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"And now, we shall welcome our next performers to the stage!"
An enthusiastic wave of applause filled the air, thousands of pairs of excited eyes fixated on the small group of walking figures stumbling across the stage in exaggerated outfits.
The atmosphere was warm - almost stifling with body heat, one (who didn't know the context) could say. However it was shared amongst this crowd of people who had one common interest, so it was the thrilling-warm. The kind of warm that sparked boundless amounts of anticipation of what they will witness that night.
"Hey hey, Saki! Take a look at that guy, doesn't he look funny? Ha! Ha! Ha!" Amongst this rather large assembly of people sat 2 siblings - a young boy of about 7 and his little sister. Their sunshine-blond hair with cute peach tips bobbed up and down in sync with the stubby legs that were a considerable distance above the floor as they jumped in excitement. Scratch that description "a young boy of about 7 and his little sister", I will outline the pair's appearance again. There was an unusually loud boy with wide eyes pointing a chubby finger at the stage, and next to him was a little girl squealing on top of her brother's voice, causing nearby audience to stare in annoyance.
"You're right, onii-chan! He looks like a chicken with unbalenced legs, hehehe! Buk buk buuk!" A series of clucking noises were coupled with the up-down motion of bent arms as the girl imitated the chicken.
It's been so long since I've seen Saki have so much fun...
A peaceful smile found its way to rest on his face in contrast to his previous outburst of energy.
I wish this could last forever... I hope that Saki will be able to fully enjoy her life without troubles. I want her to smile everyday, I want her to stay in good health, I want her to be able to do what she wants.
"Say, what if I were to become a star, a world future star, a world future star who brings smiles to everyone? And you, my precious little sister, will not be charged for any tickets and you will get the best spot in the entire auditorium!" His voice was filled with triumph, as if he was already a star, both hands on hips and chin tilted upwards. You could almost see Pinocchio's nose extending outwards.
"I think that's a wonderful idea! I promise to go to every single one of your shows and be your number one fan, hehe!" Something about her way of speech resembled her brother.
"Well, it's decided then! I, Tsukasa Tenma, will become the world future star that makes everyone happy! Ha! Ha! Ha!"
And cut.
Now, we take a few steps forward.
----------------
"Ueeeeeeee~h?!?!" came a sudden ear-splitting shriek.
"Shhh, Emu... you're being too loud for goodness sake... we're in public. In fact, we are, surprise surprise, in a dead-silent auditorium and in the middle of another group's performance. One day my hearing will be ruined because of your screaming and you'll be responsible for it." A harsh whisper was directed towards the previous voice with the addition of a deadpan expression. This conversation was nothing out of the ordinary - it was a common scene in the daily lives of Wonderlands x Showtime members.
Tsukasa paid no attention to the nearby commotion; it had always been extra sound blended into the background. His golden eyes were glued to the stage, not in awe, not in captivation, but in utter confusion.
So bright... how could someone be so dazzling on stage? Such precision and talent in his movements, his speech, the timing, the expression, the coordination with his group members… it’s more than perfect. It’s like an elegant dance. How much training did they go through to get to this level? Or was it aptitude?
…
Drip.
Oh.
Another drip.
That actor… surely he isn’t human… right?
Tsukasa quickly scans the audience’s faces, eyes dashing between each row across the different seating areas.
Ah. That’s right. They’re smiling. No, more than that, they’re beaming with delight. They’re entertained. I’m entertained. I should be feeling happiness, so what… is this weird feeling? Laugh, Tsukasa, laugh! Come on, just… laugh! Do the thing you love most! It’s simple… right?
He pinched his wet cheeks in an attempt to force himself to smile.
Ouch… Since when was smiling so hard? Was it always this painful? If smiling is painful, then why do people smile? Why do I smile?
Salty droplets raced down his face, each one carrying the burden of every passing year where he selflessly ignores his true identity - mind you, he wasn’t aware of that.
An arm extended as far as it could, towards the stage, towards that actor, towards that phoenix.
As I expected, haha… out of reach. Those things, those feelings… they’ll never be mine.
I want to feel it. More, I want to feel it more!
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
“Uaaaaaa! T-Tsukasa kun?? Nene-chan, Nene-chan! Tsukasa-kun is crying… what should we do~?” Emu clasped Nene’s hands in a state of panic, shaking her wildly to the latter’s discomfort.
“Um-“
“Emu-kun. Tsukasa-kun is fine, there’s no need to worry,” Rui cut in with a reassuring smile.
“But, but…!” The pink haired girl sniffed, almost crying herself at the sight of Tsukasa crying. “All right… I’ll trust Rui-kun because he knows Tsukasa-kun best.”
Thanks Rui.
— After the show —
“Tsukasa-kun?”
No response.
Sighing, Rui wondered if Tsukasa was really alright. Had he been underestimating the situation?
“Emu-kun, Nene. I’m going to stay here with him for a while longer, you guys should head home because it’s getting late.”
The girls wave goodbye hesitantly with a concerned expression, deciding to let go and hope that it’s nothing serious and that Rui will help him.
The area outside the showground, a few minutes prior, was filled with crowds of people filing out of the auditorium.
Suddenly, it became empty - only two tiny figures stood there on the asphalt, unmoving. The ferris wheel was still spinning in the background, overlooking the gentle sunset, but not a sound was to be heard.
Ah… the silence is comforting…
“Tsuk-“
As Rui turned around to face Tsukasa, he was abruptly confronted with the weight of the boy’s body, finding himself being pulled into a tight embrace.
Tsukasa made a small muffled sound.
“I’m sorry, Rui…” He mumbled something else, but it was inaudible under the thick down jacket Rui was wearing.
"I-Is something bothering you, my star?" Rui attempted to have Tsukasa open up to him, even if it was just a little bit.
"Don't call me that anymore... please. I'm not a star. Just look at me, a star shouldn't be collapsing onto his director like this..." It was the first time Rui had heard Tsukasa speak like this. His heart skipped a beat - he had never put himself in such a situation where he, for once, didn't know how to reply.
"...But directors are meant to provide support for the star, no? Anyways," Rui looked away from the boy and tried to steer away from that topic, "what did you th-"
“If both our goals are to make people smile, then why am I feeling such jealousy?” Tsukasa's voice became firm. He was no longer mumbling softly; he was demanding an answer.
It took Rui a while to process what he could possibly be talking about.
"...Oh, are you talking about that actor from today..." He immediately knew that this conversation was not going in a good direction, heart sinking.
“Is making people happy my true goal?" The look in those eyes felt so stern yet so fragile, possessing the ability to shatter into irreparable shards if the wrong words were spoken.
"Yes, Tsukasa-kun. I believe that your goal is to decorate thousands of smiles in our audience, if I may say so, and you are the only one in control of that." It was impossible to keep up with whatever was racing in Tsukasa's mind, so he let his instinct and morals take over instead.
"If that's true then I'm not... good enough. I try so hard, I practice as much as I can after school and with the troupe... so why is it that there is such a big gap between our performances?"
"Tsukasa-kun, do you remember the time when a little girl in the audience went up to thank you after the performance because it lightened up her day? Or the enthusiastic cheers that fill the air after we finish our play?" Rui decided that the best way to go was to bring back fond memories.
The blonde nodded his head gently, slightly confused at this mention.
"They were worth it. All your effort poured into those shows, those songs... don't you think you enjoyed them?"
"Y-yes, I guess I did have fun making them..."
"That's all that matters, Tsukasa-kun. Don't you think that guy had to endure incessant practice sessions to make it so good? If you were him, would you have enjoyed that arduous task?"
"Maybe not..."
"I thought so too. Come here," Rui grasped his hand and ran towards the ferris wheel, the other following behind sluggishly.
"Take a look at this. Tell me, what is this?" Rui pointed at the towering wheel that was currently coming to a stop.
Tsukasa was perplexed. "It's a ferris wheel. Am I wrong?"
"No, you answered well. Think of this ferris wheel as your life. Each carriage represents a new play that we perform. Little by little, these plays carry bundles of happiness that you feel in the process and build up to the climax - the ultimate feeling of success as a star who made all these crowds of people smile."
Tsukasa started to realise the reason behind this reference of the wheel... crystal tears began to form at the corners of his eyes. Both boys, hoping that the other wouldn't notice, were on the verge of crying, swearing that it was the dry evening breeze.
Rui...
"Tsukasa-kun, you are unique. There is no one in the world that could replace you - sure, there may be better actors and actresses of all sorts, and so be it! You are the only Tsukasa of WxS ever, so we mustn't lose him right?" The gentle, warm gaze from the golden eyes of the director seemed to take off the layers of depression on Tsukasa, revealing the sunshine that he usually was.
As the tears finally spilled out, overflowing and steaming from his eyes, Rui pulled him in and whispered in his ear softly, "Our own Mr. Showtime."