Archive of Our Own

Renjun could not believe he really flew with his best friend to Jeju just to celebrate his birthday. It felt a little weird too because how the hell Haechan easily agreed to take care Minjun.

It's weird. It's a sweet gesture but super weird. Knowing they always act like Tom & Jerry. But this morning, those two monsters suddenly looked so civil and repeatedly said, "Don't worry. We will be fine. Just have fun!"

Of course Renjun did not believe it at first. Seeing Haechan and Minjun get along well feels as weird as seeing Jaehyun without his dimples. Like... impossible. But when Minjun seemed trying so hard to convince him, even kissed Haechan's cheek and hugged him tightly, the tiny uncle could only sigh and let them win.

Their were acting weirdly, but Renjun tried not to think too much about it.

"Be honest with me. How did you bribed Haechan and Minjun? Why did they try so hard to look like they are fine with this set up?" Renjun asked when they landed in Jeju.

Jaehyun, who was busy putting their bags into a rental car, just smiled dumbly. Not answering the little one's question at all. Even pretending not to hear it. Causing Renjun growl in annoyance.

Renjun can see that the older one must've planned something mischievous, but he can only sighed resignedly. After all, Jaehyun is the one who paid everything for this trip and Renjun has agreed to all the terms and conditions.

"Gimme your phone," Jaehyun then said after they had gotten into the car.

"Huh?"

"Gimme your phone. Today is our day. Just you and me."

"Is it necessary? You won't do anything weird to me, right?"" Renjun protest, but handed his cellphone to his best friend anyways.

"Depends on what you mean by 'weird'," Jaehyun said while winking playfully. He looks so hot like that. Like a handsome criminal in thriller movies who always managed to set their prey to their trap.

Well, at least this criminal is handsome.... and dumb, so Renjun can worry less.

Jaehyun then turned off their phone and put it in the car drawer. Wearing his favorite snapback and whistling playfully while turning on the car engine. Renjun only snort in annoyence while shaking his head.

"Is this a mission kidnaping Renjun or what?"

Jaehyun chuckled, smilling as beautiful as ever, with those sparkling eyes and deep deep dimples before answering in teasing tone, "I want to keep my promise to you that I haven't since years ago"

"Uh huh?" What promise? Renjun can't recall at all.

"You will see."

"Yah! Come on. Just admit it. You just want to use my birthday as an excuse so you can have a vacation to Jeju without bringing Minjun. You, sly ass."

Jaehyun laughed. That kind of laugh that never failed to make thousands of butterflies dance brutally in Renjun's stomach. Uhm.. well... actually Haechan always said that Jaehyun has the ugliest laugh like an old grandpa but Renjun and his stupid feeling is indeed a lil bit deaf. Or simply, anything about Jaehyun is beautiful to him

Whipped!

It's a sunny shine bright outside. Renjun opened the window and enjoyed the atmosphere. The combination of the warmth of the sun and the salty air that hit his face makes Renjun relaxed. Oh well, it feels like a real holiday. Well, it is real holiday. Just ... not that kind of holiday that he wants.

And what kind holiday that he wants actually?

Jaehyun then lent his ridiculously expensive sunglass to Renjun. A little unmatch with Renjun's not so fancy style but whatever.

"You can have it if you want," Jaehyun said after staring at Renjun for a little bit longer than usual. "It looks good on you."

"Well, that's so kind of you, but no Jey. This one is worth one year of my salary."

Jaehyun shrugged, eyes back tp focus on driving while saying, "Anything mine is yours too, Renjun."

"Including your heart?"

Jaehyun smirked but answering without thinking, "Including my heart."

Them act flirty to each other is nothing new. Jaehyun said that such words is nothing new. But it doesn't mean the effect less thrilling for Renjun even after all these years. It still has the same power. Still causing Renjun blushing like a stupid teenager.

Ah, Jung Jaehyun and his smart mouth.

They have been together since they were just a mere child, barely understand about feelings and shit. Jaehyun was 10 and Renjun was 7 when they first met. That chubby cutie boy was moved from..... uh.... somewhere around America.... to the house next to Renjun's, right on Renjun's birthday.

And the moment little naive Renjun saw that sweet sweet dimply smile, he knew that he wants Jaehyun in his live. Whatever their relationship will become.

So, for years they have been together, Jaehyun has became his best friend slash a brother he never had. They support each other and love each other (as brothers). Although at some point, Renjun felt that the brotherly love has grow into something bigger. Something he can't control. Something he wish he never acknowledged.

But then again, somewhere along the line, there's also a moment when they start drifting apart. It was when the older one entering his perfect high school life. Jaehyun, THE Jung Jaehyun, become so popular among the girls and boys. All thanks to his good looks and his greatness in both sports and music.

Renjun can see how Jaehyun changed from a boy next door to that high school heartthrob that out of his league. And Renjun? Well as far as he knows, he is just a mere nerd student (no, he was not, he is actually one of the most wanted pretty boy IN TOWN, but his non-existent self esteem makes him always look down on himself) that was not a match for the man.

Even worse, Jaehyun keep changing his partner like changing clothes. Both with boys and girls.

"I guess I'm a bi," Jaehyun said at that time and the little baby kitten did not bother much about it. Not at all (or he thought so).

Jaehyun swings both ways. He got it. Jaehyun swings both ways but not to Renjun's way. He got it.

So yeah, Renjun will forever be that beautiful flower in the corner of Jaehyun's garden. Well maintained, well loved, but won't be touched.

They were then getting more and more apart when Renjun started dating Jeno. His sweet sweet Jeno. A boy with the warmest smile and silliest laugh. They dated long enough, from junior high to senior high. But then decided to end their relationship for good because Jeno wanted to study abroad.

They were still too young and not really sure they can be in long distance relationships. Therefore, they decided to break up before things became ugly and their sweet memories were tarnished.

They are still remain friends tho. Jeno is still be his sweet best firend that always listen to him well even after all the years. And Jaemin, his now boyfriend, is also the sweetest person Renjun has known.

Yeah, it kinda makes Renjun so grateful they decided to break back then. Because for now, not only he can still be good friends with his ex, he also got to know Jaemin who always treats him like his own biological child. Like... literally.

Their dynamic is kinda weird, he knows. Haechan also once said he is a psycho because he is still be friend with his ex (plus his new boyfriend now). But Renjun doesn't care. Because they are a place where Renjun feels safe to tell all his problem. Including his unrequited love to Jaehyun .

Uhm... yeah... at this point you probably has caught it. Renjun's love life might not that kind of beautiful love story that full of rainbow and cotton candy. But that's all that he got. A long lasting one sided love towards a man that he SHOULD consider as brother.

Renjun has decided to stop denying his own feelings tho. Accepting the fact that no, he has never saw Jaehyun as a brother. He started to let himself fall and leave the rest to God's hand since years ago.

Since Jaehyun was in college and out of the blue came home in the middle of summer, with the shocking news that he would get married soon to a name that Renjun never heard.

Since Jaehyun standing in the altar, waiting for his bride, a beautiful woman who turned out was pregnant with his child.

Since the child, Minjun, was born and surprisingly coloring not only Jaehyun and his wife's life, but also Renjun's afterwards.

Since Jaehyun divorced two years later because it turned out both can't keep their marriage works because of their equally high ego, still too young to understand commitment and shit.

Since Jaehyun fought for Minjun's custody because he did not want his ex-wife to bring his one and only son to America with her.

Since Renjun bring his own ass back to Jaehyun's side, staying there both in his ups and downs, he learned to accept the fact that yes, his feelings for the older one is more that just brotherly love.

It was a crush.

No.

It's love.

A big fat love that taste like a bitter pill because Jaehyun wouldn't love him back. Not in the way that Renjun's always wanted.

"Do you like it?"

Jaehyun's deep velvety voice makes Renjun gasped and dragged him back from his reverie. He had stared in confusion at a tall man who is now holding his arm while looking at something around Renjun's tiny wrist.

"It's ... beautiful," said Renjun without seeing at the thing Jaehyun talked about. His eyes focused on staring at how handsome Jaehyun when he looks that serious. No teasing smile. No corny jokes.

"Alright, we will take this then," he said then before taking some money from his walet.

That's when Renjun just realized, Jaehyun bought him a beautiful bead bracelet made of clamshell. The man even paid without bargaining, making Renjun almost protested but he then shut his mouth when the grandma seller looked so happy while stroking Jaehyun's arm. Telling him how handsome and generous he is.

The said sweet handsome man just let out a shy laugh, before holding Renjun's hand, interwined their fingers, and start walking to another stall.

"Enjoy your honeymoon, lovebirds!" said the grandma before they leave. Making Renjun eyes blown wide but did not have the chance to clarify because Jaehyun just laughed and muttered small thank you.

The man then pulled Renjun's tiny body closer and embraced him warmly. Makes Renjun's heart beat even faster that it already does. Jaehyun must be aware of his bombastic side eye becuse that man smiled mischievously before saying, "I can be your husband if you want."

There again. Jaehyun and his sweet flirty smart mouth. Renjun only responded it by elbowing him gently while Jaehyun only smile and embraced him tighter.

They then continue to take a walk around the market just like that. Renjun end up bought some cute hats and a woven lunch bag for Minjun before they decided to find a place for dinner.

Jaehyun then bring him to one of famous seafood restaurant that Renjun really wants to try. It gets a lot of good reviews from the food vlogger, but sadly the foods just taste so so. Well. at least it has a good view. They can enjoy the sea and see the sunset from here.

"Do you think Minjun and Haechan are okay? Should we check their condition?" Renjun said while eathing his second bowl of rice (the taste might be so so but Renjun is hungry you know).

"Don't worry. I said Haechan could contact my mother if something bad happened."

"Aren't you being too calm? You never left your son to anyone but me."

"Minjun is old enough now and Haechan is not a stranger. They might bickering a lot but Haechan still one of his favorite uncle. Besides, my baby son knew that his appa had something important to do."

Renjun frowned before saying. "What thing?"

The older man then put his chopsticks down, giving his signature bread smile, and saying a little annoyed tone, "Can you be patient? I planned today trip from a month ago. Please. Just enjoy your free holiday and let me take care of everything."

For a moment Renjun was stunned. A little confused about why suddenly his best friend looked mad. But then he laughed when Jaehyun started pouting and stirring his glass of coffee.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Jey. Alright. Alright, I will try to stop being worried," he said then in between of his laughter.

Jaehyun still frown in annoyance for a while. But then starting to laugh too. Renjun admitted that this trip indeed refreshing. He just realized thaIt it had been a long time since they spend time together, just the two of them, like this.

"I remember you once said that yellow is your favorite color. Maybe that's why sunset always remind me of you," Jaehyun suddenly said after their laugh died down, while staring at the sea.

The sun began to set. Makes the sky change its color into a combination of yellow and orange. The color of longing, they said.

But Renjun indeed loves how beautiful the sea is when sunset. It feels like the sun is a cupid for the sky and the sea. Giving both time to make love and give birth to this magical sparkling beauty, even for only a few moments.

"Where are we going to stay by the way?" Renjun asked when he realized that the night began to come and Jaehyun did not mention the hotel they were going to stay.

Like realizing something, Jaehyun was slightly dumbfounded, then turned his eyes to Renjun who was now staring at him suspiciously.

"You will know later," he then said calmly. Well he tried. But Renjun can see for some reason, Jaehyun seems nervous. He even blushing now. Renjun snorted. It's cute to see how that white cheeks turn crimson red little by little, although only Jaehyun and God know why.

"Well, Jung Jaehyun, you won't make me sleep on the beach because you forgot to book the hotel, right?" Renjun tried to tease and lighten the mood.

"Uhm..." Jaehyun seems pretend to think.

"What the hell?"

The older man burst out laugh when he found Renjun began to get annoyed for real. His sparkling eyes disappeared completely while the corner of his eye crinkled beautifully. It's that kind of laugh that makes you want to laugh too because Jaehyun looks so adorable with his toothy smile while his dimples go deeper.

Jaehyun's signature dad laugh never failed to make Renjun smilling like a fool. It's been a long time since they laughed this free and he must admit that this is fun.

Having vacation with Jaehyun is fun.

Spending his birthday with Jaehyun is fun.

Everything that Renjun did with Jaehyun is always fun and he would remember everything about this trip well. Because he isn't sure when they will get a chance to have this kind of trip ever again.

"Where are we going to go?" Renjun asked as they walked towards the car.

"Renjun baby, what did I say before, hm? Just relax and let hyung take care of everything."

"Tch, hyung my ass."

"I promise you will love it."

"As much as I love you?"

Jaehyun let out a small humm before saying, "I'm afraid that won't be possible. You can't love anything as much as you love me."

"I can't?"

"I won't let it happen," Jaehyun said while opening the door for Renjun. Suddenly his tone become serious and that made Renjun shiver a bit. "Not anymore."

But Renjun was still trying to ignore the change of the mood "You sound very sure."

"I have never been this sure, my dear."

That was when Renjun lost his word. He thought Jaehyun would respond it with his ugly jokes as usual. But seeing the light in the man's eyes, Renjun knew there's something hiding in every word that he said. Or maybe Renjun just overthink it. Maybe Jaehyun was just trying to make him curious about his plan.

They then continued their journey to wherever Jaehyun wants to bring him to. Renjun didn't know where they were going. He can only stay still when Jaehyun help him put his seat belt and stroked his hair softly. Can only stunned when Jaehyun gave a box of his favorite chocolate that he thought was not produced anymore. It needs some time to break the ice, but then they start to sing along with their old playlist fifteen minutes later and get back to their normal self.

Not gonna lie. Riding the car in the middle of the dark of the night while playing their old playlist indeed brings thousands of nostalgia from their teens. When everything hasn't become complicated and messy. When it was only Jaehyun and Renjun against the world.

For a moment everything felt so light. Renjun didn't even remember when the last time he can laugh this free. He then followed Jaehyun to sing louder and louder, enjoying their stupid carpool karaoke season like they used to.

"What's wrong with you and your main lead k-drama gesture today by the way?" Renjun asked sarcastically when they are too tired to continue singing. Which Jaehyun only responded with his dimply dimply smile as usual.

"I am born to be sweet, you know."

"Nah, you only being this nice to me when you want something. When you tried to bribed me to take care of Minjun when you have to go abroad, for example."

Jaehyun chuckled, "Oh come on! You know even if I didn't bribe you, you will take care of Minjun anyway. You love my son."

"Lucky you, because I do."

"Don't say you love him more than you love me or I'll send him to his mother."

"Yah! How could you do that to your son?"

"I'm competitive."

"Nah, you are a fucking idiot."

They laughed again afterwards.

They then start talking about each other's life, but mostly about Minjun and his strange habits that probably he got from his daddy. Make them remember their stupidity during their childhood. Like whe Jaehyun once crying cause the monkey didn't say thank you after he gave it food. Or when Jaehyun had to distract Renjun from crying cause turn out the frozen rabbit won't back to life and play with him like what his parents said (still traumatizing for Renjun).

"Minjun will turn 8 this year," Jaehyun said later when Easily by Bruno Major is playing in the background.

"And?"

"He asked me whether I was lonely and wanted to remarry. Maybe because his mother had just been remarried last year."

Oh... well... did Jaehyun just drop the bomb casually?

Hearing that, Renjun's stomach suddenly felt twisted and his breath hitched. The changes of the atmosphere between them made Renjun could only gulp nervously.

"Do you want to?"

Jaehyun didn't answer right away. The man bit his lips while stay focus looking at the streets.

"I'm thinking about it."

Oh?

"Is there someone in your mind?"

Again Jaehyun was silent for a few seconds. The man seemed careful in choosing the words he would say next. Making Renjun's anxiety rocketing cause, hell, would he get back to his misserable life?

"There is someone in my heart."

Ouch.

Renjun could feel the pang in his chest. The stings then crawled all over his body and causing him stunned. Too confuse to give any respond, he then decided to look away and turned to the window. The intention is actually to look at the streets, but what he see is only his own reflection on the dark glass.

He looks..... in pain?

"Is it the person I know?" Renjun tried to ask in a calm tone but he himself could hear the tremble there.

From the reflection on the window, Renjun could see Jaehyun pursing his lips while nodding in slow. The man looked a little restless and when he realized that Renjun wasn't staring at him, Jaehyun then said calmly, "Minjun also said he didn't mind if I want to marry him."

"A he?"

"A he."

"Oh wow."

Oh. Fucking. Wow.

"So Minjun knows him already and okay with it?" but you didn't even bother to tell me who the fuck that guy is.

Jaehyun nods.

"What does your family say then? Do they give their bless?"

This time Jaehyun seemed to frown and think hard, "I haven't told them yet. But I think they will like him too. I will tell them later after I have proposed. You know... make sure that it's not only me who want to be in this marriage."

"Propose?" Renjun could no longer hide his surprise nor control his voice. He turned towards the older one in sharp move and give him a horror look. "Holy ssshhh-, Jey?"

Jaehyun grimaced while scratching the back of his head which didn't seem to be itchy at all, "Well... we can talk about it later. For now, we should focus on your birthday, okay? Today is about you, not me."

Renjun can feel the sour taste at the tip of his tongue. Birthday my ass. Jaehyun has ruined his mood and he did not want to continue this. He wants to go home. Sitting under the shower and cried until the morning comes. Until his skin shrinks, pale, and his lips turn blue.

The thing he did at the night when Jaehyun married years ago.

Their conversation died there. There are no more words coming out of their mouths. The atmosphere suddenly became so awkward and Renjun was just wanting to jump from this moving car.

Half an hour later, Jaehyun slowed down the car and they stopped at the end of a hill. Renjun, who was just daydreaming during the trip and then turned to Jaehyun, waiting for an explanation.

"Wait here and close your eyes," Jaehyun said later. The man looked a little awkward and nervous. Making the little one can only play along so that it can be over as soon as possible.

For a few moments, Renjun only saw the dark. He also heard the steering door was open and close again. A moment later, he felt the door next to him open and Renjun felt Jaehyun's hand movement when the man opened his seatbelt.

Jaehyun's big hand then held Renjun's tiny one and pulled him softly. "Careful," he whispered then while guiding Renjun getting out of the car.

Renjun also let Jaehyun wrap his hand around him while guiding him walking, passing the path to somewhere only Jaehyun knows. After a few minutes that felt like forever, they finally stopped. Renjun could feel Jaehyun's hand now moved to his shoulder before saying softly, "Open your eyes."

That's when Renjun slowly opened his eyes and can't hide his amazement. His jaw dropped when he saw million twinkling stars up in the dark sky. It feels so unreal. Renjun felt like he is looking at the pictures that he usually only found on Google or Shutterstock. No, this is more like a sky view in the animated movies. It doesn't look real at all. How can Jaehyun find this place?

Renjun took a few steps forward, looking at the sky full of stars with tears in his beautiful eyes. This is too beautiful. All of this is too beautiful and Renjun is left speechless.

Then suddenly his brain replay a memory he never knew he has. A memory when he was 10 and Jaehyun was 13. They were playing in Renjun's room, playdate as two prince from somewhere kongdom, when Jaehyun said....

"Renjunie, will you marry me?"

Little Renjun just stared back at the older boy weirdly before answering in annoyed tone, "No."

Little Jejey then frowned. He looked disappointed, but still wanted to know the reason, "Why? Am I not handsome enoug? Not rich enough for you?"

"Nu uh."

"Then why?"

"How can you propose to me in that way? Very unromantic!"

Little Jejey got more and more confused. He then raised one of his eyebrows and tilt his head like a confused puppy while asking, "Then how do you want to be proposed?"

"You have to propose under the sky full of stars. Then you have to be on your knees, like a prince, and bring a ring with a beautiful diamond. The big one. Cause I love diamond and mom said when a man loves you, they will buy you the biggest diamond in the world."

The pouting boy then can only grimaced, but nodded as if understand what that means, "Alright then. I'll do it. As long as you want to marry me."

"Good luck then. Come to me again you have a big diamond and find a kingdom with the sky full of stars."

The memory made Renjun gasp and cover his mouth with both hands. There's no fucking way Jaehyun still remembers that stupid promise. There's no fucking way Jaehyun take him to this place just to fulfill that stupid promise. There's no fucking way Jaehyun will.....

Renjun immediately turn his back to where the man should be standing, but what he see is a man, that fucking stupid man with his fucking stupid smile, who now on his knees like a prince, with a box of ring that was open in his hand.

And that.... that is... a fucking ring with the biggest diamond that Renjun has ever seen. Is that diamond even real? Oh, God!

"Took you long enough. Longer than I predicted and now my feet began to cramp," Jaehyun said with his teasing smile.

"What the... the fuck, Jey? You... shit... what the hell?" Renjun said incoherently. His head is a little dizzy and now he can feel the combination of confused, shock, and nervous, and it makes him want to vomit.

"Well, yeah, I know. I just... listen, Renjun. I know I'm bastard because I pretend that your last month drunk confesion never happened. But..."

"My what? When? How can I get drunk? Why can't I remember anything about that?"

"Uhm, about a month ago? When I came home from Thailand. You're drunk in my living room and Minjun watched you from the stairs."

"Minjun did what??? He saw me rambling when I was in my drunken state??? Oh, God. Oh, my fucking God," said Renjun while pacing around and grabbing his hair frustrated.

"Well, me and Minjun agreed to pretend that never happened, so ..."

"That's not the point!"

"I know. I know. But you are very drunk that night. You even slapped my mouth when I tried to calm you down and said, 'Shut up, you, asshole. It's my turn to talk'."

Renjun let out a pained groan. He really want to bury himself right now.

"What did I say?"

"Something about... you love me for a long long time and just realized that when we are apart and I was married and had Minjun. You said you want to turn back time and tell me that you love me before I move out to college. And that you will do anything to get the chance to change everything. But then again, you cursed to me and said, 'Fuck you, Jae! I deserve better!'. Uh, you really want to hear the full story?"

Renjun was petrified in his place and looked at Jaehyun in disbelief, "What did I drink until I could be that drunk?"

"Seems like you drink my whiskey. It's pretty strong."

"Oh, fuck! And Minjun hears all that? I thought he was asleep!"

Jaehyun grimaced. "It's okay. He understand."

Renjun could only growl in annoyance and make strange dancey dancey move in a hope it can help him to shed the creeps that now wrapped his tiny body.

"Babe. My baby. My love. I know you might be hate yourself right now, but I didn't lie when I said my feet hurt now and my hands are sore. So can I start my speech?"

Oh. Yes. Right. Renjun almost forgot that Jaehyun is still in the same position. If it wasn't because of his heart which is now beating fast, too fast, Renjun might laugh and beat the man. But he can't. He can only stood stiffly in front of Jaehyun after trying to calm himself down. When he felt quite ready, Renjun then gave the man the sign to start.

"Alright," Jaehyun said quietly before continuing, "I know I'm stupid."

"Yes you are."

"Renjun, please."

Renjun chuckled, but then nod and zip his mouth.

"I know I'm stupid and sometimes very full of myself. You know me better than myself. Yet, with all those shortcomings, you still love me and I want to thank you for it."

It's weird to see Jaehyun being this serious. But seeing that face, seeing how somehow Jaehyun is trying to hold back his tears with his super red face, Renjun start to feel his chest squeezed tight.

"Just like you, I also began to realize my feelings when we grew up. And I was terrified, Renjun. I was afraid that those feelings will make you leave me because I didn't know whether you also like men or not. You never came out to me, even after I told you that I'm a bi."

Hearing that confession makes Renjun gasp and chocked on his own breath. He keep covering his mouth with both hands and began to feel his eyes getting warmer.

"Then you are dating that boy from your junior high. You have no idea how I felt when I know the little boy that I loved turns out also loves guys. But I don't want to ruin everything so I waited." Jaehyun looked down, seems trying to calm himself before continuing, "But then you dated him for a long time and you look happier. That's when I was heartbroken and decided to try to move on. In a hope I can forget stupid crush and back to see you as my little brother."

"Jey..."

"But just like what people said, once you love someone, it is impossible to turn the feeling back like before. So I love you in silence since then. "

Renjun could only mutter another "Oh, God" while growling in frustration. If what Jaehyun said was true, it means the man even loved him since before Renjun admit his own feelings. Is that even possible?

"And when you break up with that man, I have Minjun. I was very confused, Renjun. But I have to be responsible. So I thought, 'Ah, maybe it must end like this so we can stay as brothers. Maybe we are not meant to be together'. But for fuck's sake, Renjun. It hurts as hell and I don't know who to blame but myself."

Renjun start sobbing. He could not hold back his tears. His heart felt tightly squeezed and he felt overwhelmed with all this new information. This is too much. Everything just too fucking much.

"Then I marry Minjun's mother. Everything went smoothly at first. Our relationship went well and I thought it was time for us to move on. I also tried to be happy when you were engaged to... well whoever that bastard name is.... but then I really almost killed him when I knew he was cheating on you."

Renjun chuckled between his tears. Yes, he was almost married but cut it off because his ex-fiance, who he doesn't want to remember the name, was cheating on him with someone from the shitty club downtown. Renjun stopped trying to find love since then. After all, everything won't work as long as his stupid feelings toward this dumb man still there.

"But apparently, I failed to keep my marriage. We were still too young. Still wanting to pursue many things. Until finally we both realized, we start hurting each other and Minjun is the only thing that still stick us together. It's not healthy anymore. So we call it quit and no, it's not your fault at all if that's what you are thinking about. We just simply didn't work."

Jaehyun looked down and take a deep deep breath. He seems in pain after recalling all the painful memories he never shared before. Looks like Jaehyun now get overwhelmed too. So, Renjun patiently waiting until the man is ready to continue.

"But I did not regret having Minjun. He might be something unplanned, but not a mistake. I love him. Therefore I fight for his custody."

For a moment they keep quiet and just staring at each other like that, five feet apart. No one know when it started, but apparently now they both in tears. It's just sad how they have to go through so many obstacles just to be able to stand at this point.

Why does it take this long for them just to talk about it? Why weren't they be honest to each other from the moment they start catching feelings? Why did they have to make everything this complicated?

"What happened then? Why didn't you say anything even after the divorce?" Renjun asked in trembling voice. Feeling so helpless and viulnerable.

"After the divorce, I decided to focus on Minjun. He was only 2. And to be honest, I kinda forgot about my own feelings. I wanted to focus on being a good dad. That was also the moment I realized, it's not simply only about you and me anymore. Because whatever the decision I'll make, it must involve Minjun."

Renjun smiled at that. Remembering how Jaehyun struggled to take care of Minjun alone. That's when Renjun decided to once again knock on his best friend's door and entering their chaos life. Because he thought, if Jaehyun can't love him back, at least, at very least, Renjun can still be a useful friend. He was so ready to dedicate his life to help Jaehyun raising his baby son, whatever their relationship will call.

Yes, he is that selfless.

"Also, I was thinking that, even if there's a chance that you might love me too, I'm afraid you are not ready for the consequences that are waiting for us. Because now, committing to me means commited to my son. And I think you deserve to have something better than me and my misserable life  So I decided to burried my feelings even deeper, Renjun. "

"Until my drunk confesion."

Jaehyun chuckled bitterly in between his sob, "Yeah. until your drunk confession. I have to admit that it made me realize I should have stopped being a coward and just give it a try. Minjun also give us his blessing, so there was no reason for not give it a shoot."

Whether Renjun realize it or not, Jaehyun's confession made him feel the burden on his chest and shoulders were lifted. Makes him finally able to breathe freely and his steps feel lighter. He can still feel his entire body in pain and tired. He can still feel his head is dizzy. His eyes also are swollen because he has not stopped crying. But he did cry while smilling, so he can say that these tears are happy tears.

He finally can feel that kind of tears that came out due to relief and happiness.

If only they were braver back then. If only they are not wasting their time avoiding each other like a plague in the name of that stupid brotherhood. Maybe they won't lost all the chances and opportunities they should have for the past years.

But then again, it's part of God's plan, isn't it? What matters now is at least, in the end, they found themselves and walk back to each other.

"So, Renjunah, my beloved Renjun, after everything we've been through, will you give your stupid best friend the chance to spend the rest of his life with you?"

Renjun laugh at that, still crying, but he laugh sweetly. His beautiful eyes that are always sparkling as if contain thousands of stars now formed the crescent moon. Suddenly it feels like he is back to his 7 years old-self, when he opened his door and saw that chubby cutie boy for the first time standing in front of his door with his silly dimply smile.

Recalling that memory making Renjun smiled and look at the man in front of him, who still ridiculously on his knees, lovingly. He then wiped his tears before saying in teasing tone, "Are you sure it's the biggest diamond in the world?"

Jaehyun who had been waiting nervously just snorted in annoyance, "I asked Johnny to check the entire jewelry store in Seoul and he said this was the biggest one. So, it might not the biggest diamond in the world, but at least it is the biggest one in our hometown."

Renjun once again burst out a cute squeaky laugh. To think about it, they always fail to create a sweet romantic mood because of their silly habit. Always act dumbly and ruin the moment intentionally.

"Do you think I will be a good father to Minjun?"

"I'm sure there is no one better than you to fill that role."

"Do you think I can I be a good husband for you?"

"Really? Are you doubting yourself? After all this time we've been together?"

Renjun smiled before saying sweetly, "Say the word again then. This time, make it short."

Jaehyun has the audacity to roll his eyes but still do what his little soon to be husband asked, "Renjun, my dearest Renjun, will you marry me?"

Even when Renjun has prepared himself to hear that words, turns out the little sweet pie still blush and smiling like a fool anyway after the older man say it loud. He can also feel his chest getting even lighter when he gave his answer, "Yes, my silly best friend. Yes. A thousand yes."

In the scenario inside Renjun's head, Jaehyun will stand up after hearing the answer. Then, running towards him, hugging his body tightly, and kissing his lips until both of them run out of breath.

But no.

Of course he won't get that fancy scenario.

That dumb dumb giant still in his position while grimacing stiffly even after five more heartbeats. Making Renjun staring at him confused and began to fret. Worried that all this is just a prank for his birthday. But that would be a stupid and super cruel jokes tho.

However, before Renjun overthink further, Jaehyun finally opened his mouth, "Uh... I swear I really want to run to you, hug you, and kiss you right now. But my feet are really cramp, Renjun. I can't stand up right now."

Hearing that made Renjun let out another breathy laugh until he sat down while holding his stomach. Oh God. Jaehyun is still Jaehyun even at this supposed to be intimate moment. He can't believe he has been in love with this man like almost forever.

"Renjun. Really. It's not funny at all. I barely feel my legs." Jaehyun said In pout. As If he is not a man who is almost entering his 30.

"Yah, all the workouts and gym time that you have done are useless, huh? Just a few minutes in that position and you have gotten cramps?"

"Well, yeah. Guess age don't lie, baby."

Renjun smile fondly. Once again, how could he love this dumb man all these years by the way? To think he will always back to him no matter how many fish in the sea? Renjun even consider himself crazy.

However, as it has become a habit, as usual, Renjun stepped towards the man. Like what he did when Jaehyun was in the bottom of his rock, Renjun walked to him with the beautiful warm gaze and fond smile. Ready to face anything that will happen in the next chapter of their life.

They stared at each other, keep the eye contact, until Renjun is close enough and kneel down so they could stare eye to eye. The cute little fiance then rise his hand to cup that dumb dumb's handsome face.

Oh, another thing that Renjun just realized never changed even after all these years, is that Jaehyun always looked at him with that drunken gaze. As if Renjun is the strongest liquor he has ever taken. Even when the man's mouth had never even tasted him, at all.

"Hey," Renjun whispered, the atmosphere between them suddenly getting a lil bit too warm.

"Hello, Pretty."

Jaehyun then grabbed Renjun's hand and put the ring on his finger. A ring with the biggest diamond in Seoul, he said. They both chuckled, before finally staring at each other lovingly.

"I know your legs are cramp right now, but your lips are fine, right? Because I really really want to kiss you right now."

To that, Jaehyun grinned cunningly before saying, "To be honest, my legs are just fine. I just want you to come to me," and ended it with his signature devil smirk.

It makes Renjun snort. For some reason, he was not surprised at all because Jaehyun and his rascal brain never failed to annoy him since day one.

"Yeah, sure, fuck you."

"I love you too."

That's the last thing Jaehyun said before close the distance between their lips, kissing Renjun deeply as if there is no tomorrow. Making both run out of breath, but none of them want to end it. Too sloppy for a supposed to be sweet first kiss but yeah, whatever. They've been waiting for this moment and dreaming about it for God knows how long anyways.

Jaehyun's lips taste like the combination of dark chocolate and fresh peppermint. He also smells like fresh laundry with a little spice and salt. Something that Renjun will always remember like the back of his hand. So comforting. So warm. So homey.

Later when Jaehyun held his body tightly and lay them down on the grass, Renjun has threw his brain down the hill. He no longer could think clearly. They kiss, suck, grabbed each other's bodies with hunger, like a lion that just caught their prey after a week of starving.

Then when Jaehyun finally cut their kiss (seriously, they might faint soon if none of them did it), when Renjun saw those swollen lips smilling and looking as stupid as always, and when he could see Jaehyun's eyes glowed with love and adoration, Renjun realize, all the pain is worth it. Being here, under the man he loves the most, under the sky full of billions stars, Renjun realizes all the wait and pain are worth it.

Cause he loves Jaehyun, he always is.

And Jaehyun loves him too, all along.

"Happy birthday, Beautiful. Let's continue to face the world together, hm?"

Ah, so this is love.

Renjun's swollen eyes then glazed again. He smiled as he grabbed the ridiculously handsome face and stroked the deep dimples softly before nodding.

"Thank you," Renjun then murmured before he grabs Jaehyun's nape and kiss him silly.

This is good. Kissing Jaehyun is good. No, kissing Jaehyun is amazing. Especially when Renjun can feel that the man keep smilling between their kisses. He really doesn't want to stop. Even though his lungs began to protest and his lips start to feel numb.

When Jaehyun's lips moves to kiss his neck, sucking his skin which will definitely leave a marks later, Renjun let out a little cute moan while trying to gather his remaining sanity. He then saying softly, almost whisper, "Don't get me wrong. I really love this place and the view, and I really really really love you too. But, darling, I really don't want do our first making love outdoor. "

"I thought you find it romantic?" Jaehyun whisper seductively. Makes Renjun's entire body shiver. And instead of keep his face away from Renjun's skin, the older one even moving his lips to his collarbone and continued to suck here and there. Making Renjun feel helpless and breathless.

"Sorry for disappointing you, but I'm not into exhibitionism."

"Nobody will see us here."

"Jaehyun," Renjun tried to warn him because the big hand is now starting to stroke the skin under his shirt.

"Or do you prefer we do it in the car? Never known you are into car sex? Kinky."

"Jung Jaehyun!" Renjun eyes blown wide while pushing the man's big muscullar body.

Renjun's panicked reaction succeeded in making Jaehyun laugh out loud. The man then let go his tiny fiance's body and rolled to lie down beside Renjun. The little one gives him a side eye but Jaehyun just ignore it and keep laughing.

"Just kidding. We will stay at my family villa not far from here."

"You really love to tease me, huh?"

Jaehyun chuckled, "But honestly, I didn't mind do it here tho. Just admit it. You are actually kinda into it. I swear no one will see us. It's my family private property."

Ah, yes, Jaehyun and his ridiculously rich but humble family.

But that did not stop Renjun from giving a hard blow to the man's hard arm. The thing he regretted later because now his knuckles hurt. Jaehyun can only laugh to that. Well, that man laughed a lot today. Not that Renjun would protest cause that stupid laugh is Renjun's favorite source of happiness.

They then lay at that place for a little longer while staring at the sky. Another memory flashed. Renjun remembered when he was little, he whined asking his parents to buy those sticker of stars that could glow in the dark. But his parents say no and little Renjun was so so upset till he didn't want to eat.

The next day, Jaehyun showed up in front of his door with a star projector lamp in his hand. Yes, that fucking expensive star projector lamp that can turn his room ceiling to a galaxy. Jaehyun bought it for the 11 years old Renjun who can only stare in awe. Renjun was asking for a simple stickers, yet the boy brought the entire galaxy to his room.

To think about it, it was always like that. Renjun will ask for something simplest, yet Jaehyun will always do extra and give him something that is many times more magnificent. It's cute. Renjun used to think that it was because Jaehyun is a rich kid who didn't know how to spend his money so he bought anything for Renjun. But now the little fiance understand, it was simply because Jaehyun loves him. That's just how he shows his love.

Renjun then raised one of his hand which now has a diamond ring on the ring finger. He looked at it and admiring how beautiful its shine. To know that Jaehyun bought this ring because of their stupid promise when they were a kid kinda warmed Renjun's heart. Turns out the man might be an adult now, but still as naive as always. He is still Renjun's favorite stupid hyung next door.

"You love diamond that much?" Jaehyun asked after a few minutes passed and they were still lying silent like that.

Renjun nods

"Why?"

"Because it shines better than gold," Renjun simply answered.

The answer for some reason makes Jaehyun change his lying position. The man is now facing Renjun, with one arm supporting his head, staring at his baby with knowing look.

Ah, not again. Renjun knows well that face. Jaehyun's signature face when he was thinking about a super corny cringe worthy joke.

"No. Nope. Don't say it."

But Jaehyun is Jaehyun. So that man ignore the warning and said, "You also shine better than gold."

Renjun growled, cringing like crazy, while covering his tiny face with his tiny hands. Oh, dear, it's so cheesy but he cannot refrain from blushing like a fool. And sweet cutie Jaehyun knows well the power that he hold. He is giggling. Loving the reaction that he got.

And even though he was super annoyed, Renjun actually wanted to return it with equally cheesy comeback, but he is too shy to do it. However, when he opened his hand and their eyes met, their brains immediately clicked. Jaehyun's smile then go wider as if he has read Renjun's mind well.

Renjun shook his head, but Jaehyun grinned while saying with encouraging tone, "Come on baby say it. I know you can do it."

"No."

"Come on. Try it. It's not that bad. Believe me."

Renjun groaned. He hasn't said it loud but can feel the goosebumps creeping all over his body already. How can Jaehyun say all the stupid shit lightly all these time, huh?

"I know something that also shines better than gold," Renjun tried after a moment of contemplation while looking at Jaehyun's stupid grin and expectant look. Renjun face must be look as red as tomato now but it's too late to take it back. So he continued with small voice, "Us."

Jaehyun then laugh so hard like a maniac. Making Renjun smack his arm repeatedly to divert the shame and goosebumps that run through his body.

"There you go! I'm so proud of you," Jaehyun then said while kissing all over his baby fiance's face lovingly.

"Ah, shut up!"

Despite saying it in an annoyed tone, Renjun still smiled and blushed like crazy. He let Jaehyun kiss his face and hold him from the side. In the end, he could not pretend to be mad for too long and laughing with Jaehyun.

"Once again, happy birthday, my love," Jaehyun whispered then caresses Renjun's face and looked at his eyes deeply, "I love you."

Renjun, the sweet baby Renjun, then smile and whispered back, "I love you too."

Jaehyun then give Renjun a deep deep kiss, before pulling him closer to his chest. The older one hugged him tightly, while muttering thousands thank yous.

Thank you for coming into my life.

Thank you for always be by my side.

Thank you for staying despites of my ups and downs.

Thank you for loving me.

Meanwhile, Renjun closed his eyes while burying his face in Jaehyun's wide chest, enjoying the sensations of the vibrations from Jaehyun's chest when he was talking, plus the sound of his heartbeat which was a little faster than usual.

For the first time in forever, Renjun feels content, safe and sound. If this is the end of everything, if after this moment suddenly the big asteroids decide to lalalalala~ hit the earth and their life ended here, Renjun would still thank God for letting him experienced this kind of happiness in the end of his life.

Cause their story indeed not the best one, not the sweetest one, not the easiest one, but Renjun is grateful they found each other all over again after all the pain and tragedy.

Yes, Jaehyun and Renjun might not the biggest ship in the sea. Might not be the happiest fairytale that God has ever written. But they will always shine when they are together.

They will always shine better that the sparkling sea at sunset.

They will always shine better than thousands stars in the sky.

They will always shine better than the biggest diamond in the world.

They will always shine better, better, better than gold ;)