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Usually, when she went off half-cocked on a suicide mission, she warned him first. Gave him the chance to stop her, to come up with a better solution. Almost as though she wanted him to save her.
It seemed she had learned from her past “mistakes” though - she’d certainly had plenty of time to process them. This time, she didn’t tell him her plans. She confided only in herself, the one person she knew would understand her need for sacrifice.
Alone in that shuttle, she flew off to meet her fate, otherwise known as the Borg Queen.
The fact that some version of her still stood beside him on the bridge did nothing to assuage the guilt that washed over him now, drowning him. After so many years of pulling her back from the edge, he had begun to take it for granted that he always would. He had never accounted for the possibility of two Kathryn Janeways bent on self-destruction in the name of redemption for stranding them in the Delta Quadrant in the first place, and for the many missteps she had made since. She always planned to be a martyr someday. Someday when she was certain that her other mission would be accomplished - the mission to get Voyager home.
He understood, suddenly, why she had always let him save her before. She would never really have abandoned her crew without first fulfilling her promise to get them back to the Alpha Quadrant.
Now, her goal in sight, this time on her terms, she rushed headlong into her penance. Almost poetically, she would forever remain in the Delta Quadrant while her crew returned to the Alpha.
He glanced again at the woman by his side. The one who seemed lighter than he had seen her in years. A stunned smile painted her face, but he could still see a hint of sadness hovering below the surface. He heard her mutter under her breath: “Thank you, Admiral,” as she blotted a stray tear from her cheek. She was at once grateful to be home, and mourning for her other self. He could relate.
He dared to reach over and briefly squeeze her hand. She looked up at him and he grinned broadly. “You did it,” he whispered.
“ We did it,” she replied and he knew that ‘we’ wasn’t referring to the crew.
He promised himself that he would remind her often of how lucky she was to have achieved both of her goals, even the one he didn’t approve of. And in this way, he would continue to save her from herself every day.