Chapter Text
Orihara Izaya is a exclusive pain in the ass.
We have a funny relationship evolution. No. It's funny how my attitude toward you has changed and yet our relationship has been in absolute stagnation for ten years.
I saw you - I didn't like you. I felt a tickling danger. It was different from what I usually felt when I was threatened. By its uncertainty. I know now that you had no clear intention of hurting me that distant day. I sensed excitement from you, but not outright anger. You just didn't intend to attack me then.
Shinra told you about his monster-like friend. Of course you were interested in me. You even tried to like me back then, didn't you? But something went wrong and we became enemies.
You smelled like Orihara Izaya. And Orihara Izaya is dangerous. You are aggressive by nature, and that borders on an objective aberration. I don't know why you are so afraid of the world. Who has wronged you? When I get too tired of your flea crap, which sometimes gets too much in my life, I dream of going back in time. To that past where we didn't know each other and where the very event that turned you from a normal kid into a monster happened.
We are more alike than you think. Although I wouldn't be surprised if you know that yourself.
You know what else is interesting? I attribute your behavior to the fear of the herbivore animal. If the wolf is in danger of missing its dinner, the deer is protecting its life. You sometimes look a lot like a deer: slender, statuesque, filled with innate grace and elegance. Seemingly weak and beautiful, but in reality hiding the power of hooves and willingness to kill. Or to run, yes. I often see how you read a situation. Instantly assess many factors at the source of the threat. And wow - you're like that all the time. Izaya Orihara is in control because he's always ready to attack. And yes, you only stop looking around when I'm trying to kill you. And yet you still manage to manage our fights by staying alive.
There is another opinion. That you're not a deer, that's silly. You are a predatory creature, and in the people around you, you are looking for your next prey. And it's not out of fear that you look around unnoticed. And your aggression is a defense of personal boundaries. If you were an animal, you would be a cat. Not just because of your famous elegance, but because of your love of solitude. I would never believe that you could let someone have your life. I won't believe that someone whose attention you get won't get stabbed in the back for it.
Izaiah, you can't not get attention. People love cats for a reason, but they forget that you're not a domesticated version of a cat at all. Maybe you seem so aggressive just because of the increased unwanted attention.
You also look like a raven. Handsome, blue-black, with the intelligent eyes of an animal that likes to pick on cats with boredom. You're the kind of animal that will peck at you in the street to steal your hat. And then will victoriously carp goodbye. You, too, are mocking, vindictive, and very curious. I can just see you fiddling with your puzzle and pissing off passersby.
The day we met, your inner raven interestedly tilted his head to take a closer look. And then it flew off at the last moment and has been pecking at my liver for years since.
In short, Izaya Orihara has nine lives and walks fearlessly on ledges like a real cat.
He hunts people as if it were necessary for survival, and he fears nothing because he considers himself superior to the others on the food chain.
He is cautious and tries not to underestimate those around him, like a noble deer.
And so laughs, confessing his love for unpredictable humanity. Humans are dangerous, but they know how to surprise, and this is a perpetual source of amusement.
Maybe you think you're a bored Loki, but I don't believe that.
I can't understand what you see in me, though I can feel emotions. It's more complicated than that with you.
Your silent stride - my adrenaline boost. You laugh and are the only person who looks directly into my eyes without fear when I'm angry. And I still think that if you're a fucking raccoon or a honey-eater, I'm always a dog to everyone. Maybe a wolf, but without much of an animal variety. My relationships with girls are all falling apart, and I'm sure it's your fault. It's your fault I howl at the moon. I think you know that.
What do you want from me, Izaya? In ten years I still don't get it. But we see each other two or three times a week, and that's a lot.
The problem is that soon after we met in blood, you began to annoy me. To the point of blood in front of my eyes. And then it turned into hatred. Crystal clear as ice. Beautiful in its clarity, but scalding cold to the touch. You cannot forget the object that hurts when you touch it and steals your body heat 24/7. It is an eternal piece of ice. I hated you, but I liked that at least something with you was simple and clear.
And then I slowly stopped hating you. See, now I'm trying to analyze us? You still occupy my thoughts the same way you used to, but in recent years I want to understand you more and more. It's like I've come to terms with the fact that you're going to be with me for the rest of my life, and so I've decided to do something about it. Although in general it's much simpler than that - in all this time I've started to respect you. And I don't want to list all your many virtues. It's enough that I like you more than the vast majority of people, although you still get on my nerves the same way you used to.
I think that's a good enough explanation for why you ended up in my apartment of your own free will, and then in bed already by my efforts.
You took my desire to fuck you so lightly, as if I had memory lapses and in fact we had been fucking regularly all these ten years.