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Some nights it was really hard to sleep. Almost impossible. And today was one of those nights. You spent some time with the patroling Scouts, had some tea with them, and had a good chat, but then you eventually wandered away from them. There was a specific person you were looking for.
You found Hange sitting near the camp, her back leaning against a big solid rock. She was alone, just as you hoped. You were itching to have some alone time with the Section Commander the entire day. Both of you had a tremendous amount of work the last couple of days and barely saw each other.
At first, it was okay, you were even glad because talking to Hange was absolute mayhem the last few weeks. You were terrible at hiding your crush on the Titan-obsessed scientist.
„Would you like some company for whatever you’re doing here?“ you asked with an innocent smile, stopping just a few steps away. Hange would never send you away, you were sure of that.
„To be honest, I was expecting you much sooner,“ she said, surprising you with those words. Even more, when she didn’t even look at you. Her beautiful brown eyes were carefully fixed on the little notebook in her hands.
„Why’s that?“
„You seemed too anxious to actually lay down and sleep.“
„Interesting observation,“ you muttered, sitting down next to Hange. Summer had always been your favorite season. To be more specific, it was the summer nights that held some unique kind of magic you were so fascinated with. „But it’s true. I am too anxious to actually ever try to go to sleep.“
„Wanna talk about it?“
You shook your head, bringing your knees to your chest and resting your chin on them. The moon was brightly shining right above your head, but the stars were still pretty visible. It was nights like this one when you actually felt the worst. When everything seemed so peaceful, while during daylight your life was in danger almost nonstop. Most of the time you wished that the night would never end. Then everything could be much more beautiful and safe.
„And what’s keeping you up?“ you asked after a moment of silence, while you watched Hange scribble some notes in her notebook. She was surely planning a new project or experiment. „Any interesting new ideas?“
„Actually, no. It’s something completely different this time.“
„Oh, really?“ you laughed at the enthusiasm in her voice. Hange was smart in ways you weren’t. And that was okay. You still loved to hear about everything science-related she so loved to talk about. To about anyone, who showed just a slight interest in hearing her out. „And are you...“
„Of course, I’m going to tell you!“ she blurted out without even letting you finish the sentence.
Something about Hange’s voice and the way she was talking and explaining stuff always made you feel at ease. You could close your eyes and relax for hours while enjoying all that she had to say. And she clearly loved such a companion.
„I remembered how my father used to take me out during summer nights to watch the stars. He always knew so much about them.“
„From where?“
„He had a lot of books and taught me how to read them even before I went to school. Mom was very proud, she loved to read as well and always had a book with her wherever she went.“
„We had a couple of really old books at home, it was a heritage from my grandparents. But I’ve never actually read them.“
„What were they about?“ You shrugged, leaning your back against the rock as well. The night was hot, but a fresh breeze was making sure that the air didn’t become too unbearable. „That’s a shame. You should never pass up a chance to read a good and interesting book. Or even just skim through it.“
„Well, maybe I should take your advice.“
„Definitely,“ she laughed, handing you her notebook. It surprised you at first, but you carefully reached for it, brushing the tips of your fingers against Hange’s warm skin. It was such an innocent little move, but it made a shiver run down your back. As if nothing happened, she continued talking. „Anyways, he loved to tell me all about different constellations, their meanings all stories bound with them.“
„Do you remember any of them?“
„All of them,“ she said proudly, clasping her hands behind her head. „But I’ve never told them to anyone.“
Hange’s handwriting was hard to read sometimes, but her little illustrations on the sides of the pages made up for that. Tiny little stars, some of them connected into different shapes. You loved to stargaze but never knew a whole lot about the stars. Their beauty was enough for you, even without additional pieces of information.
„These constellations...“ you said, pointing to her drawings. „Did you draw them from memory or...“
„No, look up,“ she said, pointing to the night sky. Although you could hear the quiet chatter from the nearby camp, where the other Scouts were settled, you only paid attention to Hange. „See those stars over there? It’s called the Ursa Major, otherwise known as the Great Bear.“
You tried to follow her finger, which outlined a similar shape as you saw in her notebook. If you looked hard enough, you could make out a shape that looked like some sort of animal, but it wasn’t even close to a bear.
„Who named it like that? A person who never saw a bear in his life?“
„If you close one eye and tilt your head a bit, it looks like a bear.“ You shook your head, leaning a bit closer to Hange, to have a better look at what she was trying to show you. „See there? The body, legs, tail...“
„I don’t know, it looks like some sort of a drunk deformed bear.“
„Ha! That’s what I said to my dad when I was little. He laughed at me for a while, then admitted that I was right.“
„I’m glad we see the world in the same way,“ you said without thinking, leaning even closer to Hange until your arm bumped into hers.
Before you even knew it, Hange slid her arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer, so you were looking in the exact same direction. You could feel your whole body tense up, while the Section Commander kept talking and trying to convince you, that it truly looked like a bear.
But concentrating on her words was more and more difficult with every passing second. Mainly because of her arm still around your shoulders. It was a pleasant feeling which made you feel calm and safe, but at the same time, your whole body filled with thousand other different emotions.
Being close to Hange was driving you crazy more and more with every interaction the two of you had. At the same time, her closeness and touch were all you craved most days. Mainly when everything got too quiet at night and you suddenly had nothing to do. No place to hide from your worst thoughts.
„Okay, let’s try a different one then. It’s not that visible right now, but if you look really closely...“
„What am I looking at?“ you wanted to know, subconsciously leaning even closer to Hange and resting your head against her shoulder. It took all your courage, but when Hange didn’t seem to pull away, you relaxed a bit. At least on the outside, internally you were screaming and freaking out like an actual teenager you were a long time ago. „Another animal?“
„It’s the Leo constellation,“ Hange explained, tilting her head upwards. But before you could follow her lead, she pulled you down by your shoulders, making you lay down with your head in her lap.
All the air in your lungs got suddenly caught on its way out, making your heart skip a few beats. Startled, you tried to sit up immediately, but when one of Hange’s hands slipped in your hair, her nails slowly sliding over your scalp, you stayed put. Taking a deep steadying breath, you fixed your eyes on the sky again.
„You were born at the beginning of august, right?“ she asked, while already knowing the answer. That’s why she didn’t wait for your response, while her delicate fingers were still innocently playing with your hair. „So you are a leo as well. You should know how to find your own constellations.“
Trying to say something was almost impossible. You were sure that if you opened your mouth, no sound would come out. Or if you tried to speak, your voice would shake for sure.
„Do you see that bright star?“ Hange pointed above her head, waiting for you to say something or at least nod silently. „That one over there.“ Your eyes were searching the night sky for the star she was pointing at.
„That one?“ you asked almost too quietly, lifting your own hand. Hange’s fingers gently wrapped around your wrist, moving your hand a little to the right.
„Yeah, exactly. You know what’s it called?“
„No idea.“ Even if you knew, Hange’s hand still holding your wrist made you forget even your own name.
„That’s the Leo’s heart, the star is called Regulus. Or even Cor Leonis sometimes,“ she explained patiently with a burst of excitement in her voice. You could really tell that she was enjoying lecturing you about this topic. „It’s the twentieth-first brightest star in the night sky.“
„And what is the...“
You forgot what you were saying when Hange let go of your wrist and her hand gently landed on your chest. She looked down at you, smiling a little. Her rich brown eyes reflected the smile on her lips even more visibly. You tried to stay calm, but your heart had a mind of its own, it started to pick up speed until you were certain Hange could feel it too.
The smile on her lips grew even wider.
„And you know what’s the best part about it? Regulus appears as a singular star when in reality it’s a quadruple star system made out of four stars that are organized into two pairs.“
It was surely interesting, all of what she was saying... but all you could concentrate on, was the heat rising to your cheeks, while your heart still refused to calm down.
„Why are you freaking out? Isn’t this why you came here?“
„What?“ you blurted out, furrowing your brown. „I’m not... I’m not freaking out.“
„So you’re completely relaxed now?“ she teased you, stroking your cheek with her other hand. „In that case, you should go see a doctor when we return home. Having such a high-resting heart rate is not healthy.“
You could feel yourself blushing and were sure, that Hange saw it even in the dark. But a genuine smile finally made its way to your lips. She was right. This is why you came here. You wanted to spend time with her and maybe finally break down the walls separating the two of you.
Hange liked you as well, you were sure of it for a couple of weeks now. But it seemed that she was just as shy in approaching you in this matter. You both focused on work, trying to hide your true feelings. And that only led to more sleepless nights in your case. You spent long hours staring into the ceiling, thinking about how different those moments would be if Hange was there beside you.
„I think you know why my heart is pounding like that,“ you finally said, daring to tuck a few strands of hair behind her right ear, carefully fixing her glasses as they slid down her nose a little.
God, she was so beautiful.
In that moment and every other as well.
During everything she was doing, literally anytime.
You were never in love before. Not truly in love. With Hange it all felt so different even now when the two of you weren’t together. But when you looked at her and studied the structure of her face, her joyful eyes, and her bright smile, that painted rays of sunshine all over her face, you could see your whole future. The life you wanted and wished for.
Being a Scout was good... for now. After years of hard training, you were happy at where you ended up. But life had so much more to offer. And you wanted to experience that as well, best with somebody you truly loved.
With Hange.
„What did you mean, when you said that this is why I came here?“ you asked, while your fingers still lingered over the soft warm skin of her cheek.
„You wanted to be alone with me.“
„Yes.“
„Because you wanted to tell me something?“
You shrugged, gently grabbing her chin and bringing her face closer to yours. With her hand still right over your wildly beating heart, you brushed your lips over Hange’s mouth, waiting for her response. It took her less than a second until you felt her return the kiss. A pleasant wave of excitement and warmth washed over your entire body, making you feel something like never before.
Something you weren’t even sure existed. Until now.
„I think this is better than a thousand words,“ you whispered, still just a mere distance away from her lips.
„I really much agree with that,“ she said just as quietly as if she was scared somebody may hear her. „Was it that obvious that I like you? Or did you just shoot your shot and hoped for the best?“
„Maybe something from both of those options,“ you smiled again, longing for her lips once more. For even just one last kiss. „I think I love you. For a few weeks now, actually. And it was driving me crazy, that I wasn’t able to say something. To let you know how I really feel.“
Being friends with Hange was one thing. It was never hard or complicated, her truly friendly nature drew you towards her from day one. And it really was only friendship at the beginning.
The first time you noticed, that you started to feel something more, panic set in. You truly freaked out, because falling for Hange... You never saw it coming, so all of those feelings knocked you off your feet and left you avoiding Hange for a couple of days. You hoped, that being apart for some time would solve this... problem?
No, it wasn’t a problem.
Just something you never knew you were looking for, until you got to know Hange Zoë.
Your whole life was flipped upside down, torn into tiny pieces, and then put together once again, this time truly magically.
„Good, I was looking for ways to tell you something very similar. And now I’m glad that I wasn’t the first to confess,“ Hange said, tasting your lips again for a short while. For just a glimpse of a moment that felt like a whole eternity. „Nonetheless... I love you,“ she whispered into your skin, planting tiny kisses along your jaw, which made you smile again.
You felt relief and happiness like never before. Being a part of the Scouting Regiment meant never knowing when you were going to die. Making friends and getting close to people was necessary, but really hard. Throughout the years, you’ve lost a lot of people closest to you.
Maybe that’s why you were so afraid of falling in love. Losing friends was one thing. But losing somebody you wanted to have a future with...
You weren't sure your heart would be able to take such pain and suffering.
„I want to spend my life with you, Hange. I want to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of my life and fall asleep holding you in my arms every night.“
„I wake up at dawn every morning, so I can go to the lab and get some work done before breakfast.“
You expected something sweet in response, maybe another kiss. But the words that came out of her mouth were just so typical for Hange. Not everybody liked her sense of humor, but it never bothered you. Quite the opposite.
„Okay, I’ll settle for falling asleep with you in my arms. I hate waking up early,“ you mumbled, asking for another kiss with puckered lips.
„I’ll teach you how to do it.“
„You’ll teach me how to wake up early?“ Hange nodded, biting down on her lower lip with a cheeky grin. „Well... I’ll be happy to give your method a try,“ you assured her, still asking for a kiss.
And Hange gave it to you.
And then at least ten more, before she started to talk about the stars again.
She had many stories and suddenly wanted to share all of them with you. Every single one of them, even those about stars and constellations you’ve never heard about. But just until the moment Hange described them to you in a way no one else would be able to do. With such whimsical details and words full of the purest magic. With one of her hands tangled in your hair, the other still resting on your chest, feeling you're once again calmly beating heart.
At that moment, you were safe and loved.
There was no point in worrying about how the next day would turn out.
At that moment, it was only you and Hange.
And that felt just right.