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Remus shot up from his sweat soaked mattress, his entire body pulsing with heavy breath, holding himself up by his hands pressing back into the mattress. His vision was milky and clouded and he reached up to give a index and thumb rub to his eyes, dragging his hand down his face with a rough sniff and groan. He felt pumped with adrenaline, coming down from the high like he had been hit by a train. The fear of it all began to wear off as he shifted uncomfortably in the unfamiliar awakening. Then he noticed the smell. It was like revisiting a candle your mother used to burn when you were a child, discontinued and forgotten, until you walk down the street one day and pick up the scent of someones perfume walking by. And you’re transported instantaneously back in time. It was the smell of musk and firecrackers, of cinnamon and parchment, it made his heart ache.
When he finally eased back into conciseness he realized he was still in Hogwarts; his last memory was dreary and hard to place. He had been at Hogwarts, in the rafters, there was the shattering of glass and cracking of wood. The barrier had been broken, the sounds of screaming voices and the pulse of magic around him. The battle, his breath began unsteady again, the war, it was still raging on. He needed to get out there now, he needed to... He quickly threw the red and gold blanket off of him, revealing his grimy, dust-ridden clothes. His brown suit jacket, his olive green vest, his mud caked shoes, all of it was still there. But from the window the light was shinning onto him, creating a glow that made him wince when it hit his eyes. He was like a weed in a field of daisies.
Last thing he remembered was the darkness, and now here he was bathed in sunshine, in the dorm room of his past.
He looked around taking in all in, the three beds around him. The Gryffindor pennant banners that swooped from post to post connecting them all together graciously in and X form. The trunks at each end of the bed, with their gold latches and indifferent markings per boy. The rug at the center, bent and out of shape from early mornings of rushing. All of it was as if it was stuck in time. Each bed had its maroon curtains drawn back, with an empty bed of ruffled and clumped sheets and head-dented pillows. There was the David Bowie poster on the bathroom door, a pile of empty chocolate frog tins, two broomsticks leaning together near the closed doorway, an unfinished essay and open textbook lying on the floor, and the pile of records next to the side table of the bed directly across from his.
Remus felt paralyzed by the vision before him, this wasn’t the Hogwarts he left in ruins at the battle. It was the one he left to rot in his memories.
He slowly turned and snaked his bruised and battered hand underneath his pillow and his breath hitched as he felt the truth of the matter living there. He pulled out an old worn, leather bound book and held it there in his hands lying on the white sheets, now stained with ash and dirt. He took a moment before bringing it to his lap and opening to the front cover
Written on the back, in beautiful silky black ink was a message: To our Moony: We love you! Happy Birthday! - Padfoot, Wormtail, & Prongs
Tears fell and smeared the writing underneath him, Remus let his shoulders collapse over him as he hung his head down to his chest.
It was like he had never left.
There was a collapse downstairs and Remus tightened, coming quickly up to his feet, letting the book fall to the floor. His hair still plastered to his forehead with sweat, he quieted his breath wishing his heart would stop pounding so loudly so he could hear.
And he did, he could hear it, small voices echoing from the common room. He felt as if he might feint. His knees buckled and throat dried up. He glanced again at each of the empty beds.
He was the last to wake up.
Without any time at all he raced to the door, not noticing that the pain in his hips had subsided for the first time in twenty-seven years.
The doorknob felt warm to the touch and with a twist he was greeted by the creak of the door swinging open he had grown so accustomed to all those years, the one he cursed on early morning while James and Sirius left for quidditch practice. He threw himself into the doorway to the top of the stone stairway turning to face the cascade down into the common room.
It was baked in the same golden light as the dorm room, the dust floated in the air twinkling. It was all there too, the red couches and matching arm hairs, adorned with their golden buttons and fixtures. The brick fireplace that raged on, the slick polished tables and chairs, the paintings that twirled up the tall, never-ending walls, the twenty rugs all stacked and overlapping on themselves to cover the entire floor. The crest, the trophies, the fat-woman he knew would be on the other side of the painting entryway.
“There you are Moony!”
His stomach dropped and he felt as if he might throw up, there at the end of the stairs stood James. His glasses reflected slightly and he looked up towards Remus smiling. His dark skin had tints of a sunburn, and as always, his soft dark brown hair sticking out in every direction possible. He wore his dress-shirt with a poorly tied golden and red tie hanging off the collar without care. Untucked from his dark grey trousers, one of his hands resting neatly in his pocket.
And there she was, hanging on his arm, looped through his elbow. Lily. Remus wanted to cry seeing her emerald eyes meet his again. Her pale pink-toned skin, freckled with lips glossed and shaped into a thin and loving smile. Her fire-orange hair, tucked behind her ears, framing down her neck and reaching down to her ribs with a slight wave. He could see tears begin to bubble in her eyes and coat her brown eyelashes and she gripped James harder.
Remus’s mouth was dry, all he could do was stand there and take it all in. His friends, his best friends, James and Lily, there they were. They were okay, they were together, it was all Remus needed.
In front of the fire with her legs dangling over the side of it sat Marlene, her hair shaggy and tucked around behind her ears. She turned to glance over at him with a smile, she waved up to him with a prim a proper little flick of her fingers. Being met when Doracs came to her side with a cup of tea and another happy smile up to Remus, her braids adorned with beautiful gold pieces.
He glanced over, not too far off, but isolated he saw Peter. Trying to make himself small at one of the tables, twiddling with a chess piece on a set board. His yellow-gold hair was like a large cloud hovering on his head. His chubby face looking down, unable to meet anyone else eyes. All of the hatred for him dissipated in Remus, he was just happy to have him home.
When he turned back to Lily and James he realized he was smiling now, with matching tear streaks to Lily’s. And when he looked down he saw his favorite jumper. The fleecy one, that always captured lint throughout the day. It was pattered with stripes of different variety in brown and green and red. His mother had gotten it for him during one of the colder years at Hogwarts in their fourth year, and he would sleep in it for weeks before finally bringing it to the wash. He had his slacks on, and white tube socks, he could feel his wand in his pocket, his shoulders felt less broad, there were less scars on his face.
He barked a laugh and finally burst down the stairs to be captured into the arms of James and Lily who pulled him in tight.
“Oh, Remus!” Lily cried into his shoulder, “You did so wonderful!”
James nodded in agreement against his other side, “You were marvelous! I expected nothing less from our Moony!”
Remus let himself be smothered by the two of them, as they placed pecks on his temples and hair.
He pulled back to see their faces again, “James, Lils, Merlin is it good to see you again!” He held Lily’s face for a moment, looking down at her as her warm cheek pressed into the palm of his hand. Then he reached to grab the back of James’s neck, bringing him in to press their forehead together, “Harry is just amazing,” He told them, “He’s so much like the both of you, so smart and kind.” He was talking between sobs now, “ I was so proud of him.”
They laughed along with him and the praises for their boy, “He was braver than the lot of us wasn’t he?” James boasted.
The didn’t let go of each other for a second, the warmth amongst them radiated like magic.
James pulled away to look at Remus, his light eyes glistening, “You know someone’s been whinging for you to get here.”
Remus’s heart went into his throat picking up his head to look over them. On the couch next to where Marlene and Dorcas sat close was a mop of black curls tossed over the cushion. Remus stepped forward, Lily and James using their hands to guide him forward before coming back into each other’s arms with soft laughter.
Sirius.
There was a smug giggle, and Sirius picked himself up from the couch without turning around, “You always have to save the best for last.” He informed.
Remus laughed, “Sirius Black? Saving himself for the dramatics? Wow, am I ever so surprised.” He sarcastically replied, still not used to hearing his voice coated with youth.
Sirius turned, his blue eyes sent shivers down Remus’s entire body. There he was, Sirius Black in all of his smug glory. In his unkept uniform, moonshine skin, and perfectly set, slick hair. The Sirius who smirked his toothy smile, with his sharp white canines and ever-present pink lips. His long dark eyelashes that casted shadows on his prominent cheek bones, slim neck lengthening down to his strong arms.
“I’m still kinda missing the rugged, tattooed, broke out of Azkaban look.” Sirius joked holding how his arms and shrugging. Remus could feel everyone roll their eyes around them; and it never felt more perfect.
“Hey Padfoot.” Remus finally said, their gazes locking together.
“Hey Moony.” Sirius replied just the same, relaxing his body back down.
They rushed each other, crashing into their arms, Sirius burying his face in Remus’s neck. Rubbing his face in his jumper, drinking him in. Remus wrapped one arm around his upper back and the other to pull his head in closer to him. Sirius’s arms landed around his neck, being slightly taken off the ground with their height difference. Remus began pressing kisses onto Sirius’s head, “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.” He whispered with urgency.
Sirius shook his head bringing it up so that their face would meet, his eyes now also submerged with tears, “No Moons, it wasn’t your fault.” They kissed, warm lips meeting roughly. They kissed over and over again whispering apologies and sweet nothings to each other in between each one.
“Sirius.”
“Remus.”
“I’ll never leave you again.”
Sirius smiled, “Never.”