Chapter Text
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“You’re a fucking hypocrite.”
Minhyuk hissed at Changkyun as he passed by him backstage. Changkyun flinched, and his eyes found Min’s back as he walked off to their dressing room to clean up before the send off. The older man rarely cursed, so it hurt Changkyun even more. If that was possible.
Unfortunately, he knew exactly what Minhyuk was referring to. During their show in Ft. Worth that night, they’d talked about his song “Just Love” to Monbebe after they performed it, and he’d told them not to hesitate to love. Minhyuk apparently took offense to that. And the irony of Changkyun actually having written that song for Minhyuk — to pour out his feelings since he couldn’t tell him directly — well, it wasn’t lost on Changkyun either.
Sighing, he reluctantly followed his pissed off hyung to the dressing room. Changkyun was the last to enter, and a towel hit him smack in the face when he walked in the door. He grabbed it by reflex, hearing Minhyuk’s satisfied snicker.
“Oh sorry. I threw it too hard.”
Changkyun used the towel to blot the water on his neck, and refused to look at Minhyuk. Instead, his eyes fell on Kihyun, who was giving him an odd stare. “Hurry up, Changkyun-ah, we need to get going.”
“I’m ready, hyung. I didn’t sweat much, and Hyungwon-hyung cooled me down by dumping water all over me.”
Hyungwon’s contagious laugh boomed out from across the room. “You’re welcome!”
Somehow he got through the Hi Touch and Send Off, his mind thankfully distracted by seeing Monbebe, but afterward, in the van ride to the hotel, you could cut the tension between him and Minhyuk with a machete.
He hated it.
Things had been difficult between them ever since they’d kissed after the video shoot for their debut anniversary, a couple weeks ago. They’d been sentimental and emotional from the day and the shoot, so afterwards when they were back in the dorm, neither he nor Minhyuk could sleep. They ended up on the couch, talking for most of the night. It was comfortable, they felt close and intimate after sharing time with just the two of them.
And then, it just happened. He’d said something unimportant, but their gazes collided, and suddenly their lips just met. And met. And met. It was the most amazing kiss of his life.
He’d felt sparks all the way down to his toes, and a fiery warmth that spread in their wake. Tongues slid together, breaths mingled in gasps and groans. He’d lost himself in that kiss. But when Minhyuk slid his hands down Changkyun’s body to grip his ass and bring him closer, he was shocked out of his stupor. He jerked his mouth away and stared, panting, into the half-closed, blissed-out eyes of his hyung.
What was he doing?
“Kyun-ah,” Minhyuk whispered, before leaning back in to continue the kiss. But Changkyun put a hand on his chest to stop him. Minhyuk blinked slowly at him, confused.
“What is it?”
Shivering, Changkyun licked his lips. “I-I can’t, hyung. I can’t do this.”
Minhyuk’s eyes immediately went from dilated to guarded, like a gate had just slammed shut over his heart. Changkyun felt his own heart ache in response.
Minhyuk dropped his hands immediately and pulled back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to force you. I…just thought you felt the same way I did. I’m sorry.”
Minhyuk pushed himself up from the couch, his face averted. But Changkyun grabbed his hand to stop him from leaving.
“Min….”
Minhyuk stopped, but didn’t say anything.
Changkyun shook his head. “I do feel the same. I have for a long time.”
Minhyuk’s head swiveled to face him, but this time Changkyun dropped his gaze. “But you know we can’t.”
Minhyuk pulled Changkyun up by the hand that had stopped him. He tipped Changkyun’s face up to make him look into his eyes.
“Why not? Do you think this is wrong or something?” Minhyuk’s expression was still guarded, not letting Changkyun see into his thoughts while he probed for an answer.
“No. But if anyone ever found out, our careers would be over. All of ours.”
Changkyun closed his eyes again, fighting the sensations Minhyuk’s fingers were causing as they rubbed his neck. Min’s hands always wandered, not just with him but with all the members. He was a tactile person, and expressed his feelings with touch. But Changkyun always felt like the way he touched him was just a little more intimate. Or at least it seemed that way to him.
Minhyuk smiled. “Is that all? We’ll be careful, it’s just like when any one of us dates. And of course the guys would help cover for us. They’d be happy for us, I think.” His thumbs caressed circles under Changkyun’s ears.
The smaller man forced himself to step back, so Minhyuk had to drop his hands. Min’s smile fell.
Steeling himself against the look on Minhyuk’s face and his own swirling feelings, Changkyun drew a line.
“I’m serious, hyung. We can’t take another scandal, and I’m not willing to be the one that causes it.”
The reason rang hollow even to his own ears. Minhyuk was right, if they were careful they’d be fine. But Changkyun couldn’t tell him the real reason he was freaked out. That if he let himself fully love Minhyuk, he would be completely devastated if it didn’t work out. It was better to just go on as they had been: members, brothers, friends.
He was scared. Out of his mind scared. In fact, he could feel his breath starting to hitch with the beginning of a panic attack as he stood there.
Minhyuk looked like someone had punched him in the stomach. “You think I am? Do you not get that I’m willing to risk everything to be with you?”
He shook his head. “Forget it. You really don’t feel the same way I do. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be such a coward.”
He spit the last word out with venom, his hurt making him lash out. Changkyun’s eyes were huge but he couldn’t say anything.
Minhyuk continued. “In public, we’ll be all smiles. But don’t come near me at home for a while, Changkyun-ah. It’s gonna take me a long time to get over you.”
Minhyuk turned and went back into his room, shutting the door against Changkyun with a devastatingly loud click.