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It was shaping up to be a very long fucking day. Though to be fair, for Not Important that could be said for every day. It felt as if there was no such thing as peace or calm in his life; if he needed to leave the house, then he found himself continually amazed by the stupidity and callousness of those around him. No care in the world except for themselves, either ignorant of or ignoring the suffering of others, blindly trusting the lies spoon fed to them by those in power. Even after returning home, he found it hard to cool his rage.
Of course, staying home wasn't much better. That left him completely alone with his thoughts. nothing to do but replay events over and over in his head. Cleaning and reorganizing his weapons, practicing in his shooting range, none of this helped. Not when all he could think about was how he wished he were using these things to cleanse the streets of all the worthless maggots.
No matter what he did, how he spent his time, his feelings would fester. His heart felt cold and dark, disgust and hatred clawing its way through his chest and into his veins. It was almost sickening.
It felt like there was no end to this spiral, his hate would only continue to grow stronger until he had no choice but to act on it. He could feel his resolve wavering as the days went on. After all, what reason did he really have not to? What did he have to lose?
It even got to the point where the beginnings of a plan were forming in his mind. He was starting to have an idea of what exactly he wanted to do, and how. The only thing he was uncertain of was when it should be done.
The last thing he expected was for all this to be useless, to be tossed aside like it was nothing but trash. But, that's what happened soon after he met you.
It took him by surprise. He never expected to meet someone so... Tolerable. Beyond that, someone so caring. So much that you were willing to look past his outward appearance and cold hostility, were willing to spend time with him and give him a genuine chance.
At first he'd assumed you were naive, too trusting. What other explanation was there for someone who went out of their way to spend time with him? Everyone else was wary of him, eyeing him with caution even when he was doing something as small as crossing the street, tensing up at the sound of his voice. And rightfully so, worms like them should have been scared of him.
You were different, though. You didn't bat an eye at his appearance or attitude, the closest thing to true judgement you gave was light teasing. And though he'd bristled in response at first, he quickly learned it wasn't truly malicious.
Even after you got to know him better; saw the inside of his house, learned just how deep his hatred went, that wasn't enough to make you turn tail and run.
On the contrary, you were willing to listen. You wanted to know why he felt the way he did, were interested in what got him to this point.
At first he'd only scoffed, saying that it was none of your fucking business. But oh, how quickly things changed. He grew to realize you weren't malicious, your concern and curiosity was real. Nor were you stupid, you were well aware of how dangerous he had the potential to be. But for some reason, that knowledge didn't change anything. You still chose to trust him.
That, and you didn't look down on him or pity him, like many others would if they saw the way he lived. He wasn't lesser in your mind. Nor was he some poor, wild little thing in need of rescue, akin to a feral animal. He was just... A person. A person you wished to know better.
He couldn't fight it forever, eventually he began to open up. And as you listened, open and without judgement, it was like a weight he hadn't even known was there was lifted. The strength of his relief shocked him into silence, and was something he thought about for days after the fact.
After that, he vented to you more and more often. Sometimes about all consuming things such as his revulsion toward humanity, and other times about more trivial matters like the gas station being out of his favorite snacks. No matter how big or small, you were always willing to listen.
This, along with the smile you would give him when the two of you were together for reasons unrelated to his complaints, gave him the funniest feeling. It was a blossom of warmth in his chest, which would spread to his stomach. But it was so different from the usual burning fury he was used to experiencing. This was soft, relaxing, and for some reason made his mouth want to curl into a grin.
It was humiliating. At least once you commented on how cute he was when he smiled. His heart had hammered against his ribs, his face felt as if it were on fire and he'd needed to duck behind his hair in hopes that you hadn't noticed. He grumbled, telling you to shut the fuck up. You had no idea what you were talking about.
And yet, as much as these feelings embarrassed him, he couldn't help craving them. Not enough to seek it out or anything ridiculous like that, he wasn't about to fish for compliments like some sort of lowly high school girl. But it was a welcome change of pace from the usual tumultuous state his emotions tended to be in.
If you noticed this, you were kind enough not to comment on it. Though something about the playful glint in your eye and the way you began complimenting him more, occasionally even pushing beyond that and giving physical affection, told him you were fully aware.
He didn't push away the physical affection, for some reason touches from you didn't cause the same skin crawling sensation as being touched by anyone else. If he were being entirely truthful, he really liked it. When you held his hand, or rested your head on his shoulder, or anything of the sort, it felt... Comforting, in a way. It helped his mind quiet down, and caused the same soft warmth to bloom in his chest. And even after you separated yourself from him, he could still feel the shadow of your touch. It tingled gently on his skin, and left him wanting more.
Still, he rarely ever reciprocated or returned this affection. He let it happen and didn't complain, and if he was feeling especially nice maybe he would inch closer so that there was less space between you two. But that was it.
You were fine with that, though. That was more than enough to let you know how much he enjoyed it.
While your acts started out small, over time you grew bolder. It got the the point where burying your face in his neck, or sitting in his lap. Or, in this particular case, resting your head on his chest as he laid back on the couch.
He'd finished telling you about his day, sounding a good deal less angry than usual, you noticed with a hint of pride. Now the two of you were lounging together, everything completely quiet aside from the chattering of the TV and his heartbeat against your ear. Between the warmth of his body and the weight of one of his arms draped around you, it was incredibly peaceful. You rested your eyes, focusing on nothing but the feelings and sensations you were experiencing in this moment.
Nottem must have seen your eyes closed and assumed you were asleep, that was the only explanation for his next actions.
He huffed, a sound you recognized as one he made before smiling. He raised the arm that was holding you, resting his hand atop your head. He brushed your hair out of your face, then gently scratched at your scalp. And then, so quiet that you almost couldn't hear it over the TV, he murmured "What did I ever do to deserve you..?"
Your heart leapt in your chest, beating far faster. Butterflies swarmed inside of you, making you desperately want to giggle or hold onto him tighter.
You resisted this urge, letting him continue believing you were fast asleep. As much as you wanted to return this display tenfold, you knew how he was. Easily embarrassed, hesitant to be genuine. If he knew you could hear him, he would withdraw without a doubt, covering up his feelings with false aggression.
Instead, you only gently nuzzled against his chest, otherwise keeping your demeanor completely relaxed. You would let him have this. You would allow yourself to fall asleep for real, and after waking up tomorrow you would do what you'd been thinking about for ages. You would take his face in your hands and plant a kiss right on his lips.