Archive of Our Own

When Hongjoong met Yunho,it was a breath of fresh air. For him, meeting Yunho was a relief after being alone with his dream for a while, with no other trainees around to spend time with, Yunho came around and became his first friend.

Hongjoong always dreamed of music, of creating his own songs, of performing, impacting the world with his art and making a difference. Music has been a part of him since he was little and entering an entertainment company as a trainee felt like the first step in the right direction, the leap that would throw him in the direction he needed to go in to achieve his dreams.

And he loved what he did. He loved learning more, getting better, and heightening the chances of turning his dreams into reality. But it was also lonely, a terrible solitude that came with not having anyone to share his blooming dream with.

Training was good and knowing he was a step closer to his dreams was good, but Hongjoong didn’t want to be a solo artist, he wanted people to be successful with him.

And then Yunho had come along and the empty space around the company, the lonely studios and empty practice rooms had started to fill up. It was good to have someone with him and Yunho was an incredible person, nice and bright and positive, loud in all the right moments and quiet when Hongjoong needed it the most.

They spent time together at the company and out of the company, they got to know each other and Hongjoong finally had a friend, not only to have fun with but also to share his dreams and wistful images of the future.

It was good, being together, the two of them. But they both knew there were still pieces missing to make their perfect image of the future come together. They worked well, but they couldn’t reach the stars alone.

And Mingi was the first one of those missing pieces to join them.

He came like a storm, a big presence, confident, tall and sweet, fitting right into the space in the company, his laugh reverberating off the walls and filling the silence. 

And, although Yunho’s smile had always been bright, there was a different light to it after Mingi joined them.

He seemed almost more alive as if something inside him had shifted and settled into place and a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Hongjoong hadn’t even noticed it at first, the change subtle enough to be overlooked but, once he saw it for the first time, it was impossible to ignore.

Whenever Mingi was around, Yunho’s body automatically turned towards him, his full attention on him and whatever he was doing or saying. He laughed the loudest when Mingi was around and his smile was bigger.

Hongjoong hadn’t fully understood it at first, the depth of their relationship and their connection, but the more time he spent with them, just the three of them getting to know each other, making memories and dreaming of their future, the more he came to see that what he saw it wasn’t just a bond between best friends and that it was different from the bond that he had with them too.

It started small with lingering glances that told words Hongjoong could never understand because they weren’t made for him. They were secret, whispered within their eye contact and meant for no one else.

Hongjoong was convinced they didn’t even notice they did it, so natural was their connection. There were times when the three of them would be talking and Mingi would say something that meant nothing to Hongjoong but that would make Yunho burst out laughing in a way that Hongjoong had never heard before. Other times, their eye contact would linger as if they were having entire conversations no one else could hear.

Hongjoong would look at them curiously, wondering when they would come back to the present and realize they weren’t alone, but it was so nice to see them happy that Hongjoong couldn’t even find it in himself to feel like an outsider. Rather than that, he felt privileged to see them like this. And they always came back to explain to him their inside jokes, laughing in between teasing words.

“Does Mingi being here make you happier?” Hongjoong had asked Yunho once, one late at night after dance practice when they were still sitting on the practice room floor, their backs against the wall and their shoulders touching.

He already knew the answer, it was obvious after the smiling and the staring, but Hongjoong wanted confirmation with words straight from Yunho’s mouth.

Yunho had stopped for a second as if it hadn’t even occurred to him that maybe he did feel happier now that Mingi was around and sharing their dreams.

He looked up at where Mingi was practising a complex move in front of the mirror and Hongjoong had a front-row seat to the way Yunho’s expression softened as he watched Mingi dance, the way a small smile bloomed on his lips as if he couldn’t control it and it had to manifest itself.

“I guess I am,” he said, words gentle under the upbeat song Mingi was dancing to. “Do I look happier?”

Hongjoong smiled at him gently.

“You do. You look a lot more happy and relieved.”

Yunho hummed, hugging his knees against his chest.

“Everything makes more sense with him here.”

Hongjoong didn’t say anything else, Yunho didn’t need him to say anything else, so they sat in silence - Yunho watching Mingi dance and Hongjoong taking in the fond smile Yunho couldn’t keep from his face.

Once Mingi was done with practice, he sat on the floor next to them, Yunho in the middle and, without saying anything, dropped his head to Yunho’s shoulders and closed his eyes. 

“Tired?” Yunho asked and his voice was gentle in a way it never was when Yunho was speaking to anyone else.

Mingi grumbled something that Hongjoong couldn’t hear, but Yunho put his arm around his shoulders and brought him closer to his body, not saying anything as he let Mingi rest against him.

Hongjoong smiled to himself, it was nice to see them together. He hoped they would never part and that, as time passed and their dreams took off, they remained as close as they were now.

***

It had been a long day. A photoshoot in the morning, a variety show in the afternoon and practice in the evening with a new dance instructor who could be described as many things but nice wasn’t one of them.

Everyone was tired and Hongjoong watched in concern as they piled into two cars to be taken to their dorm, some of the members leaning on each other to stay upright, others rubbing at sore muscles in hopes of making the ache feel better.

Hongjoong knew that the exhaustion, the tired eyes behind the determination, the sore muscles and throat, were all part of the process. It was necessary to get where they were and reach even higher in the future but that didn’t mean he didn’t hate feeling like this. And, even more, he hated knowing that his members felt like this and that he was unable to do anything substantial to help them.

“Everything okay?”

There was a concerned frown on Seonghwa’s face when Hongjoong turned to look at him, a dip between his eyebrows and his lips downturned.

“I’m fine,” Hongjoong said, wanting that look to disappear.

He didn’t want anyone to worry about him, he was fine if a little frustrated. It was his job to care for the others not to put more of a burden on their shoulders.

“Don’t lie to me,” Seonghwa said, his voice low but firm.

Hongjoong should have known better, if there was someone who wouldn’t let him lie and pretend like he was fine, it would be Seonghwa. Seonghwa who had seen through his pretence so many times before that it was impossible for him to hide.

“I’m not lying,” he said and, when faced with Seonghwa’s unimpressed look, added. “Not entirely.”

“What’s going on?”

They were in the backseat of the car, Yeosang and Yunho sitting in the middle seat. They had their earphones on, leaning on each other as they dozed on the short way home and Hongjoong felt the protective instincts kick in, a sudden need to do something like tuck them in, make sure they’re warm and never had a bad day again.

But he knew he couldn’t do that. Bad days were inevitable and Hongjoong couldn’t do anything to stop them from happening.

“I just hate seeing them this tired.” He pressed his lips together as he looked at Yeosang and Yunho and then at Seonghwa again. “You too.”

Because despite trying not to show it, much like Hongjoong was doing, there were bags under his eyes now that the makeup was off and his gaze was a little weary, shoulders slumped.

“You’re talking as if you’re not tired too.”

The words were true enough and Hongjoong knew what Seonghwa was getting at before he even said it, it was the same thing he had said to Hongjoong many times before.

“You can’t neglect yourself just to look out for us.”

“I’m not neglecting myself.”

“Not yet,” Seonghwa conceded. “But you’re close to doing it.”

Hongjoong sighed, tilting his head back so it fell on the headrest of his seat. He knew Seonghwa was right, but he didn’t like when it was put so bluntly in front of him.

“You can’t take care of us properly if you don’t take care of yourself too,” Seonghwa continued.

“I hate when you do that.”

“What?” Seonghwa chuckled.

“When you make sense and know me too well.”

“So sorry,” he said sarcastically. “But really, hard days happen and there’s nothing you can do but be here for us and defend the group and our best interests if need be.”

Hongjoong didn’t reply, he didn’t need to. Seonghwa had made his point and he knew that Hongjoong had heard it and would think about it. Not that either of them had any illusions that Hongjoong would ever leave behind the tendency of putting everyone before himself.

“Hyung,” Yunho said suddenly.

The voice startled Hongjoong to look up sharply. He had thought that Yeosang and Yunho were sleeping with their earphones on and he hadn’t expected either of them to turn around to look at them.

“You don’t have to worry so much for us.”

It was such a Yunho thing to say, to reassure and show strength despite how tired he looked.

In all the time they had known each other, since they were trainees and there wasn’t anyone else at the company but them, up until now that they had debuted and were starting to make a name for themselves, Yunho had never let Hongjoong fall down into the pit in his head alone. He was always there to catch him and Hongjoong was eternally grateful for him.

“You know I will always worry,” Hongjoong said because it was the truth and all of them knew it wouldn’t change.

“I’m not asking you to stop worrying, but you can take a step back. We can take care of each other while you take care of yourself and we can take care of you too.”

Hongjoong wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to take a step back and let them take care of him for a change, but he could at least believe that they could and would take care of each other too.

Yeosang hadn’t moved at all during their conversation, his head peacefully resting on Yunho’s shoulder and Hongjoong knew that, although Yunho had turned out to be awake, Yeosang was probably asleep. He looked comfortable and Yunho was holding him close, making sure the bumps on the road wouldn’t disturb him.

They could take care of each other too.

When they arrived at the dorm, Hongjoong watched as Yunho shook Yeosang’s shoulders gently and the two of them got out together before he and Seonghwa did.

“See,” Seonghwa said as he closed the door behind him. “You can pause and take time for yourself. They’ll be fine.”

Seonghwa patted his shoulder without saying anything else or giving Hongjoong time to reply and went ahead to put his arm around Yeosang’s shoulders and stir them inside their building.

“Aren’t you going up?” Hongjoong asked when he noticed Yunho still standing outside the door.

“Aren’t you?” Yunho asked back.

“I’m waiting for the others to arrive.”

“Me too.”

Hongjoong raised an eyebrow. There was no reason for either of them to wait outside, he knew. Being downstairs or upstairs would be the same, the others would arrive and them being there wouldn’t make a difference.

But some part of Hongjoong wanted to see them arrive, see them as soon as possible and make sure that they were okay, tired but okay because he had seen the way the day had affected them and he wouldn’t be able to rest until they were all together and resting.

And, whatever the reason Yunho had to stay there with him, he had a stubborn enough look on his face that Hongjoong knew he wouldn’t budge.

Thankfully, they didn’t have to wait long and soon enough the other van was arriving and parking right behind the one that had brought them.

Wooyoung and San were the first ones out of the van, Wooyoung with his arms around San’s neck from behind, his forehead resting against his back, trusting San to guide him inside.

They barely acknowledged Yunho and Hongjoong, San merely giving them a tired smile and Wooyoung not moving even as Hongjoong ruffled his hair.

When they were safely inside the building, Hongjoong turned back around only now noticing that Yunho wasn’t next to him anymore and had instead approached the van.

He was already coming back with Mingi and Jongho. Mingi looked the most tired out of the three and he was walking while holding tightly onto Yunho’s arm and Jongho’s hand.

“Let’s go inside,” Hongjoong said gently once they were close enough, holding the door open for them to step in.

In the elevator, Hongjoong watched as Jongho leaned heavily against the mirror typing something on his phone, looking awake enough that Hongjoong knew he at least would be able to shower and get ready for bed.

On the other side of the elevator, Yunho was serving as Mingi’s pillow. He was leaning on the wall and Mingi was leaning on him, his head on the crook between Yunho’s neck and shoulder, his arms wrapped around his waist. Yunho didn’t seem to mind, one of his hands moving up and down Mingi’s back, the other holding him closer by the hip.

He met Yunho’s stare over Mingi’s head and he knew, without a hint of doubt, why Yunho had stayed behind with him and waited outside in the cold for everyone else to arrive.

Once inside the dorm, Yunho didn’t let go of Mingi as they sat on the couch waiting for their turns in the bathroom. They sat close to each other, leaning on each other as they rested, and Hongjoong was sure that Mingi would fall asleep sitting like that if the others didn’t hurry their showers along.

Not that Mingi or Yunho seemed to mind. They both looked comfortable, cozy and safe with each other, nothing in their world past their cuddling and comfort.

Hongjoong didn’t want to disturb them.

He sat in silence on the other side of the couch, busying himself with his phone as he too waited for his turn since he would be the last one tonight.

Once the bathroom door opened and Jongho came out, hair still a little wet, sleepy eyes and slow pace as he walked to his and Mingi’s room, Yunho started shaking Mingi awake, gentle and careful.

At this point in their lives, after having lived together for so long and having been with each other through so much, it wasn't weird for Hongjoong to see them entering the bathroom together. 

It wasn’t the first time members showered together and it wouldn’t be the last. They did it when they didn’t have much time and were trying to hurry and, sometimes, like today, when they were so tired they wanted company and the help.

They entered the bathroom, leaning on each other, their backs disappearing behind the door, and Hongjoong smiled to himself.

He could rest easy knowing at least the two of them were taken care of by each other.

***

The dorm felt quiet. Even after weeks without him, they could all still feel the empty space that Mingi used to occupy.

Schedules felt almost bittersweet at times with signs that there was someone missing everywhere. An empty chair when they were doing their hair and makeup, one less foot when they did their chant, the song made by their laughs mixing together lacking a component that was so important.

They had been learning how to live without him and slowly they were adapting. They knew it wasn’t the end of the world, Mingi would be back soon and everything would be okay and complete again, but after spending so long with someone, after years living together and sharing so much of their days and lives with each other, the empty space was heavily noticeable.

Hongjoong had caught more than one person turning to the side, happily grinning when they were joking around, only for their expressions to cloud over as if the person they were about to laugh with wasn’t physically there. He had also seen, more than once, whoever was setting the table grabbing eight plates instead of the seven they needed now, the force of habit speaking louder.

They all missed Mingi and they all felt the empty space where there used to be his deep voice, his laugh and his comforting presence.

Though, no one was taking it as hard as Yunho was.

It was obvious that being away from Mingi was hard on him. They had known each other for so long and they were used to spending so much time together that not seeing the two of them felt weird and Hongjoong could see that it was taking its toll on Yunho.

In front of the cameras, Yunho was still bright-eyed and smiley, positive and energetic like he was supposed to be. In public, it was as if his best friend’s absence wasn’t weighing down on him.

But the members knew better. Hongjoong knew better.

Yunho seemed to wither a little when they were alone, just the eight of them, his mood diminishing. He was still their Yunho, happy and positive, but it was as if he felt emptier. And, although he still smiled and joked around with them, it didn’t seem as bright now. 

And Yunho was always smiling, he was known for it, and that’s why it was so concerning when it slipped from his face.

Hongjoong watched sadly as Yunho sat on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket with his phone in his hands, typing for long periods of time, a longing expression on his face.

“Are you watching anything?” Hongjoong asked even though he knew the answer already.

“What?” Yunho looked up at him, his face confused, his eyes far away.

“Are you watching the movie?” Hongjoong pointed at the television.

Yunho shook his head, clearly not looking for conversation as he went straight back to staring at his phone.

Hongjoong sighed and sat heavily on the couch behind Yunho. He didn’t say anything as Yunho leaned back against his side, seeking comfort without any words.

He grabbed the remote to look for something to watch and Yunho typed away on his phone.

“He’ll be back soon,” Hongjoong reassured even though he wasn’t sure how long ‘soon’ would take to come.

“I hope so,” Yunho mumbled. “I miss him.”

Hongjoong nodded, wrapping his arms firmly around Yunho to give him all the support he needed. 

“I miss him too.”

The living room grew silent, Yunho focused on his phone again and the tv playing something that neither of them was watching.

“Are you talking to him?” Hongjoong asked, but the fond look on Yunho’s face was answer enough.

Yunho hummed in affirmation anyway.

“Tell him we hope he’s feeling better.”

“He knows we do,” Yunho said but Hongjoong watched as he typed the words anyway.

Mingi’s reply came quickly, Hongjoong watched it appear over Yunho’s head and smiled as he felt him relax against him as if the words had helped him breathe.

“He says he’s feeling better and he hopes to be back soon,” Yunho read out and his voice sounded a little lighter and happier too.

“That’s good,” Hongjoong said, squeezing Yunho’s shoulders gently for a second before turning his focus back to the television to finally find something to watch.

Next to him, Yunho kept texting and Hongjoong wished that Mingi would be back quickly because he wanted him to be okay and because he missed him, but also because he missed Yunho’s most genuine smile.

***

Having Mingi back was a breath of fresh air. It had been so long since they had him around that now his presence felt healing.

The empty space that had haunted them for months was now filled again and the puzzle that had been crooked was back to its perfect form, and Mingi’s presence was brighter than ever.

Hongjoong knew that he wasn’t the only one who felt that way, he could see that everyone’s mood had lifted, they looked happier and they took turns clinging to Mingi’s arm or lying down next to him on the couch.

More often than not, Mingi was found with at least one other member around him, all of them trying to make up for the time they had been apart and Hongjoong could finally relax knowing their little family was back together and they were happy.

Even schedules felt easier now that they were all there.

Hongjoong reclined back in his chair as the makeup artist shuffled around him, switching pencils and applying colours to his face. He felt almost close to falling asleep, lulled by the mumbles of the members around him and the sound of someone humming close by.

They were on set to film a new music video, their first collaboration, and the first one since Mingi was back. It was a fresh concept and Hongjoong wished he felt more awake and ready for it, but it was early morning, way too early, and he hadn’t slept enough.

He knew he should have rested, should have gone to bed earlier because he had known that they had such an early schedule, but the studio had been calling to him, an idea for a new song nagging at him in the back of his head. He hadn’t been able to help it and he decided that sleepiness in the morning would be worth it.

Or almost worth it because Seonghwa had been frowning at him since they woke up, knowing fully well that Hongjoong had only come to the dorm well into the night. And being subjected to Seonghwa’s frown and silent glare was worse than the times when he argued with Hongjoong over his sleeping habits. At least then Seonghwa was talking to him.

He opened his eyes after the makeup artist finished dabbing colour onto his eyelids, his gaze falling to the mirror in front of him. They had done a good job making him look brighter and more awake than he felt. 

“You’re all done,” the makeup artist said after she was done applying the product to his lips.

Hongjoong thanked her and got up from the chair quickly, maybe if he hurried he would be able to get away with a small power nap before they had to start filming.

He took his place on the couch behind the makeup chairs, lying down and taking more space than he should, considering the other members would probably want to sit after they were done with their hair and makeup. But he had been the first one done and, therefore, had the privilege of pretending not to listen as Wooyoung told him he would throw him off the couch if Hongjoong was still lying down once he was done.

Hongjoong closed his eyes, his mind emptying as he let sleep fog over his brain.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been sleeping, his body heavy on the couch as he wished for more time to rest. It couldn’t have been too long though because he could still hear the members bustling about and no one had shaken him awake yet.

But it had been long enough for someone else to join him on the couch and he had been sleeping so deeply that he hadn’t even noticed or woken up as whoever it was moved his head to rest on their lap.

He sighed as he opened his eyes slowly, blinking against the bright lights, comfortable as gentle fingers weaved through his hair.

“Needed the sleep, didn’t you?”

Hongjoong groaned at the words, turning his head to bury his head on Seonghwa’s thighs.

“Shut up,” he said, words muffled.

Seonghwa pulled at his hair, the tug not harsh but strong enough to be felt, and Hongjoong knew Seonghwa was still annoyed with him.

“Better wake up, we’re going to be called soon. And stop rubbing your makeup off on my clothes.”

Hongjoong groaned, too comfortable to want to get up, but doing it anyway. He sat up on the couch beside Seonghwa, his head lolling to the side and almost resting on Seognhwa’s shoulder.

“Is everything okay?” He asked because Seonghwa was too quiet and when Hongjoong looked at him there was a small crease between his eyebrows that he wanted to smooth out.

“I’m not sure.” Seonghwa nodded his head in the direction of the other side of the room and Hongjoong followed his gaze.

Mingi was sitting on the floor with his earphones on and his head tilted back to rest on the wall behind him, his eyes were closed and his lips were pouted and Hongjoong was worried.

“What’s going on?” Hongjoong asked, suddenly more awake.

“I don’t know.” Seonghwa frowned. “He’s been like that since he left the makeup chair.”

“Should I talk to him?”

“Maybe?” Seonghwa sounded unsure too. “Just to make sure he’s okay.”

Hongjoong nodded, patting Seonghwa’s thigh before making a move to get up from the couch.

“Wait,” Seonghwa said suddenly, hand shooting out to grab his arm and prevent him from moving.

“What?”

“Look,” Seonghwa said gently, pulling Hongjoong back against his side and nudging him to look at where Mingi was still sitting.

But he wasn’t alone anymore.

Yunho was now sitting next to him, his back against the wall too, but his head was turned to look at Mingi’s face. He was saying something, too soft to be heard by anyone other than Mingi who had his earphones resting on his knees now.

Leaning against Seonghwa’s shoulder, Hongjoong watched as Yunho shuffled even closer, angling his head so he was close to Mingi’s face, the two of them speaking in whispered words meant only for each other.

Yunho’s hand gravitated to Mingi’s knee, squeezing gently and then caressing down his calf until it was wrapped around his ankle, a soft, grounding touch.

They talked some more and then Mingi’s head left the wall to fall on Yunho’s shoulder, heavy and sad, seeking comfort from someone who had always given it to him so freely.

Yunho turned his head and Hongjoong felt his lips stretch into a small smile as he watched him drop a kiss on Mingi’s hair, his arm reaching around Mingi’s shoulders to hold him close, gentle and comforting.

“I think he’s in good hands,” he whispered.

Seonghwa hummed in agreement.

“I’m sorry for not spending as much time at home as I should,” he added, gently.

Seonghwa sighed, his head moving to rest against Hongjoong’s, almost a mirror of Yunho and Mingi on the other side of the room.

“It’s okay,” Seonghwa said, his voice soft. “I know that composing is important to you and that you have to let the ideas out once you get them.”

Seonghwa ran a hand down Hongjoong’s arm gently as he talked and Hongjoong closed his eyes, hoping that it would take a while for them to be called so they could stay like this.

“I just worry about you because you don’t get enough sleep,” Seonghwa said. “And we miss you,” he added, tone even softer. “I miss you.”

Hongjong bit his lip. He missed all of them too when he was at the studio. He missed Seonghwa more than he liked to admit and, if it would make him happy, he could make more of an effort to spend more time at the dorm.

“I’m sorry, I’ll try to do better.”

On the other side, Yunho and Mingi were still locked in an embrace, their lips moving around soft words that no one else could hear.

They were safe with each other.

***

The plane was high in the sky and Hongjoong was only half paying attention to the movie that Wooyoung had started playing. They were sharing earphones but the words being said on screen were going in one ear and out the other before Hongjoong’s brain could grasp them.

They were in the middle of the tour and he was growing tired of moving from city to city, so many planes and so many trips that his bones and muscles ached with the need to go back home and sleep in his bed again.

“You could at least pretend to pay attention,” Wooyoung said, playfully hitting Hongjoong’s thigh with his hand.

“Sorry,” Hongjoong said, but he wasn’t sorry just like Wooyoung didn’t actually care that he wasn’t paying attention.

“Where’s your mind at?”

“Nowhere,” Hongjoong laughed. “I’m just tired.”

“Then sleep.”

Hongjoong rolled his eyes.

“Easy to say.”

“Suit yourself.” Wooyoung shrugged with a grin and went right back to his movie, not looking as if he would say anything else to Hongjoong for the rest of the flight.

Hongjoong took off the earphone he had and handed it back to Wooyoung, figuring he might as well since he wasn’t actually using it, and reclined back in his seat, closing his eyes to attempt to sleep.

He almost managed to do it, his eyelids heavy and his body warm under the blanket he was sharing with Wooyoung. He could feel his grip on the present slipping out and sleep coming to greet him but, before he could fall under completely, a loud giggle followed by amused shushing pulled him back out of the hazy fog of sleep.

He opened his eyes groggily, ready to scowl at Wooyoung for waking him up but, when he looked at him, Wooyoung was completely immersed in the movie and a look at the screen showed Hongjoong that guns were blazing and blood was being spilt. It couldn’t have been him.

So, he turned to look to the other side of the aisle, a complaint on the tip of his tongue, only for it to die out once he saw the scene unfolding on the seats.

Yunho and Mingi were sitting close to each other, their heads resting together, hair strands tangling into each other. They were both watching something on Yunho’s phone, their hands interlocked between them.

Hongjoong felt as if he was watching something he shouldn’t, too intimate for anyone but the two of them to peek into.

“You’re going to wake someone up,” Yunho was saying, but he sounded so amused that Hongjoong thought he would break into laughter at any moment too.

Mingi giggled some more and Hongjoong blinked as he watched him bury his face further into the crook between Yunho’s neck and shoulder.

He couldn’t be comfortable with the armrest between their seats digging into his stomach, but it didn’t seem like he would move any time soon.

“They’re really sweet.”

Hongjoong turned his head to look at Wooyoung who was now looking at Yunho and Mingi too.

“They are,” Hongjoong agreed.

There was a moment of quietness as they looked fondly over at their friends.

“Hyung,” Wooyoung said, his voice quieter as if afraid of being overheard. “Do you think they’re together?”

Hongjoong bit his lip. He had thought about it before, it had been impossible not to consider the possibility after all the gentle touches he had seen, after all the stares he had caught, but he hadn’t come to any conclusion. He wasn’t sure and he had never had the courage to ask them. If there was something between them and they wished to keep it a secret, considering the country and industry they were in, he could only respect that.

“I don’t know,” he said. “Do you think they’re together?”

Wooyoung looked at Yunho and Mingi, still in the same position, once more and then turned to look at Hongjoong.

“I’m not sure if they’re together, but I do think they love each other in a way that’s different from all of us.”

With that, Hongjoong could agree.

Wooyoung’s face twisted, a hesitant expression as his eyes shifted from Hongjoong to Yunho and Mingi and then back again.

“Hyung,” he said, voice so soft that Hongjoong couldn’t ignore the seriousness it exuded. “I think you should talk to them.”

“Woo-”

“Not because I think they shouldn’t,” Wooyoung was quick to reassure. “But because I don’t want them to hold back because of the group. I want them to know we stand behind them whatever they decide to do.”

Hongjoong spared a glance at them. They were laughing quietly at something, Yunho’s fingers playing with Mingi’s hair.

“You think I should?”

Wooyoung nodded.

“I’m afraid that they won’t ever make anything official because they’re scared.”

Hongjoong took a breath, he also didn’t want that to happen. He wanted all of his members to be happy, whatever that happiness might look like for them. He didn’t want any of them to hide out of fear.

“You should do it as a leader but also as a friend,” Wooyoung continued. “You know, reassurance that we’re here for them and that despite being a group in the industry we’re in, we’re here for them.”

Hongjoong nodded as he took in the words, it made sense and Hongjoong wanted to be sure that Yunho and Mingi knew that too.

“Do you think I should talk to the two of them at the same time or separately?”

Wooyoung seemed to think about it for a second.

“I would say separately,” he replied. “We’re not sure if they have talked about it, or if they like each other in the first place. It’s better not to put them on the spot by talking to them at the same time.”

Hongjoong hummed in agreement.

“You’re right.”

“I usually am.”

“Don’t push it,” Hongjoong slapped his arm playfully.

Wooyoung laughed and went back to watching his movie, the conversation over.

Hongjoong turned to look at Yunho and Mingi again, still comfortably leaning on each other, though the phone was now nowhere to be seen as if they were intending to sleep.

He would talk to them, make sure they knew that whatever was happening between them wasn’t ever going to be a problem and that they should give themselves a chance to be happy.

***

It was late, almost time to go to bed, and Hongjoong was sitting against the headboard with a cucumber face mask on and his phone in his hand, scrolling through social media to see videos from the concert they just had.

His muscles were aching from all the standing and moving and dancing and his throat felt a little scratchy, - he would have to remember to have some warm tea with honey in the morning, - but it was a good feeling to have after a fun, successful night. His hair was still a little wet from his shower and he knew that he would have to blow dry it a little better after Yunho finished showering and left the bathroom.

He didn’t have to wait too long, Yunho didn’t take much more to open the bathroom door, steam coming out into the hotel bedroom before he did. He was still shirtless and there was a towel draping over one of his shoulders, his hair dripping onto his back. He always had the bad habit of not drying his hair properly.

Hongjoong jumped off the bed once Yunho was rummaging through his luggage for a shirt to sleep in and went into the steam-warm bathroom, wiping down the foggy mirror to finish his skincare and finish drying his hair.

He watched through the mirror as Yunho pulled a loose white shirt over his head and then plopped down on the bed, uncaring of the way his wet hair was resting on the pillow he would be sleeping in, holding his phone above his head as he watched something with a small smile on his face.

Hongjoong rolled his eyes as he turned off the blow dryer and unplugged it from the wall to take it with him to the bedroom.

“Let me dry your hair,” he said with no room for discussion.

Yunho groaned but sat up in bed so Hongjoong could plug the blow dryer next to the nightstand and gently dry Yunho’s hair for him as he kept looking at his phone.

As Hongjoong dried the side of his head, he took a quick glance at the screen, blinking when he saw that he had Mingi’s live pulled up, not surprised by it, but warmed by how much sense it made.

He had to talk to him.

Once he was done drying Yunho’s hair, Hongjoong put the blow dryer on the nightstand before coming to stand behind Yunho again, his hands playing with his hair, nails scratching his head gently.

“Is everything okay?” Yunho asked as if he had felt the way Hongjoong was tensed up.

“Yeah,” Hongjoong replied, fingers not leaving Ynho’s hair. “But I want to talk to you about something.”

Yunho turned around on the bed to stare at him, Hongjoong’s hands falling from his hair, and he sat heavily next to him.

He didn’t know how to approach the topic. He wasn’t the best at talking about feelings, that was Seonghwa’s job, he was way out of his depth, but he couldn’t back out because he was already here and because what he had to say was too important to keep inside.

Yunho’s brows were furrowed as he looked at Hongjoong, concern bleeding through his expression and Hongjoong watched as he paused Mingi’s live and locked his phone, his attention focused solely on him now.

“What do you want to talk about?”

Hongjoong gulped and then lifted a hand to drop on Yunho’s forearm, hoping the contact would both encourage him to speak and reassure Yunho once the words were out.

He breathed deeply and then ripped the bandaid.

“I want to talk about you and Mingi.”

Hongjoong watched as Yunho’s expression shifted through varying emotions. Wide-eyed surprise to panic only to settle on a strangely blank face that Hongjoong had never seen on him before.

“What about me and Mingi?”

Yunho was tense next to him, his stance defensive, and Hongjoong wondered if he should have approached the topic differently.

“Do you like him?” Hongjoong asked softly, squeezing Yunho’s arm in what he hoped looked like support to him.

“Of course,” Yunho nodded. “He’s my friend.”

Hongjoong sighed, moving his hand up Yunho’s arm until it was on his shoulder.

“Yunho-yah,” he said. “It’s okay. There’s nothing wrong. I just want to make sure.”

Yunho’s breathing was a little shallow and his eyes were shifting around the room, refusing to meet Hongjoong’s.

Hongjoong squeezed his shoulder, his thumb moving back and forth over the collar of his shirt.

“Yunho-yah,” he called again. “You can trust me. I’m here for you. No matter what.”

“I-” Yunho started, hesitated, paused.

Hongjoong gave him all the time he needed.

“I love him,” Yunho said, voice so soft it could barely be heard. “So much.”

He was looking down at his crossed legs, his fingers playing with a loose thread on his sweatpants.

“Does he love you back?” Hongjoong asked gently, not wanting to break the fragility of the moment.

Yunho shrugged.

“We never talked about it, not explicitly. I- I like to think he does, he makes me feel like he does, but I can’t be sure, you know,” he gave a small self-deprecating laugh.

Hongjoong grabbed one of his hands with his free one, interlocking their fingers. Yunho’s palm was sweaty and he could feel a little tremble running through his fingers.

“How did you know?” Yunho asked.

‘Am I that obvious?’ was what he meant.

“I know you guys too well,” Hongjoong said, a disguised ‘ no one who doesn’t know you as well as I do would know anything ’. “The way you look at each other and take care of each other is different from the other members. We all love each other, but your love is different.”

Yunho nodded, biting his bottom lip harshly. Hongjoong moved the hand that was on his shoulder to press on it to release the pressure.

“Do you-” Yunho hesitated. “Do you think he feels the same then?”

Hongjoong felt a small smile pull at his lips with the hopeful way Yunho was looking up at him.

“He looks at you the same way you look at him,” he said, leaving Yunho to interpret the words however he wanted to.

“Oh,” Yunho said, looking down again, a shy blush on his face.

Hongjoong had never seen him like this, but he was smiling again and the hopeful glint was still in his eyes.

“I wanted to tell you that no matter what happens between you two, the group is standing behind you.”

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“I am. We’re all here for you and we support whatever you choose to do. We want you guys to be happy.”

Yunho nodded and, before Hongjoong could process it, he had thrown his arms around his neck to hug him close.

“I’m scared,” he said, voice small and muffled on Hongjoong’s shoulder.

Hongjoong sighed, bringing him closer until they were lying on the bed, Yunho’s face still pressed to his neck.

“I know it’s scary, but I promise you that you aren’t alone. And we have your backs. We’ll help however we can.”

“If we make it official it’ll become real.”

“Isn’t it already real?” Hongjoong asked gently, his hand running through Yunho’s hair.

“Yes, but… If we start- If we start dating,” he said the word dating as if he was testing its weight on his tongue. “It’ll be harder to hide.”

Hongjoong wasn’t sure what he could say to reassure him, he thought that there really wasn’t much because, at the end of the day, the problem didn’t end because they had a support system.

“I think you can do it and we’ll think about it together, push other subunits, do more skinship between everyone, we can find a way. I promise.”

“Thank you, hyung.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” he assured, his hands running up and down Yunho’s back comfortingly. “Just be happy and make Mingi happy.”

Yunho smiled against his neck and nodded.

“I will.”

It was a promise to Hongjoong, but also to himself.

“Do you think I should talk to Mingi too?” Hongjoong asked.

Yunho seemed to think about it for a second and then shook his head against Hongjoong’s chest.

“I- I want to talk to him. About everything.”

Hongjoong smiled, tilting his head to press a kiss against Yunho’s head.

“Okay, I’m rooting for you.”

Yunho laughed and settled more comfortably against Hongjoong’s side.

It felt as if both of them had lifted a weight from their shoulders.

***

The venue was loud and the lights were bright against Hongjoong’s eyes.

The view from the stage was beautiful, hundreds of colourful lights blinking at them, people singing their songs back to them and jumping in time with the music.

Hongjoong smiled when he heard the crowd cheer at San and Yeosang joking around, the other members laughing along.

This is what they were meant to do, what they had dreamed of for so long and worked so hard for. They were living their dream and Hongjoong felt warm inside every time he was on stage.

He threw an arm around Jongho’s shoulders and knocked their heads together for a second.

Jongho pretended to scowl at him as he pushed him away, his expression exaggerated for the amusement of everyone watching the interaction and Hongjoong laughed and grabbed his water bottle to take a sip from it.

He sat down on stage, his legs crossed as he leaned back on his hands to watch his members as they interacted with each other and the audience.

Wooyoung had joined San and Yeosang in the center of the stage and the three of them were now leading the conversation, joking and poking at each other to entertain the fans but also for their own amusement.

Jongho and Seonghwa were closer to the edge of the stage waving at the fans and sending hearts that made cheers erupt. Hongjoong giggled as Seonghwa almost tripped over his water bottle.

Then shifted his eyes towards the area of the stage furthest away from everyone where  Yunho and Mingi were, for lack of better words, in their own little world.

Hongjoong wasn’t sure if they had talked about what was brewing between them after Hongjoong had spoken to Yunho at the hotel the other day, but they seemed almost lighter, so Hongjoong could guess that something had shifted.

They weren’t doing much now, just talking to each other with their in-ears off and their heads almost pressed together, in whispers that couldn’t be picked up by the mics they were holding.

It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, a type of interaction that every member had done with each other, so Hongjoong didn’t worry about it, he just watched as they laughed together, their bodies facing each other as if there was nothing else around them to pay attention to.

Hongjoong smiled to himself, amused as he watched Mingi’s hand lift as if he was about to hold Yunho closer, only to snap himself out of it and let his hand fall back to his side, the movement aborted before it became anything more.

It wouldn’t have been a touch that would be concerning, it would be normal, something all of them did, though Hongjoong was starting to understand that, even if it wouldn’t mean much, even if no one would think twice about it, the pressure and fear that it would cast over the two of them would be too great to fight.

Hongjoong sighed, sad that he couldn’t do anything to help make the situation better, knowing that his friends would always have to suffer under the weight of a secret that could break everything they had built in their lives. It was a risk, one that they had taken and Hongjoong stood fully behind, but he couldn’t deny that the consequences could be more than they could bear.

He got up from the floor just as San broke from the trio at the center and started approaching Yunho and Mingi who parted from each other.

“I think it’s Mingi’s turn,” San said brightly, pointing at him with a grin.

Mingi started shaking his head but Hongjoong knew it was for show and he didn’t fight much as both Yunho and San started pulling him to the center of the stage.

Hongjoong approached them too, raising to his toes in an attempt to rest his elbow on Yunho’s shoulder while they watched San and Mingi in the middle, San with his grin and Mingi covering his face with his hands.

“Sexy Mingi!” Wooyoung started chanting, knowing it would entertain the fans and annoy Mingi.

Hongjoong laughed as the members kept poking Mingi, encouraging him to do something to show off.

Obviously, Mingi didn’t shy away from it, as much as he pretended like he didn’t want to, Hongjoong knew how much he thrived on having the attention of the crowd on him.

Hongjoong wrinkled his nose as Mingi started moving his body to a beat only he could hear, movements that were sexy in theory but that Hongjoong would rather not watch. He looked away, gaze falling on Yunho next to him.

As it was, it seemed that even if it was a show Mingi was putting on and exaggerating, it was still affecting Yunho in some capacity.

“Are you so whipped that even that gets you going?” Hongjoong teased, voice low so only the two of them could hear.

“Shut up,” Yunho grumbled.

Hongjoong laughed, slapping Yunho’s arm and pushing him slightly, which would take everyone’s eyes away from the look on Yunho’s face. Even if his expression was subtle and no one who didn’t know him or his situation with Mingi would be able to read it or contextualize it, every precaution should be taken to ensure his friends’ safety and Hongjoong would do anything for that.

The other members started speaking louder, a commotion that brought Yunho and Hongjoong out of their bubble and took them back to the concert where Wooyoung and Seonghwa were attempting to stop Mingi from taking off his jacket while Yeosang seemed to be rooting for him.

Yunho approached them and Hongjoong noticed the way he stood a little away from the center, laughing at what they were doing but with longing glinting in his eyes.

He would help them hide what they had in public and, in private, he would make sure they knew they could be completely themselves. He would ensure they understood that they could be free to love each other the way they wanted to.

***

Backstage was chaos.

The members piled into the dressing room as soon as the concert was over, the scent of musk and sweat overpowering as it always was at this time of the night after a performance.

The room was almost too small for all of them to fit and Hongjoong felt an elbow hit his arm as Yeosang stripped off his shirt the moment they were left alone. 

There was still energy bursting out of them and bouncing from the walls. Exhaustion would hit within the hour but, for now, they were enjoying joking around and teasing each other relentlessly, but he could already see the signs of it dwindling.

Hongjoong hummed as he changed out of his stage outfit and into some more comfortable clothes. He would have to shower once he got to the hotel room but right now changing into sweatpants and a hoodie and wiping the worst of the sweat and makeup was enough.

Behind him, Jongho and Yeosang seemed to be debating something, their voices too low to be heard but their faces showing they were in disagreement about it. Jongho was gesturing with his hands while Yeosang was pulling up his sweatpants and then the two sat together on the couch, still talking about whatever had gotten them so engrossed. Hongjoong didn’t even try to understand.

San and Seonghwa were sitting in front of the mirrors, cleaning off their make-up as they talked among themselves and Hongjoong could see that San’s energy was starting to die out, his head almost falling to rest on Seonghwa’s shoulder.

“I think something changed.”

Hongjoong stopped his hands where they were messing around with his hair, trying to make it look more presentable after putting on a grey hoodie. He looked up at the sudden voice.

Wooyoung was standing behind him, out of his stage clothes and with his makeup already off. His gaze was thoughtful as he looked at Hongjoong as if there were many questions in his mind and he thought Hongjoong could answer all of them.

Too bad Hongjoong didn’t even know what he was talking about.

“What?”

Wooyoung shuffled closer, his voice dropping even more to the point Hongjoong could barely hear him despite being so close.

“Yunho and Mingi. I think something changed between them.”

Hongjoong moved his eyes over to where Yunho and Mingi were talking quietly, close to the back wall of the room. There was a small smile on Yunho’s face as Mingi talked about something and, once again, Hongjoong got the distinct impression that they seemed lighter.

That was probably what Wooyoung had noticed too.

“Did you talk to them?” Wooyoung asked.

“I talked to Yunho.”

Hongjoong glanced at him.

“I told them that we’re behind them and that if they decided to make anything official, we would help them in whichever way we could.”

Wooyoung nodded.

“Did he take it well?”

There was concern in Wooyoung’s expression and Hongjoong placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently in comfort.

“He did, he was relieved that we would support them.”

“Okay.” Wooyoung nodded. “Do you think he talked to Mingi?”

“He said he would. And…”

Hongjoong looked over at them again.

Their heads were leaning close together, but they weren’t talking now. It was as if they were holding each other up, comforting and safe. And happy. They looked happier now.

“I think he probably did.”

Wooyoung grinned, his eyes fond as the two of them looked at their friends.

Yunho looked in their direction then, his eyes widening slightly as he caught their gazes and Hongjoong watched as he tensed up. Mingi seemed to notice it too and he frowned as he stared at Yunho first and then followed his gaze, a slightly panicked look on his face when he too saw them staring.

Hongjoong wasn’t sure why they seemed so frightened, they knew he was aware of what they meant to each other and their feelings. He wondered if it was because Wooyoung was watching them too, or if they thought he would scold them for being that close in a place that wasn’t exactly the most private.

But they weren’t doing anything crazy, San and Seonghwa were sitting even closer than they were, so there was no reason for them to feel so afraid.

Wooyoung smiled at them then, so bright and encouraging that it was impossible for them to think that they weren’t being supported and Hongjoong watched happily as they slowly returned the smile before leaning back on each other.

“Do you think they’ll ever tell us what’s going on? With no ambiguity?”

Hongjoong shrugged.

“I think they will eventually tell the group. They might just want some time to themselves first.”

“To bask in their relationship,” Wooyoung agreed.

Hongjoong laughed at the word choice but didn’t disagree.

“I’m happy for them,” Wooyoung said.

“Me too.”

They finished getting ready to leave quickly after that, all of them tired and weary and almost dragging their feet in their eagerness to get to the hotel and rest their sore muscles for the night.

Hongjoong hung back as they walked, letting everyone pass him by until he was standing next to Yunho and Mingi. They weren’t touching and Hongjoong used that to his advantage to step in their middle, his arms circling their waists.

“I’m proud of you,” he said softly.

Yunho put his arm around his shoulders, bringing him close for a moment.

“Thank you, hyung, for everything.”

Hongjoong shook his head.

“Don’t thank me for that. I told you the only thing I want is to see you guys happy,” he said. “Are you happy?”

Yunho and Mingi looked at each other over his head and Hongjoong felt something warm settle inside him when he saw their soft smiles.

“So happy,” Mingi said, tilting his head so it knocked gently against Hongjoong’s.

“Then I’m happy too.”