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An arrow slipped past the leading horse’s head, just barely nicking its ear before embedding itself next to the driver’s head. To the side of the carriage, a flung axe embedded itself straight in the axle, then went flying loose along with the front wheel. A dark-shrouded figure leaped down from the trees above with a soft grunt just as the driver pulled back on the reins in fear, barely stopping the nervous horses in place.
“Hello there, good sir,” the cloaked figure greeted the terrified driver. “Your boss wouldn’t happen to be in this carriage, would he?”
“Um,” the driver gulped, eyes flicking around in the twilight, trying to see where the others might be. “Well, she’s- no, no of course she isn’t here. Why, I’m just- I’m going to pick her up right now, you see!”
“Are you sure?” asked a female voice from the shadows, and a red-cloaked woman emerged from the twilit forest with a dog at her side. She knelt down to pick up the axe, then dropped it again as the head fell off the cracked handle.
“We just got that axe…” the cloaked man muttered glumly, “what the heck, Pearl…”
“Are you sure?” the woman, Pearl, tried to regain her aura of intimidation. “Because, unlike Martyn, I can see the fine countess right there.” She pointed through the open windows into the carriage, where a silhouette could be seen even in the dim lighting.
“I’m a duchess, actually,” an unimpressed voice came from inside. The door opened, revealing a grey-skinned gorgon with curls of amber snakes, wearing a gorgeous dark blue dress. “Why did you say that?” she chided the driver, who wilted at the complaint, “they could obviously see me. Why would they attack an empty carriage?”
Martyn coughed and Pearl whistled innocently.
“What do you people want, anyway?” the duchess asked them, tired eyes betraying boredom and frustration. “I don’t-”
“We want yer gold!”
A third man appeared, putting on an accent so poor one almost hoped it was fake, just to spare him the embarrassment of permanently going through life with such diction. His bright clothes and perky, canine ears were at odds with the air of the other two.
“As I was saying, I don’t have any gold.”
The new man’s shoulders fell. “What?” he asked, dropping the accent for a much more normal one. “Seriously, dude? Why does no one have any gold?”
“Because the currency is diamonds!” Martyn covered his mouth and choked a yell. “No one uses gold for currency!”
“Then why do bandits always ask for gold in books?” the man countered.
Pearl shrugged, leaning down to pet her dog. “He’s got a point,” she pointed out. “I’ve never read a book where bandits ask for diamonds.”
“Because-” Martyn took a breath in, and out. “Look. Right, lady-”
“Duchess.”
“Duchess, right. Do you have diamonds?”
She looked them over. “I’ve got one,” she admitted.
“Why would you tell them that?!” her driver seemed scandalised.
She scoffed. “What do I need a single diamond for? They can have it.”
The bandits looked between each other.
“We can?” Martyn asked.
“Really?” Pearl added.
The third guy’s tail was wagging. “We can?!”
“Here.” The duchess pulled a blue gem from her robe and handed it over to Pearl, who stood closest. The woman held it in her hand, looking at it as if it was something unbelievable.
“Thanks dude!” the dog-man said as he and Martyn cleared the road for the carriage to continue.
“You should be grateful!” the driver warned them in a shrill tone.
The duchess, as she stepped back in, merely sighed. “Just don’t stop me again, okay?”
“We’ll try!” Pearl promised.
As the carriage disappeared into the twilight, the three bandits looked at their treasure.
“My god,” Martyn said, “I can’t believe that worked! Ren, that was genius!”
“We’re rich!” Ren crowed. “Look, dudes, a whole diamond! I’ve never even held one before!”
Pearl giggled. “Now we only need one more to get a hoe!”
The two men looked at her. “What?” Martyn asked.
“A hoe!” she happily explained. “A diamond hoe! Isn’t that what we wanted this for?”
“No! We wanted- Martyn, dude, what did we want this for?”
Martyn blinked. “You know, I don’t quite remember.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t a hoe?” Pearl asked intensely.
“No, definitely not.”
The expression on her face turned dubious. “Well, then, I’m out.” She began walking away, her dog following. “I wanted a hoe out of this, not…”
The two men watched in bafflement as she disappeared into the gloom.
Then, ten seconds later, they came running after her.
“Wait! Our diamond!”