Work Text:
Suan was humming.
She normally did, but she always did it when she was happy.
Suji noticed right away when she came into their practice room. She was all smiles and she greeted both her and Wendy cordially.
This wasn’t enough to make Suji suspicious, but Suan had just come back from a meeting with the Modern Composers. And it was always when she came back that she seemed the most cheerful.
“How’d the meeting go, Suan?” she asked innocently, batting her eyes lightly to not seem suspicious.
“Wonderful! The juniors are making progress, and as you know they saved our dear Wendy too!” Suan pulled Wendy into a half hug, who returned it with her shy smile.
“That’s great to hear! I hope you’re ready to go with dance practice then!”
“Always ready, with not a single mistake!”
And as always, Suan made sure not to make a mistake. She smiled even as she practiced, owing to the ideal that smiling even in practice makes you ready for a live on stage, no matter where the stage was. It finally clicked to Suji why it made her suspicious. She practically glowed. The suspicious way that Suan would tuck her hair behind her ear when talking about her composer friends. Or how she lovingly spoke of them… Just like a girl in love.
“I won’t stand for this at all!” she snapped suddenly. Both Suan and Wendy looked up frazzled from drinking water at Suji’s outburst. Suan tilted her head, wondering what was wrong as Suji approached both of them.
“What’s the matter, Suji? Is something wrong?”
“Yes! And I won’t allow this… this… thing to get in the way of QQ’s revival!”
Suan and Wendy looked at each other even more confused before turning back to look at Suji.
“What’s going to get in the way of our revival?”
Wendy asked, a finger to her lip. “Suan…!” she then huffed and turned away, almost as if too upset to look at her.
“She can tell you herself!” Suan mouthed to Wendy that she had no idea what Suji was talking about. Suji huffed, rolling her eyes before speaking slowly.
“Suan is in love.” She said this looking at both of them, not really watching for their reactions.
“And if she is in love, she’s going to ruin QQ!” “Oh!” Wendy said suddenly before looking at Suan excitedly.
“Is it true, then?! You must let us know! We can use it as a basis for another love song!”
“Wendy! Not like that!” she then shook her head. “As you know, we idols cannot date! There will be backlash, especially to Suan. Possibly to us, and I don’t want to even think of that possibility!”
Wendy fell silent as she then looked at Suan who didn’t say anything. Suji looked at her friend, waiting for an answer.
“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t like anyone.”
“Trying to hide it, huh?” Suji then helped Wendy up before walking Wendy to their dressing room. “Let’s see how well you can do, if we just ask the Modern Composer themself!”
“W-wait! You can’t do that!”
“You guys meet at a public, rented area, it’s totally a free for all!”
“Ooh~ So we’ll meet Suan’s crush? Count me in then!”
Before Suan could reach the dressing room door, it shut and locked itself, locking her in the practice room. Toto, who had said nothing at all in the past few minutes, presented her the spare key, given that they never wanted anyone to be locked in the practice room alone. “Thanks Toto, I have to bring you a cake one day as thanks.” Suan said, patting the small rabbit on the head before rushing to change and follow the other two, being careful to leave the door open for Toto.
Back at the office building the Modern Composers rented out, Apple Soda and SuperTonic raved about the idea of the revival of QQ.
“I can’t wait to see Suji on stage! Maybe one day I’ll be hit by her boom boom heart-“
“I hope I get to see Wendy smile, that’ll be more than enough for me.”
“SuperTonic, you’re such a simp. You need to want more out of an idol.”
“No! I want to protect Wendy, that’s all.”
“SuperTonic, come on… what else would you like Wendy to do?”
“Hold my hand while I tell her she’s my favorite idol?”
Apple Soda threw his hands in the air at the same moment as both Wendy and Suji had gotten to the building, Suan nowhere in sight.
“You!” Suji pointed at Apple Soda before storming up to him and poking him in the chest.
“I won’t let you get in the way of QQ revival!”
“M-Me?! I would n-never queen-I mean Suji. I love QQ, I want to see it revived as well!”
“Then you-“ she pointed at SuperTonic who also shook his head.
“I’m a big fan of Wendy, and without Wendy I would feel incomplete… so it’s not of my interest either.”
“Aww, really? You’re so sweet!” Wendy flashed her signature smile and a finger heart behind Suji’s back, only for SuperTonic to clutch his chest in response.
Suji folded her arms while looking around the lobby, impatient as if it would suddenly summon the other three composers.
“Boo… there has to be other Modern Composers here, these guys are just fans.”
“Might I ask who you’re looking for?” Apple Soda said trying to be helpful.
“Suan’s crush. She’s been all happy and smiley, more than usual. And she practically glows after coming from here. So I deduced she has a crush on-“
“Oh, he’s upstairs. I can bring him down if you-“
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” By this point Suan had caught up and pushed Apple Soda out of the way, only to fall down with a squeak.
“Apple Soda, no! You promised not to say anything!”
“How come I can’t be your crush Suan, I’m so cute and have a good personality!” he said, getting up with her help. He gave her his signature puppy dog look before she sighed and patted him on the head.
“You’re like an older brother to me.”
“Right! And like an older brother, I gotta protect you! Except when I want to embarrass you!” Suan looked at him with pursed lips, almost begging him to choose the protect mode at this moment.
“And that means protect, so…” he then looked behind Suan and shook his head at the idols. “Sorry ladies, I’m here to keep my promise.”
SuperTonic then looked at the duo and then at the idols in the room.
“I won’t just spoil who Suan likes, which she doesn’t like anyone.” He quickly added as he looked at both of the girls, who looked at him as if he’d tell them instead of Apple Soda.
“But I can show you pictures of the composers. You can make an educated guess from there! Not that you’ll see anyone that she likes.”
He pulled out a picture of all of them together and handed it to them. Wendy was the first to point out TS.
“He’s so handsome! And he looks like he takes care of himself.” “Oh, I forgot SHK was a Modern Composer. It must be one of them.” Suan almost sighed in relief at neither of them guessing correctly.
“So, do you like him? SHK?”
“Oh I love him, he’s such a sweetheart! And he’s so kind and mature, a true well-rounded person!”
“I said like, not love.” She then pointed at TS.
“What about him.”
“He’s such a gentleman, I love him too. And he’s always keen on helping me no matter what-”
Suji looked at the photo before eyeing the last three. Wendy was also cluing in on Suji’s thought process before they looked up at Suan. She couldn’t possibly love all of them, how Suan was making out her ‘I love yous’ sounded more platonic than romantic. “It’s this one isn’t, he?” both pointing to the unhappy look from SEM.
“Oh…Him? He’s also a sweetheart, and he also is really nice and…”
“You didn’t say you love him as quickly, or at all, like the other two. Which means you like him. If you liked him as a friend, you would claim you loved him, wouldn’t you?”
“You’ve got the wrong idea, Suji…! Wendy, come on…” Suan did not like being cornered like this, and she was sure she was being very obvious by now.
“I don’t know Suan, he seems pretty nice. Though, doesn’t seem like he smiles…”
“He has a really nice smile! It’s just not often that you see it! And when he laughs it’s so-“
“Suan, you’re not helping your case.” Apple Soda said quickly, dragging her away from the idols. Suan froze up before looking at the two girls who nodded at the quick verification. That’s all they really needed to confirm their suspicions.
“Sorry Suan, I just can’t approve. I can’t approve of some guy who-who… who looks like he’d have to ask you permission to kiss you.”
At this moment Apple Soda roared with laughter at SEM’s description. He let go of Suan before putting both hands on his knees, SuperTonic also had to hide his chuckle from the description as well, Suan looked at both of the composers incredulously. “What’s the matter with that?!”
It was at this moment that SEM came downstairs to the lobby that the five were at, poking his head to see what the noise was all about.
“Oh…I didn’t know we had guests, I was wondering what all the noise was about.”
“Oh…Oh… SEM…” Apple Soda could hardly stop laughing as he inched closer to the other man before resting his hands on his shoulders and dragging him towards the girls.
“The girls, QQ Suji and QQ Wendy, you know Suan’s idolmates.” SEM nodded to show that he followed.
“were just making observations about you, and wanted to know if you were the type to ask someone if you could kiss them before doing so.”
Apple Soda straightened up, heaving a quick breath before waiting for SEM’s response. He looked ready to burst out laughing, but was holding back a laugh in case it was actually true. SEM looked at them, clearly wondering why they had such a thought, before deciding on giving them an honest answer.
“Naturally. Especially if they’re crying or upset, a kiss would make them angrier. Life doesn’t work like they do in dramas. And I don’t want to act on my own urges and take advantage of someone in such cases. Wouldn’t you be angry if someone tried putting their hands on you or kissing you while you’re upset and didn’t want to be touched?”
Suji and Wendy made a quiet “oh” noise before nodding in agreement. If they were crying out of anger, especially at their partner, the last thing they’d want was a kiss.
“Now, that doesn’t mean… if we’re partners, it always must be asked for permission. Sometimes, you must go for it without asking.”
“Didn’t think you’d be the bold one, SEM.” SuperTonic said with a look of surprise.
“I can be surprising at times too, you know.” SEM said before looking back at the girls.
“Is there a reason why you asked that? I’m not exactly a love expert. That’s more TS and SuperTonic. I know idols can’t date, and romance in dramas are very… exaggerated. But I’m not like most men, so I wouldn’t be able to help you much if you needed love advice or make your heart flutter with anything I describe.”
“We just wanted to get a broader scope on love! That’s all!” Suan said quickly before either of the two could say anything about her and her heart fluttering when he was around.
“Love songs are only so good as if they’re relatable, after all~”
“So, relatability? Then again, that’s still more TS and SuperTonic’s zone. I’ve only dated a few people before.”
“You’ve d-dated people before?”
“Does that surprise you?” he said with a bit of surprise. Apple Soda then quickly stepped in before SEM got any hints.
“It’s like that song you composed! I Just Wanna Be Close To You! Shame the juniors couldn’t use it, you need some idea about love to write about it, right? And you need to gather as much info on love to convey the right feelings.”
“Right.” He then looked at the other five before shaking his head.
“I apologize, I’m not used to talking to this many people. It was nice to see you, Suji, Wendy.”
He said before ducking his head and going back upstairs. Suji then looked at Suan and Wendy, almost relieved at Suan’s crush being somewhat normal although a bit dorky in handling romance.
“Okay, we wasted enough time here. We have singing practice! I won’t let you ruin our revival if you can’t sing, either of you two!” Suji then waved at the two men and gave them a wink. “Hope to see you in our crowd too!”
By the time the sun was setting, Wendy looked at Suan with an air of interest. Still clear that she wanted to know what being in love was about.
“Can I listen to it? That song that he wrote. That the apple wearing man talked about?”
“Sure, but why?”
“He had to have composed it recently, right? What if he wrote it because he wanted to be closer to you?”
“Don’t be silly, Wendy. SEM just is my friend.”
She says this with a heavy sigh however, as she pulls out a music player and headphones for her to listen to.
“It took a long time for me to just get him to talk normally like today. He used to talk a lot more formally. Calls me Miss. Suan. I’m surprised he talked so normally. And so much! It’s like… he’s learning.”
She said with a smile, Wendy gave her a smile as she popped an earbud in her ear as Suan pressed play.
“I can see why you like him, Suan. He seems nice. He seems like the type of person you can talk to freely, and he’ll listen to you.”
“I… I don’t like him like that, Wendy.”
“You don’t need to hide it around me, Suan. Who said you can’t keep it hidden from the fans? He doesn’t seem like someone who would go public with it, to protect you, anyway. He doesn’t seem like that type of person.”
“Well, it’s still complicated. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t get the hint.” She said this with a sigh.
“And if he has an inkling of an idea, he doesn’t let me know anyway.”
“So, every other composer knows?”
“They tease me all the time.” She said with a weak smile.
“I think, he wrote this. Because it sounds like this is how happy you make him.” Wendy said finally, appreciating the music she was listening to.
“I can see why he’s a Modern Composer. There’s so much that music can convey, and that’s why you can represent love or your feelings in it. And you know how some of our fans say our music saved them or got them out of a dark place? It’s just like that, except sometimes you don’t need words.”
“I still think he wrote it because he wanted to write a love song, in general. Sometimes there’s no other person attached and it’s just not that deep.”
“But what if you were that person? His inspiration? What if you were that attachment?”
“I…I don’t know.” “Wouldn’t you be happy, Suan? Are you saying you wouldn’t?”
“That’s not it. We’re not in a place where we can just talk about dreams and love like that so easily. There’s a very real Dust invasion.”
“Love sometimes is what gets us through things, gives you a motivation to move forward, Suan.” Wendy handed back the earbud back to Suan, who still looked at her with a certain admiration in her eyes.
“I think he needed someone who was willing to help him become more confident and talk to people more easily. Someone that can share those smiles that you’ve seen with. Someone who he can confide in his laugh in. Maybe he got hurt in the past and can’t anymore? Maybe don’t give up hope that it’s just one-sided, Suan.”
“I sure hope not…”
“Why just not ask him?”
The next day Suan sat at the seat between SuperTonic and SHK, as per usual, before giving an enthusiastic wave to SEM on the other side of SuperTonic. SEM gave a small wave in return.
“God, if you two keep doing this, I’m going to need to switch seats with SEM, so I’m not in the way.” SuperTonic said jokingly before looking at Suan.
“But then you’ll be next to TS.”
“We don’t always fight. I can handle him in meetings. Most days.”
“But that’s why we sit like this, so you two don’t fight. And if SEM wasn’t between you two, you’d get into fist fights. But you wouldn’t if SEM, an unrelated party, was between you … so you don’t.”
“Agh, you get my point.” SuperTonic said with a small elbow to her side.
“You can’t hide it forever. And SEM can’t be a dumbass forever about it either. And if he knows, he’s doing a good job at being professional about things.”
“If he knows… you can’t be serious, SuperTonic…!” she said with a hushed voice.
“Suan, do you think he’s that stupid? You heard the man himself; he’s dated before. And if anything, he’s keeping a low profile. You’re not inconspicuous, and you treat him better than even SHK and Apple Soda whom you’ve known longer.”
Suan let out a small whine as she headbutted into his shoulder. He sighed back before rubbing the back of her head.
“Just talk it out, okay? Once day it’s going to become so tense between you two that it’s worse than TS and me, and it would be for entirely different reasons.”
Once the meeting adjourned, Suan found herself gravitating over to SEM as usual. Before he could open his mouth, she ducked her head low and squeaked out.
“I’m sorry for the weird questions Suji and Wendy asked yesterday!” she looked up to see his usual unfazed face.
“I don’t know why they were so intent on coming over or anything, they were badgering Apple Soda and SuperTonic too!”
“it’s fine. You need insight from other people, to write songs, right?”
“Well… yes… but it was… weird how they asked you that question.”
“Well, do you think what they asked was true?”
“About what?”
“That I look like the type to ask for permission before kissing someone?” Suan opened her mouth before closing it, not sure how to answer. Part of her, deep down wanted to say no and that she would want to see some… evidence to prove that wasn’t the case, but another part of her believed in what he said yesterday.
“Well, you said you were that type anyway. Except if you’re partners with them. Then even surprises are something you’d do.”
“Right. Come on, let’s get some coffee.” he said, waiting for her to walk and talk with him. “I know some people like the more dominant type, and I can see that. But there’s a difference between confidence and knowing when to act. You don’t need to push yourself on someone all the time, it’s not right.”
Suan nodded, trying to wrap her head around it as she followed him to their usual coffee spot.
“You said you had experience, what did you mean by that?”
“Just as you’d expect. Got my heart broken. Swear off on some things. Learn things to do better the next time. If there is a next time. Watch a few dramas to understand what is so compelling about them despite their… ridiculousness.”
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be saved by a handsome prince or a mythical god, you know!”
“But then the average man like myself, has no chances with people like you. Even more than I already don’t have a chance.” He opened the door, waiting for Suan to enter, only for her to be dumbfounded at his response.
Shaking her head, she walked in, feeling her face heat up.
“What do you mean by have no chance?”
“I don’t think your fans would take too kindly to you dating someone who is a nobody. With idols it’s at least understandable, right?” he then ordered for both of them, knowing her order by heart. Or rather, just knew exactly what she ordered every time. It finally sunk in to her that SEM already had a feeling he had no chance, and that perhaps it was truly that she was trying to be friends with him and nothing more. Maybe being able to be more open and talk more was more than enough for him.
“What happened to our confidence talk, SEM? Or how to open up with people… or smiling… or posing instead of a thumbs up in pictures… or y’know everything that I’ve been asking you to do!”
“I’m putting them to good use now.” He received their drinks, and he pushed the canister of sprinkles in front of her, waiting for her to top it off with an abhorrent amount.
“By being honest and open. Realistically speaking if there was something more between us. Your idol duties come first, does it not? By keeping people positive during a Dust Invasion, you’re doing a lot for the galaxy. And you’d want to protect Suji and Wendy in that process. I’ve had to respect that no matter what. I wouldn’t want to be the reason you’re not allowed to do what you love.”
Was this a goodbye? It almost sounded like a breakup without quite being a breakup since they weren’t together in the first place. In fact, a lot of their interactions had ended up with Apple Soda loudly asking her “so what are you two?”. Was SEM that intuitive about it the entire time?
“Sorry, that’s not the conversation you wanted to have.” He said softly, dialing it down a bit after noticing the tenseness in her body language.
“I think your real question for me was ‘did Suji and Wendy judging you, bother you’?”
“H-huh? Oh, I mean… yes.”
“I suppose it did feel weird to be scrutinized by two ladies who hardly knew me, but I could tell they were being protective. How they clued in on to us being good friends in comparison to SuperTonic and Apple Soda is a bit of a shock but… I suppose your friends look out for one another, and they can just tell.”
He then sipped his black coffee before giving her a soft smile. Suan finally began adding sprinkles to her whipped cream topped coffee.
“I wouldn’t worry about it; I’ve been interrogated worse by SHK to join the Modern Composers. Having a lot of male friends would make any of your idol mates worried, especially if they thought something was up, wouldn’t they?”
“Right! They were worried I was in love for example and rushed over and wanted to interrogate everyone!” Suan said giggling but also slipping out the truth.
“Now why would they think that?” he said pondering out loud.
“Is it wrong to have male friends that you’re close to? It’s not like you’re more overly friendly to me than to everyone else- Besides being more prone to telling me your worries and fears, that is. “
Suan sipped out of her drink hard. So, he never noticed at all…
“Haha, well you know… Idol concerns. Gotta think about the best for the group. It makes everyone look bad so you have to be proactive.”
“I’m a bit jealous. You have so many friends who worry about you that they’ve become protective of you, albeit in a different way. Maybe I should be more protective too- “
“H-huh?!” she sipped hard and felt herself get a brain freeze.
“That’s not necessary, you’re doing a perfect job!”
“I’m joking. But you’re not laughing, so maybe it wasn’t funny?”
“It was a joke-? I mean, of course it was a joke. I just didn’t see it was one, but now that I see it, it is one. How funny of you, SEM.”
She forced herself a little laugh.
“What if I was serious?” “I mean… you can be?”
She felt herself shrink at the idea of SEM being more protective of her and began to think about various ways he could become more protective, albeit in a friendly way.
“But it’s not like there’s paparazzi around, and Ppwarou is busy with the other classical composers. So, it’s not necessary.”
“Maybe we can give him something to be interested in?”
Suan opened her mouth again before burying herself in her drink. She felt her heart fluttering all over the place with the bold statements he was making. She ducked her head down, hiding her face in embarrassment.
“I’m sorry for teasing you, I just wanted to see what it was like-“
Oh! So, he was teasing…
“Y-you did a pretty good job, SEM.” She said, her cheeks flushed, looking up now. She looked to the other side of the coffee shop, avoiding looking at him.
“I wonder how the other composers would react if they knew you could be like this?” “I don’t think I’d like to share that part of me with them. But with you? I’d like to share my other side with you at any time.”
And for the millionth time, she felt her heart flutter.
It was only after she had gotten home that she forgot to ask SEM any questions that Wendy or SuperTonic suggested her to ask.