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“What?!” Aedan was so startled by the confession that he whirled on Alistair, glancing back to make sure no one was within ear or eye shot. He was smiling, and his eyes fairly twinkled, but Alistair didn’t think it was in a mocking way despite the topic. Aedan tugged Alistair’s elbow to resume walking down the road before Zevran and Wynne noticed anything, and angled his body so only Alistair could see what they were talking about. ‘You better not let that get around.’
“Oh, I know.” Alistair said gloomily. “The way Zevran and Wynne talk though, I give myself maybe another couple weeks before they figure it out.”
Aedan groaned in sympathy while still chuckling about the lamppost in winter metaphor, but he kept making sure that Zevran and Wynne were trailing far enough behind to not eavesdrop, although he likely needn’t have worried since the unlikely duo were still chattering like jays.
‘I don’t think it’s a big deal. Not many opportunities while growing up in the Chantry.’ Aedan’s signing was fast and loose, although he still carefully shielded it from their companions. ‘But if Zev and Wynne learn they are going to be horrible.”
“I know, don’t remind me.” Alistair groaned. “What about you? You were nobility, living in a castle; I suppose you were just rolling with whoever you batted your eyes at?”
Aedan huffed a laugh at that, but then he couldn’t meet Alistair’s eyes anymore and the smile slowly began dropping off his face. Alistair regretted opening his big mouth and went to change topics, but Aedan began signing again, albeit a little slower than before, as if he were lost in thought.
‘Not really, to be honest. My brother was worse, before he got married.’
Alistair could have kicked himself. It wasn’t often that Aedan spoke of his past, and he really didn’t know much more than the fact that Aedan’s parents had been killed in an attack on their home. It had been months since Castle Cousland had fallen, but it was obviously still fresh in his mind and Alistair couldn’t blame him.
“Aedan, I’m sorry. We don’t have to—”
‘No, it’s fine. I want to tell you, it’s only fair.’ Aedan shook his head. ‘I only had one serious relationship, but we weren’t together long. We had to keep it a secret from… from everyone.’
“Ooh, forbidden young love.” Alistair said dreamily, and only half jokingly if he was being honest with himself. “What was her name?”
Aedan didn’t reply for a moment, focusing on where he was putting his feet as they walked, and Alistair was beginning to think he wasn’t going to answer when he spoke.
“Dairren.” Aedan whispered. “His name was Dairren.”
Alistair nearly tripped, but managed to save himself, although he was still very distracted as his mind raced. He had been keeping his developing feelings to himself, unwilling to risk their friendship, and now it occurred to him that he didn’t even know what Aedan’s preference was in a romantic relationship. Aedan had casually flirted with Leliana and Zevran alike, but Alistair hadn’t seen signs of any of them actually wanting more than the friendship they all shared, and Zevran flirted with everybody and that made it impossible to tell when it was in seriousness.
Alistair realized he’d been quiet for too long; Aedan seemed wary, as if waiting to see how Alistair would respond. But he was also… sad. Miserable, even. Alistair yanked himself out of his own thoughts.
“Wait, was? You broke up?”
‘I— No, I mean, we didn’t—’ Aedan squeezed his eyes shut before giving his head and hands a shake before continuing. ‘He was with me that night… the night that I left the castle.’
Alistair was stunned into silence, unable to look away from Aedan. He knew that Duncan had given him a sanitized version of events, but he was beginning to think it was much worse than he’d been previously assuming.
“Aedan, I’m so sorry.”
‘It happened fast. I tried to help, but… he died in my arms.’ Aedan forged ahead. ‘Some of my family were already dead. We had to leave my parents behind, and they died too.’
“Maker… I didn’t realize…” Alistair was appalled at the revelation. “You said Howe did this? As in, Loghain’s right hand man?”
‘Yes. When I find Howe, I’m going to kill him.’ Aedan’s hands were steady, his words matter-of-fact. It almost made Alistair miss another step, but he understood, all too well. He felt the same about Loghain. The only way to make him pay for his crimes was to wipe him out so nothing like it could ever happen again.
“I’ll have your back.” Alistair looked over at Aedan and caught his eye so he could see how serious he was being, for once. “You have my word.”
***
“He likes you too, you know.” Leliana said from the other side of the campfire. Alistair looked up from where he had been scraping the worst of the burnt bits off his charred dinner, and realized she was talking to him.
“Who?”
Leliana scoffed and gestured with her head, and Alistair turned to see who she was indicating.
Aedan was talking to Bodhan and Sandal on the edge of camp; or rather, listening with attentive nods while Bodhan relayed the news he had learned on their travels. Alistair squinted at the group, trying to figure out who she meant exactly.
“Who, Sandal? Of course he likes me. Sandal likes everybody.”
Leliana threw a small bone from her plate, hitting Alistair square in the middle of his forehead with frightening accuracy.
“Ow.” Alistair flicked the thrown bone off his plate and went back to rescuing his dinner, knowing from experience that retaliation would only end in a throwing match that he would not win.
He was also beginning to suspect she was referring to Aedan, and it was not a conversation he felt like having within earshot of the entire camp.
“Who are we talking about?” Zevran dropped onto the log beside Leliana and took the plate that she offered him without looking. “Anything good?”
“Aedan, Alistair, and Alistair’s thick skull.”
“You started without me?!” Zevran gasped in mock horror. “Do tell. What was his expression?”
“I haven’t gotten through the thick skull yet.”
“My skull is perfectly average, thank you.” Alistair said dryly, refusing to take the bait. “And whatever this is, I don’t want to know.”
“Oh, I see. Let me do it.” Zevran said to Leliana as he licked his fingers clean, then turned his attention to Alistair. “So you don’t want to know that our dear Grey Warden would like you to bend him over a barrel and have your way with him until he can’t walk straight the next day?”
Alistair choked on the bite he’d been trying to swallow, triggering a painfully long coughing fit that had everyone else in camp looking at him with varying degrees of concern, which was exactly what he didn’t need at this moment.
The horror that was everyone staring at him while he nearly choked and died over dinner was bad enough, but his traitorous thoughts were also determined to make everything worse by latching onto Zevran’s lewd scenario and examining it from all possible angles. Honestly, Alistair knew he’d been pining, but he had hoped he’d been keeping it discreet. He had been getting the impression that Aedan was fond of him as well, but there were about a million different reasons why nothing could come of it since they were Grey Wardens in the middle of a Blight, and besides all that Aedan was miles out of his league.
It also didn’t help that Alistair had little to no experience with romantic relationships or anything physical that seemed to come naturally for other people. He knew his… status wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, but he did wish he had at least a little first hand experience to tell him what to do when he caught Aedan staring at him, or worse, when Aedan caught him staring. Now Zevran’s colourful descriptions had triggered a visceral reaction low in Alistair’s belly, and he didn’t think the heat in his cheeks and ears had to do with nearly inhaling the burnt remains of his dinner.
“I’m fine,” he finally managed to wheeze to the group in general, and grabbed his waterskin for a drink while his eyes continued watering uncontrollably.
Leliana and Zevran just sat on the other side of the campfire, eating their supper and watching him cough and choke with their evil smiles on their evil, evil faces.
“No need to be so crude. Aedan is more the romance type.” Leliana said to Zevran while Alistair was still spluttering. “He wants love, and romance, someone to rely on; not just a warm body in his bed.”
“What a shame.” Zevran said, and winked at Alistair. “Easy lovers are easier on the heart.”
While Alistair tried to process that, Aedan bade farewell to Bodhan and Sandal and wandered over to the fire with a tied bundle he’d gotten from the merchant, plopping down beside Alistair. Still recovering from the coughing fit, Alistair took another drink from his waterskin while trying to ignore Leliana and Zevran’s knowing looks. His face and ears were still hot.
Aedan looked at the two rogues and then Alistair, and back again.
‘What?’ Aedan asked with suspicion.
“Nothing.” Alistair squeaked before either Zevran or Leliana could say anything. “They’re just being their usual selves. Their busybody, lecherous selves.
“You would say that, Chantry boy.” Zevran said, and received an elbow in the ribs from Leliana. “Ow.”
‘Okay?’ Aedan continued looking between them for a moment, uncertain, then gave up and pulled a sheathed dagger from his bundle to show it to them.
Fortunately, it was enough to distract all three of the rogues as they gushed over the new weapon like it was an adorable puppy. Alistair welcomed the change in topic, and was finally able to finish his meal in peace while idly watching as they passed the lightning-enchanted weapon around. Aedan performed a series of moves that made the dagger seem to dance over and through his fingers, and Alistair found himself mesmerized by how the differing lights from the campfire and lightning rune flickered over skin and muscle as Aedan made the intricate moves look like a natural flow.
Movement at the corner of his eye caught his attention, and Alistair realized with dawning horror that he’d been caught staring. Leliana smirked at him but mercifully stayed silent, while Zevran was making a rude and shockingly suggestive gesture with his hands where only Alistair could see it.
“Well, I’m tired.” Alistair abruptly rose and quickly dumped the inedible, charred remains of his dinner into the fire. He felt a stab of guilt when his sudden movement startled Aedan badly enough that he dropped the new dagger, but this was a situation that he needed to be leaving, now. “Goodnight!”
‘What, really?’ Aedan looked up at him in concern. ‘Are you feeling okay? It’s barely dark.’
“Absolutely fine! Just a long day. Good night!”
He could feel eyes on him, but he resolutely didn’t look back.
“I didn’t do anything,” he heard Zevran say as he stomped towards the tent, and Leliana giggled.
He didn’t wait to hear more, drowning them out by throwing the canvas flap open with maybe a little more force than it really needed.
Alistair laid awake in his bedroll for an unusually long time that night.
***