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“Smile!”
Wei Ying’s eyes widened, startled, as he turned to face Mianmian. The click of the camera in Mianmian’s hands sounded and the burst of flash blinded Wei Ying momentarily, causing him to blink away the stars crowding his vision. Once able to see clearly, he opened his mouth to ask Mianmian what the sudden picture was for, but she was already long gone, making her way through the crowd of high school seniors.
Today was senior sundown, and the graduating class of Cloud Recess Academy had decided to gather by the lake, having a chill party while watching the sun go down together. Wei Ying preferred this immensely to Senior Sunrise in which they got up early to watch the sun go up together; that had been a horrible day for Wei Ying, as he tended to sleep late often. Sleeping late and getting up early just didn’t mix well in his opinion.
Wei Ying stared after Mianmian, watching as she approached other students for a picture as well, and figured she was probably getting photos for the yearbook. He contemplated asking whether she could take a better picture of him, you know… one where he didn’t look like a deer caught in headlights, but decided it wasn’t worth it. What were the chances that his picture would end up in the yearbook? He turned back around and joined the conversation with his friends, laughing at something Nie Huaisang had done, completely putting that picture out of his mind.
-8 months later-
Lan Zhan stared at the picture in his trembling hand, his grip tight as if afraid to lose this too. Today was graduation day, and in less than an hour, Lan Zhan would be walking across the stage, accepting his diploma, and officially graduating high school. It felt surreal. Especially considering….
Wei Ying had disappeared 5 months prior. Though, no one was sure whether the word “disappeared” was the most accurate. Most people were only aware of the fact that he was here one day, and gone the next. Sure, there were rumors floating around, but those ranged wildly. Some said he was kicked out of the Jiang’s house after doing some illegal activity no one wished to disclose, and others said he ran away to be with a girl he impregnated. Others yet, were under the assumption that after years of abuse under the Jiang’s, the boy had committed suicide, and the Jiang’s had simply covered it up, not wanting their reputations stained. Each rumor seemed more outlandish than the previous, and Lan Zhan refused to believe any of them.
While Lan Zhan couldn’t say he knew Wei Ying as well as others, like Nie Huaisang, Lan Zhan thought he knew enough. He had had a massive crush on the guy for the last 4 years after all, always watching after Wei Ying and pining from a distance. It was difficult to imagine Wei Ying in any of the scenarios rumored about.
Not to mention, the Jiang siblings both stayed tight-lipped, refusing to neither deny nor confirm the rumors. The most they’d get was a flash of anger from Jiang Wanyin or a teary eyed Jiang Yanli.
Ever since Wei Ying’s disappearance Lan Zhan had felt… empty. And regretful. So… regretful. There was so much to regret, so much to look back on and wonder “what if''.
What if Lan Zhan had been kinder? What if Lan Zhan had worked harder to be a friend. What if Lan Zhan had spoken the truth, and told Wei Ying the only reason he kept his distance was because he was in love with him? What if… there were so many what ifs…
Lan Zhan breathed in deeply, not bothering to ask Mianmian why it was she gave him this never-before-seen picture of Wei Ying. It must have been obvious to her, the way Lan Zhan felt for him. Lan Zhan had already been pretty introverted, but after Wei Ying disappeared he completely closed off, the air around him no longer cold but… blue. As if in mourning over the loss of a loved one. Lan Zhan finally took his eyes off the picture, raising them to meet Mianmian who looked sympathetic.
“I figured you’d like to have this small piece of him. I’m sorry.”
Lan Zhan felt choked up, a sting in his eyes, and he blinked away the rush of tears before clearing his throat and responding. “Thank you. If you’ll excuse me…”
Mianmian nodded hastily, beckoning him to leave, and Lan Zhan turned, heading straight towards the bathrooms.
The bathrooms seemed relatively vacant, with only two other people present, and Lan Zhan quickly made his way towards a stall, closing himself in before daring another glance at the photo. It was a picture of Wei Ying, wide eyed in clear surprise. The sky appeared dark in the photo, and if Lan Zhan remembered correctly, the outfit he wore was the same one he wore on senior sundown day. Wei Ying’s cheeks were blushed, a clear sign of the cooling weather, and his hair was whipped across the air, as if he had turned really fast to face the person taking the photo, his red ribbon contrasting brightly against his thick black hair. Wei Ying looked beautiful, even with the startled smile that graced his lips. This picture… only Lan Zhan and Mianmian have seen it. It was private. This picture was Wei Ying in his natural habitat, with his friends seen in the background. He looked radiant. He looked… alive. Lan Zhan startled as he noticed a tear fall onto the picture, and quickly rubbed at his eyes before gently wiping the picture dry, not wanting to ruin one of the last things he had of Wei Ying. Lan Zhan unbuttoned his shirt a bit, slipping the photo in, feeling it press against his skin. He wanted Wei Ying close in any way possible. This way, Lan Zhan could pretend he was walking across the stage with Wei Ying; he could pretend Wei Ying was graduating too, the way he deserved to. If Wei Ying had been here, he would have graduated top of the class, and yet the school hadn’t even deemed it necessary to leave a vacant chair in honor of the missing boy, allowing him to be there in spirit.
The school had acted completely indifferent to the missing student, going as far as to ask the yearbook staff to not include any pictures of him if possible in order to “not make the students sad” whenever they looked at their yearbook. It had angered those close to Wei Ying, but no matter how much they rallied, nothing changed. Not to mention, Jiang Wanyin refused to be part of the angry crowd, telling them all to drop it and leave him alone.
Lan Zhan was startled out of his thoughts as he heard sniffling a few stalls over. He tried to stay still and quiet, not wanting the other person to feel embarrassed over their emotions. But then… the person spoke.
“Wei Ying… won’t you come back?” It was Nie Huaisang, and he sounded beyond upset. Nie Huaisang had arguably been Wei Ying’s best friend. He must have been going through a lot too, missing his best friend.
“We all miss you so much..” Huaisang sniffled. Lan Zhan tried to not listen in on his grieving but it felt a bit… odd. It sounded almost like a conversation. There were pauses in between each sentiment, which could be due to Huaisang gathering his breath. But it could also be due to listening to someone’s response on the other line… No. Lan Zhan was sure he was losing it. There’s no way Huaisang had a way to communicate with Wei Ying and hadn’t shared this. “Wei Ying… please…”
“Okay okay! I’ll stop crying but just come back!” Lan Zhan stood up abruptly and opened his stall. That didn’t sound like someone simply grieving. The stall two doors down went quiet. Lan Zhan approached it, knocking, “Are you okay?”
“Lan Zhan?” Nie Huaisang whispered, voice still choked up.
“Mm.” Lan Zhan contemplated how to address this. Should he pretend nothing was amiss? Or ask Huaisang whether he was actively having a conversation with Wei Ying right now? What if knowing that someone else knew of the conversation between himself and Huaisang scared Wei Ying away?
Lan Zhan cleared his throat. “We all miss Wei Ying, and wish he was here right now. I’m sure-” Lan Zhan’s voice cracked, he allowed himself the moment to calm down before continuing, “I’m sure Wei Ying would not want us to be upset on such a congratulatory day.”
He turned to leave, but he couldn’t help himself. “Wherever he is… I hope he is well. Happy. And is aware he is loved.”
Lan Zhan walked away from the stall door, towards the sinks, and washed his hands. His reflection looked back at him from the mirror, eyes slightly red, face slightly blotchy, but overall okay. The coloring should go down in a bit, and if not, he was sure it could be excused away from the notion that he was graduating. He left the bathroom without looking back, wanting to give Huaisang the privacy to end his conversation. Of course.. there was no confirmation that it actually was a conversation, but the feeling in Lan Zhan’s gut assured him it was.
The rest of the day felt surprisingly uneventful considering it was a graduation. He walked across the stage, graduated, and went out to eat dinner with his family. They celebrated a bit by ordering dessert and then went home to play some music together and drink tea. Wherever he was, Lan Zhan hoped Wei Ying had had a good day.