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The hunting trip had gone well. Ellie had managed to take down a pretty big buck, an 8-point she guessed but no matter how many times Joel tried to explain the ridiculous rating system, her eyes glazed over once he started talking about G measurements and H measurements. The idea of hunting for sport instead of survival still seemed so far removed from the relative safety of life within Jackson but Ellie could tell that talking about the innocuous parts of the old word was soothing for Joel so she did her best to listen.
As the gate opened, Ellie knew she would find Joel nearby the entrance, pretending he had business there other than being a mother hen. Got a crew fixin’ a broken support beam for one of the watch towers. Just makin’ sure they ain’t screwing it up. She knew he wasn’t thrilled about her going outside Jackson without him but he couldn’t do anything about it seeing as it was a school trip and he’d been fighting her tooth and nail to go to school and stay in school ever since she’d recovered from her time in Salt Lake. He’d nearly ground his molars to dust when she came home with the news. She’d overheard him arguing with Tommy and Maria that night when she took Lucas upstairs for a bath.
“What’s the point of making them wait until they’re 16 to patrol if we’re just going to send them out there on a school trip?”
“Going out on patrol is much different than an extremely well-chaperoned educational hunting excursion Joel.” Ellie could imagine Maria’s raised eyebrow.
Even with all the objections she knew he had, Joel never raised the issue with Ellie. He sent her off that morning with a hug, a quick kiss to the temple, and “Show ‘em what ya got kiddo.”
She’s practically vibrating as she rode her horse through the open gate. She turns to find the crew still at work on the support beam but Joel is absent. She keeps looking as she slowly dismounts and catches Maria’s eyes, Lucas on her hip babbling. Her mind starts racing with possibilities as she heads towards Maria.
He’s stuck on a different job and sent Maria because even if Ellie never said it, he knew getting picked up by a family member after school made her feel like the rest of the kids in her group.
Maria wants to have one of those “girls only” afternoons she insists on every once in a while because apparently codependency isn’t healthy.
Tommy’s busy and she needs Ellie to babysit Lucas while she takes care of some council stuff.
She…
“Where’s Joel?”
“How was the trip?”
Their simultaneous questions hang in the air waiting to see which would be answered first.
“There was an accident at the new house renovation,” Maria starts.
“Where’s. Joel.” Ellie repeats.
“He’s fine. He’s in the clinic.”
“Those two sentences contradict each other,” Ellie mutters as she takes off running, barely hearing Maria shouting her name.
She had forgotten this feeling. It had been over a year since that freezing basement where she sat wondering if her biggest fear was about to become a reality. She had become complacent settling into Jackson, letting its comfort and safety from the terrors she had faced on the outside allow her to forget about the danger of something like a construction accident.
She bursts through the clinic door, chest heaving.
“Room 6, third door down the hall to the right,” the woman at the front desk barely looks up from her paperwork as she points. Olivia, Ellie remembers from the first aid seminar at school, Miss Olivia, Joel’s voice rings in her head, manners Ellie.
Unsurprisingly, Tommy’s in the chair next to Joel’s bed. Ellie freezes as soon as she’s fully inside the room. Joel’s unconscious but the steady rise and fall of his chest means he’s not dead, at least not yet.
“What happened?”
“A new kid wasn’t paying attention and was about to take a stack of two-by-fours to the head. Joel pushed him out of the way and they caught him in the leg. Fractured femur and dislocated knee.” Tommy vacates his chair and motions for Ellie to sit.
Ellie turns to face him, “None of that explains why he’s unconscious. He hit his head?”
“No, they sedated him to reset his knee.”
Small mercies. She sees Joel’s jaw clenched, hand clutching her sleeve, as she sewed him up.
Tommy gently guides her into the chair. “He’ll be alright. Luckily, the femur fracture was minor so he didn’t need surgery. He should wake up in the next couple of hours. We’ll bring ya some dinner.” He ruffles her hair and she shoves him. The normal interaction they’ve settled into a few months after coming back from Salt Lake.
She blows out a breath as Tommy shuts the door behind him.
“You are far too old to be anyone’s knight in shining armor. Your brittle bones can’t stand it.” She tries to laugh but it comes out as a half-choked sob.
She wipes away the few tears that manage to escape as the door opens and Olivia walks inside. She busies herself checking vitals and writing them down.
“The sedation made him pretty loopy before it knocked him out. Started singing.”
“Ring of Fire?” He’d been teaching her that one during their last lesson.
“Jolene.” Her response gets a small giggle out of Ellie remembering Tommy’s story of a drunk Joel at a karaoke bar belting out his favorite Dolly Parton tune.
“He really will be okay,” Ellie startles as Olivia places a hand on her shoulder. “I mean he’s gonna be a pain in everyone’s ass for a bit but that’s not really anything new.”
Ellie nods not really sure what to say but grateful for Olivia’s reassurance.
*
“You’re supposed to be at Tommy and Maria’s,” Joel rasps.
The fight after dinner was short-lived. Apparently, before Joel started reprising Dolly, he’d instructed Tommy to keep Ellie at his place for the night after she saw that he was okay.
“Get tired of sleeping in a real bed? It’s barely been a year,” Tommy joked.
“He was there every time I woke up in Salt Lake and here. We stick together.” Her tolerance for joking waned the longer Joel was unconscious.
“You’re supposed to be careful at job sites.”
She knows she’s supposed to go get the night shift nurse. Olivia told her before she left after dinner but she just needs a couple more moments to savor him awake and talking before someone enters their little bubble.
He reaches out to grab the hand that’s propping her cheek up, sensing her tension. She grabs it and turns her head as she tries to keep him from seeing the tears of relief that she wipes away with her free hand.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t at the gate,” his thumb stroking up and down at the back of her hand.
And all the terror she’s bottled up inside since she rode in breaks loose. She pulls the chair right up to the edge of the bed, knees squished underneath, and lays her head on his stomach. The thin hospital blanket is no defense against the flood of tears and soon Joel can feel them soaking through the shirt he has on underneath. He takes the hand not in hers and combs his fingers through her hair until she’s limp with exhaustion and falls asleep.
*
“…plenty of plaster because I’m the one who inventories it.” Ellie hears Joel’s asshole voice as she wakes up. She feels his hand stroking through her hair like it was last night when she was crying like a baby over a broken leg.
“There is plenty of plaster for the construction projects that the council wants to finish before winter. Not for limbs that belong to stubborn men who refuse to ask for help when they need it and that can be stabilized in the clinic for a few weeks.” Ellie recognizes Olivia’s voice and is impressed with her ability to hold her own against Joel. She lifts her head to work the stiffness out of her neck and back.
“Mornin’ sunshine,” Joel squeezes her hand still clasped in his. “Tommy or Maria will be by take you to breakfast soon. Wanna splash some water on your face before you go?”
“So you can use your whole arsenal of intimidation tactics on Olivia here to try to bend her to your will?”
“That’s Miss Olivia to you, kiddo.”
“Whatever,” she responds with her eye roll, “It sounds to me like it’s a losing battle anyway.” She makes her way to the sink in the corner of the room. They must be having an epic stare-down behind her based on the silence. It’s broken by the door opening and the sound of Lucas’s giggles. Maria looks at the scene and takes charge.
“Olivia, breakfast trays are by the front desk. Noah’s here to help you distribute them. Joel, we’re not using construction plaster to try to fashion a cast for your leg. You’re stuck here for the time being. Ellie, you’re coming with me to breakfast in the dining hall. Tommy is out on an early patrol and you know Lucas isn’t going to let me eat in peace without you there to hold him.”
After a beat, Olivia leaves. Joel isn’t quite as ready to be compliant.
“Maria,” he starts.
“Joel, bed rest is a non-negotiable right now and a cast is just going to make you want to push the boundaries of that. You also need someone to supervise your initial recovery. Someone qualified,” she emphasizes when she sees Ellie’s mouth open out of the corner of her eye. “Now we could load you up on the stretcher and carry you back to your house and force one of our saintly nurses to come to do house calls but my guess is you’d rather break your other femur than risk the town seeing you being carried around like that or inconvenience our already stretched-thin medical staff. Eventually, your leg will be stable enough to wheel you out of here in a wheelchair but until then you stay put. Clear?” Even Lucas has gone quiet during his mom’s lecture looking back and forth between her and Joel.
“Clear,” he grumbles and Lucas claps gleefully.
“I’ll be back after breakfast,” Ellie promises as she leans down to hug him.
“She’ll be back after she showers,” Maria corrects, wrinkling her nose.
“I’ve gone much longer without showers before.”
“We could make it after school if you’d like,” Maria challenges.
“After a shower is good.”
Thank you, Joel mouths once Ellie’s back is to him and Maria offers him a smile.
*
Ellie’s subsequent attempts to sleep at the clinic or skip school are unsuccessful. She moves into Tommy and Maria’s guest room temporarily at Joel’s request and they make sure she’s attending school and doing her chores. However, any of her free time is spent at Joel’s bedside.
She knows he’s going crazy being cooped up but she does her best to keep his mind off of it. Gossip from the town, guitar lessons, card games, anything that tugs the corners of his mouth into a smile.
They seem to be coping well until one evening Ellie wakes up screaming. Tommy’s in her doorway, gun raised, almost immediately. Once he’s certain the only threat is in Ellie’s head, he kneels by her bedside and tries to grab her hand.
“Don’t touch me!” her breathing rapidly increasing towards hyperventilation.
“Okay, okay,” he acquiesces as he puts his hands up like he’s surrendering, “I won’t touch you. Can you put your hand on my chest? Feel my breathing and match it?”
She shakes her head unable to move or get the image of Joel lying still not responding to her out of her head.
“Okay, can you tell me five things you can see?”
She shakes her head more vehemently. Can’t Tommy tell now is not the time for chit-chat? Joel’s dead and nothing will ever be okay again and…
“C’mon Ellie, tell me five things you can see.”
“You, your gun, the lamp, the door, the window,” she manages to get out.
“Great job kiddo. What about four things you can feel?”
“The sheets, my blanket, my t-shirt, my socks,” her breathing starts to slow.
“Awesome. Now, three things you can hear.”
“The wind, the creaky floorboard, your voice,” the pins and needles in her hands start to fade.
“Two things you can smell.”
“Your soap. Laundry detergent.”
“One thing you can taste.”
“Salt,” from her tears running into her mouth she realizes.
“Well done, Ellie. Can I try to take your hand again now?” She nods and lets him guide her hand to his chest. “Just keep matching my breath. Nice and slow.”
They sit there until Ellie breaks the silence.
“He was dead in my dream.”
Tommy doesn’t move even though he desperately wants to hug her.
“That must have been awful,” is all he can offer.
“We survived so much on the outside, Tommy. I don’t know what he told you about what happened before and after we came to Jackson but we never got a break. Constantly looking over our shoulders. Fighting tooth and nail to survive. And now we’re here and all that shit is behind us. We’re supposed to be safe here. And I know that he’s fine and I shouldn’t be freaked out. But what if next time it isn’t a broken leg? What if next time it’s a broken neck and I’m not with him?”
Tommy can tell she’s working herself up to another panic attack, trying to figure out a way to head it off. He decides to grab both her heads in an attempt to keep her grounded in the present.
“Hey, nice deep breaths kiddo,” he reminds her. He forgets for all her competence and bravado, his niece is still just a teenage girl who has lost more than anyone ever should.
“I don’t know everything you’ve been through. All I know is that you have every right to be as afraid as you are about losing Joel. Unfortunately, I can’t make you any promises because that wouldn’t be fair to you. But I can tell you that I will always have his back when you’re not around.”
Ellie nods knowing any other promises would be empty. Tommy lets go of her hands and ruffles her hair. She shoves him. Half-heartedly but it’s there. She lays back down as he turns off the light. As he goes to leave, she stops him.
“Can you stay? Just until I fall asleep?”
He pulls her reading chair out of the corner next to her bed and makes himself comfortable.
“Of course.”
*
Joel is wheeled home five weeks after his accident, coincidentally just a couple of days after Ellie’s nightmare.
“We said six,” Olivia says to Maria with her hands on her hips.
“Extenuating circumstances,” she responds with a shrug of her shoulders.
Ellie never talked about her nightmare with Joel but she’s sure Tommy or Maria have given the way he lets her up on the bed next to his good leg the next afternoon.
She had spent the whole day before his release with Tommy fixing up a downstairs bedroom to meet Joel’s needs. Tommy even let her help build the ramp they put over the steps out front. She’s telling him all about on their way home his leg splinted and in an immobilizer propped straight out in front of him in the wheelchair.
When they finally get him settled in bed, both Tommy and Maria can tell he’s in pain and exhausted. Ellie’s still too busy talking a mile a minute and showing him everything in the room to take notice.
“Ellie, why don’t you help me heat up some lunch for everyone and give Joel a chance to get comfortable?” Maria suggests.
Ellie’s head whips around and narrows her eyes at Joel, assessing him. With a quick nod, she follows Maria out of the room.
“Where’s Lucas?” Joel asks his brother after a couple moments of silence.
“Maria’s trying out one of the other teenagers as a possible babysitter.”
“Did she tell Ellie?”
“Went about as well as you would expect but it’s not fair of us to always rely on her.”
“She’s happy to do it.”
Tommy hums and nods in agreement then braces his hands on the end of the bed frame looking at Joel.
“You gonna be able to follow doc’s orders? Can I trust you not to do anything stupid?”
“According to Ellie, with the rotation of folks from town that’ll be coming through, I won’t get a chance.”
“I’m serious Joel. I know Ellie’s survived a lot but I’m not sure what would happen if anything else happens to you. Of course, I’d take care of her if it did,” Tommy assures Joel knowing what is running through his mind, “but I don’t want to have to so I need you to put up with the mind-numbing bedrest for as long as you have to and do whatever they tell you to after.”
Joel, too caught up in thoughts of not being there for Ellie, simply nods. Ellie and Maria save the brothers from any further heart-to-heart by bringing in lunch.
“What the hell is this?” Joel asks as Ellie sets a tray down in front of him.
“Grilled fish and roasted vegetables,” she informs him as if there is nothing odd about that sentence.
Joel looks at everyone else’s plate of spaghetti and meatballs with a raised eyebrow.
“Olivia said your blood pressure and cholesterol are too high and you need to limit the amount of red meat you eat,” Ellie explains between bites.
“And how would she know that? What do my blood pressure and cholesterol have to do with a broken leg?”
“Olivia said you haven’t gone in for a physical since you’ve been back to Jackson so she used the opportunity of you being in the clinic to run some tests,” Ellie’s smirk indicates she probably played a part in Olivia’s plan.
“Is that so? And who gave her permission to do that? It’s my understanding that a patient has to give consent.”
“Olivia said…”
“Alright, alright, enough with ‘Olivia said’,” he grunts. “Enjoy your victory while it lasts.”
Joel starts with small bites but quickly finds that whoever cooked his lunch knew what they were doing and finishes his meal with gusto. Ellie smiles in satisfaction and that’s enough for Joel to keep quiet.
*
He’s surprised that evening when after getting ready for bed Ellie is standing in his doorway.
“What’s up kiddo? Need a bedtime story to get you to sleep?” he teases.
The lack of sarcastic retort has his suspicions up. Her hands fidget and her eyes are downcast. He waits knowing she’s worked herself up and pushing her is just going to lead to embarrassment.
“I’m not…I mean…I know…” she begins and glances at the empty space on the bed next to him.
Right, nothing more embarrassing for a teenager than asking to sleep in bed with the person who’s the closest thing she’s had to a parent. A topic they probably still need to address, Joel knows, but he’s not great at emotional conversations as he’s proven so many times, but it feels like after this she needs to know.
“Hop on in,” he pats the bed.
She curls up next to him on top of the bedspread he’s under and wraps her quilt around her. He tucks her under his arm and rests his cheek on her head.
“I love you baby girl. You know that, right?”
He feels her nod under his cheek and breathes a sigh of relief. It’s just the start but for now, they can sleep.