Work Text:
back in high school, daniel had liked a girl called crystal choi. with her short stature, chubby frame and thick-rimmed glasses, she wasn't exactly the epitome of beauty. but again, it wasn't like daniel was either - he was half blind, he was short and overweight from birth to middle school, and even though he worked out excessively with vasco, the friend he'd made at the local running park, hints of baby fat still clung to his cheeks, and his waist was narrower and his shoulders were broader but he still had love handles around his hips and stretch marks on the insides of his thighs.
still, he tried. he tried to be her friend, be there for her when she needed help, because he liked her. she was strong and unafraid of bullies, unlike daniel had been. she was someone he could admire, and he tried to tell her that, but she never listened. every time he walked up to her, she turned around and stormed off, and every time he tried to smile at her, she looked away with a frown.
months of crushing on crystal choi bore no fruit, and that was when jay hong silently crept into daniel's life. he was drop dead gorgeous, the scholarship student, the loner, the boy who sat behind daniel in class and snored quietly while the teacher was rambling. he was the one who always heard daniel complaining to zack about crystal never returning his affections, the one who came up first to comfort daniel when he was trying his best not to cry about the first girl he ever liked turning him down in front of the whole class.
he was selectively mute, as daniel had heard from his other classmates, nobody had ever seen him speak. yet there he was, awkwardly patting daniel's back, his lips moving around the words "it's gonna be okay" even if no sounds came out. it was sweet, in its own way. hyungseok wondered why he hadn't talked to jay before.
they became friends pretty soon. friends who studied together for exams and were proud of each other's achievements, best friends who adopted dogs together, then best friends forever who spent family holidays together because their families were too far away or too distant to care. soon enough, daniel forgot about his fleeting crush on crystal. why would he like her, after all, when jay was there, filling up all the parts of his soul he didn't even realize were missing? jay was such an integral part of his life now. he saw jay more than he saw his own mother.
during their second year of high school, daniel taught himself to sing so he could perform with duke pyeon from the class next door for the talent show, since duke was an amazingly talented rapper and wanted a singer - daniel, to be specific - to fill in the blanks.
daniel was singing in front of an open window, after school, leaning against the window frame. sing from the heart, duke had told him, sing from your soul.
so daniel tried, but god if it wasn't hard to concentrate on getting the notes right when jay was staring at him with utmost attention and the softest smile on his handsome face, the wind playing with his blond hair. daniel closed his eyes and tried to keep singing. "i can see it, it's like you're right in front of me, oh yeah, i can- oh! what the hell!"
he spluttered as the wind blew the white curtains beside him in front of his face, giggled when the gauzy material swiped across his nose and made him sneeze.
jay got up, his cheeks strangely flushed, and he freed daniel from the curtain. no, not quite. daniel gasped slightly as jay lifted the curtain off like a wedding veil, standing close, close, closer. daniel instinctively licked his lips, watched jay's eyes follow the action before flicking back to looking daniel, eye to eye.
daniel wasn't sure who leaned in first, but when their lips met, it felt so natural.
it was short and chaste, more like jay tilting his head to press his trembling lips against daniel's and not doing anything else. jay pulled away, lips parted. daniel could almost taste his chapstick. "does that mean you like me?"
jay cracked a smile, like he was guilty of a crime. i've liked you since the moment you walked into class, since your first day at jae won high. sorry.
"why are you apologizing? you could, um-" daniel met his eyes shyly. "you could do it again. i wouldn't... i wouldn't mind."
daniel didn't think he was gay. he thought zoe park was pretty, with her long hair and sweet smiles. but he also couldn't deny he didn't admire vasco's strong body to match his strong mindset, or zack's swift fists and long legs. but he couldn't deny admiring jay, with his broad shoulders and dazzling smile and infinite kindness. he couldn't help admiring jay the same way he used to admire crystal - obsessively, overwhelmingly, all-consumingly.
for the first time, jay went completely quiet, his mouth opening and closing as his cheeks turned redder and redder. does this mean you like me?
daniel smiled, fiddling with his fingers. "i think so, yeah."
jay exhaled, the guilt on his face melting away into the brightest smile daniel had ever seen on him. he looked down and held daniel's hand against his own like he was trying to hide, his rings cold against daniel's skin. that's... nice.
daniel laughed, bright-eyed with a new realization, and jay leaned in to close the window before kissing him again. it felt a little better, this time, like puzzle pieces slotting into place, instead of their lips and noses bumping into each other. jay huffed out a laugh against daniel's mouth when daniel's glasses bumped against his cheek, and daniel swallowed the sound, greedy for more.
the talent show passed without a hitch, and duke and daniel shared the win. all the credit to duke, of course.
daniel and jay started dating not long after that, and daniel realized he might've liked jay since last chuseok, actually. it was kinda funny. when he told jay, he laughed, eyes twinkling under his bangs, and the rest of the class wondered what the hell the local pretty boy said to make the silent ice prince laugh like that.
they kept things a secret from everybody else, of course. jay said he felt selfish keeping daniel to himself, but it wasn't like daniel didn't want to be kept. he liked it when their shoulders touched as they ate together. he liked it when their fingers intertwined when they walked the dogs together.
he tried one of jay's rings on, once. jay had so many rings - cheap, store bought ones that he got because daniel liked them, and chrome hearts that cost way more than everything daniel and his mother owned. daniel held his breath when jay slid a chrome hearts ring onto his ring finger - it was the shimmering silver one, with the heart in the middle. his hands were shaking like it was a marriage proposal.
daniel intertwined their fingers over the table and tried not to smile like a fool. the rest of the class was gone - they'd stayed behind to 'revise' together after school. there was no need to fear anyone finding out. "let's get married when we're older," he blurted. oh god. he didn't mean to say that out loud, he was just going to think it! "i mean, if you want to, i just-"
jay just smiled and squeezed his hand, kissing his ring finger. sure.
daniel relaxed, his heart fluttering in his chest. he liked jay. he liked being with jay. it was simple.
when they started university, things got less simple. jay went to study at seoul national university, forced into a business degree at a business school by his father, doing things he hated. daniel couldn't make it into snu with his grades, and ended up at yonsei, doing social work. jay had to move in with his family again, and daniel moved into the dorms, but they could still make it work, right?
and then every single fantasy daniel had of a white marriage came crashing down on his head in the form of jay breaking up with him halfway through their second year of university. "why?" he asked helplessly. "why are you saying yes to your father forcing you into an arranged marriage? what happened to the whole love wins thing? i thought you liked me."
i do. i like you. i like you so much i could die. tears were rolling down jay's face, and daniel's heart cracked in two at the sight. but i can't fight him, not for this.
"why not?"
he found out. about you. about us. he said- jaeyeol sniffled, breaking into an open sob. he'd always been more of a crier. he cried at everything - happy, sad, angry, it didn't matter. daniel knew how to make the tears stop. but right now, he was feeling too close to tears to do anything. he said if i don't listen to him, he'll hurt you. i don't care if he hurts me. it won't be the first time. but i can't- he took a deep, shuddering breath, his bangs soaked and clinging to his eyelashes. no matter what happens, i can't let him hurt you.
"so you'd rather leave me? just like this?" daniel felt like he was falling to pieces, shattered into a million tiny fragments.
i have to leave you, because, because, because- jay swallowed, and spoke. his voice was raspy and ruined. "because i love you, daniel."
in a way, daniel understood. jay's father was the ceo of a business empire. he held more power than daniel could ever dream of having. all daniel had was jay, and their dogs, and his mom, and his friends. if jay's father really wanted jay away from daniel for good, daniel didn't doubt that he'd never see jay again.
"so let me kiss you," daniel begged, his chest an aching void, "one last time. before everything ends."
at least jay obliged.
at least jay kissed him, open-mouthed and desperate, arms wrapped around daniel and holding him close like he couldn't bear to let go, like they were one invisible string-bound soul being ripped apart. his lips tasted like salt and goodbye.
the bride, of all people, was crystal choi. the wedding was a business alliance, a truce. daniel didn't know what kind of sick irony this was. the man he loved, marrying the girl he used to admire. some sick fucking irony indeed.
daniel went to jay's wedding, at the end. how could he not? they were friends before anything else, and he wanted to see jay. all their old classmates were there too, staring like jay and crystal were zoo animals putting on a show. crystal's father walked crystal down the aisle, and she mouthed an apology at daniel when their eyes met. daniel looked away, trembling.
"dude," whispered his roommate hudson, who he'd brought for emotional support, "why did you even come?" he knew what was going on, and by the look in his eyes, he pitied daniel. daniel didn't want his pity. "this is so fucked up. that's your ex, and your ex-crush, and you're watching them get married?"
it was. it was fucked up, but daniel couldn't say no, not when crystal asked him to be there because jay couldn't bear to do it himself.
jay recited his vows in sign language. his father asked him to speak with his voice, but jay shook his head and adamantly refused until the officiant sighed and said it was fine, sign language vows could still be official. daniel thought it looked like rebellion, but when he looked around, nobody else seemed to make the same connection. maybe hudson was right, and he was fucked up and delusional from the heartbreak. crystal was smiling faintly when jay lifted the veil from her face the same way he'd lifted the curtains off daniel.
"you may now kiss the bride," announced the wedding officiant. he looked sick and tired from jay's constant quiet disobedience. daniel wished the man would simply stop officiating the wedding, and let jay come back to daniel.
crystal leaned in, and jay cupped her cheek with a gentle hand, the same hand that had tenderly touched daniel not so long ago. they kissed, short and chaste. jay's lips were curved into a smile, and daniel's heart ached.
daniel left before the wedding ended, before anyone else could see the tear-tracks staining his cheeks. he fell asleep when hudson drove him home, wishing this was a nightmare jay would wake him up from, desperately hoping he'd wake up and jay would be waiting by his side to give him a good morning kiss. it should've been him walking down that aisle, dressed in dazzling white, to the sound of piano keys and wedding bells. it should've been him reciting his vows with jay, because he fucking loved him, in sickness and health and sorrow and joy, to have and to hold for the rest of their fucking lives.
even in sleep, his fingers intertwined, like he was trying to mimic the way jay held him. even though so many years had passed since their third year of high school, daniel still had jay's chrome hearts ring - the smooth silver one with a heart in the middle - sitting snugly on his finger.
it was a part of him now, whether he wanted it or not. because they were supposed to last, goddammit.
they were supposed to last.