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Yelena couldn’t take her mind off of the conversation she had with Kate. She kept going back to the memory as if it was going to change anything, as if it was going to change her and who she was. Her gaze focused now on the bag laying next to her, she and Natasha were leaving for awhile to check on Melina and Alexei and to make sure the gas they passed on was recreated by their… “mama”. Yelena took a deep breath in as she grabbed her bag and finally got up. Kate was wandering around the room before her roommate walked into the room.
“Hey… I couldn’t sleep, did I wake you up?”
“No, no. Um… I’m going away for awhile, with Natasha.” Yelena twisted the rings on her fingers nervously. She and Kate had no chance to really talk after Natasha’s and Maria’s party. “It’s some unfinished business, it’s not like I’m leaving because—“
“It’s okay! Whatever reason you’re leaving for, you don’t need to explain yourself to me. I understand either way.” Kate blurted the words out as if she practised that line for hours.
The silence grew to be more uncomfortable with every second as the two stared at each other. A loud knock on the door made Yelena’s head turn quickly — it was Natasha. Yelena softened her grip on the bad and opened the door.
“You ready?” Natasha leaned against the doorframe and gave out a short nod towards Kate in a way of saying “hello”.
“Yeah, let’s go.” Yelena walked out right behind her sister and closed the door behind herself.
——
The car ride was quiet, Yelena was either listening to music or asleep, but always deep in her thoughts. Natasha wasn’t bothering her, the two haven’t really discussed what happened at the redhead’s apartment and she was not going to push… she was gonna push…just a little.
“So you and Kate?” Natasha flickered her gaze from the road to Yelena and back at the traffic in front of her. “Are you guys like…”
“What?! No, ew.” Yelena scoffed at the words, realisation flashed over her. Natasha doesn’t know, yet. Yelena looked at her companion who went awfully quiet after Yelena’s tone when she spoke.
“I like Kate, she’s okay. But not… like that.”
“Oh. Sorry… I just— After what happened, I thought…”
“Well don’t. We’re just friends going through a hard time right now.”
Natasha let out a hum of understanding as the two went quiet again, the radio was silently playing, not that they payed attention to it honestly.
Soon after a turn into a small empty road the two were, Melina’s new house, where Alexei lived too… for some reason. Yelena didn’t quite understand that, Melina and Alexei were definitely attracted to each other, not necessarily in love. But the two shared a tine house at the South of Russia. By the time the two got there, it was late evening. The house light’s were still on so the two stood in front of the door after Natasha knocked. Yelena felt little, she was standing behind Natasha as if she was going to protect her. Not that Natasha knew about her plans, but Yelena trusted Natasha, after all she has many friends who aren’t “normal”. Yelena bit her lip as she shifted the weight of her body from one leg to the other, catching her sister’s attention.
“What’s wrong?” Natasha frowned her brows as she looked at the girl standing behind her, who was clearly nervous.
Yelena never got the chance to tell her, because the door was opened by Melina.
“Come on in, come on in!” She said looking around - a habit that stayed with her.
The door closed as Yelena and Natasha ended up in the dining room where Alexei was already seated. “Ooo, I thought you weren’t going to show up!” He got up, with food still in his mouth as he hugged the two and sat back down.
“I’m pretty sure Melina has a shower, you can use it, you know?” Natasha sat down and Yelena sat in front of her. Just like that time they took down the Red Room.
Soon Melina sat at the table after closing the doors and making sure the two widows were not followed.
“Well, it’s lovely to see you, girls.” She smiled as she started to fill her plate up with food.
Yelena didn’t listen to the conversation, Alexei was most likely, as usual, talking about himself and flirting with Melina. What got her attention is her name and Kate’s.
“What?” Yelena looked around the three.
“It’s not a shame to admit you like girls, you like who you like.” Alexei made her feel better. She can like anyone, so she can like no one too, right?
“Well about that… I—“ Yelena took a deep breath as her gaze flickered between the floor and Natasha. “I am aromantic and asexual.”
Silence filled the room as she shifted on her chair. There was a clock on the wall, it filled up the silence, Natasha was getting ready to speak before that however, she was interrupted by Alexei.
“Oh, that ideology really got into your head.” His hand tapped the side of his head as she spoke and then he stared eating and speaking in between each bite.
“That is not a thing. Everyone wants love and has to love! That’s just the way it is.”
Yelena’s stared blankly at Alexei, the man she once called dad, now stabbed her in the back and kept twisting the knife with each word. She felt emptiness that slowly filled up with regret, rage and sadness.
“You just haven’t met the right person yet. It’s okay, you have time, you’ll get there.”
“Yeah yeah… You can fix it, you will be fixed, do not worry!”
Yelena listened as Alexei and Melina kept talking, she looked over at Natasha, but couldn’t quite read the woman because of the emotional mess she got herself into. The room went quiet for a second, Yelena took her chance.
“I— So you would prefer I was anything… I was a lesbian, but not me?”
“This is not you. We know you!”
Yelena scoffed as her hand brushed through her hair.
“Me… Well this is me, whether you like it or not. Whether you accept it or not. This is me. I am aromantic and asexual!”
“Yelena, it’s just a phase. You’ll grow out of it.”
In that moment she snapped, she let a sharp breath out and stood up falling over the chair she was seated on. “Fuck you!” Yelena yelled as she got out of the room and the house itself, she grabbed her bag on the way. She couldn’t stay there anymore, she couldn’t bare it, knowing how they felt and pretending it wasn’t true. Because it was true, it was the reality.
Who was going to accept her?