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5. and i needed you more
Bucky is glad to see Steve again, to see his best friend happy and healthy. He thinks about telling Steve what happened in that factory. What they did to him there. He thinks Steve might understand.
When Agent Carter walks into the bar, he knows his chance has passed. He flirts with Agent Carter as a matter of habit, he knows he’s expected to, but his heart isn’t in it. She only has eyes for Steve, and Steve only has eyes for her. He’s happy for Steve. Of course he is. But he’d be lying if he didn’t say he wanted to keep Steve here, with him. Just a little longer, before he has to share.
They walk out, don’t look back.
4. i am your ghost, a fallen angel
He falls, and falls. Steve couldn’t catch him, but he knows he’ll come for him. He won’t let Bucky go again, not after everything.
He’s picked up by the Soviets. Brought to some base, he’s a prisoner. Steve will still come for him, he knows he will. They taunt him with how Steve let him fall, didn’t want him, isn’t coming for him, but he knows better. He holds out against their words, even as they rip his body apart.
They come in smug one day, throw a newspaper at him, wait silently. He’s on edge immediately. He unfolds it, freezes. Steve crashed a plane into the arctic. He’s not coming. The paper drops from his numb hands.
3. i couldn't care what invention you made me
He’s had a lot of handlers over the years. This one is the kindest. This one takes care of him, doesn’t hurt him. He would do anything for his handler, to keep this one around. The soldier is perfect for his handler. Does anything and everything he can.
It takes just a moment to crash down. A name, one he doesn’t recognize from a man he recognizes. He sees the look his handler gives him. His malfunction is unacceptable. The disappointment on his handler's face hurts worse than the chair. His handler looks away, leaves.
2. when you broke me and left these pieces
He thought his handler died in the aftermath of Insight. It takes him a while, but he finds him again, finds where he’s been living undercover. He remembers how his handler took care of him, was kind to him, he wants that again, maybe…just maybe. Maybe his handler will want him again.
He finds the apartment, knocks. The door swings open, and he sees not Rumlow, but his handler's SIC. Rollins, he thinks. There’s a moment of silence, both of them eyeing the other. He hears the question his handler calls from inside the apartment. Rollins calls him over without looking away from Bucky. Rumlow appears under Rollin’s arm, looking…healthy. Happy. Despite the burn scars, he looks happy. He freezes when he sees Bucky standing there.
Bucky realizes he shouldn’t be here. His handler doesn't need, doesn’t want him. He pulls the gun out of his holster, and the two men freeze. He moves slower, offers the gun back to his handler. It’s his, after all. Bucky went back to find it, wanting just a little piece of him to carry with him, a memory of being cared for. Rumlow recognizes it, eyebrows raised. The ring glints on his hand when he accepts his gun back.
Bucky nods, leaves before they can see the way he breaks a little more, the way his edges sharpen and slice him bloody.
1. what could have been
He smiles even though his world is ending. Chokes his tears back. After all this time, after all he’s done, he thought he would finally have time with Steve. But Steve doesn’t want it, he wants to go back. Bucky won’t hold him back, won’t be selfish after everything. Bucky isn’t his end of the line anymore. Steve smiles, disappears. Five seconds pass.
+1.