Work Text:
The worst part about staring at something for too long is how all of your logic starts to contort and betray you.
You gaze upon that still object, that thing that should not move in any unnatural way that you cannot control, and expect it to go one way or the other despite it being impossible.
You know that it is impossible to do, that you should trust that it should stay put, but you stare at it for so long.
It has to do something, doesn't it? And how long can you look at it before it does? Would it kill you?
Looking.
Searching.
Gazing.
Staring at the phone from your pocket. It shouldn't be there, not at all. It isn't even yours.
Staring.
Looking.
Searching.
Gazing at the blank screen that you know won't turn on. Why won't it just turn on? Why? You ask so many times in your head.
Gazing.
Staring.
Looking.
Searching for something. Anything. Any one thing that might be the remains of him. Holding on tightly.
Searching.
Gazing.
Staring.
Looking for the light. Anywhere. Any place that would give you closure from where you are. Looking for his light.
Begging.
You can feel it in your brain, itching. You can almost see it flash on, the now familiar vibrance against the strange shape you have come to love.
Waiting.
You won't look away, not until you see him again. He must be there, you've convinced yourself. He can't be gone. He entrusted it to you, would you let him down by not being there to wait for him? Of course not. Of course not.
Wondering.
How long has it been?
Since you started watching the blank screen. Since it's been in your hand. Since it's been in his hand. Since he gave it to you. Since he's talked to you.
When?
Time seems to get lost when your logic is lost, doesn't it.
Time gets lost when you start staring, just like your logic.
It's been 36 minutes. You've taken it out 40 minutes ago. It was in his hand weeks ago. He gave it to you months ago. He talked to you just days ago. Just days. Days.
The phone won't turn on.
Shalnark is.
The phone.
Shalnark.
Days.
Time and logic seem.
Staring. Gazing.
Wishing.
36 minutes.
6.
6.
Hand.
He entrusted.
Shalnark.
The phone won't.
The phone.
He can't be.