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There were fingers pressing in his side, but Will really didn't want to wake up.
His hazy, tired brain tried to ignore the gradually increasing pressure of fingertips on his ribs.
He slowly came to the realisation however, that they weren't prodding or poking. There wasn’t a rhythm to it, and the more he let himself wake up he realised that they were clutching. It was a desperate sort of pull and if Will strained his ears he could hear uneven breaths.
He opened his eyes and was met with a mass of black hair quite close to his face.
Nico had black hair.
Then he remembered; he’d accidentally stayed past curfew and didn’t particularly want to be turned into harpie o’dourves so he’d stayed in here.
It wasn’t the first time he’d stayed in the Hades Cabin, and he was grateful for his sibling’s discretion. Most of the time he was just sleeping. However that didn’t stop the raised eyebrows and giggles when he came back as the sun was rising.
They’d been involved for about a year but hadn’t told anyone, it wasn’t anyone else’s business as far as they were concerned. It’s not that Will was worried people wouldn’t accept them. They weren’t, by far, the first queer greek half-bloods and certainly weren’t the last, its just that if you come out as a couple, thats what people label you as. Will didn’t mind if he was seen as such, but they were their own people. They had lives and thought separate thoughts and they didn’t want to just be passed off as the others “boyfriend” and not given an identity of their own. And despite how sure Will was that they wouldn’t be ridiculed, Nico had grown up in a time where Homosexuality was illegal. No matter how much the world had changed, the fact remained that everything is just that little bit harder when you were queer.
Especially at camp. Everyone knew them. Difficult not to, their friendship had been odd enough; Sons of Hades and Sons of Apollo didn’t generally move in the same circles.
Will reckoned that assumption had been made because they just didn’t know any better. Nico was the first child of the underworld that any of them had encountered.
You need light to create shadows he thought to himself and smiled.
It was at that moment when the hand gripping his t-shirt gave a hard squeeze and Will could feel nails.
“Nico, Nico wake up” Will grabbed the hand currently attempting to break the skin on his side and laced their fingers. He shuffled down on the bed and moved Nico’s face up so that they would’ve been looking at each other, had the room been a bit lighter.
Part of Will wished Nico would thrash around when he had a nightmare, it would’ve been easier to tell, but on the other hand, probably more painful for Will.
His free hand felt around the wall behind him until he turned on a small lamp. Waking up in a dark room from a Nightmare isn’t generally an ideal situation.
He could see Nico’s face now, his eyes screwed shut and his face scrunched up, his teeth pressing so hard into his bottom lip Will was worried he’d split it. His breathing was heavy and came more as gasps than actual breaths and his whole body shook with the force of them.
“Hey, Nico, wake up, come on” His voice was soft but insistent, scratchy with sleep. He propped himself up on his elbow and ran his fingers over the creases between Nico’s eyebrows.
At the soft touch Nico’s eyes snapped open and he gasped, his eyes darting everywhere as his body jerked.
People say that half-bloods have switches, docile and tired-as-heck one moment and then, original style Batman: BAM! Ready to whack a Gorgon in the eye with a can of coke and an old shoe lace.
They’d improvised that day.
The sudden burst of movement had made Nico upright and Will dropped his hand, he could feel nail marks but he didn’t care.
“Nico, it’s ok, you’re okay, look at me” Nico’s wandering, wide eyes focused on him and his breath hitched. He was still shaking, Will opened his arms in offer of a hug.
Nico continued to just stare, Will could tell he was trying to hold in tears. He always did that, always tried to hide how much it affected him.
“You’re allowed to show emotions you know, it won’t annoy me, I’m not annoyed at you. You’re safe here” He brushed a piece of hair out of Nico’s eyes who steeled himself, then crumpled with a sob.
Will burried his face in Nico’s hair and hummed. His whole body shook with sobs and Will felt fingers clutching again at his back, bunching up his pyjama top in an attempt to get closer.
Will knew this was an improvement on when he used to internalise everything, but it was difficult to see that side when Will’s fingers were combing through sweaty hair as his boyfriend cried into his shoulder. He hadn’t had a Nightmare this bad for ages.
Nico pulled back slightly, wiping his eyes;
“S-sorry, I um-S-sorry” He tried to turn his head away as he went on; “I’m b-being stupid again-again I’m sorry you were asleep, I-I j-just sorry….” Will’s left hand cupped the side of his face and despite Nico’s embarrassment that at 18 he still had nightmares like this, and his inability to believe that hugs were free, he closed his eyes and turned his face into Will’s palm.
“You’re not being stupid, you’re being human.” Nico turned his head back slightly so he could peer at Will with his tear bright eyes. His eyes were such a deep, rich colour, they looked like he had all the cares of the world. It made Will’s chest tighten and he made a sympathetic face by scrunching up his nose.
“You know, you didn’t have to leave my awesome hug of love and...warmthiness, I know I’m comfy. I probably smell great too”
Nico let out a watery smile,
“Warmthiness?” Will moved his face so he was talking into Nico’s temple;
“I say this every time, I’m not annoyed at you, you’re not inconveniencing me. If you were I wouldn’t be here.”
Nico took a breath in and closed his eyes as Will pushed their noses together.
“I-I know...I know that, I do, it’s just-”
His thumb traced circles into Nico’s cheek as he sniffed.
“I just feel so….dependant, I just...I just wish they’d s-stop” On the last word his voice broke and Will pulled him back down into a hug,
“D’you wanna tell me what this one was?” Will murmured, in reply Nico just buried his head further into Will’s neck. Will lent back against the wall, pulling Nico’s legs sideways over his.
Nico’s hand balled up the front of his shirt.
I hadn't been this difficult to Calm him down for a while.
“Who was it?”
It had taken Will a while to realise that the majority of Nico’s nightmare’s were about other people; he couldn’t help them, or they left him or they hurt him.
Or he went back to Tartarus.
It was nearly impossible for Nico to talk about what had happened, and obviously Will didn’t push it. It didn’t help that Nico was a stubborn, annoying, quick witted half-blood, although the sharp insults were lessening. They’d become more of a novelty since Percy challenged him to a sass-off.
When Percy turned 20 everyone kept calling him grandad, so he felt his need to restore his honour. Nico didn’t talk to him for a whole week when Leo declared the winner as Persassy Jackson. Percy’s victory dance had probably contributed towards him having to spend an hour in the infirmary whilst Will dislodged a small bone that had, unhelpfully, wedged itself into Percy’s nose.
He wished he could empathise with how Nico felt and he wanted to understand, but the other week had made him realise how much affect Tartarus has on anyone who goes there, not just Nico.
Percy had accidentally been trapped in one of the weapons sheds overnight, in the dark, and Will didn’t know that Percy-saviour-of-the-world-Jackson could ever look so scared.
They’d woken up in the morning to Blackjack stamping around outside the shed with the sticky lock.
Jason had managed to get it open to reveal Percy just sitting there. There were tear tracks on his face and he was shaking, his sword just lying in front of him. He didn’t seem to recognise any of them. Jason had leaned down to see what was wrong, and Percy had put his hands over his face, brought his arms up as if he were...afraid of Jason. Nico had then run off to get Annabeth after glaring at them and saying;
“I wouldn’t touch him if I were you”
At first Will had been confused but then he remembered days in the infirmary when Nico barely noticed him and cowered away at his touch. So Will had just muttered to Jason;
“Tartarus dude, I think it’s best we leave it”
It was only Will, Jason and Nico who’d found him and they’d promised Annabeth they wouldn’t tell anyone. Percy hadn’t mentioned it, Jason reckoned he probably hadn’t even realised they were there. It obviously wasn’t something that happened regularly, but Will couldn’t help feeling bad for the three of them. Even though he knew for a fact that none of them wanted pity.
Will had always liked watching people and it was interesting to see habits that all three of them had; not being the one who turned the lights off, the almost constant glances behind them, rubbing at wounds that none of them could see.
Will kissed the top of Nico’s head and traced patterns on his side, waiting. Nico always felt better talking through his dreams. It meant that he and Will could dismiss them; point out the flaws that make perfect sense when you’re dreaming that are just illogical in waking.
Like when you run in dreams, you don’t seem to move and you sort of spin sideways, like you’re walking through treacle. When you’re asleep it’s one of the most awful sensations and actually quite scary and when you wake up it’s nothing.
When Nico next spoke, his voice was steadier than it had been, it just sounded horse;
“I can’t tell you”
“Why not? You gonna make me go white suburban mum on you? Can’t is not beneficial word young lady” Will’s lips were pressed against his temple, his hand losing a battle over a piece of Nico’s hair with gravity.
“You’d hate me”
Will snorted;
“Trust me, you’ve given me plenty of reasons in the past, but I’m still here.”
Nico waited for a moment.
“Ti ho ferito” he whispered.
Will gripped onto Nico’s arm, attempting to keep him from shutting off.
“You know I’m shit at Italian.” He joked, “I know, I know I’m a useless uncultured swine and so hopelessly American” His hand moved to Nico’s chin and pulled so their faces were in line.
Nico’s eyes were roaming over his face and Will cursed himself that he didn’t know Italian. His hand came to Will’s and his eyebrows creased when he felt the indents left by his nails.
His fingers traced the crescent marks but he then dropped Will’s hand like he’d been burnt.
“Mi dispiace”
“Okay, I know that’s apologising and seriously, I’ve had worse, they won’t even be there in the morning.” Nico didn't look convinced
“Ho pizza est tai lotigini!.” WIll announced, Nico raised an eyebrow, peering through his fringe.
“That means: Please tell me what’s wrong because you are acting...worrying and Will worries and he loves you so stop him worrying. Also he’s tired and you should get him chocolate”
Nico let out a reluctant smirk; “Oh, really? You’re such a loser.”
Nico pressed his lips against Will’s.
Will really, really loved kissing Nico, his lips were full and they always tasted of something so indescribably Nico. Will pulled away with a smile and he entirely meant to say something, but Nico chased his lips.
Will had only been expecting a soft peck but Nico wasn't moving away. Their lips overlapped each others and Nico sucked slightly on his bottom lip.
The way Nico way pressing against him seemed, almost, desperate. His hands came around Will’s face as he moved his own to steady them both on the bed. Nico’s fingers were pulling him closer, tightening in his hair and pulling his face round to deepen the kiss. Will ran his tongue across Nico’s top lip.
Unfortunately, Will had to do this thing called breathing, so pulled back, but continued to breathe into Nico’s mouth.
“ s‘that for?”
In reply Nico only tightened his hold on the back of Will’s neck, and kissed him again. Will was obviously not opposed, but he got this niggling feeling Nico was using it as a way of distracting Will from asking about his dream. Or distracting himself.
Will tried to bring the conversation back to the current situation but found himself being unable to say much;
“Y’know-” Nico bit at his bottom lip.
“You um-” Nico started pulling his lips down past his chin
“-I uh-” Nico pressed kisses across the edge of his face. Will’s fingers slotted into Nico’s hair as he moved his head back, making more room. He realised that his actions weren’t exactly discouraging.
“-I still-oh” Nico bit at the junction between his face and neck and Will gave up on talking.
It was so rare that Nico ever initiated anything. He was always too unsure or embarrassed, but the way that Nico’s mouth was moving on his neck and the way the younger half-blood was pushing against him was definitely not innocently intended. Everything was starting to get warm and heat was starting to pool in the pit of his stomach. So Will pulled Nico on to his lap and just let himself be a distraction.
When Will next woke up, it still wasn’t light outside. He guessed he’d have about an hour before the sun was up, so he really should think about leaving soon.
Unlike the last time, no one seemed to be holding on to him. Actually...He sat up.
He was alone in the Hades cabin. The light was still on so he looked around and breathed a sigh of relief at the toilet door shutting.
He flumped back down onto the bed, stretching his arms, he was wearing less clothes than he had been a few hours ago, and he ached pleasantly.
He rolled over, his face smushed into the pillows and all he could smell was Nico, well, and maybe something else.
Nico didn’t leave warmth behind him when he left, but at least he didn’t leach the heat out of anything anymore. Well apart from his feet. Those things belonged in the underworld, they were made of literal ice.
He heard the toilet go and the door open.
Will didn’t move.
Nico could be incredibly affectionate, even if he didn’t outwardly show it often. He was only close with a few people. Being Nico’s friend didn’t equate touching status.
When Nico was tired he would just paw at people and curl into them, which solidified Will’s belief he was part cat. But again like a cat, if he wasn’t in the mood, he’d claw your face off.
Okay. Maybe a bit dramatic.
Sometimes when Nico couldn’t sleep, he’d trace patterns on Will’s back. If Will was awake, he’d write words and letters and have Will guess them. Even if he didn’t do that, Will was like a friggin portable heater so Nico always came back into bed for a last hug. He felt the bed dip, but nothing happened. Nico knew Will would be awake soon, Will was always up with the sun.
It was not as fun as it sounds.
His body didn’t need the sleep that his teenage brain told him he was craving, so, basically, coffee was his best friend.
He raised his head and peered sleepily over at Nico. He was sitting on the side of the bed, his elbows on his knees with his hands clasped in front of him. He was only wearing Will’s shirt and his own boxers, his hair was messed up and falling over his face.
Will could see the scars on his arms, wounds that Will could trace the shape of blindfolded. Will had spent hours and hours tracing over them, first of all when he was healing them and then afterwards just because they were there. Nico was so protective of his body, well, he was just protective. Period.
Will’s status as a healer meant he saw people in compromising moments and many people afterwards felt embarrassed. Will did his best to ensure that didn’t happen by telling jokes and trying to not look bothered by anything he saw. Nico reassured Will that he knew everything Will had to see and do was for Nico’s own good, but it didn't stop the fact that Will had seen Nico break down in a way nobody else had. Will was sure a lot of the reluctance still between them was Nico’s need to not appear weak, even to Will. Their first real interactions had been because of Nico’s injuries; it's what had first started their friendship, and it seemed sometimes that Nico hoped that Will not remember that his vulnerability and need for someone to look after him is what brought them together.
Despite these thoughts, a warm feeling started to build in Will, it always did when he stared at Nico. But it was overshadowed by concern.
“What’s up Neeks?” Nico didn’t say anything, he just continued staring at nothing.
Will sighed and sat up; “You know, you can be honest with me. Not letting anyone else in-keeping it to yourself...When did it ever do you any good?” Nico’s jaw only tightened.
“I dont-I..” He made an impatient noise and closed his eyes, he let out air through his nose.
Will moved forward to press his lips to Nico’s shoulder, but when his nose came into contact Nico jerked away.
“Don’t-don’t touch me!” Nico’s shoulder had collided heavily with his nose. His nose was throbbing but Will was determined not to show it, he didn’t think it would help the situation at all.
Nico was standing up now, his fists were clenched and he was shaking. Will was used to Nico’s moods. He couldn’t always help them, Nico was always adamant that he wasn’t sick but with the amount of shit he’d had to face...it would’ve been more worrying for his mind to come out without injury.
“I was stupid, I was so fucking stupid” The temperature was dropping rapidly in the room. Will shoved his legs round off the bed and pulled on his own boxers. He sat cross legged on the bed, waiting.
“I can’t be near you...I told you and-well, you never listen, you never listen.-you, you just can’t understand..” Will cut Nico off
“You’re not making any sense, seriously, what, are-where the hell did this come from?”
Will pulled the covers around his shoulder cause it was starting to get really cold, he stood up, “You mind yelling about how I don’t understand when it’s not minus 47?” He tried to lighten the mood but Nico just put his hands over his face, breathing heavily.
“You know I don’t understand Nico, because you haven’t told me. I get that I can’t identify with a lot of shit thats happened, but I’m still here. I’m still here freezing my bollocks off because the misunderstood, angst ridden love of my friggin life seems to like me below freezing.”
“You don’t get it.” Nico let out a sharp breath and lowered his hands, ”I don’t… I don’t want to tell you”
That stung.
Will knew he couldn’t take it personally but it still felt a bit shit. He looked down at his hands, twisting the duvet.
“I thought you knew you could trust me.” Maybe that was unfair. Will knew that the way Nico saw people wasn’t directed at Will. He knew that it wasn’t either of their faults, it was due to the Gods and their stupid fucking games, but he and Nico had an agreement. No matter how pissed Nico got, he would promise not to take it out on Will, unless Will asked him to.
Will could normally tell what had caused Nico’s upset and his best guess is this was still about his dream.
“Yeah...well, not with this” Nico’s voice had a hard edge to it. The sharpness in his voice hadn’t been used towards Will in years. Will knew he had to patient, he knew he couldn’t explode. He knew this wasn’t about him, he’d done nothing wrong.
His voice sounded strained;
“I don’t quite get what you’re saying funny bones. You don’t want to tell me this? Or you don’t..want, to tell me?”
Nico turned around.
His eyes widened as he caught sight of Will’s face.
Why did he look scared?
Will put his hand up towards his face and felt a slight dampness under his nose. He pulled his finger away and saw the smallest bit of red. He stared at his hand in confusion. Then it clicked, it must have happened when Nico’s shoulder caught his nose. Weird. He hadn’t felt it. Well, surprise he could feel anything it was still freezing in there.
He looked back up again to Nico, who was staring at the blood on his hand.
“Nico, it’s just a nosebleed.” His hand came back up to his face to wipe away the rest of the blood, “I’m fine! Look, ‘think I’d know if anything was wrong, doctor and all that jazz.”
He was just wiping his hand on the duvet, remembering to wash it later on when Nico spoke.
“I did that” His voice was so quiet. It had that old, underlying self disgust that the Son of Hades was so apt at pulling off.
Will raised his eyebrows,
“It was an accident, no big deal” Nico was twisting his ring around his finger and his feet were overlapping each other. He was starting to close himself off, he closed his eyes and when he spoke again his voice was strangely high;
“I keep hurting you, don’t I? I-even when I’m just talking” His left hand moved to his face, his fingers pushing against his forehead.
“I keep hurting you and I can’t stop it”
“Nico, I know you don’t mean it, stop beating yourself up. Seriously, if you’re being a brat, which y’know, you kinda are on occasion, I tell you. You whacked me with your shoulder...so? Last Friday Travis threw a rock at my head, the Thursday before that Leo accidentally set my hand on fire. I can handle a nose bleed.” Will’s chest was getting tighter because Nico still hadn’t moved his hand from his face.
Will’s mind kept reminding him that Nico was only in his underwear and Will’s Camp T-shirt. He looked so adorable all Will wanted to do was pull him into the duvet and not let him out again. Will’s shirt was big on him, he looked so small, even though he was anything but. He was an 18 year old Son of Hades, he didn’t need protecting, he didn’t need smothering.
“It’s not like you’d just murder someone in cold blood” Will said, pleading in his mind for Nico to move his goddamned hand off of his face.
Will was staring at Nico, waiting for a snappy retort.
Instead he just stood there, breathing heavily.
“Nico?” Nico’s other hand had gone to his face now. At another time Will might’ve joked about there being a weird magnet in Nico’s face, but instead all he could do was ask;
“Nico what haven’t you told me?” The room seemed to drop even more in temperature, along with Nico’s fight. His shoulders slumped and he dropped his hands, Will quashed the urge to smooth out the lines on his face. To cup it and just say it was okay, that Nico didn’t need to tell him. Tell him Will loved him and nothing he would say would change that. It was true but still Will didn’t move.
They waited for what could have been years, or just 30 seconds. They waited until Will couldn’t stand it and asked;
“Is this about Octavian?” Nico looked at him and slowly, shook his head.
Will started to say his name but then something seemed to snap inside the younger half-blood. He suddenly moved to the bed and began pulling on his jeans.
“Nico, Nico stop! Nico-what are you doing?” He moved cautiously towards him but Nico glared at him.
Will stepped back. He closed his eyes and breathed in. He was normally so much better at handling this, but it had been so long since Nico had looked at him like that. He opened his eyes to see Nico pulling on a long sleeved black t-shirt.
Not his camp half blood one.
Will was so tired.
Rationally he knew this couldn’t be about him, but that didn’t stop the rising panic gathering in his throat as he desperately tried to isolate something he’d done. He may be 19 but he still felt like a kid. Nico was normally the only person who understood how the pain of others affected him. He was one of the only ones who helped when Will couldn’t do it anymore, when Will panicked.
But, as Will continued to stare at Nico’s hardened face, his panic gave way to anger of his own. He knew it wasn’t fair of him, he knew people getting annoyed at him was one of Nico’s fears. That he’d push everyone away again.
But Will was fucking human too.
“Fine! Don’t tell me. And you know what? It feels really shit cause I’m supposed to be your partner in this, maybe that's rude or unfair of me to say but don’t you get it? Im not going anywhere and I thought you knew that! I can take it when you feel insecure about me, or when you feel insecure about yourself, or you get..i don’t know, pissed at people. When you lash out but Don’t. You. Fucking. Dare. Presume that I am going to judge you for something.” Will was half shouting half crying because he was so tired and Nico was supposed to be there for him as much as Will was. He wiped angrily at his face.
“I know you get scared of me leaving or-or whatever, but what do you think is gonna happen, if you don’t talk to me anymore? I thought we agreed we were in this-in this, y’know as a team. The fact that you still think I’m going to leave you, well that hurts Nico. I don’t-I don’t ever want to ever make you insecure but, to make things work you actually have to y’know, work for it.”
Nico had finished getting dressed. He was just standing there, staring at his bare feet.
A voice in Will's head kept telling him that he couldn't say these things to Nico, but for all his jokes and healing abilities. He wasn't actually a Doctor. Sure he understood physical injuries and understood emotions and generally knew what to say and how to help, he could probably ace the entire course if he ever survived university, but there was so much pressure to always do the right thing and always be right. They were all Children who'd been thrusted into a world that you had to grow up or you'd be left behind.
“Do you even care if I feel insecure?”
Nico’s head shot up, “Of course I do!”
“Well you could bloody well show it. What makes you so fucking different from the rest of us?”
Nico started to interrupt but Will wasn’t having it. He realised maybe he was getting off topic but he just couldn’t stop;
“Nothing. Just you. You isolate yourself. I’ve told you this so many times and everytime I think I’ve got the message through. If you want friends and relationships you have to-to count yourself as valuable. Do you understand how much I hate seeing you when you shut down? When-you go all...kid of the underworld?? It scares the hell out of me and not for the reasons you think it does. I. Don’t. Care. What you’ve done or-or how you did it. I don’t care how much power you have or how much you don’t have I just-” Will let out a sob, and Nico bit his lip.
“Why can’t you see that I’m just as scared as you? Why can’t you see that it hurts when I see you like-” He gestured wildly.
When his voice came back in it sounded defeated, his tiredness came back in one massive wave and he pulled the duvet around himself more.
“You’re one of the only ones who ever sees it when I’m sad or-or when I don’t want to be here. You were the only one who seemed to care about when I didn’t feel like being Mr. Sunshine. I love you. but” Will’s voice hitched when he said ‘but’, he carried on regardless;
“After everything I’ve done. After-I…..I don’t have massive powers, I’m n-not important but, but you always saw me, you said it d-didn’t matter. I’d do anything for you.”
Will was properly crying now but he needed to finish;
“Y-you tell me you love me and you kiss me and you-and you have s-sex with me and-and then you tell me you don’t trust me? I know that’s not your fault. But no-wait, it is your fault or at least- make it your fault. Take all that negative emotion and-take responsibility for it. ‘Cause then you can tell it to fuck off. ‘Cause at the moment? It’s me who’s getting the fuck off vibes. Not the shit in your head”
Nico was breathing heavily. Will felt like there were weights on his chest, he was shaking and thought he might fall over.
“You’re supposed to say something now” He breathed deeply, calming himself down.
Nico just stood there. He just stood there.
The longer the silence went on, the more Will seemed to deflate. Nico hadn’t made any move to come near him. No move to comfort him. Will’s insides felt like they had just sunk through the floor. Will wasn’t crying anymore. He felt dried up.
He turned his back on Nico and pulled his jeans on. He realised his T-shirt was on the other side of the room.
Behind Nico.
He thought back to about 2 hours ago. When Nico had held onto him, kissed him. He thought about how happy he’d looked, how Will’s stomach lurched when Nico’s eyes had rolled back in his head. How cool his long fingers felt pulling on his hair. When he’d tried to kiss Will but couldn’t because they were both smiling too much. How when he said Will’s name, he sounded breathless and he looked so beautiful. How he ran his nose across Will’s collar bones and murmured sweet nothings into his skin, sealing them with kisses.
Will looked over his shoulder and caught Nico’s eyes. Will’s heart leaped into his throat and he didn’t think he could stand going near Nico to get back his shirt. He looked lost, staring at Will and chewing his words.
Even now, Nico still didn’t say anything.
It wasn’t until Will had decided to leave his shirt and had gone to open the door when he heard a low whisper behind him;
“Don’t leave me”
Will’s hand stilled on the handle. He took a deep breath;
“I-” his voice broke; “I’m never gonna leave you. But the sun’s coming up. Wouldn’t want anyone to think you were happy, or in love, would we?”
And with that he left the Hades cabin.
Will couldn’t breathe.
Camp looked so beautiful in the mornings. When the sun was just coming up, it lit the back of half of the cabins from the beach and the entire sky went pink.
He felt like shit.
There were so many different noises this early in the morning; bird’s, the hum of insects, the constant ebb and flow of the sea.
He was such an idiot.
He started walking towards the beach, that was where the sun shone first.
How could he even say those things to him?
The sunlight gives the sea such a beautiful colour.
He had a right to say those things, didn’t he?
It was a sort of golden tint.
What the hell did he just do.
Will was probably getting sand in his jeans. He wasn't wearing a T-shirt and a harsh breeze was being thrown at him by the sea and he shivered.
He pulled his legs up to his chest and hid his face in them. He didn't think he could cry anymore, he just felt numb.
How could he have been so stupid? What if Nico leaves?
Will’s hands fisted in his hair.
“Hey...Will?”
Will jumped, he hadn’t expected anyone to be out here this early. He raised his eyes and peered blearily over at none other that Percy Jackson.
“Are you alright mate?” Will just continued to stare at him.
He was wearing a faded t-shirt and pyjama bottoms with finding Nemo on them. He decided not to comment and drew his arms around his knees and asked:
“What uh, why are you out here this early?” His voice sounded thick, even to his own ears.
“Blackjack went mad over a dolphin who accidentally ate a golf club”
“How’d you accidentally eat a golf club”
Percy raised his arms and shoulders, waving his hands and pulling a face that gave him about 3 chins.
“Dolphin’s man”
Percy plonked himself down on the sand next to him and stretched out his legs. “You still haven’t answered my question”
Will scoffed, he wasn't particularly close with Percy. Sure, they were friends and the dude was funny, and one of those people who was just nice to everyone. Everyone had a good word to say about Percy, but Will didn't really expect him to be able to help much.
It’s not like he could tell him if he wanted to. Nico didn’t want anyone to know. Will totally understood that, of course he did. It didn’t change his feelings but…being with Nico made him happier than anything else had in the entire world, and he couldn’t even talk to anyone about it.
“Solace?”
Will started, realising he’d been staring moodily at the sand.
“Sorry sorry, I’m okay just….had a rough night, thats all.”
The next thing Percy said, quite honestly, astounded Will, because he was incredibly oblivious when it came to other people.
“Argument with Nico?”
Will did a double take, “Wha-uh, I mean….uh..how?.”
“Dude, Cabin 3 is literally next to Cabin 13. I see you go in there all the time. Those creepy ass walls may not have windows yet but mine do. Also I had leverage on Piper, am great friends with a certain Oracle of Dephi and Hazel is like my sister. Even for an idiot like me, wasn’t difficult.”
Will’s throat caught on his next words and he spoke without thinking; “How many people know?” He then clasped his hands over his mouth, closing his eyes.
Percy just chuckled, Will opened his eyes to see him lean back on his elbows and run a hand through his windswept hair.
“Don’t know, not many. Rachel knew you liked him ages ago, Pipers good with that stuff and my girlfriend is Annabeth. I get sooo much gossip you wouldn’t believe. Did you know that Butch has a-”
“Percy” Will said sternly, “If he hasn’t told me himself, I don’t wanna know”
The Son of Poseidon looked chastised at least.
When Percy wasn’t trying to stick his sword forcefully into somethings face, or getting ready to punch Zeus in the nose, he gave out a sort of calming…Will didn’t want to say smell. It was like when you go to the beach, it’s a nice day and you get the whiff of salt and a breeze and cool sand between your toes. It was like that, but a feeling.
Will uncurled his arms from around himself and started to doodle in the sand.
“Okay, I get that it’s none of my business but, you kinda look like you’ve been dragged through the underworld and back. Also you aren’t wearing a shirt. I mean, I’m all for that, although Annabeth tells me I can’t walk around in just my boxers and I’m like, its the same a swimming shorts, but less waterproof. Not that it makes any difference to me of course”
Will chuckled as Percy added a horrid face to the flower Will had been scribbling.
He was good at this. He could do this, just laugh and play along.
He turned his head round to face Percy; “I’m alright.” He grinned, “Got nothing to complain about really.”
Percy twisted his mouth and his eyebrows knitted together.
“Who told you you’ve got nothing to complain about?” Okay….not what Will was expecting.
“No one had to. I’ve just done nothing” He shrugged, “remarkable, never been kidnapped, never even been on a quest. Didn’t get injured in any battles. What is there to complain about? Apart from Satre babies, that thing is in and out of the infirmary like no one’s business.”
Percy sat up, Will looked out at the sea.
They waited for a moment, just listening to the steady whoosh of water.
“Okay that's bullshit.”
Will scoffed.
“Look, I'm sorry I didn't have much time to do anything after the battle but I always kinda admired you after Manhattan.”
Will just stared at him, the look on his face was surely priceless. Percy Jackson. Admired him. In the words of Steve Rodgers, how in the darn-dilldly-dally-caddy-wack-sack did that happen?
Dude, you lost 2 of your older siblings at the age of 12, leaving you Head cabin counsellor. You healed Annabeth, after she rudely felt like being stabbed. You helped Thalia after her legs were crushed by that statute. You took on responsibility for anyone and everyone who went to the infirmary because you were the only one who could, you knew you had to. Look, I-I’m not great at this, but you've done so much without giving yourself the credit. You've delivered babies, put up with me and Jason when we felt like having a toothpick eating contest. You probably saved Nico’s life. All you ever do is help people, and all they ever do is see you as someone who will help them. ‘Cause he has no choice, or it’s his conscience, or just the fact that he knows he can.”
Will’s hand had clenched in the sand, he was breathing heavily. There was so much he wanted to say, but he settled safely on;
“How’d you see that?”
It was Percy’s turn to scoff and look at the horizon.
“Hi. My name’s Percy Jackson. Yeah you might’ve heard of me. I stabbed a Minotaur in the face when I was 11. I helped kill Kronos when I was 15. Yeah, the one with the two prophecies? That's me."
"Hi. My names Percy Jackson. I once got plucked up by Hera and dumped in a camp full of Romans, but don’t worry, I don’t dwell on it much since I fell into Tartarus, got attacked by weird-tree-bat ladies, had a nosebleed and woke up the earth. But it’s okay. I fixed it.” he crossed his ankles, picking off sand from his pyjama bottoms.
“Hi. My names Percy Jackson. I back talk gods and save the world. That’s all I do. It’s not as if I’m y’know, a person. Apparently I didn’t have time to be a teenager. I’m too busy being Percy-frickin’-Jackson.”
Will still didn't understand, he raised his eyebrows. All this was doing was proving that Will didn’t deserve to feel unhappy, he hadn’t been through that. ALso it was making Will feel a smidge guilty.
“I still don’t get it.”
Percy sighed and bit the inside of his cheek, he was fiddling with his necklace;
“Look, I said I’m not good at this just..”
He clenched his fist, as if trying to get the right words.
“Being someone’s Healer and someone’s Hero, well, they’re more alike that you think. Other’s forget that you’re just...you. People see you as your abilities and deeds. And I mean, yeah I am kinda awesome on a good day, and I have kinda saved the world, and my trash talking game can rival Leo’s. Actually no screw that, I’m older than Leo, I was sassing immortals before he knew what a halfblood was.”
Will raised his eyebrows;
“But...I’m… just me? This makes no sense I know. But I have panic attacks and freak out a lot, I can’t do it a lot of the time.”
He looked at Will with a rye smile;
“I may be the perfect version of the oblivious pretty boy when it comes to other people and love and stuff like that but…I know what it’s like to feel responsible for other people. And what it looks like when someone is stubbornly refusing to let himself believe, that he so totally deserves to be pissed off about what the gods have given him.”
Something splashed into sea and they both got hit by a jet of controlled water. Percy just flipped the waves off and shouted;
“Don’t even deny it!”
An odd emotion was bubbling inside Will. He hadn’t really felt like this since before Michael died.
For someone who’s father literally invented poetry, he was being outspoken by a Son of Poseidon, but Percy still wasn’t done.
“But that’s why I have Annabeth. The same thing happens to her, so it’s easy for her to call me names and tell me when I’m being stupid. But...to also...be there when I don’t want to be Percy Jackson? Well I can’t not be Percy Jackson but uh, I mean well, you’ve seen how I can get...sometimes” Percy’s voice grew a bit distant at that point, he looked down and rubbed the back of his neck. Will then realised that Percy must’ve remembered the night he got locked in the shed. Or Annabeth had told him. Will tentatively put a hand on Percy’s shoulder and Percy seemed to come back to himself.
“And...That’s why you have Nico, and why he has you. He’s not as stoic and unfeeling as he likes to think. And a lot of how he’s getting better is down to you. You helped him realise that he’s just a person, like all of us are. And if he forgets that about you, well, as his honorary big brother I give you permission to throw a shoe at him. I’ll talk to Hazel, maybe you’ll get two shoes. Jason’ll help you target”
Will felt like he might cry again, which was not something he felt like doing. The mention of Nico had brought the entire deal this morning flooding back to him and he took a deep breath.
His mind was still rapidly trying to process everything that Percy had said to him.
He was trying to think of how to reply to Percy’s speech. It’d been awhile since someone older than him had just given him advice or comfort without expecting something back.
He tried to convey everything in his face; his gratitude that someone understood, the swell of fondness in his chest.
The small quirk of Percy’s mouth and the crinkles that appeared round his eyes sent a clear message: understood.
“How’d you get so wise Jackson.” Will sighed, leaning back on his hands, letting the weak sunlight wash over him. He still felt like there were several tonnes of rocks in his stomach. He had conflicting desires to take up Percy’s offer of shoe throwing and just running back to Cabin 13 and apologising profusely.
“Well, I’m an adult now, apparently, yikes. I’ve also been with a Daughter of Athena for 6 years. Oh Gods, 6 years. It’s been awhile since I was that 16 yr old who got thrown in the lake.”
“How’d you do it?” Will asked, his voice soft.
“What? Get thrown in a lake? Well Clarisse-”
“No no, I mean. 6 years. How….how d’you do it?”
“Well,” Percy tilted his head to the side, kind of like a puppy. His naturally brooding look mixed with the angle of his head reminded Will of that Angel from Supernatural.
“‘Cause I wanted to. As long as you both want it to be forever, then, screw anything that tells you it can’t be. Talking also helps, but I guess Nico shuts himself off.”
Will let out a dry chuckle, then felt bad.
“Look. Oh gods I sound like Piper. or Annabeth, or both of them...anyway.” He swivelled round to face Will.
“Do you love him?”
Will bit his lip, then nodded.
“Okay...does he love you?”
Will thought to Nico’s smiles, the way he twined his fingers through Will’s hair, how he always filled up his drink before Will even noticed it was empty, how when it was Will’s birthday, he’d shadow travelled halfway across the country because a play Will really wanted to see was on, even though Nico had no interest in it and fell asleep halfway, he still listened to Will and asked questions about it. The way they would stay awake for hours, just talking about nothing and everything, while his thumb made the now familiar journey around Will’s freckles.
About how wrecked he’d sounded when he’d pleaded with Will not to leave. Something clenched at his chest and he closed his eyes.
He nodded.
“Well then,” Said Percy, standing up, “That’s your answer to how we did it. I love her, so I’m going to be with her forever.”
Will took a deep breath, he didn’t trust his voice but he still looked up at Percy and said,
“Hey...I’m really glad that dolphin wanted to be Tiger woods”
Percy threw his head back in a laugh.
He started to walk back up past Will but ruffled his hair affectionately and said; “Me too. See you later, Will. Maybe with more clothes on next time.” he winked and then walked off.
Will stayed sat on the sand.
He didn’t feel quite so hopeless anymore. Sure, they’d had an argument and apologies were probably deserved all round, but it wasn’t the end of the world.
They’d get past it.
Also his mind was still reeling at the truth to Percy’s words. Nico did know all of that, but hearing Percy say it...Will felt like he was more entitled to it now. He’d always thought it selfish of him to get tired of helping people.
Will picked at a thread from his jeans and thought that maybe apologies from both of them were necessary
He started to hear the commotion of a waking camp behind him and got to his feet.
It was going to be fine.
Nico didn't approach him until that evening. Everyone was settled round the campfire and marshmallows were being tossed around lazily.
“Will? Can I, uh can I talk to you?”
Will attempted to keep his face relatively smooth, but there was a sense of something rising in his throat.
“Yeah, of course, do you wanna go….?” He raises his hands a gestured away from the fire.
Nico just sat down next to him and looked around;
“It’s uh, okay, no one can really hear us here.”
True, Will was sitting on a log on his own and everyone else was being their usual selves. Aka everyone was engrossed in their own conversations and were loud.
Will looked at Nico and realised he wasn't the only one who looked tired.
They both stared at the fire.
Will coughed.
They stared at the fire.
“Bryce Lawrence”
Nico’s sudden voice made Will jump. He raised his eyebrows and flicked something out of his fringe, still staring at the golden flames. He waited.
“Bryce Lawrence. He was uh, Leader of Fifth cohort, I think.”
“What's the big deal about a Roman half-blood?” He glanced at Nico out of the corner of his eye and his whole body clenched. He was sitting so stiffly, like he could jump up and run at any moment.
“Is he a-”
“Was” said Nico quickly, Will stared at him and made a continuing motion with his hands, waiting for Nico to elaborate.
Their eyes met.
It felt like a punch it the gut, but hey, it was only a punch, not a stab.
Nico however, looked like he was about to punch himself and his words came out in a jumble.
“H-he came after me and Reyna when we were taking the Statue and tried to stop us. Reyna said he had been banished from C-camp Jupiter for being ah, i-instabile e pericoloso no, um he was crazy basically. Well he tried to hurt Reyna and I just l-lost it and I let out everything that I had in me. All of it all my anger and just..” He closed his eyes. “I s-sent his soul to the underworld.”
The fire continued to roar, voices drifting from either side of them.
“I killed him” His voice was a monotone, but his hands were clenched tightly in his lap and his jaw was tight. His gaze returned to the fire, he was twisting his ring around his finger which was making some people near them antsy.
Will moved closer on the bench. Nico swallowed but he didn't move away.
“Nico, that’s called self defence. We-we all did things we weren't proud of. You said so yourself. Reyna said he was mentally unstable or whatever. From all I've heard, cause I have heard about him, he would've just kept hurting people”
Will shoved his hands in his pockets in an attempt not to reach out and take Nico’s.
“That's not the point” Nico hung his head, his face was completely obscured by his hair,
“It wasn’t-not-that it was him, it was the fact that I did it. I let out a-all my emotions, like everyone is telling me to do and I did that. And this morning,” His breath hitched, he sounded choked. Will thought it a very safe bet that Nico was crying.
Well weren't they having an emotional day.
“I h-had a dream that it happened to you, that I hurt you and I c-couldn't stand that so I p-panicked and now you hate me.”
Will briefly thought about what other people might think but at the moment all he wanted to do was pull the boy into a hug. So he did.
He couldn't even describe to himself the relief he felt when Nico hugged him back.
All the rocks that had been whacking insistently against his innards seemed to dissolve as he breathed in the scent of Nico’s shampoo
“I don’t hate you, you idiot.” He let Nico go and wiped his eyes with his thumb.
“You have every right too, n-not for this but just for the way I’ve been.”
Will stopped himself from interrupting and reassuring. It was important Nico understand the way he is around other people.
“I just forgot that you have problems too and I act so self-c, uh self centered? So I’m sorry about that. You have every right to whack me or some-”
Will jabbed him hard in the side, effectively shutting him up.
“That do?” Will asked with a smile, he then looked down, “I should really apologise for what I said as well, so, I'm sorry, it was out of line”
"No no it's okay, I deserved it"
Will narrowed his eyes, "Will you just let me apologise? We both were crap, and I'm an idiot"
Nico bit his thumb as he looked down and said:
"You're not an idiot actually, you're probably the smartest person I know," He glanced up to where Annabeth was sitting across from them, "Well, in your own way. So yeah, I love you and stuff"
"Was....was that a compliment!?" Will put his hand to his forehead, "Oh woe is me, see how I swoon"
Nico glared at him and kicked his foot but he was giggling. Will smiled at him.
Nico bit his lips as he rubbed his side. He glanced down at Will’s lips and looked round.
He was getting that mischievous glint in his eyes, which was proof that he spent too much time around the Stolls. Or Percy.
Then leaned forward and kissed him.
Kissed him in front of anyone who happened to be looking in their direction.
Will’s eyes were still open and he didn’t have time to reciprocate, Nico pulled back slightly and said in a low voice;
“I can’t kiss it better, and as you can tell I am being far too emotional today, but...uh, you deserve to be with someone who can show you off and, I’m sort of selfish and want you to stick with me so, uh yeah. We alright?”
There was a warm feeling running through Will, like sunlight in his veins.
Cecil had once asked him why kids of Apollo didn’t glow or something and Will was incredibly glad they didn’t cause in that moment he was sure to be lit up like a Christmas tree.
He looked at Nico’s worried face that was staring straight into Will’s own.
So Will kissed him again.
He heard a wolf whistle from somewhere to his right.
He didn’t stop.
He just put his middle finger up at them as Nico’s hands went to his face.
He could hear laughter and a “Finally!” From someone who might’ve been Jason.
Will didn’t envy Nico that conversation, or himself, oh gods.
They broke apart and Nico’s dark eyes were reflecting the fire light, he looked like he’d just run a mile. His eyes darted to the side and his tongue peeked out from behind his teeth in a nervous laugh.
Yeah.
They’ll be okay.