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Hogwarts in the summer is brutal, even the professors surely knew that. Wearing your robes indoors was not an issue with the cool interior of the castle. However, sitting outside with Poppy tending to the school's thestrals was a whole other ordeal. In your fifth year attending Hogwarts, it was rare to see anyone without their robes, though with Headmaster Black gone, or should you say ex-headmaster black, the school felt as though it had taken a breath.
Adjusting your tie, you lean back fanning yourself with your hand as Poppy gently brushes one of the thestrals. Your robes lie draped over the edge of the log you had claimed as a seat, leaving you both in your short sleeved button ups, though Poppy still wore her signature hufflepuff vest over it.
“Apparently, the thestrals had a baby while we were gone on holiday,” Poppy says, looking over her shoulder at you.
“Is that so? Well I suppose we’ll have to stop by and see it at some point before classes start.” Poppy seems enthused by your answer, brushing a stray strand of hair from her ponytail. You busy yourself, pulling a strand of thread from the thigh of your worn white stockings.
“You don’t seem to be into this,” Poppy sighs, turning to look back at you. You shrug, glancing around your surroundings before looking back up at her.
“It’s not that. I’m just a tad distracted is all.”
“By what?” She smooths out her thigh length skirt before sitting down next to you.
“Sebastian comes back today. I haven’t spoken to him since he left after our fifth year. I wrote to him but never heard anything back. Ominis is the one who let me know he’d be coming back. I guess I’m just a little nervous about seeing him again is all. I feel like I should’ve done more after everything that happened. He was so-” You stop, running a hand down your face. “I don’t know.”
Poppy soothingly rubs your back, glancing back up at the now slumbering thestrals. “You did all you could. Sending Sebastian for help was the best thing you could’ve done for him. He needed more help than you were able to give. I promise, there’s nothing to be worried about.”
You’re not too sure, but you're grateful for Poppy’s positivity anyway. “Thank you. I didn’t mean to make you feel as if I wasn’t having fun though. I like spending time with you.”
She smiles genuinely and leans into your side, giving you a tight squeeze. “I like spending time with you too. Now come on, Garreth said there are fresh biscuits in the Great Hall.”
“I’m a tad worried he may have done something to them,” you say skeptically, though still allowing her to drag you towards the castle, robes in hand.
You are buzzing with anxiety by the time you have retrieved your biscuits, though slightly more enthused to learn they were ginger newts. But no amount of freshly prepared goods could stop your heart from racing.
“Truly Y/n, there’s no reason to fret over Sebastian returning. I’m sure he will just be relieved to be back.”
You want to believe her, want to think that every decision you had made leading up to Sebastian’s leaving were the right ones. But you know for a fact, if Sebastian had sent you away for extensive therapy and care after losing your uncle and sister, well you wouldn’t be too keen on speaking with him.
Everyone had told you it was the right decision to make, that he would be properly cared for and it was the better alternative to turning him in, though you would have never done that either. What you would’ve liked to do would’ve been to take Sebastian back to his home and spend the time with him, making him feel safe and comfortable. But you had only been sixteen at the time, it wouldn’t have been allowed, nor appropriate.
Now at eighteen, you feel as though it was possible. You could help him after graduation, you could make a life for yourselves now that Anne was safe and Sebastian didn’t have anything to worry over. That was, if he even wanted to speak with you.
“Even Ominis has said that he’s been improving greatly,” Poppy adds, attempting once again to comfort you, but all it does is remind you that Sebastian has answered all of Ominis’ letters, but not a single one of yours.
You sigh, but muster up enough strength to give Poppy a forced smile. “You’re right, we’ll probably be able to pick up right where we left off.”
Poppy seems reassured and bites the head off of her biscuit.
The slytherin common rooms feel just as empty as they had in your sixth year with Sebastian’s absence. Ominis sits next to you on the plush couches by the large window, an audio book playing softly so as to not disturb the other students.
Most of the second through fifth-years have retreated to their rooms, while the upperclassmen dotted the dungeon doing their own menial tasks. The first-years would be arriving tomorrow and you know it was everyone’s way of soaking in the tranquility before the chaos of the year began.
“I can feel your heart about to explode from your chest,” Ominis says, voice mellow. You don’t say anything, simply dropping your head onto his shoulder. “I know you’re worried, but believe me. Sebastian holds no ill will towards you. He’s grateful for what you’ve done for him.”
“Then why won’t he speak to me? Why won’t he return any of my letters?”
Ominis is quiet for a moment and you briefly wonder if he’s even going to bother answering you. “I assume he’s embarrassed.”
“Embarrassed?” You ask, not opening your eyes.
“He did a lot of things he’s not proud of. Some of which he will never be able to right. You were there with him, you saw him in those moments. I can only imagine what he thinks you feel of him.”
“I don’t hold any of that against him. He was being corrupted by the dark things he was consuming, it could’ve happened to any of us,” You say, feeling your blood start to heat.
“I suppose he doesn’t see it that way.”
You calm yourself, settling back down against Ominis’ side. It makes sense, and you decide to leave it at that, tuning back into the story.
The following morning is just as chaotic as first days normally are. Professors are spotted prepping their rooms for classes the next day and the new headmaster is preoccupied setting things up for the first year's arrival that night.
You however, are unfortunately unoccupied with any tasks. Poppy had busied herself with helping professor Howin this year and would be gone the majority of the day. Ominis had “things to do”, whatever he meant by that, and Natty was helping her mother. Once again, you were left alone with your thoughts.
It was becoming decidedly harder to be alone with nothing to do. After the events of your fifth year at Hogwarts you had felt empty. After fighting with poachers and stopping Ranrok you’re not entirely sure what there is left for you here. What else do you have to look forward to? While everyone else seems to have found something they are aiming towards, you feel as though you’re in limbo.
What else is there to do after saving wizard kind? A white picket fence and a home full of children? That would never be your life, could never be your life after the things you’d experienced, after the things you’d done.
Sebastian hadn’t been the only one to dabble in the dark arts and you’d ended the journey of quite a few wizards yourself. How do you just go about your life after that?
“Hello! It’s wonderful to see you’ve returned!” Deek says, standing from where he had been resting.
“Hello Deek. Thank you for caring for the beasts while I was gone.”
“Of course! Deek is pleased to tell you that everyone is doing quite well.”
“I’m happy to hear that. Thank you.”
The room is just as you’d left it, carefully maintained by the sweetest house-elf you’d ever had the pleasure of meeting.
If you were to be alone today, you decided you might as well pay a visit to your babies. The moon calves seem to be the most elated by your presence, running careful circles around your feet. The kneazles keep their distance, lounging in the warm sun and it makes you feel something equally warm, if only for a moment. You gently pat the moon calf slumbering in your lap and wonder briefly what would happen if you never left this room.
The moon calves would be happy, that was for sure. You’re not entirely sure what to do with them once you graduate. Do you take them all with you? Ensure their care to Poppy who would work with the animals at Hogwarts after her graduation?
You sigh, dropping backwards against the grass taking a deep breath. “I should’ve never come to Hogwarts.”
“That’s not true.” You freeze, not opening your eyes. There was only one other person who knew about this room, one other person whose voice that could be, though it was deeper, older. You were hallucinating, you had to be. He couldn’t be here yet. “Not going to run and give me a hug huh?”
You hear the puffskeins and moon calves cooing and that crumbles any doubt in your mind. “Sebastian?”
“The one and only.”
You push yourself up from the grass, though you can’t bring yourself to move any further. He’s taller, broader and his jaw is a bit sharper but it’s him. Standing amongst the faux greenery, slytherin sweater spread across his broader chest. “W-what are you doing here so early?”
“Took an earlier train. I wasn’t looking forward to arriving at the same time as the first years.” He takes a step closer and your heart leaps into your throat.
“Why haven’t you answered any of my Owls?” You ask, voice trembling.
He looks away, cradling a puffskein in his arms. “I wasn’t sure what to say.”
“Wasn’t sure what to say?” You feel the rage building up in your chest, icy and bitter, and you use it as fuel to push yourself to your feet. “Maybe that you were ok or that it was helping. Maybe that I hadn’t condemned you to hell or worse, or I don’t know Sebastian, maybe that you missed me!” You’re shouting by the end of it, cradling your hands to your chest. You don’t want to open your eyes and look at him, afraid that you’ll start crying.
“I did miss you,” he says, voice closer. “I just,” he pauses, swallowing. “Didn’t know how to tell you.”
“You didn’t have a problem telling Ominis.” You spit the words out like venom, casting your gaze to the side.
You feel his hand gently cup your cheek and bring your gaze back to his face. “I was ashamed. Ashamed of how I treated you and everyone around me. I could apologize to Ominis, but even after speaking with everyone at the care facility, I just feel like I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I used you, hurt you, hell, I tortured you to get what I wanted. It just didn’t feel right for me to speak to you until I was better.”
You watch him, eyes wide as he speaks. Every word feels like a dagger to your heart, breaking the wall that had been built between the two of you over the past year. “So, you’re better?”
He looks away, obviously thinking something over before looking back down at you. “I’m getting there. It’ll always be something I have to work towards, but it gets easier when I have something to look forward to.”
“What were you looking forward to when you were gone?” It’s a selfish question, but you want to hear the answer anyway.
He lets out an amused chuckle and leans down, hesitating for a moment, but when you don’t pull away he presses his lips to yours in a gentle kiss. It ignites something inside of you once again, some drive, some force and the emptiness that had been plaguing you for months subsides, if only for a moment. “That.”
It brings a dizzying smile to your face, that one simple word. “Me too, I’ve been looking forward to that as well.”
He smiles again, rubbing the back of his neck. “I have a lot to make up for. But I’m hoping you’ll let me, and maybe forgive me for the mess I made.”
You drop your head against his chest, momentarily surprised at the height difference that has appeared in the past year. “You have all of the time in the world Sebastian.”
And you mean it.