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I position my head to kiss him deeper and wrap my arms around his neck. “[Name],” Scaramouche pulls back, “Yeah?” I look at him, confused. Scaramouche stares at me and frowns, “Why are we doing this?” I pause, then giggle. “What do you mean?” He sighs and lightly pushes me off him, “This cycle...The cycle of one of us being upset and then we fuck. It’s not healthy.” I laugh, “Wow, I’m surprised that you brought it up. I would’ve just expected you to just…” I sigh, “Well I dont know.” We sit there in silence. “I guess I’m just scared.” I look away, “[Name]?” I look at him and he speaks, “Come on. Don’t give me that look.” I frown. “[Name], please just tell me.” I get up, “I have to go now.” Scaramouche calls out for me as I walk out of his apartment.
Ashamed, I drive back to my apartment and shut the door behind me. “I fucking love you!” I break down and fall onto the floor in tears. I curl up into a ball and continue to cry. Why do I have to do this, why can’t I just say I love him? I hic, should I call him? Getting off my floor, I take off my shoes and clothes. Getting into the shower I let the hot water run down my body. I stare at the shower head and sigh. “Why can’t I just say it?” I turn the water off and I get on my night clothes.
Jumping into bed, I stare at the ceiling. “Okay, fuck this, I’m calling him,” I say aloud to no one. I open my phone and call Scaramouche. “Pick up!” I whine. After a few seconds I hear his voice on the other end, “Yeah?” I pause, what the hell do I say? “[Name]?” I blink out of my daze and respond, “Yeah, sorry.” I look around my room, “Why are you calling me?” I need to confess. “Can we meet up tomorrow? Not at your place or mine, somewhere different.” I hear him chuckle, “Like a date?” I smile, “Yeah, a date.”