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I've got rustled hair and my best shirt lying on the floor
And you're still in my bed
It's barely light out
But there's an aching in my head
Left from the night before
Soft light dappled across his face, highlighting Kazuha’s features. His steady breathing through the futon was comforting - a warmth you hadn’t felt in a while. I wish I could savour this moment , you thought. But alas, even looking at Kazuha was too much for you right now. The calm stasis had to come to an end, as all things do eventually. You left the warm bed and started preparing some fresh orange juice. Both of you would probably need it after yesterday night’s intensity. It had been a while since Kazuha last dropped by for some ‘comfort’, with the Vision Hunt Decree and all.
Groggily, you trudged to the kitchen, taking one last look at Kazuha. There he lay, dim daybreak dusting his eyes, showing his well-hidden eyebags. Otogi wood powder could only conceal so much, and he probably hadn’t had much time to apply it well while on the run.
So precious. So calm and still… as if he wouldn’t ever leave again.
I forget how you prefer your coffee
Pardon me
It's been a while since our last mistake
And you're still lying there so delicate
Like glimmering glass
You're porcelain and I'm afraid to break
Sighing, you turned away, beginning to prepare the orange juice. Grabbing a few oranges, you recalled yesterday’s events. It broke your heart, knowing that this was the most you could do for Kazuha.
And knew that you were gone
The moment I walked in
Figured there's no need to wait around
And talk about the sins that we committed
Or the ones still yet to come
A loud thud caught your attention. Kazuha tumbled through the open door, soaked. Ignoring the sopping wet mess he was making, he was out of breath, eyes hauntingly empty. One look at him told you everything you needed to know. His grief would not let him go, and no amount of comfort could help tonight. Still… you had to try.
You pulled him into a tight hug, without any resistance from Kazuha. He didn’t say anything - he couldn’t, even if he tried. His heart was not here.
Tracing his jaw, you gently placed a kiss on his forehead. His hands trailed downwards - you let it.
“Kazuha. Let’s sit down first. You’re not in the state for this.”
He nodded. There wasn’t anything he could say. Gratitude, grief, anger… All feelings came to a halt. Words escaped him. Though ever the poet, it was all he could do to not break down in your arms.
You silently helped him in, guiding him to the bed. “Wait here. I’ll get some water.”
You felt a cold, calloused hand grab yours - the first reaction Kazuha’s had since.
“Don’t go. Please.”
“Please… please stay.” His voice wavered.
When he said it like that, how could you possibly refuse?
You acquiesced, gently combing through his hair before sitting beside him, rubbing circles into his hand. “Take your time. I’m here, always.”
You sat in silence with Kazuha, occasionally wiping his tears with a thumb or a kiss. The cicadas chirped, drowning out the immense silence in the room, and driving out any awkwardness. You held Kazuha close, ready to do anything he asked of you.
“Can you comfort me?”
You blinked. Was this really the time to do so? Looking up, you couldn’t see any form of teasing or grief in his eyes. For the first time since you met him, his eyes were devoid of any emotion.
“ Kaedehara .”
His breath hitched, slowly looking towards you with fear in his eyes. Did he mess up with you, too? Please… please tell him otherwise. To lose three friends in a day would be too much to bear, even if he bore all his grief to the wailing wind.
“No, babe- no, sorry, Kazuha, don’t worry… I just needed to make sure you know what you’re getting into. Are you sure this is what you want? If it is, I’d be more than happy to, but if this is just a rash decision… please think about what would be best for you. Don’t do things you’ll regret.”
With a soft sigh of relief, he relaxed. “Yes,” he breathed. “I… I know it’s impulsive. I appreciate that you checked, thank you. But… yes. I just want to lose myself for a bit. To stop thinking. Even if it’s an unorthodox way.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Then, I’ll trust you. You have me, Kazuha.”
So we skipped the awkward goodbyes
You never were one for convention
And I hope someday we meet again
Under different circumstances maybe
Maybe just as friends
Kazuha stumbled through your doorway, keen senses picking up on the orange juice. “Don’t you hate this, or have you changed that much in the past few months?” He asked blearily.
“I do hate it, but it’ll help the throbbing in your head. You have a long way to go, you’ll need it.”
“... thank you, (name). Really… for everything.”
“It’s okay. I did say you could always come back. I intend to keep my word.”
A quiet settled over the small room, with both of you sitting in comfortable silence. Although this could hardly be a nutritious breakfast, it’s all you could provide Kazuha with now.
Finishing his juice, he brought the cups to wash. That habit of his… you mused. The lines just got blurrier and blurrier, like his future. You retrieved his scarf from the headboard, passing it to him while he headed to the door.
“Promise me you’ll come back,” you whispered while helping him put his haori on. “You’re my best friend. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I will do my utmost.” He said with a small smile. After all, he should know the feeling best, having lost Tomo and Tama just yesterday.
Because as lovers I shattered you
And even though you'll never see it
Picking up the pieces cut my hands up too
You pulled him in for a tight hug- he’d probably need it for the lonely times up ahead. Gingerly bringing up his hands, you kissed his knuckles, gently squeezing his bandaged hand. It was how you used to bid goodbye to him back when you were still lovers. Who would have thought that you’d get to do this again when you were so sure it would be your last time doing this when you were in Higi village’s ruins with him?
Kazuha didn’t usually react outwardly, especially when he was stressed, but he flinched. Flinched . Still donning a smile on your face, you hid your hurt and stepped back to give him his space. “Be well.”
He gave you a small smile, tired eyes not quite meeting yours. “Goodbye, (name). May the wind lead us back one day.”
With that, he left. You watched his silhouette slowly slip into the horizon, the morning breeze causing cascading leaves to obscure your sight. Slowly, the broad shoulders you had admired since childhood had become nary a dot in the distance.
Kazuha was gone, again.