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[Yuugo POV]
It was supposed to be a calm day. I was supposed to get a fucking break.
“OI ANTENNA! GET BACK HERE!”
…That girl is doing my head in.
It has only been a week since Antenna has woken up from a coma. And the moment she could stand up straight for evens mere half of a second she was off to work. Or at least, attempting to work. She was also trying to reassure everyone that her crutches that were very much so necessary, weren’t necessary, even though her leg was broken and one of her arms still in a cast. Not to mention the fucking hole in her stomach.
She’s a little shit. And right now it’s time for her to get her wounds checked up, and by the way she ran away when I went to collect her, she most definitely does not want to do that.
Emma has a serious problem with the infirmary, and I have no clue as to why.
I fucking hate kids.
I groan internally knowing that I’ll have to be the one to go after her. That is of course before she accidentally gets injured and is forced to spend even more time in the infirmary.
I begin to make my way in the direction she hobbled off too. I consider why she might not want to be in the infirmary.
Maybe the shit is just bored as she was basically in there for a month. Or possibly because she just doesn’t like places like that, the smell of chemicals is quite strong. Another idea might be because it brings back bad memories…Wait. What type of shitty memories happen in an infirmary? Dumbass.
It was probably some stupid reason, something that only a child could come up with. Something ridiculous.
I then think of something that Nigel had said, ‘“Leuvis has this weird sort of infatuation with Emma, like he’s obsessed with her or something.”’
I don’t usually feel bad for anyone but that little shithead, Antenna, was definitely the closest I had ever come to feeling actual sympathy for. Or rather empathy.
I was 15 when it happened. It was so fucking terrifying. He had also had a obsession with me, and I would have given anything for it to not be me. But in the end I would rather it be me than someone else, I would rather it be me than Lucas.
But Antenna is 12. She’s only 5,2ft and I seriously doubt she’s even hit puberty yet, and she’s already had to deal with so much shit it’s ridiculous. I wish I had been there to stop it.
My thoughts continue to goad me when I reach the end of the corridor. But it’s a dead-end and Emma is nowhere to be seen.
“Where the fuck are you?!”
“Whoa. Who got your knickers in a twist.” I turn around to find out who it is I will murder when I see Ray, the cyclops.
“You girlfriend.”
He turns bright red and I smirk. “Eat shit. She’s not my girlfriend and you know that.”
“Cry about it. Any idea where she could have gotten? She is a nightmare, and a serious pain in my ass.”
“Nope. Good luck with that.” He chuckles to himself and wanders off, only to raise both of his hand in the air, only one finger on each hand up, insinuating a very kind gesture.
“Fuck you too you little bitch!”
I get a shout from the green headed four eyes but I tell her, “oh shove off.” And begin to look of Antenna.
__________________________
I spent the next hour trying to find the kid.
I was positive that I had looked everywhere possible until I heard faint sniffling, accompanied by a pained whimper.
It was coming from a room that had been announced ‘off-limits for refurbishment’, hence the sign hanging on the rotting door that literally said that.
‘Refurbishment’ was a nice way of saying Yuugo went batshit crazy and drew on the walls and broke all the furniture. I wince at the memory. It was after I managed to escape from the Goldy-Pond the first time and thought my whole family was dead.
Not good times.
The door creak in a painful high pitched squeal. “Hey, Antenna, what the fuck was that? I’ve been trying to find you for an hour, what are you even d-“ I take in the kid in front of me.
Antenna is curled up in a ball with her arms wrapped tight around her knees and rocking back and forth. Catching sight of me she quickly wipes the tears from her eyes and put on a shit show of a smile, “Mis- I mean Yuugo! What are you doing here?”
Antenna stands up in a blink of an eye. “Uh, finding you? You ran off the moment I told you to get your injuries checked up. Why?”
“Oh nothing! Just wanted to keep you on your toes! You are old, can’t have you getting slack.”
I feel my eye twitch, what a bitch.
“Hah. Very funny, you should be a comedian. Now cut the shit, why don’t you wanna go to the infirmary?”
Her smile falters and I notice her knuckles getting white from the pressure she was putting them under.
“I just told you.”
“You lied.”
“I did not!”
Ugh. I hate arguing with children. She is just such a terrible liar, why does she even try?
I grab her shoulder and sit her down on the half-broken-half-decent planks of wood remaining on one of the bunks.
“Look kid, it’s not like I enjoy talking about feelings either okay?” She sighs, “But if you tell me now it would be so much easier for both of us if you just spit it out.”
I sit down next to her and she looks down at her lap and picks at her nails, “Well, you see…
Back at Gracefield, when we were trying to escape. A lot of bad things happened.”
“Well obviously.” I had no clue where she was going with this, but if it could be faster I would appreciate it greatly.
“Hah… We were testing out the ropes for our escape when mama, I mean mother Isabella, caught us. We tried to run away and hide the ropes but I was to late and she had seen everything. She kinda, tackled me to the ground and… well she broke my kneecap with her bare hands.”
Oh.
Oh.
I had not expected that at all.
“It had hurt so much. I was in so much pain. She carried me past all of my family, I felt embarrassed. She told them that I had just hurt myself by tripping over or something else really dumb. She brought me to the infirmary and just treated my knee.” She looks frustrated now and I wonder how many other secrets she is keeping locked away. “As if she wasn’t the one who broke it! She smiled at me and told me that she cared about me. That she didn’t want to see me hurt.” She scoffs. “Isabella told me to give up, to lose hope and accept my fate. And that she would put in a good word for me.”
“Why?”
“So that I could become a mother.” She says the word with such disgust, as if the noun itself did her wrong. Her eyes tear up, and she looks at me. “I didn’t want to. Isabella wasn’t happy.”
I mull over this newfound information. So these kids had a shit ton more trauma that I had expected. Don’t we all?
“Is that it?“
She looks startled.
“What?”
“Is that it? Is that really the only reason as to why you don’t like being in an infirmary?”
“Isn’t it reason enough?“ She appears hurt and a little offended.
“Uh no. In fact it’s kinda pathetic. I spent a whole damn hour looking for you. What because you your farms mum was an asshole? Newsflash. Every mum was. Sure she didn’t snap our kneecaps, but still. It doesn’t give you an excuse to ignore your own health.”
“I’m sorry…”
“You totally should be Antenna.” Her smile is sad, but verging on humorous. I’m not the best at comforting others and I try to avoid it whenever I can. But…
“Now get your lazy excuse of a butt in the infirmary and you injuries looked at. I would really hate it if you were to die on us. I mean, who would cause trouble around here if not you?”
Antenna giggles and stands up. “Well then, would you like help getting up? I know old people have bad joints.”
“OLD?! I AM HARDLY OLD!”
“Your ears are lying to you, I said older. Though I suppose hearing is also said to deteriorate over a long period of time…” she drags on the last bit with a shit eating grin and I want to drag her to the forest by her antenna and feed her to the most wild and vicious of demons right in this very moment.
“You take that back.”
“Nope! Not going to happen~”
“You, my child, are a very small piece of shit.” She gasps at me with her mouth agape and stares at me.
“Did you just mock my height?!”
“Yup. And I am not going to take it back.”
“What?!” She huffs and turns on her heel, beginning to walk away, I follow her and when she goes in the direction away from the infirmary I grab her shoulder and steer her towards the door of where Anna was. I had just realised that she would have been waiting for at least and hour and a half. If she was still in there she had serious patience.
I push her to the door but she pushes her heels down and prevents me from chucking her in the room and abandoning her completely. Which, I very much wanted to do.
“Come on kid! We’ve had the emotional talk, why won’t you go in now?” She shakes her head and the turns around, only now do I see that she’s holding back an almost infectious smile.
“I don’t mind going in, I just want to annoy you now.” I glare.
“You got to be fucking kidding me.”
“I can guarantee you I’m not.” I sigh and bend further down in my knees to eye level with her as she is basically a dwarf compared to me. “Are you in love with Lucas?”
It’s my turn to gape. What the actual hell. Where did that come from? More importantly, how did she even kn-
“What took you so long?”
Anna had the door open with an angry expression on her face taking in the both of us. Me with my moth hanging open staring directly at Antenna, whose smile was so wide it virtually reached her eyes on either side of her face. She’s the one to look at Anna first and say,
“Oh you know, just chatting!”
“Uh-huh.” She says disbelievingly. “We’ll come on in Emma.” She makes her way to the room and hesitates while in the doorframe her hand just about to let go of the handle.
She promptly spins around and walks to me, I haven’t straightened myself yet and so she can easily reach my ear, and so she whispers, “don’t worry it isn’t obvious. You guys are good at keeping it a secret.” She skips to the door and slams it in my face with a shout of “Thanks for everything Yuugo!” Audible from the other side of the door.
Damn.
She is a massive pain in my ass.
__________________________
“So, what did you do today?” Lucas asks curiously, the majority of my time at the bunker since our return has been spent catching up with him and talking about emotions and feelings and shit. We got to have a room to ourselves, and so I’m sitting on the top bunk looking down at Lucas who is getting ready for bed.
“Not much, I did learn something new about Antenna though.” I smile faintly at that, she is a pain in my ass. But she’s a good person, so I have to live with her.
“Oh? And what might that be?” He quirks an eyebrow, intrigued.
“Hmm… I’m fairly certain it’s a secret.” Lucas smirks.
“Is it really now? I’m sure you could tell me.” He walks up to me and looks up making eye contact with me.
“No, I think this is a secret that doesn’t need to be shared.” Lucas gives me an expression that tells me he understands. And lies down on the bottom bunk. “These kids are properly fucked up. Especially Cyclops and Antenna.”
I can practically hear his goofy smile when he speaks, “I find it so sweet that you’ve already made nicknames for them. You must really care about them.”
“I DO NOT!”
“You so do, I find it adorable! I’m happy to see you haven’t completely lost your kind touch.” I scoff, “Well, I’m not sure as I have heard that you called Ray a, quote on quote, ‘little bitch’” His laugh is rich and my heart melts a bit.
“Pft. He deserved it, he was in fact being a little bitch.” I pause and lie down, I have my hand on my stomach and I tap my fingers. “I did feel bad for him, during the whole, ‘coma fiasco’ to be honest.”
“I felt bad for both of them, have you been told the story of Norman yet?”
“Yeah, yeah I have.”
“They just don’t want to lose each other as well. They’re only kids Yuugo. They don’t deserve this.”
Sigh.
“I know.” I say the next part begrudgingly, “Is… is there anything we should do? To help them I mean.”
“I have no clue Yuugo. No clue at all.”
“Ugh. Damn it! Why do we have to be their therapists?”
“Um I don’t know, maybe because we’re the only human adult figures in their lives that haven’t tried to kill them?” I think back to what Antenna told me earlier on in the day and winced, so the bar was low. That’s why she didn’t care that I almost shot her.
As if reading my mind Lucas then asks “Something else I was told is that you tried to shoot Emma. Tell me it isn’t true Yuugo.”
“I don’t want to lie to you, Lucas. So I won’t say anything.”
“You have got to be fucking with me! She’s twelve!”
“And I was about to ki-!“ I cut myself off and groan. Fuck.
“About to what Yuugo? Answer me.”
I found it ridiculous that we weren’t even looking at each other, we were both just lying down, the only thing separating us being a thin mattress and flimsy wooden planks.
“You don’t want to know.”
“I think you’ll find I fucking do.” Seldom Lucas ever sweared, I could basically feel his eyes burning into me through the bed. Anger surged through me. Why couldn’t he just mind his own business?!
“And I was going to kill myself! Is that what you want to know?”
Silence.
I didn’t mean to make the atmosphere so dull and quiet. This is why I hate talking about feelings. Lucas make a big deal of mine and tries to reassure me that they are valid and shit and I despise it.
“Why?” I hear him sit up.
“Because, I had spent 13 fucking years alone Lucas! I thought my whole family was dead and it was my fault! I didn’t want to live. Why do I need more of a reason then that.”
It wasn’t a question. So I didn’t phrase it as one.
Lucas still answered.
“To live on in memory of your family! To respect what they dies for and keep living on! Not ending your life! Did you think I didn’t spend those thirteen years blaming myself for everyone deaths? That I didn’t stay up every night wondering if you were dead or not?”
“You though about me?”
“Of course I did dumbass.”
We both laugh. Coming a conclusion.
“Hey Yuugo.”
“Yes, Lucas?”
“I love you.” My breath hitches, “You know that right?”
“Yeah I do. Do you I love you?”
“Yeah, I do.”
During the last emotional talk we had it came to light that the both of of us may or may not be harbouring mildly romantic feelings.
Okay, so I realised that I liked him. He’s been confessing to me since we escaped our orphanage, Glory Bell. And I know for a fact that in some wowed scenario that we had told anyone in this entire bunker they would have made love hearts with their hands and told us we were childhood sweethearts. So, I somehow managed to convince Lucas not to tell anyone. And yet he still takes it upon himself to whispering wildly inappropriate things in my ear around the kids.
I find it very frustrating.
But it’s nice.
To know someone loves you. Most people think that unconditional love is easily acquired, but it couldn’t be farther from it. Today I learned that it was so far that you can’t even expect your own mother not to break you kneecaps with her hands and then tell you to accept the fact that you will either die or send your family to their deaths. I mean like, holy shit. It really is fucking miracle to get unconditional love. And it turns out that I have it. Lucas can forgive me for almost shooting a child. I don’t think it can get more unconditional then that.
I smile with genuine happiness and shuffle further into the sheets. I feel like a little kid. This is so fucking childish. I berate myself for another moment and then notice that I’m still smiling.
Goddamn fucking shit.
“I can practically hear you giggling like I school girl from down here.” I turn red.
“Oh shut it.”
“Never. You know you love me Yuugo.”
“Do I know that?” I question jokingly, “Yes, yes I do.”