Zari's hand and forces her to meet her eyes.
"Z, when you get Behrad back. Please bring him back here to see me. I can't wait to see two of my friends again." Amaya ends her sentence with a wink.
Zari isn't sure which to process first, the fact that Amaya is so sure she'll get her brother back. That she called her a friend. Or maybe even the wink. She wanted to comment on all of it but before she could Amaya and the landscape disappeared before her eyes and she was surrounded by darkness.
When she opens her eyes again she's back in her room, the now empty cup that was full of Lyoga root tea still sitting on her nightstand.
Zari still doesn't have any solid answers on how to find the last pieces of the loom quicker. But if the phantom hand she still feels on top of her own and rejuvenated feeling of hope are anything to go by, she left her totem adventure with something.
She touches her totem and smiles and prays Amaya can feel the amount of gratitude Zari is sending her.
Maybe it's actually Amaya or just her wanting to believe it but when she feels a feeling of comforting energy flow out starting from where her totem is rush over her.
She knows it's Amaya responding.