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Jared looked beyond awkward in a tuxedo. He looked awkward all the time, certainly anyone who knew him at work had never seen him truly comfortable, but now, in an outfit specifically designed to be stiff and uncomfortable, hunched in the back of a limo next to Gavin Belson, he looked like the world wasn’t made for him to exist in.
“All right, we are all set to pick up your niece,” Jared consulted his notes, “Lisa.”
“What do you think of this idea?” Gavin asked.
“Oh, I think it’s sweet.”
“Yeah, yeah. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone to any of these things with a woman. I figure if I bring my niece, I look like a family man.”
“Absolutely, sir.”
“You know, I just haven’t had time.”
“Yes, I know.”
“I’m not gay.”
“I know, Gavin.”
Jared stayed in the limo while Gavin exchanged pleasantries with his sister and brought Lisa outside. Someone, somewhere, tried to make her look respectable in her black dress, but her makeup and hair suggested that she would cut out at any moment to go to a club. Jared decided that he would have to try to keep her at the benefit. He consulted his notes again. 22, dance student at UC Berkeley. He was only a few years older than her. Surely he’d find some way to relate.
Jared tried to make himself smaller for the girl climbing into the limo. It was roomy enough, but he didn’t want to get in the way.
“Hello,” he said.
“Yeah,” she said as she pulled out her phone.
He turned his attention back to Gavin.
“Gavin, I do have to warn you that Peter Gregory will be there tonight, but I have already arranged so that you won’t be anywhere near each other.”
“Shit.” Gavin said.
“Seating arrangements, the order of speeches, it’s all taken care of. And I’ll be working defense tonight,” he chuckled softly.
“You promise me? I absolutely cannot speak to him.”
“I know. My job tonight is to keep the two of you separate.”
“Good,” Gavin said. He turned his attention to Lisa.
“So, what are you doing these days?” He was trying so hard to be cordial and Jared could see the pain in his face.
She didn’t answer. Jared took this as his cue to step in.
“Uh…Lisa is a dance student at UC Berkeley.”
“Jesus Christ, are you kidding me?” Gavin turned to Jared.
“Um, no, no, that’s what it says here.”
“I can hear you,” Lisa said without looking up. “Uncle Gav, are you coming to Christmas this year? Mom is still pretty pissed that you’ve missed Christmas for the past like, five years or whatever.”
“I don’t know, I’m too busy running the largest tech company in the world, did your mother ever tell you that? And don’t let her give me that bullshit about how it might be Dad’s last Christmas, she’s been saying that for fifteen years now.”
Lisa sighed. “Whatever.”
The car stopped, and a white-gloved hand opened the door. Gavin and Lisa got out, and Jared waited before coming out himself. He thanked the driver (David), and shook his hand. Everyone of consequence was focused on Gavin, and that was how he liked it. Still, he couldn’t stray far. For once, Jared was thankful for his immense height, as it allowed him to scan the room much more easily. He had yet to see Peter. Now he could try to keep Lisa reasonably entertained. He towered over her. She was a dancer, barely there. He was afraid that he was intimidating her. He led her to their table and sat reasonably close. Not so close as to be weird, but enough so that they could have a conversation.
“So…” he started. “This should be fun, right?”
She finally looked up.
“Yeah, hey,” she said. “So uh…I’m looking to make this night a little more fun.” She raised her eyebrows.
“I’m sorry?”
“Yeah, do you have any ecstasy?” Lisa asked.
“No, no, I definitely do not.”
Lisa let out a groan. “God, these things are so boring,” she said.
“Yes, well, do you really think that you would have fun being on drugs at a benefit dinner that is very important to your uncle?” Jared asked.
“You’ve never done ecstasy, have you?” Lisa asked in a way that wasn’t even a question.
“Can’t say that I have,” Jared said. Lisa rolled her eyes and looked back down at her phone.
“Oh boy,” Jared whispered as he rested his head in his hand. Gavin sat down, and Jared found himself thinking, for the first time ever, that Gavin’s presence would diffuse the tension.
“Any sign of him?” Gavin asked nervously.
“Not yet.” Jared said. He scanned around again. It was then that he saw Peter, a few tables down, sitting next to a tall, beautiful woman. Jared had seen her before. She was always with Peter. She was his Jared. She got up and went towards the bar, and Jared decided that it would be best if he introduced himself so that they could coordinate together. He followed her.
“So,” he said. “Who is this tall drink of water?” As soon as he said it, he regretted it. Her eyes went wide and she gave him a cruel, withering look.
“No, no, I didn’t mean it like that! That was stupid. Uh…my name is D—Jared Dunn, I work for Gavin Belson.”
The look she gave him next was worse.
“No, hold on,” he said, using his body to block her. “We both have the same goal here. You want to keep Peter away from Gavin, and I want to keep Gavin away from Peter. I just think that we should work together tonight.”
She looked around one more time to see if she could make an escape, but then she relaxed.
“All right,” she said.
“Booyah!” Jared said. “So, what’s your name?”
“Monica.”
“Monica! I’m Jared.”
“I know, you told me.”
“Yes, that’s true.” He started to get incredibly nervous. “I’m so sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier. I know that I can do that. I know my appearance has been described as ‘ghoulish’ before.”
She looked worried for him.
“And I didn’t mean to make it seem like I was hitting on you. Trust me, that’s the last thing I would want to do. Not—nothing against you personally, you’re beautiful, of course, but not, um…not my type. I’m sorry.”
“Jared, Jared, listen. Relax. It’s okay.” Monica started laughing.
“What I mean is that I uh…well, I haven’t had a boyfriend in a long time, but that is where my interests lie.”
Monica laughed again. “It’s fine, trust me.”
Now that Jared had embarrassed himself so thoroughly, he couldn’t dig his way out of this hole of anxiety. He started running his hands through his hair, clasping his hands together, straightening his tie, doing anything to keep his mind off of what a complete mess he was being.
“Please, dude, relax.” Monica said, handing him a shot of whiskey, which he downed instantly. As he coughed and sputtered, Monica took one herself. Jared was hardly a drinker, but he was grateful for the wave of alcohol-induced relaxation crashing over him.
“Thank you,” he said. His jerky posture became smooth as the alcohol kicked in.
“I’m not usually this much of a mess,” he assured Monica. “I just hate these things.”
“Yeah. Peter hates them too. We actually weren’t going to come tonight, but then we found out that Gavin would be here, and well…”
Jared laughed nervously. “Oh. Oh! But I thought you wanted to keep them away from each other too.”
“I do. I actually made Peter come tonight. I want to show Gavin that Peter is important enough to be here. That he isn’t better than us. You know what I mean?”
“Oh, yes. You’re kind of devious,” Jared laughed. “Honestly, that’s like something Gavin would do. Although it would be worse, probably.” Jared looked around nervously, hoping no one would hear him badmouthing his boss.
“Jared, please, you really have to calm down here,” Monica said.
“I know, I know. It’s just that…when Gavin gets angry, his threats become increasingly sexual.”
“Oh my god.” Monica said.
“No, no. I’m making it sound a lot worse than it is. I love my job. I’m proud to work with someone like Gavin.”
“Jared, no one is spying on you. You can be honest.” Monica assured him.
“Well…” Jared began, but he quickly stopped himself.
“Here,” Monica said, and she handed him another shot.
“Do you really think we should? I don’t think we should get drunk on the job, so to speak.”
“Everyone here is drunk. And my god, you’ve earned it. And I’m getting drunk too, so there’s no need to be embarrassed.”
With that, Monica effortlessly downed her shot. Jared couldn’t resist the warmth he felt from Monica’s kindness, and he swallowed the whiskey, once again with difficulty. The burn in his throat felt golden. He looked over at Gavin, who was clearly annoyed at his niece. One side of Jared’s brain told him to go over there and do his job, but Monica was treating him like a friend, and that almost never happened. Against his better judgment, they both did another shot.
“Okay, so…listen to this,” Jared said, becoming more animated as the alcohol worked through him. “So, my name isn’t even Jared, did you know that?”
“No!” Monica laughed.
“That’s right! My name is Donald. Gavin called me Jared on my first day and,” he paused to laugh, “I was too scared to correct him!”
Monica threw her arm across his shoulder and he could feel her convulsing with laughter.
“Why didn’t you tell him?”
“Are you kidding? Oh my god, I could never do that. You just…you don’t say no to him.”
“That’s not even saying no, that’s just like, correcting fact.” Monica said.
“You don’t do that either!”
“So like, do you want me to call you Donald?”
Jared hushed her. “No, no, he might hear you!”
They couldn’t stop laughing.
Monica looked up and down at Jared, running her hand in front of her at the visual space he took up.
“You know what you are?” she asked. “You’re like, just a fucked up, beautiful swan.”
“Thank you?” However inscrutable the compliment was, Jared couldn’t suppress his smile.
“Yeah, that’s what I mean. You’re just great, Donnajared.” Monica started howling with laughter.
Jared couldn’t remember the last time someone told him he was great. He couldn’t remember the last time someone spoke to him for this long without threatening to bend him over a table and do unspeakable things to him. He was drunk and wobbly, and everything was loud, but he was comfortable.
“Can I hug you?” he asked Monica.
“Hell yeah! Come here!”
They hugged, and their drunken legs almost sent them crashing to the ground. Still in Monica’s arms, Jared saw Gavin Belson striding toward them.
“Oh…shit.” Jared said.
“What’s wrong?”
“Well, Gavin is going to start making some very pointed threats to my butthole.”
Monica started to laugh until she realized the gravity of the situation. She felt like a teenager, and couldn’t believe that she had gotten Jared in trouble like this.
“Jared! Where the fuck have you been? I had to sit there and talk to Lisa all night, it was complete fucking torture. I needed you to be on top of things tonight and you’re over here getting drunk with fucking Peter Gregory’s assistant? Jesus Christ.” Jared towered over Gavin, but he seemed to shrink at the sight of the man screaming in his face. Monica wanted to correct him and say that she was in fact a junior partner, and also fuck you you fucking asshole, but she didn’t. She wanted to whisk Jared away, but she didn’t. As Jared sadly followed Gavin back, he looked back at her. She shrugged and tried to give him a smile that told him to stay strong, but it probably didn’t work.
After all, she was pretty fucking drunk.
Jared couldn’t block out Gavin’s voice, as much as he wanted to. He felt tears rising up to his face, but he managed to swallow them down. He couldn’t deal with what Gavin would say about that, not again. But tonight was different. He had no idea when, or if, he would see Monica again. But he hadn’t felt that happy since his Vassar days. She made him feel free and worthwhile. So as Gavin Belson stewed, thinking up the disturbing insults he would unleash in the limo later, Jared felt like he could remember this night in times just like these. He could remember Monica’s hug, he could remember her telling him that he was great, and he could hold that to his heart and let it comfort him. Maybe someday he could find an identity far away from Gavin Belson. And maybe that person, Donald or Jared, whichever, could be loved.