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Eiji was familiar with the fact that he was... least to say, emotional. Ash would sometimes joke that it was because Americans are too “gung-ho” and “stuck-up” about everything and Eiji wasn't used to it yet. It could be that, but... Eiji understood Ash said that to make him feel better. For an entire year spent with Ash, he was always voicing his worry and concern about everything.
He had a right to be on edge. Ash did many dangerous activities every other day without caring that he did.
Eiji wanted to make sure Ash would never get hurt, not if he could help it. Love could've been too strong of a word, he wasn't sure, but he was sure that he felt strongly towards Ash. Being in love with a man was a topic Eiji never discussed with his family, given that they would definitely disown him on the spot- he would be titled a dishonor to the Okumaru's if he ever mentioned the slightest feelings of attraction to the same gender, and it could be something little, like- mentioning a boy’s hair. Ash had beautiful hair, platinum locks he had never seen before in Japan, never thought existed. Well... Ash was an exception to most things in America. Graceful at everything, perfect in every way-
Eiji rubbed his forehead, irritated with himself. He had a habit of comparing and contrasting and idolizing everything. Didn’t he go to America to not do that? To make a better version of himself?
No matter how hard he tried, shaking off the thought was impossible to do. Compared to Ash, compared to what people do in America, his plainness was underwhelming. The one thing he had going for him was something he'd never be able to do again. He had no one to blame except himself, to feed that gaping hole cut across his heart. He wasn't good at anything. Being in America just made him feel more like a good-for-nothing nobody.
Unlike Ash, a strong person that continued to survive and refused to let anything stop him, and was just so, so much better than Eiji- he had given up on his passion after the injury. Couldn’t continue it after all the physical and mental strain it put on him. He remembered vividly how his eyes watered with pain and how his ankle throbbed in all the wrong places. It was an intense moment for him, a moment he still thought about now. Something to make him feel worse than he already did.
Because Ash just reminded him that he shouldn’t give up. Time and time again, he exceeded himself when he was in pain beyond relief, and all Eiji could do was watch, helplessly, in the sidelines. Fulfill a role of being the burden he already was in Japan.
As far as he could remember, back when they first met, he had always looked up to Ash. Had never disliked him once, was never afraid of him once- he was just in pure awe of him. Ash and him were so different in every way and he loved that fact, kept it close to his heart.
Eiji wanted to be admirable in his own way, too, when Ash needed support the most. He would always be there for Ash if he needed a shoulder. And, to be honest, Eiji was kind of glad that Ash trusted him enough to allow his carefully built walls to slip away, even if only for a day or two. Eiji wanted to do everything in his power to make sure Ash was kept safe.
There was no reason other than Eiji loving Ash with his entire heart. Never planned to let him go.
The feelings would never be reciprocated though, he needed to accept that, and... frankly, he couldn’t. Ash was an alpha. He was far stronger than Eiji. He was better in every single way and had a charisma that drew everyone in. Besides, even if Eiji really wanted to dream, Ash said it himself: the world wouldn't let him mingle with normal people anymore. Ash thought Eiji was a beta.
If the truth came out that Eiji was an omega and not a beta, Ash would hate him. Loathe him more than any monster in the word. Every single omega Ash met abused him in the worst way possible, forcing themselves upon him and using other alphas to make sure he couldn’t run away. Details Yut-Lung had obtained through Dino and told Eiji in spite.
Eiji had to be a monster if he could ever think of telling Ash that he loved him as an omega. Ash didn’t want anything to do with them anymore, surely. Eiji could understand if Ash sent him back to Japan without batting an eye while insulting him along the way. Because he deserved it. He was nothing more than a burden, how could he catch feelings along the way? All it would do was ruin things for Ash more, like he hadn’t had enough problems in his life yet.
He didn’t want to hurt Ash, convinced himself he would be perfectly fine if he rationalized the thought of accepting enough. He would have to disregard his feelings in order to protect Ash. Eiji never wanted to put Ash into a situation he was uncomfortable with.
Well, at first. He thought he could deal with pretending. But as time went on, he couldn’t. It was hard to, it was really hard to. Eiji had trouble looking at Ash in the eye nowadays, afraid if he stared too long that Ash would be able to clearly see through to his lies.
Ash never mentioned Eiji's strange behavior, though, even if it became obvious that Eiji was avoiding him. Eiji could tell it was bothering Ash and it made him physically cringe knowing that it did. Telling Ash that there was more than a gray line of them just being friends had a reality Eiji didn’t want to face.
Ash's sexuality and desires were still up in the air. Eiji didn't want to hint at anything in case Ash would be uncomfortable with it.
So, every confession before was subtle. He said words meant to comfort Ash, but he never could fully confess his feelings. Eiji kept himself out of dangerous waters. He vowed he wouldn’t burden Ash more with his feelings. Then- then why was it painful to not say how he truly felt? Every time Ash was near, he wanted to blurt everything out just to know if Ash felt the same way.
Courage never met with him to do so.
Eiji needed to suppress his love for Ash- he thought it’d be easy enough. Turned out, it wasn’t, and he hated keeping things from Ash. More than anything else in the world, he thought he would go insane if he didn't say something, anything.
For the next couple of weeks, Eiji played this game of avoidance. He hated doing that, too. He wanted nothing more than to stay by Ash’s side, hug him, do everything and anything to make him happy.
Just because Ash didn’t mention anything about Eiji’s unusual behavior didn't mean he wasn't aware of it. Regardless, he gave Eiji time, time Eiji used to contemplate over his feelings.
He wished that the emotions would just go away and never show their faces again because Ash’s birthday was coming up soon, and he did not plan to miss out on it. Ash deserved love, so much more love than he had ever gotten in his life. He deserved So. Many. Things. And for Eiji to act this way? He was straight up a horrible person. Really, he couldn't stand to be in his own skin anymore.
Even Ash’s gang had picked up on their strange behavior- or, Eiji’s strange behavior. They asked Eiji unprompted one day if he had a fight with Ash, which Eiji immediately declined.
“I’m giving him space,” Eiji offered instead of a full explanation, pouring coffee into his mug. Normally, he would sweeten it. Today and yesterday and every other day that led up to this moment wasn't normal, however, so he doesn't. He wanted to drink Ash’s favorite today, which was bland, pure black coffee. Ash had barely been gone for a couple of hours and Eiji already missed him.
Bones and Kong didn’t look all too convinced. Eiji didn’t mind that they didn’t very much. They wouldn’t ask Ash about personal matters because Ash, just like Eiji, wasn’t direct with answering them.
Eiji settled himself on the sofa, Bones and Kong following behind him. The coffee’s bittersweet aroma reminded him of Ash’s usual presence in the morning and he sighed, wondering when he wasn't going to be this attached to Ash. “I’m fine. We’re fine.”
Essentially, he was saying that they were fucked.
“It’s just- boss,” Bones was speaking slowly, like he was uncertain with his words, “he’s been acting… he’s been agitated, and I’m worried, y’know? We want our boss to be happy again.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t stress it,” Kong said.
Maybe they were waiting for Eiji to say something more with the way they were standing over him, holding their breaths, but he didn’t. He was struggling to keep himself together and not break down in front of them.
This was all his fault. He wasn’t doing anything right for Ash. At this point, he understood now that Ash meant what he said all those months ago. Eiji was a burden, and he needed to go back to Japan.
He needed to accept that.
Eiji swallowed thickly and waved them off, hoping he would just disappear on the spot. He wished he could’ve been better for Ash before he left. It all made sense now, like every puzzle piece had magically fallen into place to fit in his head.
He was weighing Ash down. Just like back in Japan, he wasn’t doing anything more than keeping secrets and disappointing everybody.
So, when it was the day of the Halloween party, Eiji brought it up. It could be because of the confidence alcohol gave him- it could’ve been because he had a gut feeling that everything was about to end soon and the world felt like it was gradually crashing down on him, he just had to know.
“Don’t you hate me?”
Ash, surprised, looked up from his drink, a can of Cola. He hadn’t had any alcohol yet. “Why would you ask that?”
Anger abruptly bubbled inside Eiji’s chest. He wanted to scream at Ash that he should, he should despise him more than anyone else in the world. Christ, he was terrible. He hated himself.
Instead, Eiji laughed miserably. Not like he’d ever be able to say that. “‘Cause I’m sure you do, Ashuu. Aishiteru.” He choked down a sob. “You’d never feel same way, no. You hate me.”
Ash’s eyes widened in alarm. “No! I-” Taken aback by Eiji’s sudden mood change, he cleared his throat, spoke softer. “Sorry for yelling. I would never hate you, Eiji.”
Eiji wanted to glare. “Then what is it? I know I am bother to you.”
He swore, slurred his words in Japanese and stood from the couch before Ash could stop him. If he saw Ash any longer, he thought he might cry. He couldn’t understand his feelings anymore. One second, Eiji would give up everything to see Ash. The next, he wanted to be far away because he felt like sobbing whenever he saw him.
This was unfair. This was stupid. This was everything Eiji couldn’t understand, and he hated it.
He staggered on his feet and Ash immediately got up to help him. He tentatively allowed Eiji to lean against him. He smelled so good. Like the daybreak of dawn and scented cherries, Eiji was lured into the scent and he hiccupped, tears running down his cheeks.
Ash guided him into the bedroom and sat him on his bed. Everything was blurred for Eiji, tears obscuring his vision, but he reached out for Ash.
“Ashuu.” His voice cracked.
Ash touched his hand, squeezing their fingers together. Warm. Reassuring. “I’m here,” he whispered. “It’ll be alright, Eiji. I’m here.”
And that was all that mattered.
_______________________________________
Ash had finally come back, after way too long. Eiji had never been so terrified in his life when Ash disappeared, he didn’t think he’d ever see him again. But here he was, safe, and alive.
At first, they were awkward around each other during their reunion. Not many words were exchanged, although there was never a time when one of them wasn’t near to the other. A silent promise to never leave their side again.
Eiji was dead set on going back to Japan when Bones and Kong had shown up to the condo that day to take him to the airport. It was because he rationalized the idea so long he actually accepted it. Surprising, and- devastating, to be honest. He didn’t want to leave until he had to- and for it to be so soon…
That was until he learned Ash went to fight Arthur, he realized he would never leave his side, no matter how much it hurt to keep it a secret. He would always be there for Ash.
Except Ash disappeared for a while, longer than he ever had before, and then the news stations were claiming him as dead… that was nothing but terrifying. Eiji couldn't sleep at night, was absolutely torn to his core for a few days until he thought about it more- reasoned about it because he had to, with nothing else to distract him.
The rescue mission to save Ash was stressful, he had to admit. He was nervous- what if Ash wasn’t there? He had to put on a brave face of optimism while Yut-Lung had poisoned his thoughts with everything negative.
Deep down, though, Eiji knew he would do anything for Ash to protect him. If he had to prove it, so be it.
And now, Ash was finally, finally back. His birthday had already passed in his absence and Eiji was getting help from Max and the gang to decide what his belated gift should be.
“A kiss,” Bones told him. Eiji had furiously shaken his head, hiding his face in a pillow.
“Tell ‘m your feelings,” Kong said, and when Eiji looked confused, he added, “it’s clear as day that you’re love-stricken. Tell ‘m how you feel.”
Definitely not.
“Ash doesn’t like presents,” Alex said. “Just take him to the library.”
Eiji considered that.
As for Max, he was giving Eiji a look. Eiji couldn’t quite tell what it was, but it had some of that same smugness Ash used when he was teasing him. “The kid’ll appreciate anything from you. You’ll know what’s best to give him when the time comes.”
Eiji didn’t really believe him. Still, he nodded.
When the day arrived, Eiji was ready. He ultimately decided to buy a vanilla cake from the supermarket that had emerald green frosting carved into petals and roses, reminiscent of his piercing jade eyes.
He waited all day for Ash to come home. It wasn’t planned to tell Ash about the gift- he wanted it to be a surprise. After all, their relationship was pretty much... he didn't know, but a word alone definitely wouldn't be able to describe it. He didn’t want to do anything that would backtrack it or make it intense in case both of them weren’t ready for that.
And Ash was still an alpha. He didn’t need a beta, like he thought Eiji was. Romantic feelings should be out of the question. With the love charm his sister gave to him, he couldn’t help to feel that what he was doing was like confessing his feelings anyway.
It shouldn’t be that way, and he shouldn’t feel that way to begin with. He locked away any unwanted- not necessarily, just... not right for the moment- thoughts, waiting for Ash to come back. He was prepared to wait the entire day.
Except Ash really hadn’t returned until the sun had long since set and Eiji was struggling to keep his eyes open. Of course, Ash had many more things to do than to stay at home all day. He wasn’t obliged to stay with Eiji all the time.
Still, his heart thrummed obnoxiously when he heard the sound of a door creaking open.
“Ash!” Eiji called out, shooting out of the blankets from Ash’s bed. It was a habit to lay there when Ash was gone, to stare at the ceiling most of the day. It helped him imagine that Ash wasn’t out doing anything dangerous and was right beside him.
Ash was in the main room, setting down his jacket on the couch. He glanced up in time to see Eiji sprint towards him and practically jump into his arms. “You’re back!”
Ash hummed in acknowledgement, lightly picking up Eiji and held him in the air for a brief second before setting him down. There was a strong odor of another alpha on him and Eiji faltered, suppressed a growl. This wasn’t the time to get jealous and make assumptions.
“Why were you gone for so long?” Eiji hoped he didn’t come off as accusatory. He was on edge, adrenaline rushing to him once seeing Ash. And the scent of another alpha covering him-
“Business,” Ash said, not meeting his gaze. “I thought I would be back sooner.”
Eiji stood on the tips of his toes to press his hands on Ash’s shoulders and Ash looked at him then. “I was worried,” he murmured. “I was very, very worried. I’m glad you came home safe.” He wanted to add, “ I like you too much to let you go. I love you .” He bit his tongue as to not.
Ash blinked at him. Hope and admiration and everything Eiji dreamed about was filled in those pretty jade eyes and those pretty pink lips. Eiji blinked back at him, slowly, letting his hands trail upward to cup Ash’s jaw.
He wished he could kiss him. God, he really wanted to.
Ash’s eyes flickered downwards briefly when Eiji’s hands fell to his sides. He could pass it off as wanting if he pretended hard enough. “I have something special for you.” Eiji confidently motioned for Ash’s hand, and Ash took it, a faint blush on his cheeks. “Close your eyes, ‘kay?”
“I’m sure you know how weird you’re being right now,” Ash said with a slight snicker.
Eiji didn’t respond, just led him to the kitchen.
“Don’t open your eyes,” Eiji instructed, and unlocked their hands to move over to the fridge. Ash was standing on the very outside of the kitchen. “I’m serious. If you do- natto for a month. Straight.”
Ash made a sound of amusement. “...Right.”
He opened the fridge and placed the cake on the counter. Taking a deep breath, he moved back to Ash. “Okay,” he said. “ Okay .”
Ash was smiling just a little too wide. “‘Okay’ what, onii-san? Have you finally figured out your ABCs?”
Eiji huffed. “Just open your eyes.” He could forget at times how much of a coy ass Ash could be.
“On the count of three?”
Eiji rolled his eyes. “Sure, yes. On the count of three.”
Ash’s grin was fading into something more genuine.
“Thanks. I’ll go first.” He shifted closer to Eiji. “One.”
“Two.”
“Three-”
Without giving it so much of a second thought, Eiji pecked Ash’s cheek and led him closer to the cake. “Happy late birthday, Ash!”
He swore on his life that he wouldn't let this day go to waste for Ash.
_______________________________________
Everything was going right—
“I can tell something’s bothering you. Care to explain?”
—then why did it feel so wrong?
Things had finally settled down for once and Ash had time to hang out with him more, even though Eiji suspected that it was more for the worse than the better. Because now, the pain and thrumming in his heart stung more than usual. Desire he couldn’t control grew, and Ash was only feeding to it.
A simple reality was that they’d never be together because of Ash’s hatred towards omegas. Now, it was once again a terrifying thought of being sent back to Japan. He didn’t want to go. Couldn’t accept that anymore.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Eiji said. He stared intently at the flames on the stove. He was fine. Everything- everything was fine.
Don’t think about it.
Ash made a sound that clearly said he didn't believe him. Normally, he would lay off after Eiji didn’t voice his concerns, but apparently he was persistent on knowing why Eiji’s mood had been this down for an entire month. As it turned out, he wasn’t as good at hiding his feelings than he thought he was.
“You can tell me,” Ash said in an impossibly soft voice. “I’ll never be mad at you. You can tell me anything.”
If only that was true.
“I'm fine,” Eiji repeated. He was not fine. He had kept track of his heats and had completely disregarded the fact that he had one tomorrow. It was too late to cover it up now. His scent was already screwed, there wasn't the slimmest hope of possibility that Ash didn’t know he was in his preheat.
Ash never mentioned anything, although he was too close to Eiji to not. His scent was a dead give away and Eiji’s nerves have never been this high before. Normally, he was on suppressants. He did everything he could to not give away the fact that he was an omega when he was with Ash, and now…
How could he forget something like this? Why wasn’t Ash mentioning anything about it?
Ash, at this point, had to know he wasn’t a beta. Right? Eiji wanted to believe he genuinely didn't know because Ash wasn’t saying anything, and for their distance to be this close...
Eiji craved for Ash to keep him closer. He wanted Ash to mark him so he’d never mark anyone else in his life, though the thought was too selfish to keep. Ash didn’t deserve the lust Eiji couldn’t control.
Ash doesn’t press any further. He sighed and backed away, didn’t entirely leave the kitchen. He was waiting to see if Eiji would cave in and explain- sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t. Ash was just letting Eiji know that he’d be there for him, and he was around the corner if he needed him.
Does he know? He had to know. But what if he didn’t-?
Eiji, honestly, felt relieved that Ash cared enough to lean a shoulder on someone like himself. He loved Ash so much, he didn't even think it was possible to have a feeling this strong. But he was an omega. Why couldn’t he be anything else?
He was going to ruin everything, sooner or later. If Ash wasn’t saying anything because he didn’t want to make Eiji uncomfortable even though it should be the other way around, then he was nothing but a monster. He was no better than anyone who had hurt Ash.
Eiji didn't want to pile any of his troubles onto him, especially sexual ones… Ash already had enough of that in his lifetime. He didn't and would never want to hurt Ash like that.
But it was difficult to not have certain thoughts. Ash was objectively attractive and charismatic. It wasn’t just that, he was so much more than that, but- Eiji couldn’t help being drawn in more to everything about him. He wanted, yearned for something more, something more intimate than hugs and kisses.
He really was a burden.
Eiji, giving up on controlling his feelings in front of Ash, turned off the stove and left the mopey half cooked egg on the pan. He rushed past Ash and into the bathroom where he locked himself. He wanted to disappear from this. Leave everything behind and never come back.
“Eiji?” Ash’s voice rang throughout the walls of the rooms and Eiji held his breath, feeling his body vibrate from either the sound of his voice or the nervousness that flooded every inch in his veins. Probably the latter.
“I'm fine,” Eiji croaked out, hopefully loud enough for Ash to hear. He thought Ash would at least be distracted by the salad on the table, or wouldn’t care enough to follow Eiji. He wasn’t worth the attention, especially because a nauseous feeling was growing in his stomach and he kind of definitely felt like throwing up.
Ash’s scent grew stronger as he came closer to the bathroom, enchanting. Attracted to the smell, Eiji bit his lip, gnawing. Arousal burned strongly in his stomach and he nearly whined when Ash moved farther away, drew back.
To prevent any sounds from leaving his mouth, Eiji bit his bottom lip harder until part of it tore and the faintest amount of blood trickled down his chin. He couldn’t stay here forever. He was concerned about how strong his pheromones were acting, not like the radiance of it was a secret anymore.
Still, he couldn't do this to Ash.
Fumbling with the door lock, Eiji bolted out of the bathroom, heading directly for the main door. He would have to leave and take suppressants- and probably never come back. Ash wouldn’t want him back.
He skidded to a halt when he saw Ash, who was sitting on the couch with a blank look on his face. It was startling from how out of touch he seemed with reality.
Eiji’s breath hitched up more.
He had to go, he had to leave. He could explain to Ash later, maybe- if he could, he just needed something. What was he thinking? He'd much rather get in trouble with Ash for going out by himself than for him to have a heat tomorrow, unprepared, unwanted.
“I'm sorry,” Eiji raved, his forehead pulsing sharply. “I’m sorry, I'm so sorry-”
Ash was at Eiji’s side in a split second. His motions were tense but direct, and he took Eiji into a loose hug. “Don’t apologize.” Hearing his words tasted like honey. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
He knew, and he still hadn’t mentioned it. How was Ash not mad? He was pretending, right? He had to be mad at Eiji.
Eiji strained the words from his throat. “Are you mad at me?”
Ash gave him such a peculiar look of fondness that Eiji shivered involuntarily, heart leaping up to his throat. “Never will be.” There was a familiar comfort in his words.
Even as an omega? Eiji wanted to ask, fully aware it was a pointless question. It was clear that he was and Ash didn’t show the vaguest amount of disdain towards Eiji while knowing. He had to wonder if Ash knew all this time.
And if he did…
Words have failed Eiji yet again. Silently, he stood in the embrace, his nerves settling down. Ash's presence alone was enough to comfort him.
“Do you need to rest?” Ash asked him, pulling him closer.
Eiji nodded. He didn’t want to leave Ash's side right now.
Ash led him to the bedroom and guided Eiji to his bed. He was sure Ash could sense that everything was wrong with him right now. It wasn’t like Ash hadn’t dealt with an omega before, unfortunately… Why wasn't he saying anything?
Eiji just wished he did. He wasn’t good at reading people.
“You’re not mad,” he eventually said, shakily. He needed to confirm it.
“I'm not mad,” Ash said, again, in that same calm tone. Although something more came off him that Eiji didn’t originally notice- a sense of unease. He made Ash worried to the point he felt unease.
He folded his hands into his lap, kept his eyes glued there. “Ash, I’m an omega,” Eiji blurted. He couldn’t take it anymore. That was it. After all this time, Ash would finally kick him out. They’d never see each other again.
Ash didn’t give off so much of a response to that. He didn’t look frustrated or mad or anything. He was just… nonchalant. Like it was passing off the news of the weather to him. Eventually, he sighed, and gave an almost sad smile. “I know.”
Eiji’s anxiety slowly plundered into nothingness. Ash wasn't mad at him.
That was hard to believe.
“Aren't you disgusted with me?” Eiji looked up from his hands. He can’t understand why Ash was acting like everything was normal. He hated omegas, and Eiji was one.
“You’re worth so much more than you think,” Ash said after a moment, sounding incredibly torn and dejected that he was hearing Eiji say something like that. He pressed his hand against Eiji’s forehead like he had a fever. “I’d never be disgusted by you, Eiji. Was this what was troubling you all this time? God, I'm so sorry, Eiji…”
Eiji took in a shaky breath. “It’s not your fault…” It’d never be. Everything was my fault, Ash.
“It is,” Ash said, and he pulled away. “You were stressed all this time. I’m sorry that I didn’t pick up on that sooner. I would never hate you just because you’re you.”
“But, in the past…”
“You're not the people from the past.” Ash closed his eyes, like he was deep in thought. “Besides, I wouldn’t dwell on it. Not everyone is sick like that.” Eiji felt incredibly stupid at his terrible assumption about Ash’s views. What was he thinking? “And you shouldn’t be stressing about that. You already have enough on your plate.”
Ah. Eiji rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry. I was going to get suppressants.”
Relief and something else washed over him. Now that Ash said it aloud- he… he couldn’t help but want Ash more than ever now. He liked Ash for all this time. Asking Ash directly if he could… it wouldn’t…
Why was this so embarrassing?
Ash’s shoulders tensed for a moment. “I can get them for you, if you want?”
How could he tell Ash that he wanted to be marked by him? He could never ask something like that, that would be too much. The desire still lurked in the back of his thoughts and every inch of his soul. It was impossible to ignore.
Ash was the one for him. Eiji could practically feel the longing course through his veins, screaming for Ash.
Eiji nodded shyly. “Okay. Thank you.”
“No problem.”
Ash gave him one last meaningful glance before leaving the bedroom. A heavy weight felt like it had been lifted off Eiji’s chest and he could freely breathe again.
Ash didn't hate him.
He wouldn’t have to pretend anymore.
Eiji sucked in a deep breath, silencing the mean voices in his head, telling him that all he did was add burden after burden, that it wouldn't be okay knowing he was an omega in an all alpha and beta gang. There was simply no place for him.
Ash hadn't told him that, though. He just listened to him, accepted him for what he was. That was far too comforting and Eiji wanted to cry in his arms for that.
Eiji shifted on the bed uncomfortably. Ash kept flicking back to his mind and he was becoming slightly worried about what he would do if he wasn't on suppressants. Although Ash was out getting them for him, his mind screamed to not take them now. He’d been on them for a very long time now.
For an entire year, he kept his feelings bottled up and Ash only figured out now that Eiji was an omega- or at least, let Eiji know that he knew.
Ash. Ash.
Eiji bunched Ash’s blankets in the middle of the bed and took a few pillows near the bed frame to set it atop.
Feeling like it wasn’t enough, and with a tiny guilty conscious nagging at him for messing with Ash's things without permission, he searched through the dresser and grabbed a couple of Ash’s shirts that were covered with his scent to throw back on the bed.
He curled the shirts into his chest and let his breathing become dangerously fast, like he was hyperventilating. He wanted Ash to come back already. All Eiji wanted to do was see Ash again.
He stared out the window while he waited. Just staring, keeping himself on Ash’s bed. He wouldn't move. Leaving the spot he made seemed impossible to do.
Ash wasn’t gone for that long. Still, it felt like an eternity had passed since they'd last seen each other and Eiji's head excitedly snapped up when Ash entered the room. As promised, he was holding a bottle of pills that were supposedly suppressants.
Ash’s eyes widened slightly when he saw Eiji curled up possessively on the bed.
“Hi,” Eiji said. He sat up. His heart pounded with excitement.
“Feeling better?” Ash nodded to the space Eiji was occupying. Ash seemed almost shy about this.
“Would this be okay?” Eiji’s thought process wasn’t messed up yet. He wanted to stay here, but he wouldn't if it was exchanged for Ash's discomfort.
Ash set the bottle of pills on the nightstand, not answering him. Eiji eyed it with a pout.
“Do you want me to move?” Eiji asked as Ash stood by the bed, clearly not sure what to do. They weren’t in a relationship, after all… he should’ve thought this through better, haha...
“Not unless you want to,” Ash said. “Do you mind if I… sit on the edge?”
Eiji breathlessly nodded. Everything he smelled and saw reminded him of Ash. Something like wheat and coconuts in a tropical breeze. He had a particular scent Eiji was absolutely fond of.
Eventually, Ash asked, “Do you not want to take the suppressants?”
Eiji didn't say anything to that, just squeezed his grip on Ash's belongings tighter. Ash was always so patient with him. And yet, he was so calm. Collected. Let Eiji have a moment to decide whether to respond or not.
He didn't want to take it anymore, but he didn’t know how to be vocal about not wanting to. He wanted Ash to mark him. “...Not right now.”
Eiji’s pheromones might’ve come off stronger because Ash took Eiji's hand into his, turning his head in the other direction as he did so.
Knowing that Ash was in his care, Eiji grinned shamelessly.
“I thought about you,” Eiji said. This time, he didn't really care that he let it slip. He wanted Ash to know that he really did care about him. “While you went out.”
“I can tell.” Ash laughed after a moment. He was referring to Eiji being nestled up in his bed and it was so clearly a nesting- so clearly a sign. Even still, Ash didn't say anything that might’ve fallen into the category of mating. Of Eiji’s upcoming heat.
It was honestly a surprise that Eiji went on for this long while not even touching on the subject. He was just breezing through life while on suppressants. He should take them, it could cause irreversible problems if he didn't, but when Ash was here, with him, accepting? All desire to subdue his instinctual urges melted away.
Except Eiji didn't want to quite show that in heat, if he entered one. He wanted to go through this one while not wanting to show Ash his lust filled thoughts about him, because that wouldn’t be true, not exactly. Ash was everything more than… that.
This was troubling. He needed Ash to be comfortable with the situation first, and he didn’t know if he was…
Eiji curled himself closer, reminiscent of a tucked cat and he held onto Ash's everything. “Can you tell me why you're not mad?”
Ash was silent for a moment. Then, “I promise I don’t think any less of you, Eiji.”
“But it doesn't bother you?” Eiji pressed. After all, he was giving signs that could make Ash uncomfortable.
“It doesn't bother me,” Ash said confidently. Sincerely.
“Can you come closer?” Eiji asked. He knew that this question was asking for a lot, given the circumstance. Regretting the question almost immediately, he buried his face into the blanket and groaned.
“Sure,” Ash said, suppressing a laugh at Eiji’s reaction. He was hesitant, though, and didn’t move straight away.
“Please. It's okay.” Eiji wanted Ash next to him. He wanted to do everything the world had to offer with each other.
This was all judged by Ash’s consent. Eiji would have to keep himself somewhere else for the time being if Ash didn't want to mate with him. And chances were that he didn't, given everything he had gone through.
And it was really bad of Eiji to ask something like that when he can prevent the situation altogether. When he can just take the suppressants and forget about all this. Now that Ash knew his secret and didn’t mind it, there wouldn’t be anything more to worry about.
Ash moved up closer to him and Eiji leaned himself against Ash.
“I don't scare you?” Ash whispered. His hands were gently found their way to wrap around Eiji's waist.
“No,” Eiji whispered back. Ash would never scare him.
For a while, none of them dared to move, cuddled up next to each other for what felt like a few hours. Ash had fallen asleep against Eiji and Eiji felt wide awake. Ash’s scent was all he could think about. He was overjoyed that Ash didn't make him leave and didn't hate him.
Once the sun began to set, though, Ash had woken. Eiji felt his mood increase knowing that it wasn’t from a nightmare, as Ash was usually tormented with them when he went to sleep.
The first thing Ash did when he saw Eiji next to him was ask about dinner. Typical.
Eiji wasn't feeling that hungry. While Ash said he was going out to get food and asked if he wanted anything, Eiji declined. He only got out of Ash’s bed to make him dinner (Ash never ordered anything healthy) and went right back once he was done.
Once Ash was done eating, he brought the question back up again.
“So, you’re against taking the suppressants?” Ash didn't sound mad, just amused. “Is there a reason for that?”
They both knew the reason.
Eiji grumbled in feigned annoyance. The reason was clear. Ash was trying to coax him into saying it in order to not make any false assumptions on his part. “Yes,” he muttered. “I… I want you.” I love you.
Ash pushed a part of Eiji’s hair behind his ear, humming. “We’ll have to see then, won’t we?”