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"We met again" Chishiya turned around as he heard the familiar voice of Niragi. It was only the two of them here. An unexpected meeting, yet it was what Niragi was eagerly waiting for since their last meeting. To have him this close, defenceless, unprepared. His life was in the palms of his hands as his gun was pointed towards Chishiya.
Dead bodies were scattered around them, the street holding the memories of past events in its broken building, paths, and cars. Someone was here to destroy and serve his own justice on people who had little to no chance against a living weapon. It was similar to their situation. What Chishiya could possibly do against him? His skilful hands grabbed his gun tightly, unwavering and pointing straight at Chishiya's heart. He knew he won't miss it this time, he won't miss his chance. It was him surprising Chishiya, stopping him on his track, disturbing him in whatever he planned to do. Chishiya couldn't plan out everything like last time. He had the upper hand.. right?
"Did you come here to kill me?" Chishiya was calm. The same calmness he held when they were on the rooftop. His eyes burned to Niragi's. Staring deep into his soul. Making Niragi uncomfortably shift the weight from one leg to another. He didn't stop looking, not even when Niragi tore his eyes from his eyes, to look for signs of him hiding something, anything that would indicate it was him, Niragi who was actually in danger. He found none. This time Chishiya was burning him only with a stare, not with a weapon. His eyes fixated so much on Niragi's face, he started to think, his whole life is written on it and Chishiya was just taking his time reading it all. Not a single glance at the gun that was stubbornly aimed at his body, not even for a second, as if it never even existed.
"I knew this moment will come" He knew all my steps he knew I will come he knew, Niragi's mind screamed. And he was scared. Scared like in the moment he saw Chishiya run towards him, so focused on one thing: burning him alive. He was scared for what was to come. Chishiya was far more dangerous, someone you should not mess with. He should have not, yet he craved to just once be in power, have power over him. And maybe he should have given up on that, never search for him. But the burning wants to see him again made him lose his mind completely. To have him in his mercy, begging for his life as Niragi pushes the gun right to his temple. The gun being cold against his burning body. He knew this was only fantasy. Chishiya would never beg, he would insult, degrade, mock and push Niragi to the edge, to the point he wouldn't be able to see clearly anymore and he would act just as Chishiya intended. Just how Chishiya wanted him to, and he would be again just a pawn in the game of life Chishiya played.
"Do it then" and Chishiya was stepping closer, challenging him. Niragi knew better than let his guard down. This was all too similar, like a replay of the events of the rooftop. But as he was clueless before he was clueless now. He had the gun, yet it was Chishiya holding it truly.
Just what was he planning? Niragi thought. Set him on fire again? Burn him till there's nothing but his ashes that will be swept away by the wind? It would be fine, there was nothing else Chishiya could possibly take from Niragi anymore. He crushed his heart and took away his life the moment he pushed him into the flames through his gun. And since then he was a living corpse, wandering around. His only purpose is to destroy. He was living in hell, so he might as well be the devil itself, till death finally sets him free, was what he thought. The only thing Chishiya could take was his existence in this world. And that for Niragi was prepared, it was what Niragi waited to happen for a while.
The thought crossed his mind that maybe he should give Chishiya the gun, maybe he should be on his knees, maybe it should be him begging for mercy, but not for life, but death.
He did non of that. He came here with a purpose. And even if it would push him deeper into his misery, he had to do it. Before he falls into an endless slumber, he must take Chishiya with him. He was determined to do so. Or so he thought.
But was he really?
Now with the moment growing closer, his mind was shaking with fear, and uncertainty, his thoughts fighting against each other. His hands, legs, and whole body started trembling. He didn't think his body would reflect his feelings so well. His gun shook violently in his hands. He tried to calm himself down, He tried to aim, but it seemed impossible to do with his blurring eyes.
Tears?
He didn't expect them to come. To become so vulnerable, so weak, when this time it should have been him in power. This time it should have been him standing over Chishiya.
It's better if I close my eyes, he thought and so he did. He could not trust himself anymore, so he trusted fate for once. he let fate take over his hands and do what was meant to happen all along. Even if it would be him pointing the gun towards himself. He did not. He was sure it was aimed in the direction of Chishiya. But how could he really be sure of it? With his eyes in the dark, Chishiya had all the power to move. Take away even this from him. But it was him letting him do that.
He pulled the trigger, the sound of the gun ringing in his ears, his pounding heart deafening him. He was sure he hit something, from the small sound of it that registered in the back of his mind.
Did he do it? Did Chishiya die? Or did he live?
It was a question he wished badly to know the answer to, yet He didn't dare to open his eyes. Even if he wished for the knowledge, even if he prepared himself for this from the moment his skin started to melt from the heat. He wasn't ready to face his own act.
If Chishiya died, he might be free from his twisted feelings for him. The longing yet hatred he harboured for him. The feelings that were eating him up, feelings he had never felt towards anyone before. There would be satisfaction in seeing him bleed out, his pain and love bleeding away with him. His mind cleared from all that happened, washed away by the tide of blood that would pour out of his shot body. Watching his lung run out of oxygen, clinging for more of it without luck and his eyes closing for an eternity. He would take the sight in, to paint it in his mind forever. And to remember he won.
But it also scared him. With his death, all his purpose would be gone. What would he do then? What could he live for, even if what was left of his life was short? How could he live with the fact, it was he who pushed him through the border of life and death. How to live without his cheeky smile, mocking tone, and pretty form. His annoying presence, he wished to have around him even If it was impossible. He knew If he died, what was left of him would die with him too.
Chishiya's survival was conflicting too. If he lived, if he failed. That would just prove how everyone was always right about him. How he could never achieve anything, and his plans could be never successful, because he was a failure. And Chishiya was right, he was never good for anything but to be used and thrown away. He was just a coward.
But ..oh If he lived.
Oh, the hidden relief he would feel. The happiness he would suppress with anger. Yelling and insulting to hide what was truly in his heart, till his sentencing came.
So he kept his eyes closed, tight. The gun fell out of his hand. His knees gave out. He tried to stay strong for too long. Tried to stay tough so he can go through his plan. But now with silence from outside, screams from his inside. He couldn't keep up his facade anymore
"Did you mean to miss a vital organ" Chishiya spoke, forcing Niragi to open his eyes. Chishiya was on the ground, his eyes fixed on him, his hand covering the wound close to his shoulder that was oozing his life out rapidly. But they both knew it wouldn't be enough to kill. The gun was close, and Niragi knew if he acted fast enough, he could grab it and finish the job. But his body refused to move. As if time stopped, the world unmoving, they both frozen in place, forced to stare at each other. There was something in Chishiya's eyes, an expression on his face, he couldn't decipher. He wasn't in the state to do so either way. His head filled with thoughts that went against each other, emotions that could not exist together. Yet there he was experiencing all at once. Overwhelmed.
Chishiya stood up, his movements were slow and unsteady as he walked towards Niragi. If he were to strangle him, stab him, or shoot him with the closely-laying gun, Niragi wouldn't protest. He would let him do whatever he wanted. It was all over anyways, let's end it with a bang.
Chishiya reached him. The blood from his wound dripped down on Niragis face. As if it was just the start of the rain, just the first sign of a storm. And he soon would be covered in it and wet from it. But whose blood it would be. He could not decide.
Chishiya kneeled down to his level, and for a moment there was complete silence. His presence was so close, it warmed Niragi's shivering body. And there was a hit, right to his stomach. Blood collecting in his mouth, he refused to spit out. He deserved that but he never guessed the death of Chishiya's choice will be beating him till no part of him was untouched, his whole body bruised, red, broken and in pain. His barely healed skin would peel off from the impact.
There was another hit. To his face. A hard slap, that made his whole face make a 90-degree turn. The blood poured out of his mouth. His face reddening for once not from anger. He was forced to look back at Chishiya, as his hand grabbed his chin hard, pulling his gaze back to him forcefully. They started at each other for the hundredth time that day, Niragi trying to predict Chishiya's next move. But it seemed impossible. His face was as unreadable as always. His next move and thoughts were as clear as mud. He was always a mystery to Niragi. A mystery he wished to solve, but he was never let close enough, never was clever enough. Never knew enough, never watched him enough. And was blinded by hope, a lie that should have never existed.
The grab on his chin softened. Almost gentle, like how a lover would hold their dearests. Unknown for both of them. There was only roughness, rush or violence in every touch they shared. It was unfamiliar, yet Niragis heart welcomed it like it was waiting for that all along. His face leaned into the touch as if he was a dog, finally rewarded by his owner. As if they were long-lost lovers who finally met again, touching each other for the first time after a long while. Chishiya's thumb gently brushed his cheeks, like a mother's when they try to ease their child, like a partner's before they utters the words I love you. The hand that was holding his wound moved to Niragi's face, cupping his face. And Niragi unconsciously replaced Chishiya's hand with his own, on the bleeding part. As if he cared, as if he was scared for the other. Maybe he was.
Chishiya's fingers left a bloody print on his face, the once-wet liquid dried on the outer layer of his skin. It was a reminder of their act.
If you looked at them now, with how close they were to each other. How there was a weird fondness in both of their eyes. You would have not believed it.
It was surreal, after all that went down, such tenderness should not exist. But there they were. Two twisted people, tiptoeing on the line of love and hate. Life and death. Drawn to each other, like a bee to the sweetest flowers.
Chishiya leaned closer, his hot breath lingering on Niragi's face. And he wondered, now, that he was completely vulnerable, under Chishiya's spell, would Chishiya take the opportunity to end him once and for all. He could not care if he did. If this was his last moment. Because that would mean he would die in the warmth of him. With his name in his mind. Chishiya's eyes on him. Only on him.
"We are even now, Niragi" Chishiya whispered. There was a small smile on his lips and Niragi tried to comprehend what he meant by that and why was he smiling. How they were even? How could they ever be? After all, that's happened. And how he could smile, smile at him after getting shot.
His thoughts were caught off by Chishiya
"It's okay now.. Niragi" his voice got softer as he said Niragi's name again. His voice was like honey. Niragi never liked sugary things, but he wanted to taste the words off his mouth. But he didn't move. He didn't dare.
"Niragi" Chishiya breathed his name against his lips. And it would have been so easy to lean in. It was painful to be this far when they could melt into each other, with only one simple move. It was Chishiya who closed the last inch between them. His patience ran late. His Lips meet Niragi's blooded ones. The touch was soft. Their mouths barely even touched, as if to test the waters. As if to drive Niragi crazy. And it did, it was enough for Niragi to forget every thought he had, every doubt he had, the gun, the killing, the punch, the burns, everything. His hand moved to Chishiya's neck, pulling him closer. And he kissed him like he was desperate to have him whole. Eager to take him here and there, intoxicated by the act. The blood mixed in their mouth, setting an unknown fire in both of them. And they kissed like it was their last one. Kissed like they never did before. Kissed with love they would never dare to say. With a love that in this world, could never exist.