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Life works in mysterious ways. One day the man you love entrusts you of killing someone that ends up killing him instead. Another day, you find yourself looking at the calendar and noticing its been 11 months since you’ve been undercover in a strange city, playing houses with the same man you swore to kill.
At least that’s how it felt like for Levi Ackerman. He had lost count how many times in his head his thoughts had drifted to the same echoed feeling that death would be better than whatever he was going through. It was always such a strong suffocating emotion with the capacity of paralyzing all sorts of people. But Levi wasn’t just another person of the sorts. He was superhuman, the ultimate weapon against any type of monster, forever known as humanities greatest soldier.
That’s what people expected of him and after letting so many of his cherished comrades down, how could he dare to fail anyone else? So he tried to deliver, to be the ruthless killing machine people wanted, ignoring how the greatest threat to his life was right within, the imposter syndrome that he was so powerless against.
He had no hope that that pressure would ever truly be lifted from him. Even before Erwin had died, even as they were getting ready to infiltrate Marley, there wasn’t a moment where he could really see it. That glint of hope he recalled in Eren’s eyes the first time he had met him. The same glint he saw on Erwin from their first exchange to their last. It was the same hopeful glance he had traded once upon a time when stargazing on a rooftop with people who had been now long gone. And whatever chance of that hopefulness to ever be found again within his own eyes, had been buried along their decomposing corpses.
Even if he couldn’t feel it, he couldn’t help but admiring it on other people’s eyes, and fighting with whatever means necessary to protect that glint and make sure nobody else would lose it.
But fighting didn’t always mean a battlefield where he simply lost himself for a few moments blinded by rage while drowning in gore. This time fighting meant rising their odds of protection in case Marley ever decided to attack Paradis. In less than a week after the undercover scouts landed on Marley, before they had lost Eren out of their sights, they had discovered the holy grail that even Marley hadn’t been able to locate.
The valve titan. A tenth titan that not even the Royal family was complete sure existed. Similar to the founding titan when the founding titan is under the right shifter, it’s said to have a scream that turns any titan, from pure, abnormal, to wall titans and scarily even 8 out of the 9 titans into controllable Muppets that follow any whim the user might be thinking for however long the scream goes on for.
Unlike the other 9 titans, there wasn’t a single drawn depiction of his aspect, just several rumors that pointed to the same sort of creature. A titan around the size of the armored, with the agility of the Jaw, with undeniable resemblances to the same animal regardless of the shifter, a distorted giant sphynx cat that turned transparent when it screamed, and the only visible evidence of something that huge occupying space, was an entire map of blood vessels in pitch black seeming to run cursed by the sound.
There was no accurate description of what that scream exactly sounded like, only that It always lasted around three to thirteen minutes, depending on the strength of the shifter and after it ended no one could remember what it sounded like, and the only evidence that a scream that potent had even been emitted, was the sea of bleeding ears that anyone who had been in its presence inevitably suffered.
When Zeke had leaked a secret mission Marley was about to launch based on rumors that The Valve’s shifter was living in hiding on Yokohama, the scouts knew they had to get to him first.
Even if Zeke had managed to be a part of that mission, no one trusted him enough to believe he wouldn’t double cross them and deliver the Valve to Marley. The original undercover plan was quickly altered. Levi would infiltrate Yokohama alongside Zeke and make sure the Valve was really just a legend, and if it wasn’t, either convince or kidnap the user to go back to Paradis with them, meanwhile the rest would stay and continue with the original plan in Marley.
But plans were quickly changed. What was supposed to be a 2-week surveillance mission, became a complicated undercover crisis on a Vampire Hunter’s guild. An intricate association with hunters of mythical creatures. If anyone in that town could have any knowledge of a hidden titan shifter, it would certainly be there.
Infiltrating it was a mission neither of them could have been fully prepared for. Levi, having grown up in a place who had always been ruled by unpredictable associations that identified as gangs before being recruited by the most unpredictable association of them all, the survey corps, felt he would be completely ready to face whatever type of people that organization could potentially consist of. Zeke having grown up surrounded by political extremists from both sides thought something around the same lines.
But neither of them could ever be prepared for the type of Hunters the hunter’s guild consisted of. If some people from Marley thought the uniforms of the survey corps could be a bit unconventional, the eccentric borderline immoral costumes that most of these hunters seemed to proudly refer as uniforms would be beyond judged. From half naked nuns, baseball players, and a blonde man that called himself a vampire trainer, the only thing all of them had in common that could potentially identify them, was variation of a religious cross, that apparently seemed to be to vampires what moonlight was to titans.
Realizing there wasn’t really a dress code, they opted for using the exact same cross chain. A terrible decision in hindsight, but there was no way for them to know that that was a secret code used amongst the hunters to show they were together as more than work partners.
And since their whole disguise involved saying they were experienced hunters from another continent, they couldn’t really admit their mistake. After all the whole mission depended on them finding the Valve titan without ever revealing their true motives or intentions. If anyone from Yokohama were to find out Zeke was one of the titans from Marley that had attacked so much of their country, there would be a blood bath, and if anyone were to find out Levi was from Paradis, there would be a similar outcome.
The only safe way to ask about it would be to describe the valve titan, as an unusual vampire that had escaped their grasp and seek shelter in the wrong town. And since in the hunter’s code they swore on their honor to always help other hunters, they would be forced to do so.
The guild’s master was kind enough to find them a place to stay for those 2 weeks, smiling and telling them that they didn’t need to stand so far apart, that Yokohama was a very inclusive town and that he had found a great 1bedroom apartment for them after noticing the matching chains.
It was fine, they’d get the info they needed, find the Valve titan, or at least be sure he doesn’t exist and go back to their respective countries. Having to act like a couple for a couple of Guild meetings until they earned someone’s trust couldn’t be that hard, and it wasn’t like Levi would ever manage to sleep under the same roof Zeke was in.
But things took an unexpected turn when Hange’s letter arrived, informing them that Eren had gone missing, and until they found him, if they could even find him, getting the Valve titan was no longer about having some advantage over Marley, but crucial for them to have any minimal chance of keeping Paradis safe. It was no longer a question of whether it existed or not. It had to exist, and Zeke and Levi would have to stay there for as long as necessary until they found him. And with established fake personas already in place, the ruse had to keep going.
That’s how two weeks turned into a month, and two months, and leads that seemed to be going nowhere kept dragging them in time. Time that seemed to pass differently in Yokohama. Each day seemed never-ending in itself, but in blink of an eye, without ever taking notice, they were 8 months into a routine on a town that seemed to have fully embraced these distorted versions of themselves.
Before coming here Levi didn’t know what vampires were, much less that they existed, and now he had a routine from what started as a serious weekly briefing meeting and occasional team up with the best Vampire hunter of Yokohama who was considered very controversial for teaming up with a vampire, and now evolved to dinners in the same restaurant every two days.
When he had known of the feared duo, he thought they’d have their answers easily. A vampire that can be killed hundreds, thousands of times, and always regenerates, no matter the method or the strength used into it, sounded more dangerous than all the shifters combined. He had immediately developed some sort of preconceived respect for the hunter that managed to convince him to turn against his kind and become his partner.
But once he had met Ronaldo and Draluc, he realized how wrong he had been. There were no pure vampires born of injustice and punishment, they existed similarly to humans and the majority of them had no interest in killing. People in this town had the privilege of being horrified that a creature wanted a portion of their blood. Even if it was still immoral, they had no idea how small completely and utterly safe their problems were compared to theirs.
In a blink of an eye, it had been 11 months of a morbid fantasy, with monthly letters from Hange reminding him how important their mission really was, keeping him from getting on the next boat back to Marley, back to the island. It wasn’t like life there was particularly bad. Some part of his brain felt an unspoken overwhelming guilt at the thought that it had never been better.
He had picked a “part-time” job as a bartender in the guild, hoping to hear something about the valve titan in between banter. Even if he rarely did, he realized how much he enjoyed the routine. Although not the biggest fan of serving drinks and easily bored from the small talk that surrounded him, he had grown extremely found of the close up ritual, and the thorough cleaning he was paid to do. It felt refreshing, to see the same people every day and not wonder If it was the last time.
Since Levi completely infiltrated himself in the hunters side, Zeke had decided to make himself useful by infiltrating the most feared vampire family from the vicinity, that so happened to be Draluc’s. Because they had accidentally became some sort of friendly partners it hadn’t been hard to be presented to his parents that quicky offered him a job as a butler that he equally hastily took.
“I have good news.”
“Unless it’s about the valve titan I’m not interested in hearing it.”
“Is that any way to talk to your partner on your anniversary?”
There it was. That rage boiling up inside him again, that hearing that aggravating voice pronouncing the same sort of vomit inducing commentaries always brought.
“It is about the valve titan. And about Draluc. He has a boyfriend. And before you ask, no it’s not Ronaldo, it’s some guy named Paul. Shocking right?” Zeke said like it was the most valuable piece of information he had ever shared with anyone.
Levi felt the urge to hit him getting bigger. Some part of him did feel some surprise in finding out Draluc wasn’t actually dating Ronaldo. He wouldn’t pry or assume, but it was the little things. The bickering dripping with fondness that he recognized from his own past. A genuine complicity that only comes from knowing and trusting someone with everything you are for years and years. But at the end of the day, it was none of his business, and if Draluc and Ronaldo had never explicitly affirmed being together, and Draluc had never even briefly mentioned a Paul, then it wasn’t for him to know. It aggravated him to no end finding out from Zeke.
“Turns out he’s a famous pole dancer that gets all sort of clients every night. If there’s one place where we haven’t looked yet where a shifter might be hidden it’s with the whores.”
And that’s all it took. In a microsecond Levi was on top of him seeing his face get more and more distorted with every punch, teeth flying, and blood splattering around them. It was a good thing titan shifter healed at remarkable speed. It was a good thing that Levi’s knuckles didn’t bruise easily even when being weaponized on the daily. Their cover would have been blown months ago if they were any other way.
It had been 3 days since the last time they had fought to what would’ve been death if they were regular people. A new record for them. It hadn’t been that bad the first months, but something had shifted in the last two. It started the same, with Zeke saying some offensive bullshit that he knew would create this outcome.
But he just couldn’t help it, the curiosity to see if he could still push Levi’s buttons would always be stronger than any self-preservation instinct he was supposed to have. And if he was being honest a part of him craved it.
He was sure Levi had noticed. He didn’t know if that had made him more comfortable with the violence he ended up inflicting, or if it was the reason he tried to fight his own instincts so much. Zeke supposed it didn’t really matter if in the end of the day he had Levi’s hands around him. Not in a romantic way, not completely. He would be lying to himself if he said that at some point, he hadn’t developed a twisted small crush on the smaller man. Sharing a house for 11 months with someone who holds such strong emotions towards you does that to a person.
Sometimes he’d fight back, knowing before hand none of his punches would ever strike against humanities strongest soldier. A big part of him adored the rush. That while everyone else would never kill him without an eldian with titan spinal fluid in their system in their surroundings, the person who he lived with could. With all the reasons Paradis had to protect his life, he loved knowing that the person who had the most reason to keep him alive, almost went against everything he stood for to leave him on the jaws of death every other day. It was about power, about knowing that Levi, even if only for a couple of minutes in the midst of rage, didn’t see him as an honorary Marleyan hero, or a titan with royal blood, but simply for the piece of shit he was deep down.
Despite what his life story could indicate, Levi didn’t like violence. He hated the never-ending violence violence caused. He hated the nauseating feeling of disgustingly warm blood soaking his hands. He hated the pain in the ass that was cleaning said blood after. He even hated revenge, something that he so often found himself clung to. The fact he hated it, was just more fuel to hate the people that had given him no choice but revenge. And Zeke was the culmination of all those people.
He hadn’t simply killed the person he held most dear; he was directly involved with a system that was responsible for the death of everyone he had ever cared for. He didn’t actively blame him for it, but despite his hatred for violence, lately, he found himself too caught on old habits to care about the aftermath of meaningless violence.
Zeke got out of the shower, with most wounds already closed, like they had never happened in the first place.
“The bathroom is free. Ronaldo and Draluc said they’ll meet us at the restaurant by eight pm.”
He didn’t mention the fight that had happened less than one hour ago. He never did. He didn’t wait for Levi to reply, to confirm or deny their dinner plans. It was an established routine they had fell into in Yokohama to keep their covers, and so they couldn’t really escape it. He simply let himself fall on the couch and continue his third rewatch of the office, and he wouldn’t get up from there for two hours, until Levi got out of the shower and informed that they we’re leaving.
Dinner was filled with comfortable banter, and after the usual questions about leads on the Valve titan, so the whole thing didn’t feel so pointless, they went back to normal chit chat about the latest vampires “terrorizing” the city. Two hours of flowing conversation, that always seemed to drag Levi away from himself, they were home.
After hanging their coats side by side, Levi made himself the strong black tea every doctor would not advise before bed while Zeke leaned against the window smoking a cigarettes.
The rancid smell of smoke brought him back to reality. His nightly tea was always accompanied by the same dosage of hatred towards the smoker by the window. The odor, even when smoking by the open window seemed to creep into every room. It always lingered on the air, on furniture, on clothing. He hated every second of their night routine.
He had no one to blame but himself. He could’ve easily forced Zeke into smoking outside like a normal person instead of behaving like an animal. But they both knew Levi wouldn’t do that. He would never go further than some annoyed comments and threats. Even if it wasn’t a routine he appreciated, it was still one he needed.
“If you let a single piece of ash fall on the rug I will put out an entire pack on your face. Let’s see how you can keeping smoking the walls yellow if I burn your face off.”
“Haven’t you noticed Levi? We’re already burning sometimes, in our heads.” Zeke started another one of his stupid unsolicited ramblings that he seemed incapable to avoid when holding a cigarette. He seemed to ponder while taking another drag. “Even when we’re drowning in water, we can’t stop seeing the fire.”
He didn’t reply. He never did, not when he agreed. That silence was an answer in itself. One that seemed to suffice Zeke, if he kept having these one-sided conversations every fucking night.
Even if Levi wouldn’t say it, he knew exactly what he meant. There was a constant unease in the air none of them could really shake off. When you’re born and raised in the middle of battle the concept of safety is bound to be warped. Your eyes get so used to the bloodshed, that when it stops you start to doubt if you can really believe them.
There’s a lot of things Levi would never say, but if he had to pick one, a truth to tuck away and never admit even to himself it would be the fact that he wouldn’t have preferred anyone else to go on this mission with him. When his world view seemed to crumble in these past months, when the concerns of these people seemed to be so shallow compared to all he had experienced, that he felt as if he wasn’t real, as if he had been transported from his world to a fictional universe, Zeke was there.
The living reminder of all he went through, and why he went there in the first place. A living reminder that the war was still happening on the other side of the world and was far from over. In truthfulness he was grateful for him. He saw it in his eyes every time he was choking him to death, that in their very morbid dynamic Zeke was grateful to him for the same reasons.
They weren’t friends by any means, nor the partners Yokohama kept perceiving them as. As soon as the opportune moment was presented, Levi would murder him and not regret it for a fraction of a second. But at midnight, while Zeke smoked a cigarette near the window, and Levi drank his black tea on their 11-month anniversary, there was a never to be spoken solace that could only be found in each other’s company.