Chapter Text
Zhang Hao stares at the airplane window and sighs. He has his Korean lessons book in his lap but any motivation disappears the further away the plane flies away from China.
It’s 2023, why are arranged marriages still happening?
***
The first thing Zhang Hao did when he heard about his arranged engagement was to bite the inside of his cheeks. It wouldn’t do him any good if he started crying or yelling. He had learned this the hard way. The many times he pushed against his parents’ orders has always bitten him right back. But the worst one Zhang Hao can remember was the time he had to give up his violin lessons as soon as his parents realized he cared a lot more about his violin than just a hobby to show off. You already learned enough from your lessons, they would say. Any more and it’ll take away from your studies. Secretly, Zhang Hao still keeps his violin hidden away, refusing to throw out his greatest passions.
And now at 23, Zhang Hao is one of the leads in his parent’s accounting firm but with it he feels no sense of accomplishment. Just a sense of emptiness that he isn’t sure how to fill.
The emptiness grows even more as he follows the next order he received. He isn’t given much context, but all Zhang Hao knows is that his parents want to expand their business into Korea and their closest partners who own one of the largest cafe chains agreed only if he would marry their son. A proposal that surprised his parents but one they agreed to without Zhang Hao’s input. And all he could do is just stand there and say yes. Another part of himself that he had no choice but to give up on.
Zhang Hao sighs again at the bright blue sky in the window and thinks back to the last goodbyes he made.
He spent his last day with Ricky and Ollie, the one request Zhang Hao refused to give up on despite his father’s disapproval.
They spent the whole day inside Ricky’s in-house theater, playing video games and watching all of their favorite movies together. If Ricky squished to sit directly next to Zhang Hao despite the amount of space left in the couch, neither of them mentioned it. And if Ollie refused to let go of Zhang Hao’s arm after he got spooked by a jumpscare, neither of them mentioned it. But the elephant in the room couldn’t be ignored any longer as the day got darker.
“Do you really have to go?” Ollie starts with a soft and sad voice. Zhang Hao closes his eyes and leans back on the couch.
“I don’t really have a choice. I have to.”
“You won’t forget us, right?” Ricky gives a small smile but Zhang Hao can see the amount of effort he’s giving to not cry.
“I won’t” Zhang Hao promises, giving Ricky knee a squeeze. “I’m sure, too, that I’ll be able to come back. My-”
Zhang Hao pauses, unsure if he really wanted to say that word aloud, “I doubt he isn’t going to not let me come back home.”
“Plus,” Zhang Hao adds, tears finally falling, “you guys can still text or call me!”
Ollie tearfully pulls Zhang Hao down to him who then pulls Ricky to join the pile. Zhang Hao doesn’t remember how uncomfortable it was to hug like this, all laying down on the couch. He remembers instead, the whispered promises he gave instead of goodbyes.
With his parents though, it was full of silence when they drove him to the airport. Before leaving for his gate, his mother did give him a hug, one of the few that Zhang Hao can count on his hands. His father gave him a pat on his shoulder and told him to be good. Zhang Hao didn’t know what else to expect from a man sending his son to a foreign country but it no longer stings like it did before.
“Attention passengers. We will be landing shortly. Please fasten your seatbelts and pull up your trays.”
The announcement started Zhang Hao out of his thoughts. He takes a deep breath and tries to prepare himself mentally for his future life.
***
As he leaves the gate, he wonders how on earth is he going to get to his fiancé? He feels embarrassed that the thought finally appears to him. Zhang Hao knows that there’s more information his parents had told him about the boy he’s going to marry but as soon as the words “marry their son” left their mouths, his ears started to ring and didn’t catch the rest of it. And unfortunately out of some misplaced childish hope that if somehow he didn’t research anything about his future fiancé and their company, then the whole engagement thing wouldn’t happen. He stands there awkwardly with his suitcase wonders worriedly on what to do next.
“Hello! Are you Zhang Hao?” Zhang Hao turns around at the soft voice saying his name. There stands a young man around Zhang Hao age and height with black hair. The man smiles and bows, eyes crinkling and a dimple forms, “It’s nice to meet you! My name is Sung Hanbin.”
He’s very handsome, Zhang Hao thinks. Not like he had any choice even if his partner was horrible looking but at least Zhang Hao can appreciate that his fiancé will be easy on the eyes.
Zhang Hao bows in response and says, “It’s nice to meet you, too. My name is Zhang Hao.” Cursing to himself that his accent can still be heard with his Korean.
“Here let me help you with your luggage. My car isn’t parked too far, but the drive might take a while to get to my place.” Zhang Hao accepts when Hanbin reaches out to pick up one of his suitcases. He tries to reach out for the violin case, but Zhang Hao quickly picks it up himself and looks away towards the doors.
The ride to Hanbin’s house was a quiet one. But then how would you even begin to start a conversation with a stranger that you know will be your fiancé. Yet, Zhang Hao thinks bitterly, why can Hanbin be so calm and collected right beside him? How can he be alright with his parents willing to give him up to marry a stranger? The amount of stress and time Zhang Hao went through at the thought of giving up one of his remaining freedoms still sends his head dizzy to this day. And the audacity of this guy to be casual, almost okay about it.
“We’re here now,” Hanbin says, snapping Zhang Hao out of his bitter thoughts. He sighs again, trying to push down the grudge. There’s no use with hating Hanbin. He’s going to be spending the rest of his life with him and the best he can hope for is for either of them to not be at each other’s throats. Best to try and get along and be nice.
Hanbin’s apartment building, while quite tall, is not as fancy as Zhang Hao would guess for someone as high level as Hanbin was in the business hierarchy.
They walk to the elevator, the sounds of the keychains on Zhang Hao’s luggage jingling softly. Hanbin opens the first door on the ninth floor, and they both step inside. It’s a spacious place with lots of furniture, and a large TV. Not many decorations though, Zhang Hao thinks. Hanbin takes him past the kitchen and opens the second door in the hallway. The bedroom again is spacious and bare with what looks like a king size bed in the middle of the room.
“This is my room,” Hanbin says and then pauses. “I guess ours now. But if you like, you can take the guest room. It’s the next door down.”
“It’s fine,” Zhang Hao says. They’re supposed to be married soon so sleeping in a different bed isn’t going to be helping him in the long run. Better get that awkwardness out now. He looks at Hanbin’s face to see if he would prefer for him to leave but the smile he has on seems like he didn’t have any complaints.
“You can use this dresser here. Hopefully, that should be enough for you.” Zhang Hao begins to unpack his suitcase, and surprisingly everything in it fits perfectly with the spare space in the dresser drawers. The violin case though, couldn’t. What can he do now? He can’t just give his violin up after keeping it safe for so long.
“Oh, for that I think I have room in my closet for that.” Hanbin opens the closet door and once again the case fits perfectly under the business coats hanging there.
“What do you do at your parents’ company?” Zhang Hao asks, relieved that this problem was solved but he didn’t want Hanbin to ask any questions about his violin. Plus, hopefully this change in conversation can also help him find out more about his fiancé. He sees Hanbin stiffen.
“I’m a district manager for our company for this area. We oversee the second largest market here. There’s quite a few cafes of ours in the area so my work is to ensure that all of their supply makes it to them on time. I think you’ll like working here.” Zhang Hao hummed as an acknowledgment. There wasn’t any difference in the kind expression he was giving Zhang Hao, but the tone of his voice…there was something off about it. It didn’t help that the response felt rehearsed and scripted. Zhang Hao wonders how often Hanbin have to give this spiel.
“Do you do anything else outside of work?” This question gave Hanbin a surprised look. “No, not really.” He answered hesitantly. Again, Zhang Hao has a feeling that there was something more but he decides not to push it further for today.
“The bathroom is on your left if you want to take a shower. And I guess we can try and sleep early tonight. I’m sure you’re tired. We’ll have to go to the office tomorrow anyway.” Zhang Hao nods, the grime of the plane is finally getting to him. He gets up and takes a satisfyingly hot shower, pleasantly surprised at the amount of hair products he sees on the shelf. His own bottles fit barely in the leftover shelf room, he hopes Hanbin doesn’t mind. But right now, Zhang Hao is too tired to dwell on the types of products Hanbin uses and quickly turns the water off.
Zhang Hao walks into the bedroom to see Hanbin already tucked into bed, his back facing away from him. Seeing Hanbin like this brings a strange dizziness over him, and he can’t help but stare at the strange situation Zhang Hao has got himself into.
“Are you heading to bed now?” He hears Hanbin ask. Flushed at being caught, Zhang Hao climbs into the opposite side of the plush bed. He lies on his back, giving a healthy distance between him and Hanbin. Eventually Zhang Hao calms his racing thoughts and falls asleep.
Zhang Hao opens his eyes to see that he turned his body to face towards the middle of the bed, and surprisingly Hanbin has done the same. The gap in the bed between him and Hanbin is still there, but now Zhang Hao can see the details of his face more clearly. It’s unfair, Zhang Hao thinks, the way Hanbin’s eyelashes fan over his cheeks and plush lips part to give a soft breath. How can a guy who looks like this with a high ranking job needs to have a marriage arranged to him? There has to be something more to Hanbin.
Startled by a phone alarm blaring, Zhang Hao quickly rolls back to his side and closes his eyes shut. He hears a soft groan beside him before the bed shifts. Footsteps then lead to a door opening to what Zhang Hao assumes is the beginning to Hanbin’s morning routine. After deciding that enough time has passed for Hanbin to be finished with the bathroom, Zhang Hao groggily gets up, and moves to brush his teeth.
He walks into the kitchen to see Hanbin munching on a slice of toast. “Good morning! I made breakfast for us.”
“Good morning…” Zhang Hao drawls. It’s unbelievable how wide awake Hanbin is already. He sits down and begins to start gnawing on the toast and eggs in front of him. They later get dressed and Zhang Hao ignores how well Hanbin’s suit fits him.
The two walk next to each other as they entered the company building. Hanbin greets the receptionist cheerfully.
“Good morning!” She says in response, then looking surprised as her gaze passes over to Zhang Hao. “Oh! So this is the man that you said stole your heart!”
Zhang Hao looks questioningly at Hanbin who gives a strained laugh. “Ah yes..I wanted to bring him with me since he’s also going to be joining us. He’s very brilliant, you know?” The blush on Zhang Hao’s face grows even more.
The receptionist coos over them a bit more before Hanbin drags Zhang Hao by the hand to the elevator and presses for the fifth floor. It wasn’t until they were both in the elevator that he loosened his grip and let go of his hand. Zhang Hao, though, can’t stop thinking about how Hanbin’s hand is still brushing against his.
“Sorry about that. I didn’t know how else to tell everyone about our situation. I think it might be better for us..to act like this. Less questions.” Zhang Hao agrees that the less people who ask about their relationship the better but the part where he has to play the loving fiancé makes his stomach turn even more.
The elevator ride slows to the stop and he feels Hanbin hesitate beside him before reaching out, touching his pinky to Zhang Hao’s. He understands the silent ask before holding Hanbin’s hand.
The door opens to a very loud room full of sounds of keyboard clacks and loud chatter. Zhang Hao even hears someone call Haruto a dirty cheat.
“I thought you said you oversee the second largest market in the district,“ Zhang Hao says amused. This is very different to how the office back home was run.
Hanbin smiled sheepishly. “We get a lot of downtime this time of year. Wait until we get closer to summer.” He guides them through the cubicles greeting everyone which unfortunately also means everyone gives Zhang Hao a curious look.
“This is my office,” Hanbin says, with the exception of the door, the walls facing into the office are entirely made of glass. Probably used to watch his rowdy coworkers. Hanbin then walks along a bit further down the hallway to another door. “Yours should be right here.” Zhang Hao opens the door and returns the wave Hanbin gives before he heads back to his own office.
This office was bigger than his last one, but that wasn’t a high bar to pass. Well, Zhang Hao thinks, time to actually do some work. That’s part of why I’m here. He boots up and squints at his computer, trying to apply his Korean lessons to the spreadsheets he’s been reading.
The day blissfully ends when he hears a knocking on his door. Zhang Hao looks up to see Hanbin standing by the window, smiling.
“Time to head back home.” Zhang Hao rubs his eyes.
“Great timing, my eyes are starting to get sore.”
They pick up to-go on their way back home, feeling too tired to cook something. Plus, Hanbin had said then, I don’t really have much in the fridge right now.
“Anyways, how was your first day?” Hanbin looks at him expectedly at the dining table.
“It was nice,” Zhang Hao responds, unsure of what else to add. Hanbin seems to take that as an acceptable answer which Zhang Hao blissfully appreciates. He silently eats his dinner while Hanbin explains a bit more about the people he’s going to be working with.
They slip into bed after a few hours, exhausted by their long day. And once again, Zhang Hao was made aware of the space between their bodies before he slowly falls to sleep.
***
And so Zhang Hao's daily routine with Hanbin begins. He quickly picked up on the quaint little domestic things about the other. Like how the first morning with Hanbin was actually out of character. He was a very deep sleeper and needed many alarms but once he finally woke, there were no groggy moments. Something that Zhang Hao struggled with and envied. Hanbin would prefer a more simple breakfast over having multiple options and was quite particular about this. He found out too, how incredibly kind Hanbin is, always lending a helping hand to his colleagues and coworkers.
Talking to Hanbin would also become easier. Zhang Hao finds himself telling Hanbin little things about himself back in China. His days now are full of chatter in the morning, before they head out to their respective offices and over dinner. Each day brings less turmoil over his stomach. Zhang Hao was also relieved to find that sleeping has started to become easier, too.
It was nice, learning little facts about his fiancé. But still, the whole situation still makes Zhang Hao feel like he’s living with a roommate, granted a very pretty one that he sleeps right next to each night but there was some kind of wall that Zhang Hao didn’t know how to break. There was something more to Hanbin, but getting the courage to ask what it is isn’t something he has at the moment.
***
The Friday work day ended with Zhang Hao feeling satisfied. His first month at the company ended well with no hiccups so far. But when Zhang Hao walks over to Hanbin’s office to pull him out for the day, he sees the lights are off with no one inside. Curious, he glances over at the cubicles and asks the first person he sees.
“Hello, Hao hyung!” Gyuvin looks up and grins. Zhang Hao knows he’s a part of the graphic design division, helping create promotional posters for the cafes to use. Zhang Hao gives a soft laugh when he sees a window open with TikTok instead on his desktop.
“Hi Gyuvin,” Zhang Hao says, “Do you know where Hanbin is?”
“He’s off in the company’s gym. He goes like every Friday. I’m always curious about what he does there but Hanbin really doesn’t like people to bother him at that time.” Every Friday? But each Friday before he saw Hanbin in his office at the end of the day?
“We have a gym?” Zhang Hao asks. “Do you know where?”
“Yeah off on the second floor, like two doors down from the elevators. Maybe he’ll let you inside for once.”
Zhang Hao follows the directions given and knows he’s in the right spot when he hears some faint music coming from one of the doors. He opens it slowly, hoping that Hanbin was the one actually inside.
Gyuvin was right, Hanbin was the one that was in here the whole time. Even when Hanbin was facing with his back to him, arms flexing in the black tank top, there was no mistaking who that was.
There was some catchy song playing in the speakers that sounded familiar but Zhang Hao didn’t put too much thought into identifying it. All of his brain power went to staring at the way Hanbin moved. The way his arms snapped and feet slided, each movement had a purpose. Like Hanbin knew with sharp precision, where each part had to go to match the beat.
It was magnetizing and Zhang Hao couldn’t take his eyes away from Hanbin for a second.
Eventually the song ends and Zhang Hao breaks out from his spell. He stands there, while Hanbin turns around in surprise to see he had an audience.
“Zhang Hao? Where did you come from?” Hanbin says, looking unsure about being caught.
“I-uh was wondering where you were. The day ended and you weren’t in your office,” Zhang Hao trails off, watching a drop of sweat slide down from his forehead and pass his checks to drip onto his exposed collarbone. “I asked Gyuvin and he said you might’ve been here.”
“My apologies for keeping you waiting, I lost track of time. Just give me a bit to shower, then we can go home.” Hanbin curtly says before walks away, leaving Zhang Hao behind and confused.
The ride back to the house of the day was tense, with Hanbin giving Zhang Hao short answers when he asks him about his day. It didn’t get any better as the night went on and neither of them made a word over dinner. It was awful, Zhang Hao was left feeling like they taken several steps back to his first day where he met this stranger for the first time.
They were getting ready to tuck into bed, when Zhang Hao finally breaks. “You’re a really good dancer,” he says softly, watching as Hanbin freezes.
“Thank you, but I guess it’s just a hobby now. I don’t really dance much outside of our gym.” Hanbin tensely says. This leaves Zhang Hao even more confused.
“A hobby? What do you mean? You’re good enough to be a part of a dance crew-”
“Well, I’m not,” Hanbin snaps. “It’s just a hobby and I don’t want it to be anything else.”
Zhang Hao couldn’t take it anymore. It felt like a dam holding back all of his emotions finally bursting.
“I don’t understand then, if it’s just a hobby, couldn’t you just tell me before? Why did you have to lie to me when I asked you what you did for fun? I don’t understand either why did you decide to work for you parents?” Clenching his fists, he looks directly into Hanbin's eyes” Why did you even decide to marry me?” Hanbin looked so shocked at Zhang Hao’s outburst that he immediately felt guilty. He hadn’t lost his grip on his emotions for so long, it was just that he had thought he had gotten to know Hanbin a bit more until he threw a curveball back.
He was about to apologize and tell him to forget about it, ready to begin internalizing all his emotions again until Hanbin began to speak, staring down at his lap.
“I auditioned for a kpop company years ago and I thought I had a good chance. My parents weren’t a fan of it but I wanted to prove them wrong.” He stopped, staring down at his fidgeting fingers. “I got far, but I didn’t make it in the end.”
“It hurt, not making it. I-I felt like giving up on everything. I’m lucky in a way. My parents helped pick me back up even when I went against them. When they asked that since I needed a new lead accountant, they brought you up and asked if I wanted to marry you too while they were negotiating.”
“I don’t know, I couldn’t really say no. I still feel like I’m in debt to them somehow. I could tell though, that they thought maybe if I was married, they wouldn’t have to worry about me running off to audition again. Maybe they’ll leave me be instead of hovering over me all the time.” Hanbin sighs, face red with shame.
“I’m sorry you had to end up with me. You deserve better.”
Zhang Hao closes his eyes. “I used to love to play the violin.” He feels Hanbin being confused next to him with his use of past tense.
“My parents never wanted me to do anything else but to work in the business with them and I just..haven’t been able to say no to them in a long time either. Even when they wanted me to come here to marry you. I don’t know why I said yes either. Maybe. Maybe I came here to try and be myself. With someone new,“ Silence again. Zhang Hao feels his heart beating in his ears, nervous with how much of himself he had put out there.
“Could you play me something?” Zhang Hao opens his eyes in surprise while Hanbin nervously laughs. “If you want to, but since you saw me dance and all..I’m a bit curious.”
“I can’t guarantee I’ll still be any good. I haven’t played my violin in a long time,” he pauses, “but I just can’t get myself to get rid of it.” He looks up to see Hanbin smiling again, a softer one that made Zhang Hao’s heart skip a beat. He goes over to this violin case, hands shaking as he unlocks the case and holds the violin and bow in his hands. It feels so right, Zhang Hao can’t believe he forgot how much the instrument completes him.
With another shaky breath, he brings the violin into position. Surprised that he still remembered the right pitches to tune to, Zhang Hao placed his bow on the string and plays his favorite concerto. It feels so nostalgic, and he’s back into his music teacher’s room. A wise old lady who took no hold backs from criticism but that made her compliments worth even more. He remembered with this song, it was the only time he had brought her to tears with his music.
There were some spots that he knows were mistakes but he is in no mood to stop. His fingers dance along the neck without thought. But eventually the song has to end. Pulling his bow back down, Zhang Hao opens his eyes. Surprised he’s not back in China with his music teacher but in a different country with a stranger he also calls his fiancé.
He sees Hanbin staring at him with glassy eyes.
“You’re am-You sound amazing,” Hanbin says, his voice a bit breathless. Zhang Hao feels his ears burning and looks away. He puts his violin away before sitting back on the bed, leaving some space between him and Hanbin.
“Ah. Thank you, I’m sure I made a few mistakes.”
“If you did, I couldn’t tell. Thank you for showing me.” Hanbin puts his hand on top of Zhang Hao’s and he looks up into his eyes suddenly determined.
“I don’t want you to stop playing the violin, if you want to take up lessons again I’m sure I can find someone. I just don’t want you to stop. You look happier, you know?” Hanbin pauses and looks away with a blush. “I think I like seeing this side of you.” Zhang Hao stares and feels a blush of his own forming.
“I want to watch you dance more, too.” Zhang Hao suddenly blurts. Hanbin turns his head back at him and shyly laughs.
“Zhang Hao, do you feel it too? How much it hurts when you’re not able to do what you love?” He nods, and squeezes the hand in his own tighter. Hanbin’s eyes are shining even brightly now, leaving Zhang Hao breathless. “I guess we have a lot more things in common than I thought.”
They both pull their gazes away from each other and Zhang Hao peeks at their joined hands instead.
“But what about us?” Zhang Hao softly asks.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, what do we do now?” Hanbin shrugs and lies back down on the bed, not letting go of Zhang Hao's hand.
“I don’t know, but right now I don’t mind getting to know you better.”
Zhang Hao lets out a soft laugh. “I’d like that, too.” Zhang Hao then lies down and turns his head to look back at Hanbin. The space between them in the bed, almost non-existent.
Eventually Zhang Hao falls asleep, hand warm and still clasped with Hanbin.