Work Text:
Dan was in the middle of editing a video when Phil’s smiling face poked into Dan’s room. “Hey, I’m making dinner. Do you want anything?”
Dan returned the smile, “Sure, babe, I’ll just have whatever you’re having.” Phil turned predictably red at the pet name and ducked his head, and Dan couldn’t help but smirk at him.
Phil turned away, smiling shyly, and walked towards the kitchen. “Well, then I hope you want spaghetti,” Phil called over his shoulder.
Dan hummed his approval and went back to his work, but distracting thoughts of Phil just kept creeping to the front of his mind and he couldn’t help but smile to himself. Just thinking about how lucky he was to finally have Phil. He still had trouble wrapping his mind around it.
They were... together.
After what felt like years of sexual tension and awkward pining, Dan had finally decided to deal with his little “crush” head on.
(Well, he hadn’t planned on kissing Phil that night, much less tell him how he felt. But Dan was just stupidly in love and Phil just looked so perfect in the candlelight and the way it reflected off his porcelain skin and Dan just couldn’t help but lean in and….)
Dan’s reminiscing was brutally interrupted by the sound of shattering glass and a frightened screech coming from the kitchen.
Dan jumped up from his computer and raced down the hall to where all the commotion was coming from. Dan enters the kitchen, calling, “Phil! Are you alright?”
Phil is stood there surrounded by broken glass, maybe a bowl or a plate, but what’s got Dan worried is that Phil is shaking and staring straight through Dan with terror and dread filling his eyes.
“Phil? What’s wro-”
“I- I’m so sorry,” Phil gasps. “I-I didn’t mean-”
Dan shakes his head dismissively, “Phil, I don’t care about the plate, are you okay?” Dan’s eyes scan for injuries as he reaches out to check him over for any cuts. But as soon as Dan even makes a move towards him, Phil’s hands fly up to cover his face and he flinches violently backwards, his back hitting the countertop.
“Please, I’m sorry!” Phil cries, arms still shielding himself. Sobs start to rack his trembling body.
A horrible knowing feeling twists in Dan’s stomach as he feels his confusion turn into something much darker and he has to resist the urge to vomit. He thought I was going to… No. No, nononono not Phil...
Dan’s throat starts to close in on itself and he starts shaking his head frantically. “Phil, I- Oh my god. No, no Phil. No, no- I would never-”
Suddenly everything makes sense and Dan has never felt so sick in his life. All the times Dan had made fun of him for covering his eyes during violent scenes in movies or the little flinches when someone touches him. The distrust and caution when meeting new people, especially men. How distant he is at times, when his mind is a thousand miles away and a gross sadness lurks behind his bright eyes. The far away looks that fog over his usual crystal blue gaze, like a dark cloud covering the sun. Dan grips the side of the counter as feels his world close in on him. All he sees are those blue eyes, filled with so much fear.
He cautiously reaches out to Phil again. “Phil? I’d never-I promise I’m not angry… I won’t hit you- oh god how could anyone-” Dan chokes down the sob that tries to climb up his throat. He stops before he actually makes contact with Phil again because he’s at a loss and he doesn’t know what to do, what to say, how to react, he just doesn’t know. So, he says the only thing that he can think of.
“I love you.”
The words trigger another flood of tears from Phil, only these tears are different from before. These sobs aren’t filled with terror, these have a sense of relief about them. This was Dan telling Phil that he’s not going to leave because this is too much or too complicated; he’s staying here.
Dan opens up his arms and doesn’t attempt to say anything else as Phil buries his face in his shoulder. He just holds on and rubs Phil’s back soothingly, not sure if either of them will ever be ready to let go.
So, they just stand there. Surrounded by the broken pieces of glass and the broken pieces of their lives and the broken pieces of Phil. A hollow feeling takes over Dan as holds the one he thought he could protect from the world. To Dan, Phil was too... beautiful for this world. Dan had already been affected by the world, souring his view of people and turning him cynical, and he had thought that maybe, just maybe, he could prevent the same thing from happening to Phil. To the Phil who saw the best in everyone and who could always make Dan smile. But it was too late. This cruel world had already left it’s mark on his angel and knowing that kills him.
So right now, Dan does all he can do. He holds Phil tighter.
He’s not sure how much time passes before he eventually realizes that they’re still surrounded with dangerous sharp objects and decides to lead Phil to safety. (Safety meaning their bed, of course.) Dan sits back against the headboard and pulls the duvet over them. Phil remains curled against Dan and Dan’s arms stay securely wrapped around Phil and Dan’s not really sure whose benefit it’s for at this point. When the tears finally subside Phil makes no move to remove himself from the tight embrace.
“He- he wasn’t always... violent,” Phil whispers into Dan’s chest and Dan just feels this overwhelming amount of anger rush over him.
Not at Phil. Never at Phil. At whoever did this to Phil. Whoever told Phil that he loved him and then hurt him beyond measure. I swear to God if this fucktard ever shows his face around here I will-
“But whenever something like that happened, he’d just...” Phil faded off, his eyes taking on that far away look as few more tears inched their way down his face.
Dan expects Phil to continue, expects him to bear his torn up soul to him, so Dan can come in and save the day and piece him back together...
But he doesn’t.
Phil stays quiet, other than a few sniffles here and there.
“You know you can talk to me anytime, right?” Dan leaves an open invitation, not wanting to push too far, but unable to fully push away that sickening curiosity clawing at his brain. ”You can tell me anything.”
Phil nods, “I know- I just- I can’t right now…”
Dan nods and presses a kiss against Phil’s forehead.
A mutual silence settles around the two of them for several minutes before Dan speaks again. “I know that I would never hurt you, right?”
Blue eyes meet brown and Phil gives him a wobbly smile.
“I know.”
Don't wanna call you in the nighttime
Don't wanna give you all my pieces
Don't wanna hand you all my trouble
Don't wanna give you all my demons
You'll have to watch me struggle
From several rooms away
But tonight I'll need you to stay