Chapter Text
God, what a lousy day, Angie thought as she walked through the door of the penthouse apartment she shared with Peggy, kicking her shoes in the general direction of the closet and shuffling to her room. After stripping her uniform off, unceremoniously throwing it into the laundry basket, and clothing herself in her comfiest sweats, she climbed into her bed and grabbed her computer, opening up her web browser as soon as she had arranged herself.
Angie tended to seek bits of schadenfreude after having crappy days, and on one of her favourite websites a “Relationships” forum was the perfect solution. There was something extremely cathartic about looking at other people’s lives and being thankful she didn’t have to deal with their crappy problems, especially now that she was practically head-over-heels for her probably extremely heterosexual roommate. She had already spent her lunch break reading about a guy who just found out his one-night-stand was six months pregnant with what she thought was his kid, a woman trying to figure out if she wanted to uninvite her (completely and totally abusive, though the poster seemed to be in denial of it) parents to her wedding, and a poor son of a gun who couldn’t handle his high school sweetheart leaving him. But she was surprised to see that in the five hours between the last time she’d checked the forum and now, a brand new thread started by someone called flatmate_crush_problems had risen to the top.
I [27F] have fallen in love with my flatmate [24F], and I don’t know what to do.
This could be interesting, Angie thought as she clicked the link, and curled her blanket tightly around her as she scrolled through the poor person’s post.
Edit: since people have asked, there are no typos in the title. We are both women, and I know for a fact that Amy is gay. She told me herself, and even if she hadn’t the pride flag she displays in her room would have clued me in.
Normally, the internet would be the last place I would come to with a problem like this. But, seeing as many people I know have turned to this forum for input on their personal lives, and because I feel as though I cannot discuss this with anyone I know, I have decided to use your judgment on how to deal with my predicament.
My flatmate ‘Amy’ and I first met about a year and a half ago. She was a server at a local small eatery close to where I work. When I would go there for lunch she would chat with me even though she wasn’t my server most days, and we quickly became acquaintances. About eight months into our friendship, I unexpectedly lost my previous flatmate when she found a new job in another city, and I couldn’t afford our flat by myself. Amy helped me find a new one in the building she was living in, and our friendship developed quickly from there. After work she’d either come over to my flat or I’d go to hers for pie and drinks and talk about our days, we’d go out dancing at local clubs with friends of hers that lived in the same building, and we generally spent quite a lot of time together. I would find myself missing her whenever our schedules couldn’t work something out, but I figured that was from the newness of having a ‘best friend’. Amy was able to get me to open up about a lot of issues, and it felt so nice to just have someone who would listen, empathize, and give advice without being exceedingly pushy. Four months ago I had a spot of bother with our landlady, and Amy stood up for me, which resulted in both of us getting kicked out. A friend of mine was able to find me a new place to live and I asked Amy to be my flatmate, to repay the kindness she had shown me. Happily, she accepted.
The four months since she moved in have been utterly, dare I say it, magical. Amy has been nothing short of the perfect roommate. We’ve managed to figure out chores (she cooks, deliciously I might add; I clean), we hardly ever argue (unless she is trying to cajole me into a night on the town or is scolding me for staying in the office too late), and lately when I am bored or have to stay late at my job I find myself thinking about how much I want to get home to Amy. I get exceedingly jealous when other people flirt with her. We text all the time, even though we live together. A few days ago she decided to teach me how to waltz and it was the most fun I’ve ever had with another person. I still get a fluttering in my stomach as I’m thinking about it now, and I’ve realized that Amy is not just my best friend, she is the woman I am in love with. And it terrifies me. If I tell Amy and she doesn’t reciprocate my feelings, I’m afraid I’ll lose her as a friend. That is the last thing I want. I’m also scared because my last relationship ended due to the death of my boyfriend in a freak piloting accident, and I keep fearing I will lose Amy in another violent way. The logical part of my mind is very against taking our friendship to the next level, but I just think about her smile and my heart turns to mush. I love her, but like everything in life, this is complicated.
What should I do?
Angie’s heart began to beat faster as she read through the comments. Wow, she thought almost jealously, this Amy girl doesn’t know what she’s missing out on. Most commenters were urging the woman to tell her roommate about her feelings or asking if she had made a typo in the title, and the girl’s responses thanked them for their advice and firmly stated she would not make a typo about an issue as serious as this. But after one comment urged the poster to seek therapy to deal with the loss of her fiancé, Angie began to have a sinking feeling that this situation was closer to home than any average anonymous post on a forum.
Thank you for your support; I think I’m going to do what the top comment says and see where it goes from there. As for therapy, I tend to internalise my emotions. I tried it after my military service and my boyfriend’s death but I didn’t feel as though it helped much. I’ve read a lot of self-help books to help me cope, and I think they’ve helped me a lot more than therapy did, especially Coping with Grief and A Grief Observed. If I do find that my fears are getting in the way of the relationship (should the two of us decide to pursue one) and my usual methods are not helping, I will look into some type of counseling.
Biting her nails, Angie set aside her laptop, got out of bed, and walked towards Peggy’s room. Checking to see if the brunette hadn’t yet returned home from work, she snuck in and looked at the stack of books on Peggy’s bedside table. Confident that none of them were the listed titles, she turned around to leave, only to catch sight of Peggy’s bookshelf. Crouching down to look at the bottom shelf first, she caught sight of A Grief Observed, well-worn. Three shelves above that was an equally-worn copy of Coping with Grief. And next to that was a framed photograph of Steve, Peggy’s former boyfriend who had died in a plane crash three years ago.
Wait a second.
The gears began to turn in Angie’s mind as she went over the details of what she had just seen.
Peggy’s most recent boyfriend had died in a plane crash; the poster’s most recent boyfriend had died in a ‘freak piloting accident’, but anybody could translate that into ‘plane crash’.
Peggy had used Coping with Grief and A Grief Observed to help her recover from her loss; the poster had also done this.
She and Peggy had met over a year and a half ago when Peggy had started coming by the L&L for lunch, coffee, and occasionally dinner; the poster had said they met in a ‘local small eatery’, which was the perfect description of what the L&L was.
She was 24, and Peggy would be celebrating her 28th birthday in a month’s time.
Angie’s heart felt as though it was going to beat out of her chest as she raced back to her room, and her breathing quickened as she saw the gay pride flag she had hung up in the window. It was as if everything clicked into her brain the minute she had picked up on those details. The timeline provided was basically the exact timeline of her and Peggy’s relationship, she had taught Peggy to waltz on Tuesday when her roommate had looked particularly lonely and the smile Peggy had on her face by the end of the night gave Angie butterflies so bad she nearly tripped over her own two feet. Other than the ‘spot of bother’ being an extreme understatement of what had actually caused them to get kicked out of The Griffith (Angie was sure it would take years before Fry would be willing to even entertain the idea of them even walking on the sidewalk in front of the building), everything fit perfectly. She squealed and hugged her pillow excitedly. Peggy, the woman she’d had a crush on since Angie first saw the brunette walk into the L&L, was in love with her, and it felt as though all of Angie Martinelli’s dreams had come true. And it seemed like she wanted to take steps to make their relationship a romantic one, which was probably the most exciting thing that had ever happened in her life.
Remembering that Peggy had mentioned following the advice of the top comment, Angie scrolled up so she could get some idea of what Peggy was planning.
Poster, you aren’t as alone as you think you are. I also moved in with a girl who I thought I saw as a very close friend, but shortly after we moved in together I realized I was in love with her. I debated for a while about whether or not I wanted to tell her, but in the end I decided to go for it because I figured that either way our relationship was never going to be the same as it used to be. So I took her out to dinner one night and figured I would tell her when we got home. Made it a super casual thing, no overly romantic gestures. When we got back to the apartment she said she had something to tell me. We sat down on the couch and she told me that she’d had a crush on me for a while, and hoped it wouldn’t make things awkward. I was so relieved. I said I had a crush on her too and we kissed. That was five years ago. We’re now married and expecting our first child. So the advice I can give you is just do it. Make sure to take her out somewhere nice, but don’t make it seem like a date. Don’t pressure her or make it awkward. Just be honest and let it out. Maybe she likes you back. And if she doesn’t, she’ll let you down gently and keep being friends with you. You always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, so take this one!
Thank you, and congratulations on your baby! I think I will do something like this. I know she has the weekend off so I’ll make reservations at a restaurant she likes and take her out, just get a taste of a date. Do you think buying her a bouquet of violets is bad form? They’re her favourite flower, and I know back in the 40s women gave them to other women they were interested in courting.
Not at all, it’s romantic but won’t be seen as that ‘big’ of a gesture. Good luck and update us on what happens!
Angie’s heart was about to beat out of her chest, and she felt herself flushing at Peggy’s ideas. Violets and non-romantic but still totally romantic candlelit dinners? Her roommate sure knew how to make a girl swoon, and Angie was going to take her like a shot the second Peggy came home. But Angie didn’t want awkward ‘first date’ romance, not today. To her, their pie and schnapps dates had been more than enough for Angie’s feelings for Peggy to grow stronger. And since the two of them had reciprocal feelings and a general knowledge of what the other person wanted out of a romantic relationship, Angie felt they could just skip that awkwardness and get down to the good stuff. She was mulling over just how to do that when she heard the sound of the door opening, signaling that Peggy had finally come home.
“Hi, Angie,” she heard Peggy call from the general direction of the kitchen, “Are you feeling okay? I made reservations for dinner at that Greek place you like, if you feel like going tonight!”
Closing her laptop and making sure she looked as sexy as she could while clad in sweatpants, Angie sauntered out of her room, smirking as she saw Peggy scrambling to hide something in the nearest pantry - probably those violets she had mentioned earlier. Her smirk became even wider as she walked right up to Peggy and saw the brunette gulp nervously. “Hi to you, English,” she replied, slowly dragging her eyes over the woman’s heaving chest, “Or should I say, hello flatmate_crush_problems?”
Peggy’s face crumpled, and Angie regretted her words almost instantly. “I’m sorry, Angie,” the taller woman said, closing her eyes and turning away from Angie, “I was hoping you would never find that,” she mumbled. Angie’s heart sunk as she watched Peggy, who was normally tall and proud, shrink into herself.
“Hey, Pegs,” Angie said, stroking her hand down Peggy’s arm, “It’s okay. Everything is fine.”
“No it isn’t,” Peggy replied, wrapping her arms around herself, “Everything is different, you see? If I hadn’t made that stupid post our friendship would be the same and I would be more than happy to suffer in silence. You and your friendship are so important to me, and losing you is my greatest fear, and that’s probably going to happen because I’m a twat who can’t help falling in love with her best friends, and now you know, and things are ruined, and I -”
“Oh for the love of Pete!” Angie cried out. Desperate to make Peggy stop spinning into her anxious spiral, she grabbed the lapels of Peggy’s jacket and yanked her, roughly, into a kiss. Peggy gasped in shock, but recovered quickly, threading her hands in Angie’s hair and kissing her back. Their kiss couldn’t have lasted for more than thirty seconds, but as they broke away for air Angie was already counting it as one of the best kisses she’d ever had. Definitely the best, she thought as she looked at Peggy, grinning as the other woman smiled, eyes sparkling with joy and mischief.
“I’m guessing I could cancel our reservation?”, Peggy asked, breathing hard.
“Shut up, English, you talk too much,” Angie replied, dragging Peggy back down for another kiss and moaning as Peggy lifted her up onto the nearby counter and shoved her tongue between Angie’s teeth.