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Language:
English
Series:
Part 5 of Imagine Tony and Rhodey
Collections:
IronHusbands, Ultimate Favorites
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Published:
2015-08-14
Completed:
2015-08-16
Words:
1,494
Chapters:
2/2
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111
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4,428
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the one where Tony breaks Captain America

Summary:

Based on a prompt from the Imagine Tony and Rhodey blog:

Tony and Rhodey have been in a committed relationship since Tony was sixteen. This is apparently news to Steve(and also the rest of the team).

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

“This has to stop, Stark.”

“Hello, Capsicle,” Tony said, not looking up from the delicate circuit board he was soldering with Dummy’s ‘help’.  “How are you?  I’m fine, thanks for asking.  Please, come in, pull up a chair, I’ve got time to talk, not like I’m doing anything important or anything, I swear to God, Dummy, you are useless.  Community college is too good for you, I’m donating you to a preschool.”

“I’m being serious here,” Cap said sternly.

“And I’m being sarcastic,” Tony responded.  “What needs to stop this time?”

“This,” Cap said, dropping a gossip magazine onto the work bench at Tony’s elbow.

Tony glanced at it and went back to work.  “That’s not very American of you,” he said. ”I’d be the first to agree they’re pretty awful publications, but I’m pretty sure even they’re covered under freedom of the press.”

Cap puffed himself up and crossed his arms, adopting a look of severe disapproval.  “I’m not in the mood for your games today.  I’m not going to tell you what you can and can’t do in your private life, but your reputation affects the team’s reputation.”

Tony blinked, taking another look at the magazine, actually paying attention to it this time.  Sure enough, there he was, photographed leaning close to a woman he had absolutely no recollection of.  The garish red text across the cover read STARK’S SECRET LOVE CHILD!  MOTHER REVEALS ALL!

“I’d love to help you out, Cap, but I had nothing to do with this,” he said at last.  “I mean, I guess I could sue for libel, but if I sued over this story, I’d have to sue over every other story, and frankly I just don’t have enough lawyers to handle that kind of caseload.”

Rogers just kind of stared at him blankly for a minute before he found his voice again.  “What?”

“It’s a lie,” Tony said.  “Happens when they run out of alien abductions to report.”

“They just… made it up?”

“Basically, yeah.  Judging by the outfit, I’d guess the girl’s someone working at one of the six or seven dozen functions I’ve attended in the past year.  Good thing you can’t really see her face- I doubt she even knows she’s supposedly having my kid.”

Rogers looked scandalized.  Tony hadn’t seen that look on someone’s face for years.

“Welcome to modern media, Cap,” he said sympathetically.  “Luckily you’re such a shining beacon of goodness that the worst they’ll do is claim you were rude to a barista once.”

Rogers collapsed onto the couch, which groaned audibly in protest.  “Are any of the stories about you true?” he demanded, a bit plaintively.

“Some, yeah,” Tony said, turning back to his work.  “I mean, I did tend to have a habit of partying a bit too hard, and I still sometimes blow shit up, but basically if it’s about me and sex, it’s a big fat lie.  I don’t cheat.”

“I thought you said you and Pe- Miss Potts weren’t seeing each other.”

“We aren’t,” Tony said, making a mental note to check whether Capsicle was putting the old-school moves on Pepper.  That’d actually be kind of cute, if he was.  “Was already in a relationship when I met her, and again: not the cheatin’ kind.  Rhodey deserves better than that.”

“Rho- Colonel Rhodes?  You’re in a relationship with Colonel Rhodes?”

Tony glanced back up.  Poor Cap’s face was worth the interruption to his work- he was actually slack-jawed with amazement.

“He was my boyfriend long before he was a Colonel,” he felt compelled to point out.  “But yeah.  We hooked up- well, technically at MIT, but he was pretty firm about the whole waiting until I was eighteen to go official with it.  He’s cute that way.”

Rogers sort of deflated into the sofa cushions, looking dazed and lost.

“J, is there anybody around who can collect the good Captain before Dummy decides to try and move him?”

“Agent Romanov is currently in the gym.  Shall I call her down for you?”

“Yes, please.  Also make a note, I think Cap is crushing on Pepper, we need to set up an alert system to test that hypothesis.”

“Of course, sir,” Jarvis said.  “Shall I inform Miss Potts you’re meddling in her personal life again?”

“Nah,” Tony said, turning back to his work.  “Let’s wait until we’ve got some solid evidence for her.”

“Indeed.”

The next few minutes were relatively peaceful, other than Tony repeatedly having to warn the bots to leave Rogers alone, and he actually managed to do a bit of work before Jarvis announced Agent N.R. (he’d seen her list of covers, all of them had those initials, it was safer than assuming he knew which name she was using today) and opened the door to let her in.

“JARVIS said you needed me?”

“Yeah, I think I broke Captain America,” Tony confessed, jerking his thumb toward the couch.  “Apparently he was the only person in the country who didn’t know Rhodey and me are an item.”

“You and Rhodes are what?”

Tony sighed, silently wondering why he’d ever wanted to have teammates.

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

“So I think Romanov’s been replaced by an impostor.”

There was a moment of perfect silence, while the rest of the team looked at Tony, then at each other, then back.

“Okay, first of all,” Clint said, holding up his hand with one finger raised.  “Maybe not the smartest thing to say that right in front of her?  And secondly… any particular reason why?”

“Because she didn’t know about me and Rhodey!” Tony said, waving a hand in Romanov’s general direction.  “And me and Rhodey is really really obvious, we are disgusting together, she is supposed to be a super spy and she missed that!”

“What did she miss about you and Rhodey?” Bruce asked, sighing.

“That we’re an us.”

“... There are two of you, yes…”

“Bruce,” Tony said.  “Brucie Bear.  Light of my lab.  Not you, too.”

Clint twisted so he was hanging halfway off his seat and upside down to look at where Natasha was perched impassively on the coffee table.  “Seriously, Nat?” he asked.

“I’m still not entirely certain he’s not trying to pull some sort of prank,” Natasha said.  “Did you know?”

“Well, yeah.  It is kind of obvious.  I mean, sure, Tony flirts with everyone, and he’s big on touching, and he gives out kisses like he’s got a quota to meet, and he stops just short of making out with pretty much anyone who lets him-”

“I really do’t see how that’s an argument for him being in a relationship,” Bruce piped up.

“-but never around Rhodes.  I mean, he’ll cling to Cap like a wet blanket right in front of me, and he’s totally fine making marriage threats at Bruce when Potts is around, but as soon as Rhodes is anywhere in the tower, the rest of us cease to exist.  None of you have noticed that?”

“I thought they were just… really good friends,” Steve said with a helpless little shrug.

“I was just grateful he wasn’t bothering me,” Natasha said with a shrug of her own.

“You enjoy my flirting, Romanov, don’t deny it,” Tony said, crossing his arms and attempting to appear stern.  “Seriously, guys, magazines have done entire articles about us.”

“But you said-”

“Respectable magazines, Rogers.  Magazines like TIME.  They did a whole special issue for our twenty-fifth anniversary.  It was actually kind of sweet of them.”

“But actual news sources aren’t interested in steady committed relationships, so it doesn’t come up much these days,” Clint pointed out.  “Though I still don’t understand how you can live with them and not pick up on it.  They ooze domesticity and contentment.”

“I am so disappointed in all of you,” Tony said.  “Except Clint.  Clint is my new favorite.”

“Does that mean you’ll finally make me that boomerang arrow?”

“Why not?”

Clint whooped, punching a fist in the air in celebration, and promptly fell off the couch.

“So is the team meeting adjourned, or… ?” Bruce asked, clearing his throat and carefully not looking at Clint flailing dramatically on the floor.

“We still don’t know if Romanov is an impostor, though!”

“Really, Tony?” Rhodey asked from where he’d been nonchalantly leaning on the doorjamb since the beginning of this ridiculous scene.  “I leave you alone for a week and you start accusing your teammates of being impostors?”

“But Rhodey!” Tony protested, bounding across the room to wrap himself around Rhodey like an over-affectionate octopus.  “How was Classified Location #4?”

“Classified Location #4 was fine.  What have you been up to?”

“Well,” Tony said, dragging Rhodey out of the room and down the hall.  “I broke Captain America this morning, and then it turns out that-”

There was the sound of a door opening and closing, then silence.

“See?”  Clint asked, still on the floor.  “Cease.  To.  Exist.”

Natasha threw a couch pillow at him.  Things escalated from there.

Notes:

And check out the awesome cover of TIME darkly-stark made for me because I am a dork and was babbling on tumblr.
/attempts to be professional
/pounds excitedly on table
/makes inhuman noises of glee

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