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all while whispering sweet nothings

Summary:

When Nakahara Chuuya lost his parents. He feels less and less human. But Dazai Osamu, the one whose humanity restored upon seeing the other, comforted him all through the night. Whispering everything loving.

Notes:

this is mostly bc i wanted to write teenage skk domestic fluff~
hope ya enjoyy

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The wind slowly brushed at his face through the open window his mother ordered him to open early in the morning. His expression unchanging as he knocks at Chuuya's door with his 'Dazai' knock softly and almost silently.

"...Chuuya, can I.. come in?" He experimentally asks through the mahogany colored door in front of him. Dazai wasn't one to ask for permission, always invading Chuuya's personal space and sticks his nose to other's business.

His train of thoughts took a stop as a muffled voice vibrated from the door, he almost couldn't hear it by how silent it was. Dazai opens the door, revealing a room slightly smaller than his but spacious enough for a 16 year old, 'still growing' boy. Walls painted a 'safe option' color, off-white, almost coffee like shade. The queen size bed at the right corner of the room, overseeing the big window next to it where sparks of colors appear through the light rain that was a storm not even hours ago. Two walls decorated with everything Chuuya, one covered with photocards and polaroids of them and his friends, he calls it 'Wall Sina', referencing Attack on Titan, a show he watched and loved when he was fourteen. The other wall with two framed paintings Chuuya and Dazai painted for Halloween, a lazily painted Slug and Mackerel in weird Halloween costumes.

And there he was, the one who always made the room more alive than it ever could, the one thag brought light to the room. Chuuya. Sitting on his bed, overlooking the window and staring expressionlessly to the once flowery and colorful scenery, replaced with drenched, withered leaves from too much rain that day. It seems the clouds are also crying today, but.. he can't.

Dazai hesitantly sits at the edge of the bed, not startling Chuuya. He points out to the wall full of photocards and polaroids and glances back at Chuuya,

"Ne, Chuuya, what's your favorite polaroid there?" he softly asks. Dazai may be a genius prodigy who calculates everything that crosses his presence but he does not know how to start a conversation with someone whose parents died not even a day ago. Dazai feels the ginger-haired head turned to him then to his 'Wall Sina'.

Chuuya weakly points out to the one polaroid where Dazai wore a bear suit the day of Chuuya's birthday to surprise him, a loud laugh coming out of Chuuya's lips as Dazai only pouted at him while holding the costume head to his chest. Dazai lightly grimaced at the picture. He was sweating too much in that costume!

A long, comfortable pause after.

The brunette took the initiative and sat next to Chuuya.

"Chuuya. Tell me, please." Dazai silently whispers as he brushed his fingers against Chuuya's hands. No, he isn't someone human enough to comfort someone. No, he isn't like Chuuya who spent countless nights with him to comfort him during Odasaku's death. No he isn't Chuuya who's humanity made him feel more alive than ever and still that makes him wonder. Why was Chuuya the one who had to lose his parents? His friends? Dazai was the one who spent his teenage years painting his skin blood red. Dazai was the one who chose to have no friends despite being lonelier than ever. So why?

He feels a pinky finger touching his, linking them together as Chuuya turned his head to face him, the dim light and colors from the outside refelecting to the back of his head.

"I....don't know what to feel.." he starts with. A light hum coming out from Dazai's lips as he stares at Chuuya's face. Enchanting him. He doesn't see any dried streaks of tears at the other's cheeks, or the puffiness from crying too much, or the red eyes from being constantly rubbed to stop flowing tears. No, not any of that.

"Why?"

"I... just feel empty. I don't feel sad. Or happy." he mutters as he turns to his back again to face the scenery outside rather than the other's face. Dazai stares at his back covered in a thick white shirt with eyes pitifully. He hates seeing Chuuya in that state, a state of confusion, a state of mental exhaustion, a state of being too stressed from everything in the world. But he hates more that he doesn't know what to do.

"Tell me, is it really so bad that I feel relief? That I don't have to..hid myself anymore to them? That...I don't need to fear that they're going to change me back. It's just that.. just that.." his voice falters, a crack in his sayings they both hear. Until he hears a loud plop of liquid dropping from his eyes.

Tears.

He really didn't mean to. He really didn't think he would cry right now. But Dazai only steps in closer as his slim and long arms snakes around his slim waist (he takes quick note of that, Chuuya's been eating less food than he normally does lately and it's worrying him and his mother). Dazai let his head rest at the crook of Chuuya's neck as he speaks.

"It's going to be okay, Chuuya. You're going to be okay." Dazai slowly whispers to the other's ears as he raised his hands to wipe the tears from Chuuya's cheeks.

"It's just that.. they didn't do anything wrong to me, Dazai, they didn't punch me or slam me around. They... never even took notice of me so why? Why can't I just be human enough to feel sad that my parents died.." a slight raise in his voice as he whisperly shouts all of the numbness he's feeling. He feels corrupted. He wants to put an end to it. He just wants to be a little more human than he is, so why can't the world let that be?

"Chuuya. They emotionally abused you. You can't ignore that, you know. Don't think about it all too much, it's okay to not feel that sad about their deaths. It's okay to feel relief knowing you don't have to hide yourself anymore, 'kay?" Dazai reassures him with whispers as he feels more tears running down the older's cheeks and gently wipes it. The Nakaharas, two people who had to marry each other, fell in love, made a child, wanted to travel across the world with the cost of having their child be thrown in a close friend's house. That close friend being Dazai's parents.

They were homophobic, and misogynistic, they hated about how Chuuya wanted long hair, says it's not manly, they hated when Chuuya accidentally kissed Dazai's cheek when they were seven, said they better not be those bloody homosexuals. Chuuya felt lost with having them as his parents. He lost himself. His identity. Because everything he fucking wanted, his parents didn't. Everything he said yes to, they said no to. And Dazai wanted to tie them up and torture them for a week then burn them alive after. But Chuuya always stopped him. Even after all of that, he wasn't mad at them, and just say that he can always sneak away from their eyes.

Chuuya loved seeing them so happy, after every travel, they rarely come home to Japan, once or twice a month if he's lucky. He started living with Dazai two years ago. When his parents realized they couldn't actually take care of him. They simply.... didn't care enough. Throw a few bucks for a good month then give money to Dazai's parents to take care of him. He was a neglected child born out of a wealthy, 'healthy' family. Nakahara Chuuya, his surname bleeding just to remember them.

And then, it happened. Valentines Day when they were 14. They made a stupid deal to give bouquets to each other for that day with a box of chocolates. It was Dazai's stupid idea. His mother took a photo of when it happened. With all their wide smiles and smirks and pink cheeks from blushing.

His mother accidentally sent it to Chuuya's mother. Look, she really didn't want to. All's wells will end well when she seen it before she could unsend it. She had no actual power against the Nakaharas. She couldn't protect Chuuya from them, knowing they were intense homophobes who doesn't care about anything other than travel and their company's reputation.

"Nakahara Chuuya, you are doomed! Why do you even think of that Dazai boy! You are nothing but worthless trouble!" his mother screams as she barges in the door. Chuuya froze. He didn't expect anything. His eyes were blank as he stared at his angry mother. But it really, really, really stung hearing that. The one who carried him for 9 months in her uterus. The one who shared blood with him.

"Mom, I'm sorry.. it's just a misunderstanding, rea-" a slap. A painful, agonizing slap from a thick hand. His father slapped him, cutting him off. Ouch, it really stings.. Chuuya could feel his eyes reddening from tears as he touches an aching wound on his left cheek. Ah, so is this what it feels like, huh? The one time his 'parents' showed attention to him.

"Don't you Mom-Mom me, you useless boy." she stormed off as his father glared at him one last time with his sickeningly dark brown eyes filled with disappointment and disapproval. Right.

All of that, all of that, just for nothing.

That night. Dazai just came home. His right cheek looking as red as his.

"Thought we could get a matching outfit, ne Chuuya?"

That night, all they needed was comfort. Only each other could give.

Dazai snaps back to reality as Chuuya faces him with red, tearful eyes and wet cheeks as he buries his face to the crook of Dazai's shoulders and sobbed. Sobbed until no one could hear anything else. Sobbed until everyone couldn't hear their own thoughts from how loud his sobs are. Sobbed until the clouds stopped crying.

He wasn't ready to open up too much yet, the wound so fresh no one could touch it yet. Dazai knows this will branch into countless nights of comfort and angst. All while hugging him as long as he could.

Dazai quickly repositioned them to be leaning against the dark orange bed frame with Chuuya on top of him, his face resting on his shoulder while he strokes Chuuya's soft ginger hair with long, skinny, pale fingers. All while whispering nothing but sweet nothings.

 

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A year later. At the same position they once were, Dazai Osamu confessed his love to Nakahara Chuuya. All while whispering nothing but sweet nothings.