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Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.- Rainy Days by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Some days Sebastian forgets. He will wake up, thinking he has to hurry, because Anne is waiting for him in the common room. She will have a plan for their day after class, something that would probably get them into trouble. Or she’d be by the Black Lake window with Ominis, the two of them tormenting another gullible first year. It takes him a minute, but then he will remember that she will not be there. It takes another minute, and his chest will begin to beat faster. Another minute, and then it will hurt.
On days like this, he wonders if he wakes up with thoughts of Anne and the feeling of his heart being ripped to pieces because she’s somewhere out there dying alone, and he can feel her heart failing, because she is his twin, and he is hers. Her last letter to him before she disappeared from Feldcroft was more cruel than she realises, because to know that she still loves him means that through her anger and devastation, in her moments of quiet, she must miss Sebastian the same way he misses her. It would be easier to know she hated him.
It is on days like this that he reminds Ominis of the promise that Ominis made him, and Ominis has to swear it to him all over again. “Please, it is worse to not know than to know if she has-” Sebastian says, and Ominis’ fingers press into his shoulder to cut him off. “I haven’t forgotten, Sebastian,” Ominis says, his voice strained. “You have to stop these bouts of paranoia.” Sebastian shakes his head. “I cannot,” Sebastian says into his hands, feeling the bed sink as Ominis sits beside him. “Just indulge me, Ominis,” Sebastian says. “Yes, but you do it often enough that you just have to barge into the room, and you no longer have to say a word. All of my roommates know to leave as soon as possible so that you can talk to me in private. At this rate, they might think we are planning some grand heist,” Ominis says, trying to lighten his mood. It never works, and Ominis knows that too.
Sebastian slides his hands from his face and up into his hair, digging his fingers into his scalp. “She is as well as she can be, Sebastian. She says she’s happy,” Ominis says. “The pain still comes and goes, but she says there had been no other change. I promise I will tell you if she even mentions the slightest bit of deterioration.” It is always the same. Sebastian knows Anne has told Ominis to tell Sebastian nothing. But Ominis still gives Sebastian the smallest crumbs, just enough to sustain him. Anne forgets that Ominis doesn’t just care for her, he cares for Sebastian too. Sebastian nods, finally lifting his head from his hands. “Go and shower,” Ominis says, squeezing Sebastian’s shoulder one last time. “The morning will look better after a long shower.”
Sebastian watches the water swirl down the drain. Its holes seem to gape a bit wider and darker today, so Sebastian closes his eyes instead. His body feels numb, and he has to turn the shower up for more hot water. Mornings like these are worse than the nightmares. The recurring nightmares Sebastian can forget about quickly, dismiss them as a manifestation of the mess of emotions and horrors that happened that night in the catacombs. He can wake up from a nightmare. He cannot escape from his thoughts as easily.
Sebastian steps back from the water to lather soap in his hair, scrubbing vigorously. The curse has withered Anne away, made her wane and weak. She always said she could feel it eating away at her. The assumption that every medical professional has made was that she was fated to slowly die, but over the past two years, whatever it is that ails her seems to have stagnated, if Ominis is telling him the truth.
It is tempting. It is incredibly tempting to delve back into the small, shadowy pocket of knowledge in the corner of his mind, to consider and research more options for Anne. He sticks his head back under the water, exhaling sharply at the sting of the scalding water. He turns it back down as he washes away temptation for sensibility. He has made oaths and promises. Anne is as good as lost to him, and he nearly lost Ominis too. He would lose them completely if he broke his promises this time. As he slides soap over his back and arms, he thinks of Elsie. Even she was afraid of him that night, her voice shaking when she stopped him outside of the catacombs to talk him down. He still does not know what possessed him that night, to rush with the relic instead of waiting for Elsie to speak to the Keepers when Isadora’s methods did seem more tangible. He thinks about how Elsie said she doesn’t know how to do what Isadora did. Not for the first time since his mistakes, he thinks that perhaps it was for the better, better that she was not dragged into his mad quest for a cure. It was two years of delusion. He was so sure he would find a cure for Anne that he did not even let himself imagine anything else. As he switches off the water and towels himself dry, he wonders if he will only stop having days like these once Anne is dead.
In the common room, Ominis and Elsie’s heads are bent close together, pale gold and light brown over the sofa. Elsie’s brow is furrowed as they talk. Sebastian comes closer, and she looks up, immediately finding him. Her eyes soften, even though the furrow of her eyebrows knit tighter, and she stands as he goes to them. “Hello, you,” she says gently, and Sebastian tries to smile. Her arms slip around his waist, and he wraps his arms over her shoulders, pressing his face to top of her head. “Hello,” Sebastian murmurs, and she hugs him tighter. “Get a room!” Someone yells at them, and she stiffens. “How about you go do something useful with your life, Colin?” Ominis says. “You are just wasting the little precious air we have down here in the dungeons.” Elsie giggles and Sebastian smiles at the sound of her laugh. “Ouch,” he whispers to her, and she giggles again, before sighing. “Are you feeling better?” she says. “One of those days again,” Sebastian says, letting her lean back to look at his face. “You don’t have to come to classes if you’re not up to it today,” Elsie says, and Sebastian shakes his head. “The end-of-year exams are next week.” Ominis stands, already agreeing with Sebastian. “Classes will make the day pass faster anyway.”
Elsie disappears after the last class of the day. “I need to go talk to the Keepers,” was what she whispered to him before she left Sebastian in the Central Hall to wait for Ominis to finish his History of Magic class.
Ominis and Sebastian spend the rest of their day in the main courtyard to study. It calms Sebastian’s nerves to have Ominis’ quiet companionship next to him. The thoughts he had this morning seem less scary, though they distract him still. A thought pops into his mind, and he glances at Ominis, who turns to look at him instantly. “How do you do that?” he asks and Ominis cocks his head at him. “What do you mean?” Ominis says and Sebastian stares at the blinking red light at the tip of Ominis’ wand. “I barely looked your way and you knew I was looking at you immediately,” Sebastian says and Ominis shakes his head. “I don’t know what you are talking about,” he says, his tone smug and Sebastian rolls his eyes. “Why were you looking at me anyway?” Ominis asks and Sebastian looks down at his notes in his lap. He taps the surface of the parchment gently, considering his thoughts. “I was just thinking about Anne again,” he says and Ominis lowers his wand slightly. “You care for Anne as much as I do,” Sebastian starts with. “No one could care for your sister as much as you do, Sebastian,” Ominis says. The statement is true, and it is both a badge of honour and a mark of shame. “Too much?” Sebastian asks. Ominis sighs. “I do not think there is such a thing as too much love,” Ominis says. “But what is your point here?”
Sebastian does not know how to best say this. “How did you accept that Anne was going to die?” Ominis puts his wand down. “We don’t know if she’s going to die, Sebastian,” Ominis says sharply. “So, you have not accepted it,” Sebastian says in bemusement. “No, I just believe- must you think in such an extreme? It is either Anne has a cure or she is going to die, is that it?” Ominis says, snapping his textbook shut. “It would be better than a lifetime of pain,” Sebastian says. He looks down at his notes. The edges of the parchment was clenched in his fists. He lets go of the parchment slowly. “If the curse doesn’t kill her, it will be the pain that does, you’ve seen it for yourself.”
There is a tense silence, and then Ominis exhales. “When Anne was first cursed, I didn’t quite believe it, because Anne was still smiling and laughing when I saw her for the first time after the curse. And then I was there for one of her episodes,” Ominis says, his voice going thin at the memory. “When all you have is your hearing to make context out of the world around you, the sound of her in pain was… distressing, to say the least.” The muscles in Ominis’ jaw twitch. Sebastian has never considered that before. “Unlike me and you, Anne and I always maintained appearances with each other. We never fought, never showed an ugly face, so as to speak,” Ominis chuckles dryly. “To hear her in such open agony, I quickly realised how real it was. When you started telling me of your plans to try find a cure for her, I was torn. Should I help you? Or was Anne’s comfort more important, like Solomon would say?” Ominis drums his fingers on the textbook cover. “So, I asked her what she wanted.”
Sebastian laughs at that. “You always took her side, for everything,” Sebastian says, smiling a little at the memory of their petty arguments. Ominis was always the biased mediator. “That’s why she liked you so much.” Ominis huffs at that, the noise just bitter enough to catch Sebastian’s attention. “What? I’m not wrong.” Ominis’ lips drift open, and then they close again. “Not enough,” Ominis says finally, his lips curving into a cynical smile. “What?” Sebastian asks. “She didn’t like me enough to reciprocate my feelings,” Ominis says, almost matter of fact, if not for the hard swallow he does after he speaks. Sebastian blinks. “What?” he says again, and Ominis snorts. “You had no idea,” he says. “Anne didn’t say anything,” Sebastian says defensively. Close as they were, the matters of the heart were not often discussed. Ominis laughs, shaking his head.
“I had no intentions of telling her, but she figured it out anyway. She said it’d make things weird between the three of us, and she preferred to see me as a friend. Even asked if I would see you two as family instead,” Ominis says. Sebastian winces at Anne’s painful kindness. Sebastian remembers suddenly. “That’s why you left Feldcroft early, with no reason,” Sebastian says. “The summer that Anne got cursed.” Ominis nods. “It was so incredibly awkward for me and I needed some time to just let it go,” Ominis says. “But then the next week you wrote to me explaining what happened.” Sebastian remembers that too. “You came back immediately.”
“Her feelings were more important than mine,” Ominis says. “And I knew that she must have been feeling awful. Of course, it turns out it was more than just awful.” Ominis sighs, a hopeless sound. “And eventually when I asked Anne what she wanted to do about this curse of hers, she knew her answer immediately.”
“What did she want?” Sebastian says, bracing himself for the answer. “She didn’t care for a cure. She just wanted to spend the rest of her time gardening while looking forward to your visits and mine.” The words don’t hurt as much as Sebastian expects. He takes a deep breath, staring at his own foolish hands. “I suppose she’s doing half of that at least,” Sebastian says. Ominis chuckles and this time the sound is warm. “Oh yes,” Ominis says. Sebastian nods, pleased for his sister even as the hole in his heart tears wider by a searing inch.
Seconds pass, before Ominis speaks again. “Do you really think she will die, Sebastian?” Sebastian looks up at the sky. “Yes,” Sebastian says. “But it hurts,” he says, truth and grief mixing in his voice. He closes his eyes and pretends it is the sun in his eyes that was blurring his vision. “I think it is why I have mornings like today. Because I wake up and fear the curse might have taken her without us knowing.” He also pretends to not hear the frightened breath Ominis takes. “Make sure you write her often, Ominis. And make sure she replies,” Sebastian says, blinking the tears away. He looks at Ominis.
“Do you still think of Anne like that?” Sebastian asks and Ominis shakes his head. “No. I love her only as a sister now. It is why I trusted her with my feelings for Poppy,” Ominis says and Sebastian hums. “I wouldn’t have minded the two of you together, you know,” Sebastian looks at Ominis whose brow lifts in surprise. “Maybe you would have become my brother,” Sebastian says with small smile. “You are already mine,” Ominis says. Sebastian’s smile falters. “I thought-“ Ominis tuts. “I know what you thought, just because I was furious at you doesn’t mean I ever stopped caring. You two are the people I truly consider my family,” Ominis says and Sebastian reaches out, his smile returning to his face.
He gently holds on to Ominis’ forearm. “You know you’re supposed to tell someone when you adopt them, right?” Ominis shakes him off. “You can only adopt children, not siblings, idiot,” Ominis says and Sebastian laughs, pulling a fond chuckle out of Ominis. “Thank you, Ominis,” Sebastian says. Ominis nods, looking back down at his textbook with the intent of returning to his studies. He only manages to flip the cover open before Sebastian has to get a word in again. “Does this mean you’re changing your name to Sallow? Ominis Sallow has a weird ring to it, to be honest.” Ominis swats at the back of his head with the book, and Sebastian has to dive face first into the grass to avoid it. Ominis laughs as Sebastian brushes dirt off his face, the summer sun warm on their skin.
***
After saying good night to Ominis, Sebastian settles down with a book in the common room to wait for Elsie. Suddenly he is waking to a hand shaking his shoulder gently, and he blinks up at her. “You should have gone to bed,” Elsie says. “I thought you would only be another hour or two,” Sebastian says, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he stands. The common room is empty, and the clock says it is just past midnight. “You’ve had a hard day,” Elsie reminds him, and Sebastian is about to say he is fine when he notices her red-rimmed eyes. He frowns. “Have you been crying?” he asks, and her eyes widen by a fraction as she tries to hide her surprise. “You have,” Sebastian says accusingly, and she shakes her head. “I was just talking to the Keepers about some of the things that happened since I’ve been under their tutelage,” Elsie says, crossing her arms. “It got a bit emotional on my end, that’s all.” Sebastian gets up, pulling at her crossed arms. She lets him loosen them, lets him wrap them around his waist. This close, Sebastian can see the exhaustion on her face, and he doesn’t know if it is from her crying or whatever training the Keepers put her through when she is with them.
“I missed you,” Sebastian says, which is the truth. He enjoyed his afternoon with Ominis, but he could have also used having a couple hours with just her today, to have her presence chase away the shadows that linger in the empty spaces of his heart. “I was only gone for a few hours,” she says as one of her hands starts to slide up and down his back in a soothing rhythm. “Can’t I just come along next time?” Sebastian asks. He would happily just sit in the corner with a book and leave her to it with the Keepers. He doesn’t expect to see her smile drop at his question. Her face shutters in secrecy, poorly hidden by the way she leans her head against his shoulder. “What is it?” Sebastian asks, and she shakes her head. “You know how it’s meant to be a secret,” she says. “You said Professor Fig went with you often, and the Keepers were alright with it,” Sebastian says, and she sighs. “Sebastian,” she says, her hand sliding to a stop in the middle of his back. Sebastian leans back, holding her away from him to look at her face.
There was a shadow of guardedness in her eyes. “Don’t you trust me?” Sebastian asks, and she doesn’t say anything. She just looks down at their feet. Sebastian laughs in pained understanding. There are a hundred things he knows about Elsie, but she has always kept her ancient magic close to her chest. “Alright,” he says, letting go of her. Something in his voice makes her look up, and she shakes her head. “Wait,” she says. “Sebastian,” she says, as he takes a step back. “Will you please just listen!” Her voice rings in Sebastian’s ears as something rushes over him, and Sebastian’s legs stop moving. He looks down at himself, and there’s a cold, blue light vining around his ankles and running up his leg. He tries to move his leg again, and it gives him an inch, before snapping his foot back to where he was. Elsie’s gasp echoes in his ears. The ribbons of light disappear as quickly as they came, replaced by Elsie’s hands. She runs her hands over his arms before holding his hands in hers. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t mean to do that,” she says, squeezing his hands. “You are not hurt?”
“What was that?” Sebastian hears himself asking, still stunned. Elsie stares at him with terror-filled eyes. “You could see it?” she asks and Sebastian nods. “There was a blue light holding on to me,” Sebastian says cautiously and she inhales sharply. “That was the ancient magic,” she whispers. “I still can’t control it. Most of it is very instinctual, and I just- I just wanted you to not go,” she says. She steps back, her hand covering her mouth as she understands what happened. “Oh god, I could have hurt you,” she says, her voice pitching high in distress. Sebastian takes one step towards her and she shakes her head, stepping back. Sebastian stops. “I am fine, I felt nothing,” he says, his shock immediately forgotten for hers. “There’s no need to be upset,” he says softly. “I am fine, Els,” Sebastian repeats. She wraps her arms around herself, turning back around to face the fireplace. “Els,” he says more insistently and she looks at him with watery eyes. “Oh, Els,” Sebastian says. There are only two quick steps between them, and to his relief this time she doesn’t step away from him again, before he wraps his arms around her. She stays rigid in his hold, still hugging herself, but with one small exhale, allows herself to rest her forehead against his chest. “I trust you, I do,” she says. “I don’t trust myself. What if I accidentally do something while you’re there and-” She makes a small helpless noise. “You will learn, and the Keepers will help you, that’s what they have been doing, right?” Sebastian says, and Elsie’s laugh is hollow. “That’s the other problem.”
“What do you mean?” Sebastian says. She shifts, and her arms unwind from herself. They slip around his waist tentatively. “This whole year… I’ve learnt nothing from them, the lessons stopped ages ago,” she admits. “But you have been-“ Sebastian says and Elsie shakes her head. “Apparently, they have decided that their mistake with Isadora was teaching her how to wield and harness ancient magic, and it’s safer to just have me ‘keep’ the knowledge of ancient magic rather than learn how to use it,” Elsie says. “I’ve been going to see them every month to try convince them otherwise but they just won’t give in.” She draws back, floating her hands over his arms, and her fingertips brush over his knuckles before she drops her arms back down by her side.
“I’ve also told them about you, when I was telling them about what happened at the end of fifth year, since it turned out that Anne’s story and Rookwood’s story are intertwined and-“ she sighs. “They didn’t like the sound of you. It strays a little too closely to Isadora’s story. I took the risk of asking about a cure for Anne anyway and they were upset,” she smiles wryly. “A bit of an understatement, actually. I think it might be part of why they won’t teach me anything more.”
It was another item to add to the list of things that Sebastian has made a mess of. “Is there a way for me to help convince them that you wouldn’t try find a cure for Anne?” Sebastian says. “You would just be lying to them, because I would try,” she says. There was no hesitation in her words and Sebastian frowns. He did not realise the possibility of curing Anne was still on Elsie’s mind. “I don’t have any more intentions of curing Anne, Els,” Sebastian says. Elsie shakes her head. “I know you, Seb. You wouldn’t give up on Anne, and I want to help,” Elsie says with a smile. “It’s not giving up, I just-“ Sebastian runs his hand through his hair. He thought they had discussed this when they were in the vivarium months ago. Hadn’t they? Sebastian closes his eyes briefly, realising how tired he was still. “After exams next week, I want to show you something,” Elsie says suddenly. Sebastian nods as Elsie leans up to kiss his cheek. “Let’s go to bed,” she says, and Sebastian nods again. He leaves her by the stairs of the dorms, and as he gets into bed, he can’t help but feel like the conversation wasn’t quite finished.
***
Exams week passes by in a flurry of quills and parchment. Between Sebastian, Ominis and Elsie, it is not really a question of who did the best, because all three of them tended to excel at their studies. It is more who did the worst. This time, it is Sebastian. But only because his Amortentia was not as pearlescent as it should have been, which was the practical task assigned to him for his Potions exam, earning him an Acceptable from an unimpressed sharp. Everything else was a satisfactory Exceeds Expectations and his Defence Against the Dark Arts earns him his only Outstanding. Elsie has Es for all of her subjects, and Ominis has two Os and two Es. Poppy wilts at the sight of their report cards, and it takes some coaxing from Ominis before she relinquishes her card to them for their viewing. “You did great,” Elsie says encouragingly as they look over the Acceptables on her card, the only Outstanding being, of course, Care of Magical Beasts. “You have the most important one down,” Ominis says, tucking the left side of Poppy’s hair behind her ear. “I suppose,” Poppy says doubtfully, putting away her card. “I don’t know how you all do it.”
Sebastian smiles wryly, exchanging a look with Elsie. Poppy may find more success with her studies if she wasn’t always running off to spend time with her beasts, but none of them were going to tell her that. “There you all are!” Natty’s voice rings out from the third floor of the Defence tower, and they all look up. “I was looking everywhere for you four,” Natty says, as she skips down the stairs. “How did you all do?” Elsie squints at Natty suspiciously. “You first,” she says, and Natty laughs. “All Es for me this term, Mother is not happy, but it is what it is,” she says, shrugging. “I did the same, and everyone else did well too,” Elsie says, and Natty claps happily. “We need to celebrate,” she says, already pulling Poppy to her feet by the arm.
The Three Broomsticks might explode by the seams with how many students it was holding. The fourth elbow in less than a minute knocks into Sebastian’s back, and Ominis manages to dodge a tankard that swings through the space his head was previously occupying as yet another person squeezes past their table. “Is that Professor Weasley and Professor Garlick?” Poppy calls over the noise and Sebastian cranes his neck to see the two professors sneaking past the crowds to head up the stairs. “My mother says there is a special room upstairs just for the professors,” Natty yells as she waves wildly at Sirona to catch her attention. “Do you think she could give us the room?” Ominis calls back and she laughs. Sirona somehow manages to get a tray of tankards and a bowl of crackers to them. “If I was you five, I would just sit outside where the log stumps are,” Sirona huffs, resting a hip on their table. “You’d have a better time of it, and I promise to send more butterbeer your way every hour.” They take their drinks and go.
Elsie drops down on the first stool she sees outside, heaving a relieved sigh. “God, I don’t know if I have ever seen that many people in there,” Elsie says, sipping on her drink. “It is nightmarish,” Ominis says with a smile, as him and Poppy share a bench. “But it wouldn’t be Hogsmeade and the Three Broomsticks if it wasn’t as busy as it is.” Sebastian chuckles. “That it is,” he agrees, sitting on the stool next to Elsie. Natty looks around at them as she takes the last stool available. “So, what are everyone’s summer plans?” she asks. “I have no exciting plans. Mother and I plan to stay at Hogwarts because my auntie is visiting.” She looks at Ominis and Sebastian. “Are your plans the same as last year?” Sebastian looks to Ominis, who clears his throat. “No, not really,” Ominis says. “It was nice spending summer with you in Hogwarts last year, Natty, but Sebastian and I have different plans this year.” Natty looks between the both of them. “Oh? What is it?” she says.
Ominis rests a hand on top of Poppy’s knee, squeezing gently. Poppy nibbles on the edge of a cracker innocently, her eyes darting from Sebastian to Elsie and back to Ominis. Sebastian shrugs, and Elsie just takes a loud slurp of her butter beer. “Am I the only one with a tongue?” Ominis says in exasperation at their voluntary silence. “I am not the only one who knows our plans for the summer.” Elsie and Poppy burst out laughing and Sebastian snorts. “You were just doing such a great job, Ominis,” Sebastian says and Ominis harrumphs, picking up his tankard of butterbeer. Natty gives them all an expectant look and Elsie finally speaks.
“Ominis and Sebastian will be coming with me to London,” Elsie tells her and Natty’s eyes light up. “Oh, how fun! We stopped over in London on our way here to Hogwarts when we first arrived from Uganda. It was so different to what I was used to, but in the most brilliant way,” Natty says. “How long will you two be there?” Poppy turns to Ominis. “Well, Ominis will only be there for a couple of weeks or so, to see his family there, right?” She asks Ominis and Ominis nods encouragingly. Elsie and Sebastian exchange a look, knowing that Ominis has made no such plans. “He’ll come to stay with me at my Gran’s house for a month, and then for the last two weeks, Elsie and Sebastian might join us for some camping!” Poppy finishes, sharing a look with Elsie who nods with a smile.
Natty looks at Sebastian curiously. “And what will you do, Sebastian?” Sebastian takes a sip of his butterbeer. “What do you mean? Elsie and Poppy just told you what I’ll be up to.” Natty cocks her head. “Will you not be going to see your sister? I do not remember you visiting her last year when you and Ominis stayed at Hogwarts for the summer,” she says. Sebastian looks down at his tankard of butter beer, rubbing the handle between his thumb and index finger. “I’m not sure yet,” he says, trying to think of a good excuse that doesn’t involve explaining that his sister does not want to ever see him again. Elsie leans forward, catching Natty’s attention. “I plan to keep him busy in London for most of the summer holidays,” Elsie says. “He’s never been to London, so I will have lots to show him.” Natty frowns. “But-“ Elsie shakes her head. “Anne told us to enjoy ourselves, and that she’ll look forward to the presents and letters instead,” Elsie lies smoothly, keeping her tone bright, before turning to Poppy. “Poppy! Where does your Gran live again?” Poppy perks up. “Oh, she lives in a hamlet called Strone just outside of Inverness, which is not far from here. It’s right on Loch Ness and there’s this amazing glen nearby that has heaps of magical creatures! I usually just travel there via the Floo network. I’m actually really excited for our camping plans. Gran’s getting on, so she doesn’t really like to camp anymore and I’ve been missing it-” Elsie crosses her legs as Poppy keeps chattering on, bumping her foot into Sebastian’s shin wordlessly. She looks at him out of the corners of her eyes, and Sebastian gives her a grateful smile.
***
Elsie was joking, was what Sebastian thought when she said they have to ride a Graphorn to see what she wanted to show him. It does not explain why he is currently sliding off the back of one, having ridden on it no less than ten seconds ago, nor the strange rumblings in the stone around them nor the invisble change in the air he can only feel but not see. It also does not explain why she is confidently striding towards the wall with a Graphorn statue head like it is not there. He grabs her hand, stopping her just before her foot could smash into the wall. “Wait,” Sebastian says. “I don’t see a door.” Elsie rolls her eyes. “Just trust me,” Elsie says, taking his hand. Sebastian winces as she charges through the wall with him, ready to meet resistance. There is none, just a quiet ripple in the stone and suddenly they are passing through it, and then the heels of his shoes are clicking on polished marble flooring. Sebastian barely has time to take in any of the strange caverns as she pulls him along. They stop abruptly before the stairs, and Sebastian bumps into her back. Elsie peers over the bannisters. “Oh good, he’s not here,” Elsie says before she starts pulling him along again, down the stairs, and then past a massive portrait, which was empty. “Who isn’t?” Sebastian asks, feeling more bewildered by the second. “Professor San Bakar, one of the Keepers that I told you about,” she says.
“So, this is one of the Keeper’s rooms, where they stored their memories to show me Isadora’s story,” Elsie says as they pass through a doorway into the final cavern. Sebastian looks up at the massive statue of who he assumes to be San Bakar. “There,” Elsie says, walking over to the glowing pensieve in the middle of the room. “This is what I wanted to show you,” Elsie says, sliding her hand along the rim of the pensieve. “The accompanying pensieve to Isadora’s that we saw in the Undercroft, and the final piece of the story.” Sebastian steps up to the pensieve, staring into the silvery depths. He puts a hand on the rim of it, and Elsie does the same. “Ready?” Sebastian nods, and they dunk their heads in at the same time.
Sebastian pulls his head out, blinking away the old memories as he comes back to the present. The hollowness in Mr Morganach’s eyes was chilling, as was the maniacal light in Isadora’s red eyes as she inhaled whatever magic and power she had made out of her subjects’ pain. Sebastian did not expect that the Keepers had deemed Isadora Morganach mad enough to kill. Sebastian looks to Elsie. Elsie was watching him already. “You saw everything?” she asks, and Sebastian nods. “In her pensieve, her father seemed fine,” he says, highlighting the most obvious contradiction between the pensieves. Elsie steps away from the pensieve. “I asked Professor Fig about that, when I told him what I saw,” she says, as she takes out her wand. “He said that memories were often biased to the owner, so to Isadora, who felt like she was healing her father, she saw him as happy again. But to Professor Bakar, he saw that, in truth, he was robbed of all emotion. A walking shell of a person long gone.” She looks around, her eyes following something in the air that Sebastian cannot see. She steps towards a wall. Sebastian follows, mystified by this side of Elsie that he does not often get to see. She is peering at the wall like it is a window, and Sebastian walks up to it, pressing his hand to it. It doesn’t move, as solid as a stone wall would be. “Are these stone walls like that mirror we saw in Feldcroft?” Sebastian asks and she nods. “It doesn’t lead to the Undercroft though,” she says, squinting. “I am trying to see if the Keepers are in the Map Chamber,” she explains. “They should not be. They are probably still upset with me.” She takes his hand with her right hand, and then presses her left palm to the wall. There is that quiet rippling noise again, and this time, Sebastian doesn’t flinch as Elsie pulls him through.
“Elsie?” Elsie jumps at the booming voice that calls for her, pushing Sebastian behind her into the shadows that crowd the edges of the room they were in. They were in a massive underground chamber, with what looks like a glass floor with glowing lights, and four portraits lining the main wall. This was the Map Chamber she has told him about. One of the portraits had its owner in it. “Just our luck,” Elsie whispers to him. “Professor Rookwood is here for some reason.”
“Elsie, I can see you,” Rookwood says, voice bemused. The portly man had his hands on his hips and was looking over at them. “And your friend.” He does not sound upset. In fact, he sounds curious, and Elsie notices it too, glancing Sebastian. Sebastian nods. “Yes, sir,” Elsie calls, stepping forward. Sebastian trails behind her, looking up at the portrait with trepidation. “Who is this?” Rookwood asks. “Sebastian Sallow, sir,” Sebastian says, keeping his voice clear and steady. “Ah,” Rookwood says, his hands dropping from his hips to clasp together in front of himself. “Elsie has told us about you.” Rookwood’s gaze is piercing, but Sebastian tips his chin up, refusing to look away.
“Yes, we have talked about you,” Rookwood muses. “I will apologise for my descendant’s actions, even though obviously, I do not know him myself. I understand that he was the one that cursed your sister.” Sebastian nods and Rookwood sighs. “Elsie has been quite an advocate for your case. I am afraid, however, that we are in the business of only working with the worthy, and your story-“ Rookwood shakes his head. “It does not convince me or the others.” Sebastian takes a deep breath. “I am not the one capable of wielding ancient magic-“ Rookwood laughs. “Quite obviously, yes. But I assume Elsie has told you about the one that came before her. She got cocky, and judging from the fact that you came from San Bakar’s door, you see where that has ended for her. No, hm, I will tell you what I told Elsie, Sebastian, because we suspect her affections for you is what is driving this insistent desire to learn more about ancient magic beyond what we wish to teach her.”
Elsie steps forward. “Professor Rookwood, please, it is not-“ Rookwood holds his hand up, silencing her. He loses his humour, and his voice is icy. “It is simple. Elsie will not be able to take away her pain. The curse sounds like it is more than a physiological curse, it is within her. What is Elsie to do? Do what Isadora did? Then I promise you that you would not even have a sister anymore. We have worked hard to show Elsie the repercussions and responsibilities of having such power. I would not have your desires, as noble as it is at its core, poison her and take her down the wrong path. Ancient magic is far more powerful than even we as the keepers of it can fully understand.”
They stand in the echoes of Rookwood’s words. Elsie was stood as still as stone when Sebastian looks to her. Her eyes flicker to his, and for a startling second, he sees Isadora’s eyes instead of hers. He blinks, and they are still brown, not red. It is still Elsie. Her eyes were clear and sane. Sebastian intends to help keep it that way. “With all due respect, sir,” Sebastian says, swallowing hard. “I understand.” Rookwood snorts, clearly unconvinced. Sebastian grits his teeth. “But I have told her that I no longer wish to find a cure for my sister. I won’t let her do it,” Sebastian says, and Elsie’s head snaps around to look at him. “So, if you will, please, teach Elsie all you know when she asks. You say you’ve deemed her worthy, so teach her. Elsie needs your help,” Sebastian meets Elsie’s eyes, frowning in apology for what he is about to say next. He turns back to the Keeper. “She lost control of it last night, and I could see it, which means others will too, if she loses control again. She needs to learn how to harness it, Professor, even if it is just for the safety of others,” Sebastian says. Rookwood hums, stepping back and holding onto his belt again. “Interesting,” Rookwood says, his eyes sliding to Elsie. “Is this true?” Elsie’s eyes slip close. “Yes, sir,” Elsie says. She winces at her own thoughts, before opening her eyes again. “It has only happened in duels before, never… in a normal situation.”
Rookwood’s painted eyes come back to Sebastian, his curious gaze seeming to poke and prod at Sebastian. “If you are telling the truth, it seems there is a need to further Elsie’s education,” Rookwood muses. Rookwood nods, before turning to Elsie. “I will discuss this further with the other Keepers, Elsie. Meet us here after your summer holidays.” Elsie looks at Sebastian instead. “Yes, sir,” she says. Rookwood hums again, walking out of frame and disappearing from sight.
***
She has been silent since they left the Map Chamber. She is holding Sebastian’s hand, but her mind is elsewhere, though her feet move of their own accord, leading them to the Room by instinct. She walks them through the Room’s door, still silent and Sebastian has had enough, pulling her to a stop in the middle of the room. He turns her to face him. “What is wrong?” Sebastian asks, their hands hanging between them. “Els.”
“Why would you lie?” Elsie asks, pulling her hand out of his. “I know you, Sebastian, you would never give up on Anne. I know we don’t have the answers, but we’ll find one! And why would you tell the Keepers about last night? I need them to think I am in control of my magic, not-” Her eyes are too bright with both confusion and restrained anger and Sebastian stops hearing her in favour of holding her. He hugs her, and despite herself her arms come up to grip onto the back of Sebastian’s cloak. She is stiff in his arms. He just hugs her tighter, stooping a little to tuck his face into the space between her neck and shoulder. It takes a moment, but then her shoulders sink. She relaxes, and her elbows drop to bracket Sebastian’s sides.
He is lucky. So lucky that he cannot believe it. For years it has felt like bad luck and damned fate has hounded Sebastian. His parents and their too-early deaths. Anne and her curse. His temporary, mad descent into the shadows of dark magic. Yet here he stands, safe and alive. Ominis is still his friend, he even calls him his brother, though Sebastian probably does not deserve him. Elsie, who for some reason would do anything for Sebastian, who always chooses to be on Sebastian’s side; she has gone from strange, new fifth-year to someone far more important to him than he could have ever imagined. She shifts, and Sebastian lets her lean back to look at him. He locks eyes with her. Her gaze is soft now, the brightness is gone and for once Sebastian is glad to not see it there. “Seb,” she asks. Her lips twist. “Why don’t you want to find a cure for Anne anymore? What happened?”
“I told you it’s alright. Do you remember? That day in the vivarium when you were crying,” Sebastian smiles wryly. “I wasn’t saying that just to comfort you, I meant it.”
Sebastian really did. The summer after fifth year was an agonising one. Sebastian had two quiet months of painful reflection to understand what happened that December, to understand how he, for the lack of better word, fucked up completely. He grieved Anne’s absence. He confided in Ominis, who was himself grieving too. They fought, and then made up, tens of times over. The letters he wrote to Elsie revealed little of this because, well, Elsie was not to him that she is now. He learned to accept Anne’s fate with a shattered heart and has been slowly picking up the pieces since.
He is still in Sebastian somewhere; the immature boy who will never accept that his sister is dying with no cure. They have shared their first heartbeat, first breath, first everything. It was what twins are, what twins do, sharing their entire life. Sebastian still does not know how he will say goodbye to someone who has been with him his whole life.
But there is also the person that Sebastian has to become if he is to believe that there is a future to be had, one without Anne, because now Sebastian looks at Elsie and he thinks he can imagine what is next for them. It is not this endless, twisted hunt for a cure. It is not the undertaking of the risk that Sebastian will lose Elsie to the same dark magic that has already taken his sister. What Sebastian saw in the pensieve has given him clarity in the knowledge that it is not worth it.
“I am scared we will go back down the wrong path again. I cannot lose you too,” he says and the corners of her eyes slant down in sadness. “The risk is no longer worth it when Anne is no longer the only thing important in my life,” Sebastian says. “You need to understand this, Els.” Her eyes seem to search his, and he knows she will find no deception. “Before, the only thing that I cared about was Anne, so any sacrifice was worth it. But now, you have made yourself important to me and I am not stupid enough to risk the last thing I have,” Sebastian smiles, cupping her face and stroking her cheekbone with his thumb slowly. “Blame yourself, Els,” he says, her eyes glistening as she finally starts to understand what Sebastian is telling her. “I won’t let you try.”
Elsie steps away from him, turning away to think. He watches her hands fidget where she holds them in front of herself. He wants to hold them. “I am important to you?” Elsie asks. “I must be doing something wrong if you didn’t know that already,” Sebastian says, and she shakes her head furiously, sending her hair flying. “To be compared to Anne-“ She doesn’t complete her sentence, her lips move over silent words, unable to express how it is feels to her. “You are important to me in a different way,” Sebastian says, stepping towards her. “I do not know how else to explain it.”
She reaches for him, and Sebastian takes her hand eagerly, pulling her close to him. “There is a word for it, you know,” she says as she stands in front of him, eyes lowered. Sebastian hums, running the pad of his thumb across her knuckles. He turns her hand over, runs his thumb over the calluses in her palm too. She still dares to be shy, even when she was the one who kissed him first, all those months ago. Perhaps it is only fair that Sebastian takes the first step this time. “I suppose we should settle the matter before I meet your parents this summer,” Sebastian says, and her eyes meet his, widening imperceptibly. Sebastian smiles, raising his brow at her. He is far less nervous than he was to tell her he was interested in her. There are, in fact, no nerves at all, because this time there is no question about whether she feels the same.
“I love you,” he says and just like a spell, it turns her cheeks pink. She steps forward, closing the last inch between their bodies to bury her face in the crook of his neck, as if she could hide from him in him. He can feel the smile on her face pressed against his neck. There is no fear about her lack of reply, but he cannot help teasing her. “Will you please say it back?” He says, pressing his cheek against the top of her head, sliding his hands across her back to coil his arms around her waist in a tight hug to sway her left and right and she giggles, shaking her head. “Miss Fernsby, you have taken my heart and soul,” Sebastian teases with a mocking, sad voice. “After these past five months of courtship, do you not return my affections?” She leans back to look Sebastian in the eye. The joy on her face and the sparkle in her eyes will be an image he will never forget. “I love you too,” she says, and she didn’t actually need to say it, but the feeling that blooms in Sebastian’s chest makes him glad she did anyway.
***
The nightmare has changed. It starts as usual, the inferi, the not-Anne, it is all there, but now instead of an all-consuming darkness there is a red glow that surrounds them all, and when Sebastian turns around, Elsie is there. Her eyes are red. They look like Isadora’s. Sebastian wakes with his heart pounding and for the first time in a long while, the fear lingers.
When he enters the common room, he finds her standing by the fountain. She is smiling at him, head tilted playfully. “Good morning,” she says as Sebastian strides up to her, and her eyes flicker over him. Brown eyes. Happy eyes. Sebastian doesn’t care that they are in plain view of the entire common room. She inhales sharply as he kisses her, holding her face with both of his hands. He doesn’t linger though, and she stares at him wide-eyed when he pulls away. “Good morning,” Sebastian says with immense relief, and her eyes search his face. Her hands circle each of his wrists as he strokes her warm, warm, cheeks with his thumbs. “Another nightmare?” she whispers, and Sebastian doesn’t get a chance to say anything before her eyebrows furrow together, somehow knowing the answer. “Same one?” she asks. “Sort of,” he says, and she blinks in surprise. “It’s changed?” she says, as her eyes slide away to look over his shoulder. “You’re lucky no one is here right now,” she says, the muscles in her face shifting under his thumbs as she smiles again. “Had a more important task at hand,” Sebastian says, and she rolls her eyes affectionately. “Come.”
Sebastian tells her what changed once they were in the Room. She sits on the sofa, chewing her lip. Her hands are clasped together in her lap, and she is staring straight at Sebastian, who was sat opposite her in the armchair. “Seb,” she says. “Seb, I swear,” she emphasises. “I will never do anything that would come close to whatever Isadora did.” She exhales in disbelief. “I can’t anyway,” she says, looking down. Her eyes jerk around, like she was looking for something on the floor. “There’s something I never told you, about that fight below Hogwarts,” she says. “When I defeated Ranrok, a miracle in itself,” her hands grip each other even tighter, turning her knuckles white. “All the dark ancient magic Isadora had stored, that Ranrok absorbed, that red energy that you saw in the pensieve and in your dre- nightmare, it was released. Floating in the middle of the cave, pure energy, like a surge of power that could have torn down the very foundations of Hogwarts,” she says, looking back up at Sebastian. Sebastian knows that much. “You’ve told me this before,” he says, shifting forward in his seat. He cannot make sense of her agitation. “You and Professor Fig sealed it back in.” She nods.
“There was a second… option. I knew it instantly when the energy exploded above me. The ancient magic, it is so wild yet sometimes it feels like it just sits here obediently, right in the palm of my hand for me to wield it. Other times it whispers at me, telling me what to do. Most of the time, I don’t have a choice, it just happens. But in that moment, I did have a choice,” she says, and she exhales again, her brow furrowing. “I could have chosen to absorb it. It would have given me all that power, I might have even known how to do what Isadora did to remove pain, because it would have given me the trace to follow and repeat what she did, if that makes sense,” she blinks rapidly, looking back down at her feet. Sebastian still doesn’t understand. “But you didn’t do it,” Sebastian says slowly. “What I am trying to say is that I lied to you,” Elsie snaps, pressing her hands over her eyes. “I pretended I had no choice but I did. I knew that maybe it could help Anne. I could have helped Anne if I took it, but there was so little time to think and decide, I-“ Elsie falters, dropping her hand back into her lap. “I couldn’t do it. So, I damned Anne. Sealed her fate.”
Elsie flings a hand mindlessly outwards, laughing at herself. “So, here I am, with the guts to say I love you after damning your sister-“ she startles when Sebastian shoots out of his seat, the armchair clattering against the stone floor. Sebastian kneels in front of her, letting her knees press into this chest as he pulls at her hands, pressing them back down onto her lap. “I don’t think you understand what I was trying to say yesterday,” he says. “I don’t care, Els,” he says, shaking his head to stop her as her lips part to speak again. “I don’t care if you could have, maybe two years ago I would have cared, but two years ago, all I cared about was curing Anne. I didn’t give a damn about anyone, not me, not Ominis, not you, as long as it meant Anne could be cured. And we saw what happened then. But now, I don’t, because I’ve learned my lesson,” Sebastian says, squeezing her hand. “That power, it’s made out of pain, like the pain that plagues Anne. The way Isadora turned out, it is obvious that absorbing that power would have been the wrong choice,” Elsie’s head bows and Sebastian pushes her fringe away from her eyes and tucking it behind her ear. “I’m glad you didn’t do it.”
“You’re not disappointed?” she whispers, eyes slipping shut. “Never,” Sebastian says and she exhales shakily. “You’ve changed, Sebastian Sallow,” she says. “When did you become the sensible one?” Sebastian chuckles. “I don’t know, a while ago, I think. You never noticed,” he says. Her eyes open, meeting his. “Thank you,” she says and Sebastian huffs affectionately. “I’m the one who should be saying thank you,” he says. “Promise me you’ll stop worrying about Anne?” Sebastian says. He knows it is a hypocritical demand. But Anne is his sister, his burden to take, not Elsie’s. Elsie bites down on her lip. “I promise,” she says hesitantly. “Are there any more secrets tormenting you?” Sebastian asks with a fond smile. She shakes her head.
“I love you,” he tells her for the second time in their lives. He knows that soon he’ll lose count. She smiles. “I love you too.”
“I know,” Sebastian says. How could he not, after all that she has tried to do for him.