Chapter Text
Not to say that Kaeya wasn’t feeling clingy lately, but he was feeling very anxious about everyone and everything. So he clung to his wine bottles extra tight as he heaved out another abysmal snot nosed sob out from his weepy sore throat.
Wrapped in lavender and striped salmon blanket, the warmest blanket he owned, he just looked at the fireplace absentmindedly.
He’s not sure what’s happening but it’s been happening at such a full force lately, he knows he’s not going insane. Or is he?
Kaeya looked with dull red tear streaked eyes at his childhood stuffed animal rabbit, Arupert. He took it into his hand and put the empty bottle down to the floor as it tipped over. It remained there on the sad looking carpet, empty and sad looking just like his heart.
It had seen better days. Frankly, everything in Kaeya’s house had seen better days.
A layer of dust and a dire need of sweeping floors held Kaeya’s aching pain. He clung onto the doll as he brought Arupert closer to his heart and huddled onto it for warmth. He closes his eyes and just... breathes in, relishing the warmth just as he used to with his ex-brother Diluc in those bright filled sunny happy days. Like a butterfly it flutters out of sight in a blink and it's gone. It's gone.
Everyone’s connotation and looks felt extra sharp to it lately. At first, he hadn’t been sure if everyone was annoyed with him or upset.
However, it’s been around 2 months since the incident happened. Whatever he did to piss everyone off was becoming so unbearable now.
He just wished it would end.
2 months ago, an abyss lector had thrown a bottle of liquid into Kaeya’s face. It had been clear without smell. And even after many tests were done when he returned home by the alchemists and nuns, no harm had been done to him.
Many were relieved as Barbara and Jean looked at Kaeya with eased eyes and relieved smiles back at him. Kaeya had smiled back too as he lounged around on the sofa in Jean's office.
“I’m glad you’re okay, my captain,” Jean smiled tiredly at him. “Just don’t go parading yourself without backup next time. It could have ended badly even if the Lector did just portal away.” She frowned.
“I know, Jean. It was just my lucky break. Nothing happened. I’m alright,” he had smiled reassuringly to her.
How wrong he had been.
Because from that day onwards everyone in town started to change.
Kaeya had noticed it the very next day as he went to order breakfast at Good Hunter with the ever dear and hospitable Sara. She was dashing as always and ready to start the day with her ever welcoming attitude.
Kaeya had also woken up in a chipper mood as he came over and ordered his usual with an easy smile. He bend down to pull out his mora. However, once he placed the usual amount at the counter, he saw her expression grow almost grotesque and with sheer distaste.
She took a whiff at him and turned away in haste. She took the change hastily but didn’t return his greetings and even made the wrong order. It was extra burnt and even the service time was awful. Kaeya tapped nervously on his crossed arms as he finally sat down to wait. What should have taken ten to fifteen minutes to cook, took a whole hour. And even when it was done, it took forever to arrive to his table.
More and more new customers came with orders that were quickly received with that normal delight she and her staff had. He blinked, unsure and thinking about recent interactions, as to why she was so different with him.
Had he done something to piss her off?
Why was she being so oddly cruel and indifferent to him?
They were friends by now.
He knows her parents. Sometimes they joke about him being a great grandson for them. A husband for her. And he laughs it off with Sara because they could only ever be friends. And yet, as he thickly swallowed and was finally given his order in a crumpled and not neat brown bag, as it was slammed onto the table paired with a deathly glare given in turn… he was just flabbergasted and at a loss for words.
He remained there stock still with his hand midair as he looked around to see if anyone else found Sara’s behavior as odd.
Odder still was that he was being blatantly ignored or also looked at with narrowed, testy, and discriminating eyes.
His hairs rose as he rose himself stiff from the table. He took his baggie and walked away with a sense of purpose and direction. However, as he turned the corner he was just shaking.
What the hell was that?
What the hell was that?
And then the day got odder and odder as his usual haunts for informants never showed up. Or if they did they were short and snub with concise remarks and slick sharp jabs. Everything was prickly as Kaeya really did need to ask what was up.
It was good he was meeting with his good friend and informant soon. He waited in the shade of the walls.
When one of his closest ones, Vile, came in for the noon consult, he had to ask, what in the ever loving Teyvat was wrong with everyone today?
“Vile, have I done something to make the town hate me?” He looked perplexed and worried. An answer would come soon, he hoped. Because he so wanted to right and correct whatever dire mistake he had made.
She was cool and indifferent in her stare as she leaned back against the cobblestone wall. She was looking at her fingernails as if she found Kaeya to just be as insignificant as a gnat or a pest bumbling about.
Kaeya found himself sweating because he felt a trigger.
Instantly he remembered how was ignored when he entered the knights and ignored when Diluc first met him. Ignored because of his eye and skin color and his slowness in learning. It was seen as annoying.
He needed to ‘chop chop’ and ‘hurry up’ and learn the lesson fast or else he was falling far behind. That was what many of his early Mondstadtian teachers had drilled into him from time to time.
His eyes ached as familiar heat was pricking at the backs of them. He wants to cry.
“No, I don’t think so,” She said without batting an eye at him.
“Oh,” his chest deflated as he pouted in despair. She shifted on her heel as Kaeya perked up and thought she had thought of something as he slightly smiled.
“If we’re done… I have better things to do than to be seen hanging around you Kaeya. See you around,” she sang as she strut casually away.
Kaeya remained there feeling the ominous ring of bells and then the noon bells did ring from the Cathedral.
Cold. He feels cold.
Maybe… maybe he was being more hormonal lately? Taking things to heart?
He hopes so. He prays.
He decided to go and rest in the Cathedral. Seeing his friends would surely lift his spirits. He loved them. Rosaria and Barbara are there today for choir practice. Time to feel safe.
Still believing the day was going to be okay, he walked hurriedly to that safe space. Yet, as he walked along, cold glares and stares roamed and targeted his direction. At first he turned around to see… if they were looking at someone else. Surely, he wasn’t detested. He never had been… that fiercely rejected. So it had to be someone else they’re looking at.
And no, he realized with a sinking feeling in his chest that plunged his stomach into cold hard knots and dank cold murky puddles. He turned and there was no one near him.
Just him.
They were all looking at him. Like a rash. Like a disease. Like a fucking utter waste of time and space and everything inbetween. His Adam's apple bobbled up and down as Kaeya squirmed under everyone’s scrutiny.
If this was a joke from someone… whatever they were pulling, it wasn’t funny. Not in the slightest.
IT was safe to say that once that smiling face of Barbara met with the cheerful wave of Kaeya, did she roll her eyes.
Rosaria, as well, took her clawed hand and tapped it nervously on her arm. So even when Kaeya finally came up to them, after lighting jogging after some familiar and usually warm faces… he felt it again.
Rejection.
They all sat down together in their usual spot on the left side near the front where the stained colorful glass painted the floor the brightest. They sat there so many times to shoot the breeze and reminisce or talk about the latest of happenings. They were always smiling and laughing.
His safe haven.
His friends.
Today Kaeya saw the curt nods and answers from the usually gushy and ever bubbly Barbara. She sat next to him like always. And they were close enough to even touch thighs… but it was like a whole chasm was the rift in the middle. Practically born overnight.
Kaeya’s own sanity seemed to wither as he realized that only he was the one really talking to fill the silence today. As heat burned in his cheeks from having tried so hard to just even be social after such a perturbing weirdness, he felt lonely.
Usually, everything is easy. This was easy. HE loved them. Trusted them. They loved him too.
Didn’t they?
D-didn’t they?
“...”
Rosaria was also colder than usual as he slightly complained a bit about his day and yesterday’s encounter with Diluc in his Tavern.
“Maybe you should lay off from trying to please your ex-brother,” Rosaria finally said, feeling tired because she was around such a tiring guy.
Kaeya’s glaucous eye widened as he stifled a gasp.
“Why did you say it like that Rosie?”
A glare shot from her eyes straight into his heart. Pain.
“Don’t call me Rosie. You don’t get to call me that. And think about it. Diluc seems to hate your guts and only treats you with a shred of dignity because you’re a paying customer. That’s it. Maybe it’s best for him and for you if you stop with the clingy act. For some reason, I never felt the need to tell you this, but it’s rather pathetic to see you subject yourself to someone who actually deserves a better family member than you.”
Rosaria’s words cut sharper than any blade he had ever encountered with her and he was familiar with their spars. They’d often leave with many scrapes and scratches but with hearty laughter and teasing lilts. The mirth in their eyes would always glisten after a good beatdown and fight. Beer and wine both tasted better this way.
“What’s with you, Rosie,” Kaeya dared to ask, finally feeling the dam of emotions threatening to burst at the seams.
She gave him a deadpan look that was as cold as the tundra’s of Dragonspine. Her usually warm red wine eyes are completely devoid of warmth towards him.
“It’s just as I said, Kaeya. I simply pity Diluc for having to deal with you. And frankly, I'm not even sure why we are drinking buddies or even friends. Your soul stenches and you are a boring little kind of a man. I think we’re done here,” she spoke with condemnation as she finally stood herself up and dusted herself off. She walked away with the familiar clacking of heels which had at once felt so much like home for Kaeya.
Now it felt like hell.
He turned to Barbara who was fiddling with her skirt, looking intensely down at her dress during that whole debacle of a conversation.
He shook his head, as his ocean blue locks slapped against his chest. He’s afraid. He’s frantic. This surely has got to be a wicked cruel kind of dream. He hopes to wake the fuck up by now because in no universe did his best friend just tell him to fuck off.
“B-Barbara… truly … Today's been all weird. Everyone’s hating me… and I don’t… even know what I did wrong. You don’t… actually agree with what Rosaria just said to me? Do you,” his voice broke.
And as she turned to him with her crystal clear blue eyes, that hint of twilight and the fade of forever gazed right through him. He froze.
She hated him for some reason too.
“I think because I’ve known you all my life… I have to say that I do regret breaking this friendship with you. I feel like…,” Barbara hesitated but kept her tone firm, “I’ll feel bad if I continue talking to you. It feels… disgusting. But-”
Kaeya cut her off as he grabbed her soft warm hands into his tall ones. HE held them tenderly and preciously… not even tight, but enough to hold on with a firm intention.
“Please… don’t. I will keep bothering you two. You and Rosaria… everyone… whatever I did and or don’t remember… I promise to make it up to you all. Promise,” he stuttered out fast and hot. He blinked rapidly because the image of his baby friend-found sister looked at him with such pitiful eyes.
And so that was what he did as he watched her go flock into the rest of the nun's who finally finished their 30 minute break and began to pick up their choir papers to sing from their musical stands.
The music from the heavens that filled his ears were usually as light and as airy as honey and mead.
Today he felt just sticky with the thick hardness of it, as he sank into honey and couldn’t climb out.