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Lumine is wide awake - not because she wants to be but because she can't sleep. No matter how much she tosses and turns and forces herself to focus on the crackle and popping of the fire or Paimon's soft breathing and the warmth her little body gives off as the little fairy clings to her, she just cannot convince her mind to rest for even a few minutes. Ever since she'd journeyed into Inazuma all those months ago, sleep had become harder and harder to come by - if it wasn't a raging thunderstorm keeping her awake, it was nightmares. Sumeru was even worse, where she'd find herself worried that she'd wake to find herself in another Samsara and her anxieties were made even worse by the presence of the former Scaramouche . However, Lumine would never admit, even under torture, she still has nightmares about their fights - sometimes his face would blend into Ei's face, who would blend into Osial. So, she'd adjusted to running on little sleep and her mind being a little foggy.
Her temper is shorter.
It's worse now because he's traveling with her, at the request of Nahida herself, and she can't help but be on edge. Even if he's proven time and again that he won't hurt her or anyone else (whether it's because he's lacking in power, stalling for time, or he genuinely doesn't want to), she has to regard him with suspicion and distrust. Letting her guard down could mean certain death for everyone, and Wanderer is no different - he's fierce in power, before and after.
"If you can't sleep, stop tossing and turning and actually get up," He's annoyed and Lumine opens her eyes, finally giving into the insomnia that plagues her. She sits up to find his back turned towards her and head craned towards the sky, staring at the full moon that brightens the sky some. "Seriously, it does no good trying to force something that won't come."
She gentle untangles Paimon from her body, pulling the thin blanket over her and moves to sit next to the Wanderer. She wonders if she should say anything, knowing full well he hates forced conversations but sitting here, in some uncomfortable silence, doesn't really sit well with her. She'd rather talk about something , to reassure the prickly anxiety that he won't kill them in their sleep. She supposes he'd have done so a few days ago, when they first embarked in this little quest for the Dendro Archon.
"You're on edge." Wanderer finally points out, not even looking at her.
"Can you blame me?" Lumine is quick to answer with a frown. "Even you made a remark about that-"
"Well, it's good to know you have self preservation skills," the Wanderer answers after a long pause. "I suppose I cannot earn the trust of everyone so quickly."
"Do you even want my trust?"
"Well, I'm not dying without it," Wanderer responds, dryly. "But I would like for you to stop staring daggers at me for every little thing I do."
Lumine closes her eyes for a moment, drawing in a deep breath. Neither of them want to be here but both of them respect Nahida too much to turn down whatever request she has - and she can use all the help she can get. While she's staying in Sumeru, Lumine wants to help as much and as often as possible but this means that she has to work alongside the Wanderer. While there is such a distinction between his present day and the time as the Balladeer, she can't help but feel that wariness, the distrust, the fear.
"I'm sorry," Lumine tries and winces. "No, that's a lie. I can't apologize for something I can't be sorry for . You've proven yourself to Lesser Lord Kusanali, so-"
"At least you're honest." He mumbles looking down at his lap. "Hey, why are you still journeying? I get you want answers and your brother back, but doesn't it seem so useless now? Everything is stacked against you, and you're fixing everyone else's problems but yours remains untouched." Lumine frowns. This change of subject is odd - but whatever, if it keeps the animosity lower, she will take whatever she can get. They can finish this mission in peace, he can go back to skulking in the shadows and she can go and visit her friends back in Mondstadt like she'd been planning. "Don't you feel angry? At all?"
Now that's a loaded question she doesn't know how to answer because she feels a lot of things about everything that's been going on - but is there a point to opening up to someone she still regards as possibly bad? But Wanderer has an appreciation for people who are honest with themselves and him, she knows this - he seems to work better with Nahida, even to the point he's less...like his former self and more - she isn't sure. He glows when she praises him, and apologizes when she scolds him. There are no secrets, and he thrives on it and that, Lumine knows, is from his days as a Harbinger. All smoke and mirrors and lies and insults. It's hard to unlearn those things, especially living it for hundreds of years - only for betrayal to come swift and painfully. She'd felt sorry for him, nothing akin to pity but a deep sorrow that ate at her a little bit, despite everything.
Maybe just this once -
"Sometimes," Lumine finally answers and he peeks at her. "Sometimes, I consider throwing in the towel and giving up and other times, when I'm told I can't be helped, I think about crying or yelling or...something."
" Something ." Wanderer repeats, unable to help himself. "What's that something ?"
"I don't know," She answers, honestly. "I'm honestly afraid to find out. And I don't have the luxury to. All I want is to get Aether back, find out what the hell happened, and for both of us to leave ." She knows how that sounds - selfish, self centered, awful. But it's the truth - Lumine just wants to bolt out of Teyvat the first chance she gets and never look back. It isn't that she hates the people, it's that...she's tired. Every day, living on edge like she is. "We didn't want to be here in the first place - we were trapped here by some Unknown God and now, look."
"Everything is on fire and for some reason, you've been trying to put it out but it keeps on burning." He observes, it’s corny to say but at least it’s honest.
"Would help if the Fatui stopped messing around in everything."
Wanderer snorts at that. "There's joy in messing everything up - it started off as nothing personal against you , you know."
"I am aware."
A heavy silence falls between them and she studies him from the side. His expression has softened a little bit, but he keeps his eyes trained on the moon.
"So -" Lumine hesitates. "A mora for your thoughts? Since apparently we should just share personal things now."
"You already know everything about me."
"No, I don't."
"You know enough," Wanderer says, quietly. "At this point, it's unfair you know more about me than I know about you ." He finally looks at her now - feeling as if he was peering right into her very soul. "It's an advantage you have over me ."
"'s that why you agreed to come on this little expedition then?"
"Partly," he admits. "The other is because-" He catches himself and draws in a breath, shaking his head as if to clear whatever thought was at the forefront of his mind. "You should try to get some sleep, I don't want you holding me back tomorrow because you got little sleep."
"See, now wanting to know what you were going to say is gonna keep me awake," Lumine lightly jokes. "'s okay, Wanderer, you can tell me what's on your mind."
He eyes her, frowning deeply. "Don't worry about it, it's stupid and nothing you should concern yourself over."
Lumine wrinkles her nose - even though the Wanderer claims that he's honest with himself and everyone now, he certainly still avoids a lot of topics, especially regarding his own feelings about things. It's hard to undo the idea that he's just a utility to be used and not his own being with his own thoughts and his own feelings. Lumine moves closer to him, and she feels him tense up. Maybe letting her guard down around him is a stupid idea, maybe wanting to trust him a little bit more is crazy, and even traveling with him might be downright suicidal but she's always willing to give people another shot eventually.
"I'm not actually all that tired," Lumine admits. "Let's just sit here, in silence, together for a little bit?"
Wanderer lets out a heavy sigh. "If you must."
She stretches out a little, leaning back on her elbows. She must.