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It was a few days after the attack when my family and I returned back to Metkayina. Spider came along with us for the first visit. I wanted to keep him there, but of course Norm and Max came to take him back with the other humans. And although they left with promises to make frequent trips back to us, my heart was heavy.
We knew the Aliens from Earth would be back to hunt us. Maybe not now, but soon. And the Metkayina along with Father were in talks to prepare for war.
My heart was heavy because I just lost my brother. And without Spider around, I turned to Tuk and Mother mostly. But it turned out Tuk and I were more so the support for Mother. She, Father, and Lo’ak felt Neteyam’s death the hardest out of all of us for they each took the blame for his life being lost.
Father spent all his time preparing the Metkeyina for war with the Aliens in order to cope. And Mother…
Well, Mother spent her time in our hut…lost to her grief.
Lo’ak isolated himself off from the rest of us. Spending most of his time in the water with either Reya or his newly bonded brother Payakan.
However, I too, somehow found solace there as well. Off by myself at night where I could connect with Eywa. I felt it was my duty to speak to Her and do my part to help for the impending battle that was sure to come back to our shores.
But days passed. And then months. And…
Nothing.
No sign of the Aliens.
But also…
No sign or our humans. Not even when Father would put in a call.
And that meant…
No word from Spider.
My heart and mind rambled with what that could mean. Had the Aliens, in malice, found our humans and hurt them.
Father and the Tonowari, the chief of the Metkayina, sumised that the Aliens were trying to get Father to come to them. But Ronal, the psychic and priestess of the Metkeyina opined that the Aliens were hoping to throw him off by waiting later to attack. That maybe they would leave us alone to a point where we felt safe…and attack later. Cruel.
And as more months passed and then years…
Her prophecy was starting to seem true. Although we continued on with our lives, the dark thought of the Aliens returning was always on the precipe.
And the encounter with the Aliens in my lifetime were everywhere. Not that I would ever forget.
Spider.
My brother.
My entire life changed.
At first Father once again thought it best for us to pack up and leave, but with Mother’s condition he decided against it. The only time she would talk or move or eat was to gather strength to visit Neteyam at the Metkayina’s Cave of Ancestors.
Lo’ak immersed himself with the Metkayina. Which was easy for him to do since he had bonded with a Tulkun. He became one of the hunters and warriors and initiated easy to the clan.
Tuk caught on quickly to the ways of water being a child and soon it was no longer strange that she was once a forest person. The kids her age began to accept her as one of them.
And by the second year of us living among the Metkeyina, I too felt as if I were part of the people. The only reminder of my past clan being the thought of Grandmother and of course my memories with the people, mt family, and Spider.
But I loved the water and all that Eywa taught me while I was out there.
And even though I felt comfortable with the Metkeyina…it was suprising, however when Ronal took an interest in me.
Father thought it wise that I go under her leadership, since he suspected that would have also been my plight had we stayed with our clan. And Ronal trained me, her daughter, and several other Metkayina girls in the way of the psychics and connecting to Eywa.
Being under Ronal’s tutelage was at first frustrating because she was hard on us to learn the ways of what is seen but not spoken. Her teaching and training was direct and often times cold. We bumped heads a lot. But one thing I couldn’t deny her was that she was connected to Eywa. And one thing she couldn’t deny about me, is that I was connected to Her too. More so than all the other girls under her wing. Including her own daughter.
And it was that fact….which brought us close together and formed a bond so strong that in many ways Ronal took the place of my own mother that I lost before I was born and the mother I lost to her sadness when the Aliens came back.
By my fourth year among the Metkayina, I had settled into somewhat of a normal life. I had accepted that I would never see Spider again much in the way I had when we left Grandmother and our people. And I also accepted the real doom that one day…the Aliens would return.
I matured and myself was intiated into the Metkayina clan.
And after that day I noticed that Aonung, who was the Chief and Ronal’s son and being poised to take over his father’s role one day, had a new found idea of me.
At first it started off small. After the Aliens he and his friends had a new found wariness of me. Where once when Neteyam was alive they would bully me, they now moved out of the way as if I was a dangerous creature. And I suppose so given how I realized I could connect to not just our spirit beings, but also Eywa’s other beings as well. A gift that I had eventually shared with Ronal, and who encouraged me to nurture it.
But after I matured, Aonung began to look at me in a more respectful way. I noticed it when I was walking to the shore and he and some of the other hunters were coming back. My brother was not among them.
Usually the others veer off in fear. Adverting eyes or not even really paying me any attention, acting as if I don’t exist. But Aonung gestured in a sign of respect to me. A first in the entire time I’ve known him. I was so taken aback because I was sure it was in mockery. It took me back with pain to when my brother was alive and my interactions with him were filled with nothing but him and his friends making fun of me for not only being a outsider half breed but also a so called “freak”.
A few of the other hunters caught that he was acting out of character, too and pointed it out in gestures to one another. They all watched as I walked by, waiting to see what my response would be to Aonung greeting me for the first time when he and the rest of them usually just ignore me.
I rolled my eyes.
I don’t care that it was four years ago or ten. Aonung to me is nothing but a bully, and one of my fondest memories of Neteyam will always be when he and Lo’ak beat him up for bullying me.
The other hunters laughed when I did that. And I proceeded to head into the water.
I knew Aonung and I would most likely have more interactions due to Lo’ak and his sister, Reya’s blossoming romance. It was no surprise to any of us that they would eventually mate for life. It was just the when. And soon, Ronal and I would really be family.
But why he would think I would forgive him for how he treated me back then, or that I forgot when he never gave a apology was aggravating to me.
But then every time I would see him, he would greet me. Even after that day when I rolled my eyes at him. It got annoying because I would have no choice but to give a nod.
I didn’t realize what was really going until Tuk, twelve and forming her own observations about the innerworkings of what goes on between opposite sexes, pointed it out to me.
“Aonung likes you,” She giggled once when he had exchanged yet ANOTHER forced greeting.
It nearly rocked me off my feet.
“There is no way,” I stressed to her.
But there was no other explanation other than that, so I had to reasses my statement.
Did Aonung like me?
That’s when I realized Ronal had been inviting me over to eat with her more often. And at first I thought it was because of Lo’ak and Reya. They had finally mated and our families were finally joined as one.
But after Tuk’s assessment of the situation I realized that every time Ronal invited me, Aonung was always there. And what’s worse he would be staring at me during the entire meal. I’d always look and find his eyes on me.
I didn’t know what to do with this new found attention.
Especially since I’d never thought about Aonung in that way or any male at all…
Well.
Maybe not any.
I realized that I loved Spider in a way that could be preceived as romantic when I would see Father snuggle close to Mom to comfort her in her anguish and wish that I had Spider there to do the same for me.
It was hard maturing and realizing that the only male I ever loved in a way that would be close to Father and Mother’s love was gone forever. And that I would never know what became of him let alone be able to express it to him.
I asked Eywa many times that Spider be somewhere safe. And I could only sumrise since he had not broken free of the Aliens and came back for us…for me…that he have been sent back to his planet.
But I still couldn’t help but fantasize of a day where he would come back.
It broke my heart most times. And it was the only time I ever thought of romance.
Other than that, the Metkayina males did not interest me. And for their part, I did not seem to interest them either. Except for…well, now…Aonung.
Towards the end of my eighteenth year, there was no denying Tuk’s observantion.
Aonung made it very clear to me that I was the object of his desire. The one he wanted to mate with for life.
And the way it happened was quite unsettling.
I was alone by the water one evening when I could feel someone’s presence staring at me. I looked up and sure enough it was Aonung, watching me. It reminded me of that day long ago when my Neteyam told him to respect me.
“What do you want?” I asked as I stood up hurriedly. Rolling my eyes.
I was getting annoyed by his attention.
“To spend time with you,” He stated.
I laughed incredously.
“That’ll never happen,” I said as I walked past him across the sand.
“Why?” He asked as he followed behind me.
“Because, I don’t like you. You’re a ignorant bully,” I stated.
“Just spend time with me,” He kept at it though.
“No,” I said.
Then he stepped in front of me and stared me down.
“I’m not just a bully,” He said, “I can show you that”
There was something deep in his eyes. And for a second I almost believed him until I remembered how he treated me up until this point.
I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.
“Go bother some other Metkayina female. One who’s not some kind of freak, remember?” I decided to put it simply.
But instead he just smirked.
“You remember that, huh?” He asked.
I rolled my eyes again.
“How could I forget. You were always bullying us. You were always bullying me. And now all of a sudden you won’t leave me alone,” I said with a sigh.
His eyes got serious and he said, “Look, I was a jerk to you. I apologize. After everything that happened…getting to know your brother Lo’ak and now he’s joined with my sister…I wish I could take all of that back. But I made a promise to myself…to do the one thing your brother Neteyam ever asked of me…to respect his sister. And I plan on honoring it”
I couldn’t help but get a little sad when he mentioned that about my big brother.
“Maybe you’re not a ignorant bully anymore,” I said aloud as I looked at him without rolling my eyes for once, “Maybe…you’ve grown”
I didn’t want to believe it.
Aonung smiled and then tried to take my hand.
Which I immediately pulled away from him and huffed.
“No! I take it back! You’re still stupid!” I said as I rolled my eyes and kept walking down the beach.
And he kept following me.
And every day after that. To a point where I just got used to him being around.
One thing about Aonung is that although he is a ignorant bully and a persistant stalker and harrasser, he is also very quiet and observant.
When he wasn’t hunting he would come find me and then just proceed to sit and watch me as I connected to Eywa or the water after my teachings with Ronal.
I got into a routine.
I would tell him off. Roll my eyes. And then call him a skxang. After that I’d just do what I would normally do and then occasionally roll my eyes at him when I would see him still there watching me.
But he was so quiet that I honestly it didn’t really make a difference if he was there or not. And the weird thing is he was somewhat thoughtful. He would obviously leave sometimes when I got really lost in connecting with Eywa and when I would come out of the water, he’d be waiting for me with food.
I eventually got used to it.
Ronal seemed exceptionally pleased whenever she would find Aonung and me together.
I felt she sincerely wanted me to give her son a thought as a mate. And after I got pass the annoyance, I realized it was actually quite warming to know she saw me in the same way I saw her. And that she hoped one day I would be her actual daughter.
A particular night I’ll never forget happened when I stayed out in the water for a long time. For so long I thought for sure Aonung would not be there when I finished cleansing my soul. It was one of those days where I was particularly feeling the heartbreak of all that had happened almost five years ago. And the only way to feel better was to release my tears and let them sink into the water with Eywa.
When I came out, still crying, though Aonung was still there on the beach watching me and waiting with food.
I was suprised and a little embarassed, but I sat beside him silently like I usually did and ate what he brought me.
He normally did not speak to me. Instead he would just sit and watch me. As if he knew speaking would make my distaste for him grow stronger whereas he was doing his best to difuse that.
But that night he spoke.
“Your brother can feel your tears, the water is him wiping them away,” He said.
As if he knew that I was crying because I missed Neteyam.
But Aonung sentiment only made me start sobbing more midchew. And somehow I let him pull me into his arms where I cried in his chest.
It felt good to sit there on the beach under the moonlight, near the water, and with Eywa watching and cry. And that’s when I realized how sturdy Aonung’s chest felt and how safe I felt in his arms.
I hadn’t been held by Father in a long time. And I had a flash of this must be however how Mother feels when Father holds her at night when she cries.
And that’s when I realized I was starting to see Aonung in a different light.
I began to feel an attraction for him after that night.
It was small, but pestering. It kept me up all hours of the night. When I would close my eyes, I couldn’t go to sleep unless I thought of his face and his strong arms and chest.
And in the day during my teachings, I would find myself wanting to hurry to go to the beach so I could see Aonung finished from hunting and waiting for me to watch me as I stayed in the water.
Aonung knew I was forming a crush on him. And he silently took it as a opportunity to be more bold in his desire for me.
He’d join me in the water sometimes. And at first I tried to act as if I did not want him there. But over time I couldn’t deny that I liked his presence being closer.
When we’d sit on the beach to eat, he’d sit in a way that was easy for me to lean into him.
And I began to form the first feelings of love.
Our first kiss was on a night much similar to the first time I realized my heart was opening. He leaned in and I didn’t pull back.
From then on I felt that I was no longer alone in the world. With Father being more focused on Mother, Tuk now in her 13th year and focused on her own life separate from her older sister with her own friends, Lo’ak busy enjoying his mate in Reya, Grandmother possibly passed on and left behind in our old home, Neteyam amongst the ancestors, and of course…Spider gone forever…
I had begun to feel as if Eywa was my only connection. My only connection to my mother, who’s avatar I could no longer speak with. And my only connection to anyone who truly cared and thought of the entirety of me.
It was selfish.
Yes, I know.
But it felt good to have my own person.
Father was furious when he found out that I was bonding with Aonung, though.
He noticed it one day while seeing us in the water.
I suppose it shocked him.
With Lo’ak, it was easy. He is a male.
But with me…
He didn’t even realize that I had matured.
After a few talks, however, he accepted that I was experiencing romance and love. And with Aonung, the chief’s son of all the Metkayina males.
Ronal was extremely happy. She didn’t say it out loud, but I knew from the way she looked at me and especially Aonung and I together that she was grateful to Eywa that her secret wish had come true.
Tonowari, Lo’ak, Reya, and Tuk all accepted Aonung’s and I’s relationship with ease and I think Reya was also very thrilled at the possibility of our families uniting even further.
My mother was still too out of it to even really be of much of a say in the matter. It was if all her other children died when my brother left. The only child that existed to her was Neteyam now. And keeping his memory alive in her heart was her life’s purpose now.
For a while though, I felt as if I was moving on.
Moving on from the loss of my clan.
The loss of my brother.
The loss of Spider and the other humans.
The grief.
…
The Aliens.
But then one day, there was a plane.
We all panicked.
The war was finally here.
But when the plane landed we were all shocked to realize that these were no enemies.
These were friends.
And among them…
Spider.