Archive of Our Own

♚♞♚♞♚♞

“I miss Derek,” Erica says, as she closes her eyes. Stiles knows she’s focusing on the noise around them. She leans against the brick wall and exhales softly. Stiles tries not to fidget too much; it breaks her concentration. He can’t stop his hands though and he fiddles with his thumbs. Erica’s hand is on his in a flash, holding them together and keeping them still.

Stiles swallows. Erica had been getting better at controlling her werewolf powers, but hearing in the distance is hard for her. She explains that she focuses way too much on the noises immediately around her that and she never learned how to properly sense things in the distance.

“I think the coast is clear,” Erica says a moment later. She slips her fingers in Stiles’ hand and tugs him around the corner. “Stay close. I couldn’t hear Boyd, and I know he’s around here somewhere.”

Stiles nods. He focuses on walking like a normal person, who didn’t seem to have two left feet like him. It’s harder than it looks.

“Dammit!” Erica says, stopping suddenly. She turns and pushes Stiles back towards their hiding place. “Go, Stiles, go!”

They barely make it inside the dark alley and behind the garbage dumpster before a shadow joins them. Erica presses her finger to Stiles’ lips. He wants to close his eyes, but he can’t.

A moment later, Erica sighs with relief. “They’re gone. That was close. Fuck, I wish Derek was still here. He’d be forcing me to train properly.”

Stiles huffs, but he squeezes Erica’s hand. “Yeah, he probably would.”

♚♞♚♞♚♞

STILES:  Erica’s missing you
STILES:  I’m missing you

DEREK:  everything okay?

STILES:  it’s great, all quiet and everything!

♚♞♚♞♚♞

“I’m sorry that I’m not a better trainer,” Scott says when he hears of their close call later that evening. Stiles leans his head back against the wall. They always had their pack meetings in Derek’s loft. There’s so much space that they can all fit, even if there aren’t enough seats and half the pack ends up on the floor like he is now. Stiles had suggested it not long after Derek had left again. Mostly, he wanted an excuse to be in Derek’s apartment.

He misses his friend. Somehow, he’d almost missed that - that they’d become friends. How idiotic of him. Stiles knows that to everyone else, it seemed like Derek had just left. Without a word, a way to contact him. He hadn’t.

The night before Derek had packed his bag, he’d appeared in Stiles’ window. They’d spent hours talking about all that they could do, all they could be, and Stiles still can’t believe he’d managed to convince Derek they’d be okay without him. He pushed Derek to leave. After everything they’ve been through, Derek deserves to be relaxed and happy.

Derek had left a note on his desk for Stiles the morning after. It was a new phone number and a promise to keep in touch. Stiles had known he was far away from Beacon Hills by that time. He’d clung to the note for the first few days of Derek’s absence.

Then he’d texted it. He’s not really sure what he was expecting. Somehow, texting Derek on a regular basis hadn’t been it.

“Derek would know how to help you,” Scott adds to Erica.

“He’s not here, is he?” she mutters. She gets up and walks into the kitchen. Stiles realizes that she’s upset that Derek’s gone.

“He should be,” Jackson says, clearly annoyed. “We need him now more than ever, and he fucking takes off. What jackass does that?”

Stiles doesn’t remind Jackson that he’d left for a year to go to Europe. He pulls out his phone and stares at the last message Derek had sent him.

Derek:  let me know if you need me to come home, S.

Stiles vows he’ll never tell Derek to come home. He won’t ask. No, he won’t. Derek’s travelling around with Cora. They went to Disneyland yesterday. Derek had used his fake ID and had put on a wig. Stiles isn’t quite sure why. No one would recognize him. But he’d laughed when Derek had sent him a Snap Chat with his new look.

“We’re going to have to beat this witch without Derek,” Allison says, stretching out. “It sucks, because he was great for coming in at the last second and creating a distraction.”

Stiles rolls his eyes. Yeah, that’s all Derek was good for. Yep, yep, yep. He wants to let it go, but he files it away.

“Okay, well, let’s come up with a new plan,” Lydia says, straightening up. “Kira, do you think you could back-up Liam and Hayden?”

“I don’t need back-up!” Hayden protests. All eyes land on her. She shrugs. “Okay, fine, maybe we need back-up. It’s not our fault we’re new at this.”

“No one said it was,” Boyd says, gently.

“I can back them up,” Kira confirms. “Although, I’m worried that the witch might spell my sword again.”

Malia leans into her girlfriend and grabs her hand. She says, quietly and more compassionate than ever, “It’ll be okay. You’ve got this. Just move so fast that she can’t touch your sword.”

Kira scoffs. She closes her eyes. Stiles turns his head to look at Scott, who seems to be stressing out.

“This isn’t going to work. We’re uneven,” Scott mutters.

Right. Derek would just be a body to even out the numbers. Stiles stands up. “I have to take a walk.”

“Want company?” Isaac asks, looking up from his spot on the floor.

Stiles shrugs, and Isaac takes that as a yes. He gets up and follows Stiles out the door. He can’t listen to them and their idiotic plan. They’ve run through it twice now, and both times the witch had outsmarted them.

“You’re anxious and stressed,” Isaac comments after a moment. Stiles glances at him and then Isaac adds, “More than usual, Stiles.”

“So you noticed?” he asks. He shakes his head. “I miss Derek.”

“Same. Scott’s great, he is, but he’s more calm when Derek’s around.” Isaac shrugs. “Scott is taking all of the responsibility on his shoulders now. I don’t think he’s used to that yet. When Derek was around, at least someone else shared that with him.”

Stiles nods. He doesn’t say anything to that. Isaac means well, he does, and Stiles loves the kid to death. But that…that wasn’t the right thing to say to him right now. Not when he’s missing Derek with everything he has. Fuck, if there was a way to make Beacon Hills a safe and happy place. He’d do it. He’d do everything and anything if it means that Derek could come home.

Home. Stiles glances back at the loft that’s still slightly in his view. This wouldn’t be home to Derek anymore. Home is somewhere, anywhere, else for him.

“You’re sad,” Isaac murmurs. “Really sad.”

“Derek teach you how to sense emotions?” Stiles asks, hating the way his throat tightens at his name.

Isaac shakes his head. “Scott did. But Derek taught him.”

“Right.”

♚♞♚♞♚♞

Not much gets decided at the Pack Meeting that night. In fact, everything is still up in the air about how they’ll be dealing with the witch two days later. A few of them are sitting around a table discussing the issue. Stiles and Lydia have poured over every piece of paper they can about witches. They have no idea why this one is so damn strong. Or why she hates them all so much.

“This is so frustrating,” Liam says. “Why can’t we just rip her head off and be done with it?”

Mason looks alarmed. “You’d really do that?”

Liam shakes his head and lowers his head. “Nawh. I wouldn’t have that in me. She still has a soul. Right? Witches have souls?”

“I don’t know,” Lydia murmurs. Stiles can see the wheels turning in her mind now. “It’s not something I’ve ever considered. Let me check.”

She picks up Stiles’ iPhone and before he can protest, her eyes snap up to his. “Lydia, it’s not–”

“You’ve been in contact with Derek this whole time?” Lydia shouts. “This whole fucking time, Stiles? Do you know how many hours Danny has put in looking for some sign that he’s okay and well and you’ve been talking to him?”

“Lydia,” Stiles says, grabbing his phone from her hands. “Leave him alone. Leave the whole damn situation alone, okay? I’m not talking about this.”

He storms off to his locker. When he gets there and realizes he’s alone, he pulls out his phone. Derek’s words shine on his screen.

DEREK:  I’m bored, amuse me with your ridiculousness

STILES:  I’m not here to amuse you, pretty boy

DEREK:  so you think I’m pretty, huh?

Stiles had gotten the message in history class and hadn’t responded yet. He’d seen it though and the butterflies that had been flying around in his tummy all morning hadn’t gone away. Not even Lydia discovering his secret. He’d do whatever he could to protect Derek.

He knows he should delete his conversation with him, block his number, and let Derek live his life. Lydia and the pack would do whatever they can to get a hold of him because they are all so desperate to have him back. He pockets his phone and decides to never let it out of his sight.

♚♞♚♞♚♞

He avoids the pack for about four days before he’s suckered into an official pack meeting. Stiles hesitates about bringing his phone with him, so he turns it off and tucks it in the toe of one of his smelly shoes. No werewolf, kanima, hunter, or banshee would ever dare to look there.

“Stiles, we have to talk about Derek,” Lydia says, once they’re all settled in their usual places.

“Lydia, I said no. And I meant it,” Stiles says, shaking his head.

“Stiles, it’s important,” Kira says.

“No. No way in fucking hell am I ever telling any of you where he is or what he’s doing. Drop it.”

Lydia stands up and leaves the loft. Stiles stares at the door, and watches Jackson and Allison rush out after her.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Isaac asks after the silence becomes too much.

Stiles shakes his head. No matter what he says, he’s fucked. If he lies, then they’ll know. If he tells the truth, it’ll be too harsh.

“It doesn’t matter,” Stiles whispers.

“You could’ve told us,” Erica says, pout on her face. “He was my Alpha at one point, you know.”

Stiles nods. He knows.

“Did you have a good reason?” Boyd asks.

“I did,” Stiles says. He wonders if it’s a lie.

Boyd nods and accepts his answer.

“We still have to discuss the witch,” Hayden announces. “I mean, I know Derek was a huge part of your pack before Liam and I got here, but…the witch is still an issue.”

For once, Stiles could kiss Hayden.

“I might have an idea about that,” Kira says, nodding. “The whole souls conversation got Mason and I thinking.”

♚♞♚♞♚♞

“Lydia, c’mon. In order for this to work tonight, you have to get along with Stiles,” Malia pleads.

“Not until he explains why he didn’t tell us,” Lydia snaps.

“You want to know why? You really want to know why?” Stiles says, not caring that he’s about to lose his cool. He may be acting like an asshole, but fuck them. “Do you?”

“Stiles,” Erica says, surprised. She reaches out to put a hand on his arm and he recoils from her.

“No, don’t Stiles me. You all want Derek to come back? For what? So he can come back and get his ass kicked and almost killed again? To be abused yet again by another person and when it’s all over you guys ignore him and pretend he’s not hurting? To throw him always under the bus when he has done everything he can to save each one of us? You always see him as back-up, you never see him as the great person he is. So no, of course, I was not going to tell you how to contact Derek when he’s somewhere else happy and relaxed. Fuck, he went to Disneyland the other week and he was laughing with his sister.”

He looks at them. Scott looks hurt, Lydia’s surprised, Erica’s eyebrows are together, and Isaac looks worried. Allison shares a look with Kira and Malia, while Danny and Jackson step back. Liam and Hayden murmur something that Stiles’ stupid human ears can’t pick up. It’s Boyd who meets Stiles’ eyes and nods behind him.

Stiles turns around and…and Derek and Cora are standing right there. His lips part. “Derek–”

Derek shakes his head. No one speaks for a minute, and hell, Stiles isn’t quite sure anyone’s even breathing anymore. It’s Mason who breaks the silence with a small word, “Intense.”

Stiles doesn’t even spare him a glance. He can’t stop staring at Derek. He looks tan now; it must be all the sun he’s been getting. He doesn’t look so tense, or even that angry. Stiles had wondered if that was actually his default or his default because Beacon Hills was a messed up place to call home. He looks good. Hell, he looks better than good.

“I told you to tell me when the pack needed me to come back, Stiles,” Derek says, finally. He steps forward and whispers, “That means you too.”

“I–Derek, I need you to be happy and safe somewhere,” Stiles mumbles. God, he’s so embarrassed. He’s pretty sure he’s blushing. Fuck, fuck, fuck. All he wants to do is run and hug Derek. He stays glued to the floor.

“I needed a break from Beacon Hills, Stiles. It was never my intention to be gone forever. As terrifying and hard it is to be here, it’s still my home. I plan to protect it and those I care about as long as there’s someone here,” Derek says. He steps closer to Stiles again. “If you’d asked me to, I’d come home in a heartbeat.”

“I know,” Stiles stutters. “I–I know.”

“You really think we didn’t miss Derek?” Lydia says. Her voice isn’t cold and hard. It’s filled with hurt. Stiles tears his eyes from Derek to look at her. She has tears in hers and her lips tremble. “Stiles, Derek is the only one I’ve talked to about all the bull shit I went through with Peter. I still…I still have nightmares. Danny’s been working his ass off to track him down and when we did three days ago, he said he’d come home without any hesitation.”

Stiles’ lips part.

“And I didn’t want him home just so he could teach me to hear better,” Erica says. “I wanted him home because…he’s Derek. He’s the first person who believed that I could be someone greater than I was. He’s the first person who gave a damn about me.”

“I need him because he’s smarter than me. He’s more experienced. He makes me a better Alpha. But mostly, I need him because I don’t think I can do this without him at my side,” Scott adds.

“Whoa, okay, whoa,” Stiles says, coughing because he can’t get rd of the lump in his throat. “None of you said any of this!”

“Of course not. No one wants to talk about how much they miss Derek,” Jackson snaps as though this is obvious. “That’d show some sign of weakness, Stiles. We’re creatures who are meant to be strong.”

“I–” Stiles scoffs and then looks back at Derek, eyes wide. “I think I was upset for the wrong reasons.”

Derek asks, “Can we talk somewhere, privately?”

Stiles nods. “Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We’ll be back.”

♚♞♚♞♚♞

"Stiles, I just, I need to be clear about something.” Derek pauses on the trail. They’re deep in the woods now. “Promise you’ll hear me out?”

“Yeah.”

“No one, and I mean no one, has ever stood up for me like that. No one has ever cared that much about me to stand up to their family, their pack.” Derek takes a deep breath, but it’s shaky at best. “I’m replaying the things you said in my mind and I just–you–you’re so–and–”

“It’s okay,” Stiles says, reaching out for Derek’s hand. He grabs it and squeezes. “Take your time, Derek.”

“You know how werewolves have anchors? Something that reins them in, keeps them together.” Derek’s hand is trembling.

Stiles nods.

"I don’t know when it happened. My anchor was always anger. It was something that I could focus on. Then one day, it wasn’t. I was thinking of you. Maybe how you made me laugh the day before, or how my eyes were tired because I rolled them so much since you sometimes say the most ridiculous things. And there you were. My anchor,” Derek sits down on a large rock. Stiles joins him.

“Your anc–hang on.” His phone is buzzing in his pocket.

LYDIA:  you two can sit this witch hunt out
LYDIA:  I’ll let you know how it goes
LYDIA:  I’m sorry you thought we didn’t care about Derek

“Lydia says we can sit the witch hunt out,” Stiles murmurs. He puts his phone away. “They were listing off all these reasons why they missed you, but none of them realized how selfish they are. Since brutal honesty is tonight’s theme.”

“Lydia makes me my favourite cookies when she comes over to talk. She listens to me. Scott makes me feel like I’m his equal. My mother always made me feel lesser. Erica makes me feel needed. Isaac lets me talk about my nightmares about Kate. Malia and I sometimes meet up and go down to the water. We don’t talk. But it’s nice. Kira was studying with me on Monday nights. Jackson, Danny, and Boyd are great poker friends.”

“I didn’t know.”

“I know. That’s why I’m telling you.”

“How the hell am I your anchor then? Because it sure sounds like anyone in the pack could be,” Stiles says. His emotions are running high tonight. Sue him.

“Because you’re the one who gets under my skin. You’re the one who drives me crazy. Yet I crave you. I want to be around you. You push me, challenge me, but you never go too far. You’re always there. You always get what I need when I need it. Stiles,” Derek takes a deep breath and continues, “You are the only one who fights for me. Non-stop. When I was taken hostage, when you knew I was finally taking a break, when you thought I was happy.”

“You weren’t happy with Cora at Disneyland?” Stiles asks.

“I was. I wish you’d been with me though,” Derek whispers. Stiles doesn’t have to be a werewolf to sense that he’s nervous.

Stiles blinks and looks at him. “I wish I’d been there too.”

Derek smiles. “We’re good?”

"Yeah. You’re my anchor too, for what it’s worth. If humans can even have anchors.” Stiles bumps his arm into Derek’s. “I think you keep my feet on the ground.”

“It’s not an easy task to do,” Derek teases.

Stiles laughs and this time when he meets Derek’s gaze, the mood has changed. There’s a lump forming in his throat, and his heart is beating so fast he’s afraid it might be the only thing Derek can hear. He squeezes Stiles’ hand gently and then he’s leaning in.

He hadn’t wanted to admit that he’d imagined this moment over and over again in his head. Derek coming home, admitting his feelings for Stiles, and then kissing him. He had. Over and over again. So many restless nights.

Not a single one compared to the real thing.

♚♞♚♞♚♞